


Foolish Hearts

by LyricalKris



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-25
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2017-12-28 16:54:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 93,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/994291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyricalKris/pseuds/LyricalKris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Oregon Trail. Over 2,000 miles of unforgiving wilderness stretches between Bella and a new life. Edward knew from experience the trail was no place for young love, but then, his heart was known to be foolish.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ya know, I gotta tell you. The number of you who are a-okay with Carlisle rooting around in Bella’s vaginal area to verify her virginity kinda scare me. Lol!

“Ouch.” Bella yelped and jumped where she sat.

 

Alice tisked. “Sorry,” she said, patting the side of Bella’s head. She drew the comb through her hair more gently. “We’ve all got so many snarls, we might just have to lop it all off.”

 

Bella wrung her hands in her lap, doing her best not to fidget nor reach up to rub at her sore scalp. Though she’d done nothing more wrong, she felt guilty about the way everyone was rushing around to pull together an impromptu wedding. The happy task of making Bella look presentable fell to Alice. “This is all so much trouble.”

 

“Oh, honey. It’s no trouble.” Alice leaned forward to give her a quick hug. “Maybe you got a little ahead of yourself, but you still deserve to look beautiful.”

 

Bella stared down at her lap as tears of frustration welled. She couldn’t wipe them away surreptitiously enough for Alice not to notice.

 

“Don’t be scared,” Alice said, misreading Bella’s tears. “I can’t imagine this is comfortable for you. Everyone is angry or disappointed, but forget about them.”

 

“As if I could. You seem to be the only one who can look me in the eyes.”

 

Alice hummed. “Well, it’d be mighty hypocritical of me not to.” She giggled and leaned down so she could speak lowly in Bella’s ear. “I can tell you now, one of the reasons Jasper and I pressed Papa to allow us to wed before we got out on the trail was because we got quite ahead of ourselves. I thought for a time it would be me in Rosalie’s place.”

 

Bella felt her face grow hot, and she had to resist the urge to slink down into the ground she sat upon. There was only one reason Alice thought she could talk so plainly, and it was not something Bella was comfortable with. There was so little she understood about the relations between a husband and his wife.

 

It was simply not something Bella had given any thought to. It seemed to her she’d been a child one moment, still young enough to hold her mother and father’s hands as they walked down the lane together, and the next her life was in limbo. After her mother died and her father decided to head to a new life out west, Bella’s future was a question mark. Thinking about a land she had no concept for trumped thinking about a husband and babies.

 

How rapidly her life was changing.

 

“Heavens, Bella. You’re shaking.”

 

Bella clenched her hands together and breathed through her nose. “Alice.” Her voice shook, and she had to swallow hard before she could continue. She caught Alice’s hand and held it tightly. “Please. I have no one else to ask. How…” She felt her cheeks heat, and she didn’t know how to continue. “I want to be a good wife, and I don’t know. I don’t know how.”

 

“Calm down.” Alice loosed her hands from Bella’s grip so she could wipe her tears away. “You’ve already gotten around what most brides fear about their wedding night. What else do you have to be frightened about?”

 

“Don’t you understand? I could not have dreamed this morning that I would be married off tonight. What will become of us? Where will we live? Will I see you or my father ever? Oh, my word… what will my father think? I can’t bear to think of his disappointment. And Edward. This is how he makes his living. How will I bear being alone for so many months, worrying about him travelling this wretched trail year after year with all its hardships and dangers?”

 

She wrapped her arms around herself, rocking. “What’s happened here, to us, to me and Edward, isn’t some grand romance like yours and Jasper’s. We didn’t scheme to sneak away together behind the back of my guardian and his employer. We haven’t held hands and dreamed of our future. We haven’t…” She shook her head, further frustrated by the tears that wouldn’t stop and the way she trembled. “He kissed me, and I didn’t protest. Perhaps I should have,  but that’s all. That’s all we ever did. You must believe me, Alice. No one else will.”

 

Alice stared at her for several tense moments before she wrapped her arms around Bella, pulling her closer. “Oh, Bella. Oh, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You are telling the truth, aren’t you?”

 

Burying her head against her friend’s chest, Bella only nodded.

 

“I’m sorry,” Alice said again, rocking them both. “I got quite caught up in the story in my head. It’s quite a good one, you know. A man who has lost everything on the trail finding everything again in a plucky young girl.” She smiled and cupped Bella’s cheek. “And you, my dear friend. I’ve wanted a man like Edward for you for a long while now.”

 

Alice pressed her lips together, thinking a moment. “I don’t know that Pa will believe me anymore than he believes you, but we can try.”

 

Bella shook her head. “No.” She took a deep breath and looked up at Alice, feeling shy and foolish. “I do love him, and I’ve given him my word. Carlisle’s mind is made up as well as that of the train’s council.  It’s just that I had not so much as let myself consider there was a possibility for us and now there is no time. There is no courtship, no chaperoned walks and iced tea on the porch. I remember how often you sat with Esme and Rosalie asking their advice. Now I wish I had listened, but back then it seemed as though it might be eons before I would have use for such information. I have no idea how to be a good wife.”

 

Alice smiled and guided her back into a hug. “With the right man, there is no more to being a good wife than being yourself. Edward has shown himself to be gentle with you. He looks on you as though you were precious. Don't you worry your head, dearheart. Don't you trust him to take care of you?"

 

"Yes. Of course. It's not... that I worry about." It did make her nervous, but she trusted Edward with her body.  "It's... him."

 

"Oh, Bella." Alice leaned in to whisper wickedly in her ear. "You'll find, dear sister, that men are easiest in that regard."

 

Before Bella could think on her claim,  Esme came around the wagon holding something folded in her arms. She fixed Bella with a gentle smile. "Here now. It took some doing, but I believe this will do quite nicely."

 

With a flourish,  she aired out the dress in her arms and held it up for Bella's inspection. "What do you think?"

 

It was simple as dresses went. Under most circumstances it would not be considered appropriate for a wedding. Back home she would have been a laughing stock but out here it was much finer than their usual wear. "Esme. You didn't have to do this. I can't imagine what it cost."

 

"It's a gift, actually. Poor Mr. And Mrs. Greene lost their dear girl for whom this was intended to the cholera outbreak some weeks ago." She stroked the side of Bella's smoothed hair. "They send it with their blessing and hope for your happiness."

 

Bella's heart ached, and she felt low for considering her own problems when some would not survive the journey to their new lives. She ran her hands along the soft, pale peach fabric before she looked up to the woman who had been her mother for some years now. "Will you give me... us your blessing?" she asked in a child's worried tone.

 

Esme folded Bella into her arms heedless of the cloth between them.  "Precious girl. I've no doubt in my mind things are just as they are intended to be. Life is not always a neat thing, and you deserve the best of it. Yes,  Bella. You have my blessing, and what's more, you will always have my love and support."

 

She kissed her forehead and held her at arm's length. "Now. Let's finish here. Your husband awaits."

 

Bella's cheeks warmed. As before, when Edward told her he wanted and loved her, a stirring of hope sent excitement through her bloodstream.

 

Most of her was glad she didn't have to wait to marry Edward.

**~0~**

Carlisle had shoved his shaving kit at Edward before he stormed away to make other arrangements. There wasn't time to hack all of his many month's beard off but he could neaten it a bit.

 

As he combed and clipped, Edward was lost in worry and memory. He was trying to remember if he’d been cleanshaven when he married Maggie. Their wedding was similarly rushed. The moment he secured her assent, he’d taken her straight before the closest preacher.

 

How different it could have been. If he’d thought for a moment he could be what Bella deserved, he would have taken his time with her. He would have courted her - spoiled her rotten with all manner of gifts. He would have worked his hardest to impress her father, prove his worth to them both. Their wedding would have been a right shindig, well planned as she might have liked with her father to walk her down the aisle.

 

“What the hell is this? You look like a moon-eyed jackass.”

 

Edward looked up, doing his best to keep the expression on his face neutral as James came to stand before him, hands on his hips. Seeing as he figured himself out of a job, he didn’t have any qualms with mouthing off. “Seems like I’m a bit busy here.”

 

James tilted his head and glared. “You wanna rein it in now and shut your trap? I’m here to tell you how it’s gonna be. I talked to Carlisle and for reasons that defy comprehension, he thinks you’re still due your share of the payment. I’ll be damned if you get to take it easy from here on out and still get our money.

 

“So here’s how it’s going to be. You’re more trouble than I want to deal with, so you can stay with your little wife. You can walk with the wagons, but you’re going to pull your weight, hear?”

 

Edward got to his feet. He couldn’t quite wrap his head around the idea that despite all he had done, Carlisle was still helping him. His throat tightened around a well of emotion, but he managed to swallow so he could speak around it. “I hear you. Now I want you to hear this. This is my family now. You’re one of the ones who made it happen. They’re my family, and they get treated as such. No more taking advantage of them who’d put too much trust in you.”

 

James’s cheek twitched with irritation, but he gave a tight nod. “Best of luck.” He tipped his hat and got out of there like his boots were on fire.

 

As he was walking off, Jasper Hale came around the corner. Edward wasn’t altogether surprised to see him. “Let me guess. You’re here to threaten my life or my manhood if I treat Bella wrong.”

 

The other man surprised him by grinning widely. “I reckon I could, but my guess is Emmett already took care of that particular threat.”

 

“That he did.”

 

“I thought you could use a friend.”

 

Edward tilted his head, shocked for the second time in a short period. Again, Jasper grinned. “For what it’s worth, Alice believes your story. And I believe her. So let me be the first to tell you thank you.”

 

“You’re thanking me? For what?” Edward’s eyebrows were making for his hairline by then.

 

“You saved Bella’s life.”

 

“Oh.” Edward glanced down at his feet and shook his head. “There’s nothing to thank me for there.”

 

Jasper nodded. “Listen, brother, I remember how much I wanted to talk to someone right before I married Alice. It was like a mighty need in me I didn’t know was there until it couldn’t be ignored. I waited two years to marry her. Most would think that’s more than enough time for talk, but it wasn’t. Not when it came right down to the line. Anyhow, I was lucky enough to have my father with me. You got anything you want to say, I’ll listen. Don’t much matter what it is. This can’t be an easy hand to be dealt.”

 

Edward took a deep breath. Most of him wanted to wave Jasper off. He had a certain bravado to keep up. But Jasper was right. He wanted to talk. There was so much he wanted to say, so many worries that made his head ache. “It’s not about Bella,” he said. “Truth be told, I’m more sure about her than I have been about anything else in my life ever. That’s… That’s a revelation in and of itself. It’s just that I wish… Well, I will a lot of things. Is it strange that I’m upset about being out of Carlisle’s favor?”

 

Jasper nodded knowingly. “Carlisle Cullen is a unique man, among the best. I understand what you mean. Sometimes I think I’d rather disappoint my own father than Carlisle. He brings that out in everyone who knows him, I think.” He stroked his chin, his expression thoughtful. “Honestly, he likes you. Right now I think he’s most disappointed in himself.”

 

“Himself? Why?”

 

“He promised his best friend he’d take care of that which was most precious to him. His only child. His baby girl. It wasn’t a promise he made lightly.” Jasper winked at Edward. “Don’t get me wrong. Charlie Swan is going to kill you, but he won’t have many kind words for Carlisle either.”

 

Edward blanched at the thought. He remembered Charlie Swan well, and that was not a meeting he was looking forward to. The man was tough as nails, and, as far as Carlisle and Charlie were concerned, Edward had taken advantage of a young woman in his charge.

 

Jasper laughed at the look on his face and clapped his shoulder. “Don’t worry. Give it a few days for Carlisle to see you intend to be every bit the husband Bella deserves, and he’ll forgive you soon enough. As for Charlie, well, you bring his daughter home happy and healthy and he won’t shoot you.”

 

“That’s very comforting. Thank you,” Edward grumbled, but he smiled. Then he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he stared out over the land.

 

Happy he thought he could swing. He knew he could make Bella happy. He’d seen it in the way her eyes sparked with amusement, interest, and adoration when they spoke. Healthy…. well, that was another story. He wanted to believe time had given him the tools to make the right choices.

 

It wasn’t fair that Maggie had ended up with him - a silly little boy who was playing at being a man. How arrogant he'd been to believe marrying him was what was best for her. It wasn’t fair that she had never known love, though he had tried his best to show her tenderness.

 

Now he had done everything he could to learn from his mistakes, and he wanted to say he was ready. He was simply terrified he was wrong.

**~0~**

After long, hard days on the trail, the emigrants always reveled in reasons to celebrate. Edward had seen a fair few weddings in his many journeys on the trail, so he had some idea what to expect.

 

News of the event spread fast, and by the time the bride and groom were ready as they were going to be for such an affair, every family for a mile in either direction had gathered. They’d come bearing what gifts they could spare--a skinny chicken, the last few drinks of a bottle of brandy and the like--and kicked up quite a ruckus when Bella appeared on Carlisle’s arm.

 

She was a vision. The dress she wore was rumpled but lovely. Her hair was loose, flowing all around her in a way Edward had never seen. He itched to run his fingers through it. In fact, his body vibrated with the need to have her beside him, her hand in his. It was all he could do to keep himself from bouncing in his place beside the reverend.

 

By the time Carlisle put her hand in his, Edward was staring with open awe. Bella stared back at him with wide, nervous but reverent eyes. When her lips turned up, her smile shy, he couldn’t help but beam back at her.

 

The gathered guests quieted as the reverend began to speak. Edward heard none of it. He saw nothing but the beautiful woman in front of him. He heard nothing but her vows, the words that made her his. When it was his turn, Edward gave his word in return, giving himself over to this incredible creature. He spoke his vows fervently, resolving that he would. Yes, he would protect her. No longer would he be uncertain about his ability to keep her safe. She would be loved. She would be honored. She would be protected. With every breath, every bone, every beat of his heart, he vowed it.

 

And then, he sealed his promise to his new wife with a kiss.

**~0~**

Bella was overwhelmed.

 

People she hardly knew, some she knew not at all, sang and danced in her and Edward’s honor. They kissed her cheeks and left their blessings. Oh, she had heard blessings in every language she thought existed.

 

It was all very sweet, but the night was still young when Bella grew exhausted. It had been a long day, and she had yet to wrap her head around how different her life looked now than it had that morning.

 

Esme touched her arm and Edward’s, drawing their attention. She didn’t look them in the eyes as she spoke. “If you follow my hand straight that way-” she pointed off to the treeline not far from the trail, “-you will come to a small meadow. I had the boys set up our tent there, and you’ll have some privacy tonight.”

 

Bella had never felt more bashful in her life. “Oh, Esme… We didn’t… We don’t… You shouldn’t…”

 

“Hush, child.” Esme touched first her cheek and then, with only a moment’s hesitation, she reached out to touch Edward’s in the same fashion. “It’s your wedding night. The only one you shall have. Go on now. There will be no other respite for you. Come morning it’s back on the trail.”

 

As she spoke, Carlisle approached and stepped to her side. Though Bella couldn’t look at him, he drew her into his arms, and she clutched him back tightly. “Esme’s right.” He pulled back, cupping Bella’s face in his hands. It took all her courage, but when Bella finally looked up at him, his eyes were soft. Worried but not disappointed. “Bella, you are as dear to me as my own daughter. I wish your father were here for you, but as he isn’t, it falls on me to wish you all the luck in the world, my child.”

 

He kissed her forehead before releasing her. He turned to Edward. His look was not as soft for her husband, but after a prolonged pause, he offered his hand and clapped his free hand over Edward’s when he took it. “Better or worse, you have a family now. You’re not alone in this.”

 

Edward seemed touched, but he didn’t speak at this. He gave a tight nod and shook Carlisle’s hand.

 

Carlisle stepped back, wrapping an arm around his wife. “Go now with our love and blessings.”

 

Bella’s heart pounded hard in her ears as she walked beside Edward beyond the trees, away from the din of the revelers. He kept his hand wrapped tightly around hers, leading her through the semi-darkness. It wasn’t long before they came to the impromptu camp where Carlisle and Esme’s tent had been set up with Edward and Bella’s bedrolls beneath the canvas and a small fire off to the side.

 

When they stopped, Edward pulled her close, and Bella’s heart skipped a beat. She wasn’t scared, not really. She simply had no idea what to expect.

 

Edward held her face between his palms, and he stared at her for a long while. He ran his thumbs over her lips. “You are so lovely, and I am so lucky,” he murmured. The look on his face suggested he was looking at something magnificent--maybe a fine painting--and Bella couldn’t quite comprehend how anyone, let alone someone as lovely and wonderful as Edward, could look at her like that. Slowly, so slowly, he leaned in to press a kiss to her nose, her cheeks. He kissed the skin under her eyes. They were tender kisses, adoring brushes of his lips against her.

 

Bella rested her arms in a loose grip around his waist and waited for him to lead her. She reveled in his soft kisses, her body tensed, waiting for his intimate touch.

 

It didn’t come. Instead, he drew her up against him, his mouth near her ear, his breath hot as her name tumbled from his lips once, twice, again. She could feel his heart pounding at the same frantic tempo as hers. He swallowed hard. “I can’t lay with you. Not tonight.”

 

Bella went still in his arms. She blinked. As his words sank in, confusion was quickly overcome by rejection. She didn’t know much, but she knew it wasn’t right for a husband not to want his wife in his bed. She tried to pull away, but he held her fast. “No, Bella, listen. Listen.” His hands were soothing as they stroked up and down her back. “Darling, you have no idea how much I want to, but it wouldn’t be right. For so many reasons it wouldn’t be right.”

 

She thought about this a moment before she pulled away. This time he let her. In the firelight, his eyes were careful but tender, still so tender. Remembering the way he looked at her when Carlisle gave her hand, Bella found her strength and her voice. “It’s right for a man to lay with his wife.”

 

He reached out to stroke her cheek. “Not before she’s ready.”

 

“I’m-” Bella began to lie, but he put his finger to her lips.

 

“Not yet, Bella. I can’t risk…” He pressed his lips together and swallowed hard again. “There’s still over half the journey left. I won’t risk you falling sickly and weak on account of me.” His thumb brushed over her chin, and his eyes searched hers. “Do you understand?”

 

She remembered how Maggie had died, and she understood his fear. She wanted to tell him not to be silly, but she couldn’t. This land was harsh and unforgiving. All her family’s lives seemed too fragile as it was out here. She wanted to be strong for all of them.

 

And she knew Edward would never forgive himself if something happened to her.

 

Bella lifted her hand to press his against her cheek. She looked up into his eyes. “I understand.”

 

Relief tinged his features. He closed his eyes, and the tension drained from his shoulders.

 

They readied for bed together. Bella wished she didn’t feel so bashful and out of sorts. While she understood that he would not take her innocence that night, she didn’t know what else he might expect of her.

 

When he took off his shoes, she clucked over the state of his feet - bruised and cut from when Emmett had dragged him barefoot back to camp. Though he protested at first, she convinced him to let her fuss just a bit.

 

As she cleaned his feet with the cold water from the pail they’d been left, he began to tell her of their possible future.

 

“I have a home and land. I don’t know if you realized.”

 

“I hadn’t, actually.”

 

“Yeah. That’s part of why people come west, you know? Land grants are free if you’re willing to work the land. They want the West settled, and you’ve got to have settlers to do that, people who think they can make a better life for themselves.”

 

His voice was far away as he spoke. “I was too restless to stay once I got there. I don’t know what you could call it. I found a man who didn’t have the means to buy what he needed to work the land himself. He agreed to farm my land for me in exchange for board and a small salary. He’s almost got enough saved up that he can start his own farm. I’d wondered what I was going to do when he left me.” He clucked and looked back at her. “Guess I know now. Seems I have every reason to stay.”

 

Bella tried hard but she couldn’t fight her smile. “You won’t go back with James?”

 

Edward snorted. "Ah, hell. At this point, James wouldn't take me back if I wanted to go, but no matter." He took her hand and pulled her down beside him, laying back with her in his arms. He traced her features with his fingertips. "I could never leave you, Bella." He kissed her gently. "My beautiful wife. Does that please you?"

 

"To know you won't leave? Yes. Yes, it pleases me." She ducked her head, hiding against his neck. "I was afraid I would be alone in a strange place."

 

"No. No, I wouldn't do that to you. Never." He kissed her again and nuzzled her with the tip of his nose. "Bella… If I'm making you uncomfortable, please tell me. There's no rush. I'm yours, my sweetheart. I want you to feel safe with me."

 

"I do," she assured, allowing herself the pleasure of caressing his scruffy face and running her fingers through his hair.

 

"This is okay?" he asked again, winding his arms around her.

 

"Yes."

 

He sighed contentedly and brought the blanket over them. Shy, she hid her face against his chest. "Will you tell me of our home?"

"Yes of course. I'll tell you about Oregon city and the land as I remember it, though it may be changed much from the glimpses I've had over the years. I'll build you a fine home, Bella. There's a small cabin there now, but you shall have whatever manner of home your heart desires."

  
Edward curled his arm around her and murmured in her ear, telling her of the verdant beauty of Oregon and the Willamette Valley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yeah, let’s see if that lasts...E/B sleeping next to each other without going further. *whistles*
> 
> Many thanks to barburella, jfka06, and jessypt for all their help. 
> 
> How are we doing out there?


	2. Prologue

**A/N: Quick note to my old readers. In case you are looking for Underworld, it was removed from FF. You can find it on AO3 and Fictionpad if you miss it.**

**A new journey begins. We're going to be traversing the Oregon Trail, folks.**

**Disclaimers: Not SM. Not even close.**

 

"Hey, Momma." Bella Swan sunk to her knees in the snow-covered floor of the little cemetery. "I come to say goodbye."'

She had to take a deep breath to steady her breathing, and she blinked back her tears. "Papa went on ahead of us two years back. He left me in good hands with the Cullens, like I told you before. We all want to make a life out in the Northwest.

"So we're leaving tomorrow for Independence, Missouri. I reckon that means I'm not going to see you again." She wiped at her eyes. "This wouldn't be happening at all if you hadn't passed. You know Papa would have done anything for you. He'd have kept you here in the city rather than head out into the wild unknown." She sighed. "But he says it's beautiful, and the Cullens will be there, too."

Bella bowed her head. "I'm going to try to be brave, Momma, but I'm scared. I've heard tales of the trail, the Oregon trail, and not all of them are good. People die out there. It may as well be across the world, for all the months we're going to spend in a wagon."

She sniffled once and sat up straighter. "But don't you worry, none, Momma. Carlisle's going to take real good care of us. I figure we're at an advantage, what with him being a doctor and all. That's got to count for something. Plus he's got enough money to hire a guide. Best guide in the business, he said. We're leaving a little early." She sniffled again, getting a hold of herself. "We're going to Independence by steamboat, Momma. Ain't that exciting?"

Tightening her cloak around her shoulders, Bella traced her fingers over her mother's name. Her fingers trembled, and she pressed her fist to her mouth for a long moment. "I love you. I won't forget you. I swear I won't."

~0~

It was late March so it was still bitterly cold, especially out on the Missouri River. Still, Bella preferred to be on the deck instead of in the cabins below. In the cabins, it often seemed as though the walls threatened to close in. She was luckier than most. Steerage was far worse. Either way, the fresh, crisp air was preferable.

Bella started when she felt a light touch to her back.

"Sorry." Carlisle finished fixing her shawl about her shoulders. "Esme was worried you would catch your death of cold."

"I didn't mean to worry her."

"She's a mother, dear. It's in her nature." He rested his arms on the rail and looked out. "It's beautiful out here."

"Yes. Already so different from New York." She nodded at the banks, covered in blossoming greenery. "It looks to be a plentiful Spring."

"That would be my hope." He took a deep breath. "Are you frightened, Bella? About the trek I mean. You haven't said much."

Bella didn't speak right away. She thought of lying, but she couldn't see the point. Carlisle had always been honest with her, and though she was only eighteen, he treated her like a proper adult. "Does it matter if I'm frightened? There's nowhere to go but on."

"Still, if you have concerns…"

"Same as you have, I'd wager. Five months, thousands of miles of walking, and I've heard the same stories you have."

"You have to remember, Bella, many of the stories come from well before the trail was so well traveled. There are many more posts and ferries to take us across most river crossings. We know a lot of things now the first travelers didn't."

"Hundreds die every year still."

He rested his hand on her back. "Your father survived."

"I saw the letters to you, Carlisle. He was dying when the train reached Oregon. He barely survived."

"I didn't realize you'd seen those letters."

"I snooped. I'm sorry."

"We should have told you." He smiled at her. "Between Emmett, myself, and the Hales, we have considerable expertise. You, Esme, Alice, and Rosalie are braver than we are by far. We'll make it. All of us. Plus I hear James Hunter and his crew are the best guides around. They led your father's group."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "We've taken every precaution. Our wagon won't be overburdened since we've had all our belongings sent by freight. We have many advantages others in our train won't. We'll be fine."

She took a deep breath. "I know. I've done my whining. Now I'm ready to be brave."

 

**A/N: So that's Bella.**

**Thank you to songster, barburella, and everydaybella. They are all indulgent sweethearts.**

**Okay. This will begin posting when Suddenly and All I Have To Give are done, which should be less than two weeks.**

**Thoughts? Fears? Guesses? See you soon and our adventure will begin.**


	3. Wagons Ho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Of course I played the Oregon Trail. I still play it. The updated version is pretty spiffy.

**~Late March, 1848. Independence, MO~**

Edward Masen was the only man in James Hunter’s employ who didn’t stumble out of the brothel that morning. It was to be expected. In a few days time, they would be back on the trail where all their time and energy would be accounted for. Edward wasn’t a monk by any stretch of the imagination, but he kept to himself more often than not when he wasn’t on the trail. The night before had been no different.

 

“I hope you got your jollies out, because we’re on the job as of now. Folks we got on the line are the proper sort. Don’t lose us our commission. There are plenty others itching to take their money. I’d rather it be in our pockets, are we clear on that?”

 

Edward nodded along with the others. They were four in total. James served as guide with Edward, Laurent, a Frenchman and former fur trapper, and Victor, a twenty-two year old boy with bright red hair who worshipped the ground James walked on and had proven he could be helpful, as his scouts.

 

James nodded. “We’ll be leading two families. The Cullens and the Hales. Carlisle Cullen, age forty-five. He’s a doctor, so that’s useful. His wife, Esme Cullen, age forty-two. Emmett Cullen, age twenty-five, a carpenter. His wife, Rosalie Cullen, age twenty-one. Alice Cullen, age twenty. Alistair Hale, age fifty-three, a banker. Vera Hale, age thirty. Jasper Hale, age twenty-one. No occupation listed. Peter Hale, age eight. Henry Hale, age six.” He squinted at the paper in his hand. “And Isabella Swan, age eighteen. Who knows where she fits in that mess. Maybe she’s a maid."

 

"We've seen worse travelers. Even the little ones aren't so little. No babes," Laurent said.

 

"Yet," Edward muttered.

 

“Anyway. They’re getting settled in. We’re going to meet them in about an hour, so be presentable.”

**~0~**

The Cullens and Hales were smarter than most travellers. Edward couldn’t count the number of times James and the others had to talk a family out of doing something stupid before they were even on the trail. What most families considered necessity at the beginning of a trip got left by the side of the trail only after the added weight had contributed to the death of the draft animals or worse the people themselves.

 

Edward distracted himself from that thought as he looked over the group. They looked to be a close knit bunch. Fortunatly, Carlisle quipped, his children fell in love with siblings. “It makes for a cohesive family unit.”

 

Two full families and the odd woman out, Isabella Swan. James and his crew all had their strengths and weaknesses. Edward’s insight was a valuable asset for men who made their trade on the trail. It was in everyone’s best interest to keep every member of this party alive-- not an easy task by any stretch of the imagination.

 

In Edward’s estimation, the girl was at least as vulnerable as the two young boys if not more so. When it came to survival there was a definite hierarchy within any group. It was natural for husbands to look after wives and wives to look after children. Older siblings looked after younger.  The whole train kept their eyes on the youngest children. Isabella was neither wife nor daughter. She was old enough not to be considered a child. She was no one’s priority. Edward shifted her to the top of his list.

 

As though she heard his thoughts she looked up at him. Though it probably wasn’t polite, Edward didn’t look away. Her cheeks pinked under his gaze, but her eyes held what might have been bemusement. She raised an eyebrow, as though calling out his rudeness. Spunky, Edward thought. No wilting flower.

 

She would survive the trip.

 

When introductions were complete, the others left Carlisle to handle business.

 

“There is a train headed out April seventh if weather permits,” James said.

 

“No earlier?”

 

“Early April is pushing it. If there’s still snow on the ground, there’s no grazing grass. No grazing grass, the livestock will starve, and I doubt you’re going to pull the wagon yourself. The seventh is the earliest, and that’s subject to the weather.”

 

“Fine. That’s fine. Might be better. It will give us time to sort out a wedding.”

 

“A wedding?”

 

Carlisle’s smile was proud. “My daughter and her fiance wish to be married before we leave.”

 

“Your daughter’s getting hitched?” James asked.

 

Laurent caught Edward’s eye and made a face where Carlisle couldn’t see. Edward grimaced.

 

“That’s what she wants, yes,” Carlisle said

 

“Uh huh. Well, congratulations then." James shook Carlisle's hand. “We’ll start getting your supplies together tomorrow.”

 

“You could have warned him,” Edward said when Carlisle had left to join his family.

 

“None of my concern. We spoke plain enough. He knows the pace we need to go at. A member of his family falls behind, well, it’s his own business,” James said.

 

“I don’t understand. What’s wrong with his daughter getting married?” Victor asked

 

“Young married woman like that is more like to get herself in the family way,” Edward said.

 

“A sickly pregnant woman could slow us down. He’d be better off keeping his daughter in his tent until we reach trail’s end,” James said. “Don’t make no difference no how. There’s a bunch of ‘em might already be carrying, and that’s on them. They’re keeping up or they’re getting left behind. That’s the end of it.” He pointed at Edward. “Keep your mouth shut, Masen. This Mr. Cullen is a spare no expenses type of guy, and I have a few expenses in mind, you get it? Don’t scare him off sticking your nose where it don’t belong.”

 

Edward held his hands up in a placating gesture. “All right, all right. Just seems he’s the type that might have listened, that’s all.”

**~0~**

Bella tagged along when Carlisle and Mr. Hale went with James. She kept well out of the way, busying herself with petting some of the smaller animals as James extolled the virtues of oxen over horses.

 

"I heard mules were best," Carlisle said.

 

"Oh it's true enough they're ideal. Sturdier than horses. Strong as oxen but lighter. Problem with them is they're stubborn. They don't want to do something; it don't get done.  Might seem like a pain in the neck until they bolt down a hill or when you're trying to get them through the water."

 

"I hear you. Oxen it is."

 

They had settled on two large wagons and one medium wagon between the two families and more oxen than Bella had fingers and toes.

 

And that was just the beginning. Under James’s tutelage, they bought thousands of pounds of flour, bacon, sugar, coffee, and lard. Overwhelmed with the amount of supplies necessary to take care of their families for five months, Bella beat a hasty retreat.

 

Out in the crisp air, she came across one of the other guides. There were maps spread out beside him on the shop’s wrap-around porch, but his head was bent over a leather bound journal. He was the one who’d stared at her when they met. Bella wondered if she should be nervous to be out here alone with him, but he showed no sign he even knew she was there. He scratched away at his journal, and Bella’s eyes were caught by the maps at his side. She tilted her head, trying to read what she could of the maps. The lines and colors made little sense to her.

 

“You can come sit if you want to look.”

 

Bella started at the sound of his voice, and she raised her eyes to find him looking at her. She tightened her shawl about her shoulders and held her head high, hoping he would write off her blush as her cheeks being kissed by the bite of the wind. “I don’t want to bother you.”

 

“It’s no bother. You got questions, you can ask me. Or James if you’re more comfortable.”

 

“James is busy with Carlisle.”

 

“Then I suppose you’re stuck with me.” He flashed her a grin that made Bella want to smile back. “Go on, then. Sit down.”

 

Bella held her skirts aloft as she settled down with her legs dangling over the side of the porch and the maps between them. “Your name is Edward, isn’t it?”

 

“It is indeed. Edward Masen at your service. And you’re Isabella Swan.”

 

“Bella. Please.”

 

“Bella then.”

 

She turned the top map her way and tried to figure what she was looking at.

 

“Go ahead and ask. I can see you have questions.”

 

Bella looked up. “You’re sure I’m not a nuisance.”

 

“No, miss. You’re fine.”

 

“Well. It’s just that I’m not sure where on here we’re going to end up and how we’re going to get there. On the map, I mean. I understand the part about the trail and wagons and walking.”

 

Edward raised his eyebrow, an amused smile playing at his lips. “This trail is going to be your life for months, and you don’t know where you’re going?”

 

The comment rankled. “I figured that’s your job, isn’t it? Are you going to tell me or tease me?”

 

He chuckled, but he took another map from his pack and spread it out. It was well worn, and this one was marked by his own pencil. “See here?” He pointed to a spot on the map. “That’s where we are. Independence.” He drew his finger along where his pencil had sketched a dark line through the map. “We come up through here. Across these mountains-- the Rocky Mountains--through this piece of desert and up here to the Willamette Valley.”

 

Bella traced her fingers along a number of lines that bisected the trail. “Are these rivers?”

 

“That they are.” He tilted his head toward her, studying her. “There are ferries at some of the rivers. Your, uh, family has some advantage there, being able to pay for the ferry for all. The first crossing is at the Blue River. We won’t even be on the trail a day before we reach it. It’s likely we’ll have to wait a day or two for our turn to cross.”

 

“We have to wait to cross?”

 

“They can only ferry one wagon at a time, so there’s a line. It’ll be worse in another month, believe me.”

 

“I believe you.” Bella pressed her lips together as she looked at the trail on the map. She tried to visualize what the colors and lines meant, the rivers, the mountains, the stretches of nothing.

 

“Hey.” He touched her shoulder and Bella felt a jolt go down her back. She sat up straighter, finding herself caught in his stare. “Don’t worry none. James is a lot of things, but he’s good at what he does. We’ll take care of you and yours.”

 

Looking in his earnest eyes, Bella did feel safer. Still, she couldn’t help but ask. “You ever lost someone out there on the trail?”

 

Pain flashed across his face so vividly, Bella’s stomach twisted, but he looked away just as quick. He cleared his throat. “As many times as I’ve made this journey, it’s impossible not to lose someone That’s just a sorry fact of nature.”

 

Bella’s urge to comfort him overrode decorum and propriety. She reached out to put her hand over his. “I’m sorry. That was a foolish thing to ask.”

 

He stared at their hands, and Bella, self-conscious, pulled away. His expression was a mask as he looked up at her again. “I understand why you asked. I remember your Pa, you know.”

 

“Do you?”

 

“Sure. Hardy, he was. A good man. He was always helping others when he could. Maybe too much. He talked about you.”

 

Bella felt her cheeks pink. “Did he?”

 

“Yes, ma’am. Whenever we’d have some time around the fire, or a few times we went fishing together, he was always talking about his girl.” He offered her a lopsided smile. “If we’re being honest, I pictured you as a little thing, maybe knee high.”

 

Bella’s lips tugged downward. “Well, I ‘spect that’s how he still saw me. I was so young when he left.”

 

He chuckled. It was such a rich sound, it pleased Bella somehow. “You are still very young.”

 

“I’m no baby.”

 

“No.” His eyes swept her face. “That you are not.”

**~0~**

The day before they left, the wagons circled outside Independence. Their train consisted of fifty-four other wagons.

 

“You gotta think of the train as a traveling city,” James said as he explained how they would travel. “Just about every train I been a part of elected a council. This is because there will be squabbles along the way and we got to have some way to settle them. It’s most like I’ll be elected to the council. Always am, but at the end of the day, we have freedom of choice. The train goes a direction we don’t agree with, we can always choose a different path. The trail forks in a number of places, after all. But for the most part, it’s wiser to stay with the group.”

 

True to his word, James was elected to the council. True to Edward’s word, they hadn’t gone a day’s walk out of Independence before they reached the Blue River and had to wait for the ferry.

 

The days were cold, and Bella longed to return to the protection of the city not so far behind them. She found herself seeking out the guide, Edward, whenever she thought she wasn’t getting in the way. He was more approachable than the others, and when coaxed, he would tell her tales that made her feel better about the journey. It was easy to hear only the dangers and tragedies that struck on the trail. It was easy to fear accidents, drowning, and sickness. But Edward told her about the good things she could expect. He told her of the beauty of the land and the things he’d seen. He told her about the triumphs of earlier travelers and watching the forts pop up one by one.

 

Listening to Edward, Bella began to feel some excitement about the journey. It was an adventure she would live to tell her grandchildren, he said.

  
More than once in the few days they waited at the river, Bella fell asleep by the fire, listening to Edward’s melodic voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Weeeee. This is gonna be fun.  
> Thanks to Songster and Barburella.  
> What are we thinking, kids?


	4. Maggie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: To clear up confusion, James didn't realize Bella was Charlie's kid right away. It's been years since they led Charlie, so they probably didn't clue in until later when Carlisle or someone else mentioned it.

Bella pulled her coat tighter around her. This early in the spring, the weather was bitterly cold most of the day. Occasionally, in the afternoons, after hours of walking, the sunshine would be enough that Bella could undo the buttons of her overcoat.

 

It was only the fifth day of real travel. Each day began when the horns blew around four in the morning. Breakfast of porridge, bacon, and coffee was served by five-thirty. Everyone was fed, the dishes washed, the livestock rounded up, and bedding stowed by seven when “Wagons ho,” was called. Edward had told her they covered twenty miles on a good day, stopping only at nooning time to eat.

 

Their guides switched duties. Two of them guided the oxen teams, one rode ahead of the wagon train, searching the trail for potential problems, and the last walked with the families. Bella brightened when she saw it was Edward walking with them that day. The other three guides were cold or, at worst, made her uncomfortable. They talked down to her if they bothered to speak to her at all.

 

Edward walked along as though deep in thought. He looked up at the sky or around and the landscape. As she watched, he took off his hat and brushed his fingers along his scalp. The sun caught his hair, and Bella caught the reddish tint to the bronze-brown. He was a striking man. Bella caught the thought before it got too far and she looked down at her boots to hide her furious blush. Wasn’t her fault it was the truth. She wondered if it was impolite to think such a thing even if she never spoke the words out loud.

 

Bella pulled her long braid around to her front and finger-combed the snarls out of the end as she waited for the heat to recede from her cheeks. Then she quickened her pace so she fell in step beside him. “Reckon the weather’s finally turning warmer.”

 

He took a deep breath as though her voice startled him. He blinked before he answered. “Reckon so. Still, we could stand a few more days of cold. We should reach the next big river crossing in a few days time. Less the snow’s melted, the easier the river will be.”

 

“No ferries on this one?”

 

“Not on this one, no.” He looked to the side and gave her a smile not near as pretty as the one he flashed when he was truly amused. “Don’t you worry. There are a few spots where the river’s not quite as wide. Should be able to ride right across. Maybe get a bit wet.” His lips pursed. “That’s the thing Maggie hated most.”

 

“Who’s Maggie?”

 

Edward’s face fell. His posture changed in an instant. His shoulders hunched, and he looked away from her. “Anyhow, it’ll be fine. You’re in good hands.”

 

His pace quickened, and Bella frowned as she found herself facing his back. “Mr. Masen, I didn’t mean to-”

 

“I think Alice was looking for you earlier.” Edward nodded ahead. The Hale’s wagon was a pace in front of them. “Maybe you should get on over there.”

 

“Ah. Alice is still mooney-eyed over her new husband. She don’t need me hanging around. Besides, there’s not much she can say. You’ve made this journey so many times you can guess when we’re going to be at a landmark. Truth be told, I didn’t want to do this once. I can’t imagine doing it over and over-”

 

“I’m working, Miss Swan.” Edward’s cold tone shocked her so much, Bella flinched away from him. He wasn’t looking at her but staring straight forward. “You ought to go find one of your own friends to prattle to.”

 

Bella stopped walking all together and stared at Edward’s back while he got further away. She shook it off after a handful of seconds and held her head up high as she strode past him to catch up with the Hale’s wagon.

 

“Hey. There you are.” Alice threw her arm about Bella’s waist and pulled her closer.

 

“Missed you at breakfast,” Bella said.

 

Alice giggled. “Still a newlywed, I suppose. I’m surprised we were able to stow our bedding on time this morning.”

 

“Alice!”

 

“Ah, my Bella. Pure as the driven snow. Speaking of which. It is a fine way to keep warm these frigid mornings.”

 

Bella put her hands over her face and groaned.

 

“It will be you someday soon, my dear. Then you’ll understand.”

 

Bella looked about to assure herself no one was listening. She leaned close. “I don’t know where you get the energy. I’ve been exhausted. It takes me too long to get up in the morning as it is. Your mother already had breakfast started before I’d even opened my eyes.”

 

“You worry too much. You do so many chores in the evening, it’s no wonder you wear yourself out.”

 

“You do as many chores as I do.”

 

Alice grinned. “Love does strange things to you. I’m not tired. I’m too much in love to be tired of any of this.”

 

“Such a fanciful idea. I have no doubt Rosalie is in love with Emmett, but she tires easily these days. Have you noticed?”

 

“She and Emmett have been married for ages.”

 

Bella laughed. “Oh, yes. Three years. They’re near to their death beds, I’m sure.” She squeezed her friend. “I’ve missed you, Alice. We’ve shared a room these last three years. It’s hard to sleep without your range of snores.”

 

“I don’t snore.”

 

“Ah, yes. You do.”

 

“Jasper would have told me if I snored.”

 

“How would he know? You’d have to sleep for him to find out.”

 

Alice gasped and gave Bella a shake as she laughed. “Wicked, Bella. I didn’t know you had it in you. It’s a shame you didn’t take a suitor before.”

 

“I knew we were leaving. What would be the point?”

 

“Well, maybe you should socialize more in the evenings. Join the dancing?”

 

“To what purpose?”

 

Alice’s eyes glinted with mischief. “To keep you warm in the morning.”

 

Bella’s cheeks heated. She gestured out at the wagons that stretched into the distance in front and behind them. “These people all have plans to start a new life. There’s no point to look for a fellow here. They might be heading for a future well away from where my father settled.”

 

“So serious, Bella. Practical, I suppose. Just keep an open mind, Bella. I know you’re uncertain about our future in this new place, but I have a good feeling about this. Life is good, and all the better when you have someone to share it with.”

 

“I’ll take that under advisement. On the off chance I’ll find a man out here in the middle of nowhere, who means to settle in the same place, mind, I promise I’ll keep an open mind.”

**~0~**

When they stopped for nooning time, Edward slipped into the woods, away from the chatter of the wagons. Officially, he was supposed to be hunting what small game he could. A rabbit would make for a more palatable dinner than more bacon and bread. It was another month or more before the fish would be large enough to feed a family. Best to leave the small catches be for the moment.

 

In reality, he needed a few minutes alone to collect his thoughts. Maggie’s name had slipped from his lips so naturally it had shaken him. It tripped off a rash of memories. Typically when he was out on the trail, he could lose himself in his duties. There was always something to think of. Before Bella had come up to him, he’d been watching a hawk circle, trying to remember what plant life could be gathered this early in spring.

 

Those days they spent waiting for the ferry,  Edward had discovered the girl was easy to talk to. When they spoke,  hours seemed to pass like minutes. She asked many questions and listened attentively to his answers. It had happened more than once some single gal had come to him feigning interest while she batted her eyelashes and put on a coy smile. Bella wasn’t so empty headed. Her curiosity was genuine and her responses clever.

 

He’d hurt her with his brush off. He’d seen the pain in her eyes, and it bothered him perhaps more than it should. What should he care about a young girl’s dramatics? But he couldn’t deny the ache in his heart when he remembered the stricken look on her face. He had come to enjoy her friendship.

 

When he got back to camp, the wagons were about ready to leave. He curled his hand around the treasure in his pocket and quickened his pace to catch her before she went to walk beside one of the others. She was stowing the last of the dishes in the wagon when he came up to her. “Bella.” He touched his hand to her elbow to get her attention.

 

Her eyes widened before they narrowed. “You’re speaking to me again?” She didn’t wait for him to answer but went to take her place a safe distance from the wagon wheels.

 

Edward grimaced and hurried after her. “I brought you something.”

 

That got her attention. She looked up, startled. “What?”

 

He smiled and reached out to pull her apron toward him. He transferred several handfuls of berries from his pocket to the front of her apron. Her eyes widened as she held the apron aloft to keep the berries from spilling out.

 

“For me?” she asked.

 

“I’d put them in your pockets if you don’t want to share.” He winked and plucked a couple berries from the pile.

 

She eyed him as she began to put the berries in the pockets of her coat. “I don’t know what I said to you before to make you angry at me.”

 

“I know that.” He ran his hand under his hat, scratching at his head. “I’m not angry at you. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” He took a deep breath. “Maggie was my wife.”

 

“Oh, I…” Bella stumbled over her words.

 

“You don’t have to say nothing.” It was hard to breathe around the weight that had settled over his chest. “Did you want to leave your home?”

 

“I don’t know that I wanted to stay where I was.” Bella tilted her head. “I didn’t want to come on the trail, if that’s what you mean. It’s a frightening thought to venture out into the wild land. Animals, sickness, Indians. I’ve heard all the stories.”

 

“Many stories about the Indians are greatly exaggerated. Most tribes would sooner trade with you than kill you. We get a little further out, they might even be of some help getting us across the river.”

 

“That’s good to hear. But the rest of it?”

 

Edward looked out at the horizon. “The rest’s true. Used to be truer, as a matter of fact. Not so many years ago the trail was all wilderness. No forts… and the trail hadn’t been as well mapped out as it is now.” He worried the edge of his jacket between his thumb and forefinger. “Maggie didn’t want to go. She begged me not to take her clear across the country. I didn’t understand at the time. We’d both lost our families. We were alone in the world-- just the two of us. There were opportunities in the west I wanted. I dismissed what she wanted offhand.”

 

“You were her husband. It was your job to provide for her.”

 

“It was also my job to protect her.” Edward clenched his fist at his side and swallowed hard. “Anyway. It wasn’t your fault I thought of her. It startled me, is all. I’m sorry about what I said.”

 

“It’s fine.” She hesitated, but then she reached out and pressed her palm to his shoulder. “I’m sorry about your wife.”

 

“Yeah.” He looked down at his boots. “I am, too.” He shook, as though he could physically remove the weight from his shoulders. It had been years and that weight never lessened. “Anyhow. I need to make my rounds, check in on the others.”

 

“Do your job?” Bella smiled to show she was teasing.

 

“I’m not on a pleasure stroll, or at least that’s what James would tell me.” He tipped his hat. “Thanks for listening.”

 

“Hey, Edward?”

 

Edward turned back and raised an eyebrow at her. She looked uncertain, but her expression was earnest and compassionate. “Whatever happened to your Maggie, I’m sure you did your best.”

  
His heart twisted because she didn’t know, couldn’t know the truth. But she was young and naive. “She was your age, you know. Maggie. When she died.” He didn’t give Bella the chance to reply to that. He walked off to tend to his duties and tried not to think about Maggie’s sweet face, so like Bella’s, as she walked this very trail years before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mmmm hmmm. Anyway. Thanks so much to songster and barburella!
> 
> Soooooo. Hi, everyone!


	5. Friction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry about the delay in this story. I’m trying to concentrate on finishing my ofic this month. It’s coming along. Anyway! Enjoy.

“Mercy, the dust is awful.” Rosalie waved her hand in front of her face and coughed.

 

Victor, who was walking with the families that day, looked over his shoulder and flashed a wicked grin. “You ain’t seen nothing yet, princess. Wait until the weather is drier. Dust gets so thick, can’t see more than a few feet in front of you. Especially in the desert region.”

 

Alice and Rosalie exchanged a glance. Bella cleared her throat and smiled coolly and Victor. “Something to look forward to, I suppose.” She took each of the other women by the arm. “Come on. We’ll see if Esme and Vera need a break from Peter and Henry.”

 

The girls made their way to the other side of the wagon, away from Victor before the red-head could get going. If Bella found James unnerving, she found Victor downright irritating. He was often the wrong side of snide, and he seemed to delight in telling them how bad things could get on the trail. Bella supposed it could be considered useful information, but he didn’t have to such an ass about it.

 

Edward was much better with such things. When he spoke of the trail, he was honest, but he made it seem bearable.

 

Not for the first time, Bella wondered what the trail was like for him when he was a young husband with an even younger wife.

 

“Peter! For heaven’s sake.” Alice rushed forward as they got around the other side of the wagon and scooped Peter up. She set him back down a safe distance from the wheels. “How many times do you have to be told to stay away from the wagon?”

 

The boy pouted. “I’m being careful.”

 

“Not careful enough.” Bella wagged a finger in his face. “Did you see the little girl they brought to Carlisle yesterday?”

 

Peter made a face. “I heard her carryin’ on.”

 

“With good reason. Her dress got caught, and she got grabbed right under the wheel. It about crushed her leg, poor thing. She’s going to spend the whole rest of the trip in the wagon, and who knows if she’ll walk again ever.”

 

Peter’s eyes were about to bulge out of his head. “It’s lucky we have a doctor with us, huh?”

 

“Sure is,” Rosalie said. “Still, there some things even Carlisle can’t fix.”

 

“But Carlisle is the best doctor ever.”

 

“Not ever, young man.” Carlisle caught up with them. He ruffled Peter’s hair.

 

Alice and Bella looked on Carlisle and exchanged a glance. There was a heavy look in the man’s eyes. He had been asked to visit a wagon somewhat further back on the trail. As one of two doctors—and James assured them even that was a rarity—Carlisle was called upon whenever a fellow emigrant was struck by a malady. From his expression, this last visit had not gone well.

 

“Peter. Go find Henry and make sure he’s not getting into as much trouble as you are,” Alice said. She squeezed Peter’s shoulders and sent him on his way.

 

Bella fell in step beside Carlisle with Rosalie on his other side. “Do you wish to talk about it?” Bella asked.

 

The skin around his eyes tightened. “I shouldn’t trouble you. It’s not a polite topic of discussion.”

 

Rosalie put her hand to his arm. “We aren’t children, Carlisle. Unburden yourself.”

 

He sighed. “I suppose not. The family had some trouble at the last river crossing. Their young man nearly drowned that day. He’s been struggling, but today he succumbed.”

 

They all four were quiet as they walked along together. “It was the first death, was it not? The first of our train.”

 

“It is always unfortunate to lose a patient. That he was so young, barely twenty years old, was more of a tragedy.” Carlisle paused as though debating with himself whether or not he should continue.  “I know James told us what to expect, but what was most disconcerting was the idea his family will have to bury him and move on without much time to grieve.”

 

Bella’s throat was tight. “Victor told me some days ago, if someone in the party takes too long to die, they have been left behind by their families. What a terrible choice to make.”

 

“He shouldn’t have told you that.” Carlisle shook his head. “I’ll speak to James. His people shouldn’t be talking about such things. It won’t happen. Not to us.”

 

Carlisle excused himself then to find his wife. Bella and the other girls were quiet as they walked along. It wasn’t something he could promise, and they all knew it.

**~0~**

When they stopped for lunch, it was obvious Carlisle was dwelling on the loss of his young patient. Bella slipped a bit of the bacon Esme offered between a biscuit left over from breakfast that morning. She slipped her impromptu sandwich into her apron pocket and told Alice she wanted to take a walk.

 

“I think I hear a stream nearby. I’d like to wash my face,” Bella said.

 

Alice laughed. “An exercise in futility, but if it pleases you. Don’t wander too far.”

 

Bella found the stream not far off the trail, but it was not her true destination. Since her small spat with Edward, he had often slipped some kind of plant or berry in her pocket. He would whisper some instruction about how she was to cook or eat it, wink at her, and then be gone again to attend to his duties.

 

As Bella searched the forest floor, trying to recognize the plants she saw, her thoughts strayed again to Edward. She had so many questions, but they hadn’t had a chance to talk since the last time. The last time Edward had been walking with the families, Alistair had kept him busy with conversation of his own.

 

Who was to say. It was likely Edward only tolerated Bella’s conversation. She was not a child, but he was a widower a decade her senior and a working man besides. What interest could he have in the prattle of a young woman? It also didn’t escape Bella’s notice that in polite society, a young, marriageable woman would not have been left alone with a man, particularly an unmarried man. Her cheeks flushed hot, and she wondered if she was being inappropriate. Surely though if he was uncomfortable, he would have asked Carlisle to speak to her by now.

 

Bella was distracted from these thoughts when she spied a bush and, better yet, what looked to be the same berries Edward had given her that first day. She set about plucking as many berries as she could from the bush. She filled her pockets and hoped she could bring a smile to Carlisle’s face as Edward had to hers. The fare on the trail was nothing if not repetitive. A little variety would be most welcome.

 

When she had no more room in her pockets, Bella took one last palmful of berries. As she raised the bittersweet fruit to her lips, she heard the rush of quick footfalls. She turned her head in time to see an Edward-shaped blur coming toward her. He slapped at her hand, sending the bright berries flying to the ground.

 

“What in God’s name are you doing?” He grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a shake.

 

Startled, Bella answered him straight. “I… I wanted  give them to Carlisle, that’s all.”

 

“Are you trying to get him killed? Are you trying to kill yourself? These are poisonous.”

 

The fury written plainly on his face made Bella want to cringe, but she was irritated as well. She wrested herself from his grip and took several steps back. “Why are you yelling at me?”

 

“Because you had no business being out here. As it is, many of the men are taking the time to hunt. Do you understand how easily you could have been mistaken for an animal and shot? I’ve seen it happen out here, Bella. You have to be more careful than that. I can’t be expected to watch you every second of every day.”

 

Tears sprang to Bella’s eyes, and she blinked them away. She tended to cry when she was angry, and now she was livid. Livid and humiliated. By then, Edward had grabbed her by the arm again. He tried to draw her away, back toward the wagons. “Let me go. You can’t manhandle me like that.”

 

His eyes flashed as he turned to her. Bella stared defiantly back. She crossed her arms and held her chin high. Edward released a breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, his look was calmer. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have touched you like that. You gave me a scare, is all, what with trying to eat poisonous berries.” He rubbed the back of his neck and tilted his head in the direction he’d been dragging her. “Come this way. I have something to show you.”

 

He turned and strode off. After a moment’s hesitation, she followed. He led her only a short distance away. He picked up a line on which he had three dead rabbits. “I had you in my sights. I could have been the one who killed you. You need to be more careful.”

 

The way he looked at her pinned her where she stood. She wasn’t sure how to read his look, his expression. He was also standing startlingly close to her, and Bella was very aware of every inch of her skin.

 

His eyes gentled as he looked over her. “Come on then. James will leave us if we’re late.” He hitched the line of rabbits over his shoulder and headed for the forest’s edge.

 

Bella followed behind him, emptying her pockets of the poison berries as she did. She stewed, uncertain and still irritated. “Was that how your wife died? A hunting accident?”

 

She regretted her question immediately as Edward’s shoulders stiffened. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-”

 

“No, you shouldn’t have.”

 

They walked back to the trail in silence.

**~0~**

Oxen were a strong, sturdy animals. They were easy to feed and were handy when wagon wheels got stuck in the mud. The trouble some emigrants faced was in the leading. Rather than drive the oxen from the wagon, a teamster would have to walk alongside them, calling out orders. It was a tedious task, and Edward didn’t like the days it was his duty. He was relieved when the wagons were circled for the day.

 

Edward set about his tasks, unyoking the oxen and leading them to where they could graze for the night. When he was done, the smell of dinner was strong in the air. He glanced over to where the Cullens and Hales were gathering as they usually did.

 

He smiled as the two little Hale boys raced by him, their arms laden with the firewood they’d gathered. Just before dinner, Esme Cullen would call them close so she might keep up their schooling. Of late, a smattering of children from the other wagons were sent to join them.

 

But as it was not yet time for her lessons, Esme smiled brightly. She called his name to stop him from retreating to the smaller fire where James and the others had gathered. Edward waited as she caught up to him. “I wanted to thank you again for the rabbits you brought.”

 

Edward tilted his hat. “Of course, ma’am. It was my pleasure.”

 

“I can’t help but notice you didn’t save any for your own meal.”

 

“No. Didn’t get nearly enough game. Soon enough now we’ll be running into more deer close enough to hunt. Might even get a bear or a moose. They have meat enough to feed us all for days at a time.”

 

“Well. I think it’s only right you should enjoy your own kill. Won’t you join us for dinner?”

 

It wasn’t the first time Edward had noted Esme was a difficult person to say no to. He tried, but the way she tilted her head, her look at once stern and hopeful, changed his tune right quick. “If it pleases you, ma’am.”

 

“That it does. And please, for at least the twenty-fifth time, call me Esme.”

 

He ducked his head and smiled. The woman made him ache for his mother. “Of course, Esme.”

 

When it came time to eat, Edward kept his word. He went to where the conjoined family was gathered. Alice was standing by the fire, and she handed him a tin cup full of a thin-broth rabbit stew. His mouth watered, and he felt a thrill of anticipation. The nights were still bitterly cold, and this stew would do wonders to warm him.

 

He glanced about and spied Bella close by, sitting on a large, flat-enough rock. Her shoulders were hunched, her head down, her eyes on a book in her lap. Edward shook his head. She was a stubborn girl, that much he knew for certain. Despite the waning light, she would read until she was unable to see the letters on the page. Already she had brought the book closer to her eyes, and she squinted.

 

“Let me bring a cup to Bella,” Edward said to Alice. She nodded readily and handed him another tin.

 

When Edward sat beside her, Bella started. When she saw it was him, she looked quickly away. Edward couldn’t blame her. She’d given him a scare that afternoon, but it was hardly an excuse for the way he’d grabbed her.

 

Why did he somehow always find himself in trouble with this girl?

 

“Here.” He offered her one of the tins. Her eyes flicked up to his and lingered for a moment before she looked to the soup.

 

“Thank you,” she said, taking it from him.

 

A silence descended on them Bella seemed disinclined to break. Her shoulders were drawn inward, her gaze anywhere but on him. The only sound was the occasional sip from both of them as they raised their tins to their lips. Edward sighed. Warm and wonderful though it was, the soup could not quell the uncomfortable block of ice that had taken residence in his stomach as he contemplated what he was about to say.

 

“It wasn’t a hunting accident,” Edward said, and out of his peripheral vision, he saw Bella’s body jolt at the broken silence. “But it was my fault.”

 

He sipped his meal though his stomach twisted. He stared off, watching as the sun dipped below the horizon. “You know, I can’t even tell you that much about her? I was drawn to her because I’d never seen a woman with such bright red hair. Redder even than Victor’s, if you can imagine that. She stood out, but more than that, she was very sad.”

 

“Sad?”

 

When he looked, Bella had raised her head and was watching him, her gaze full of compassion he didn’t deserve. He cradled the hot tin in his hands, trying to soak up the warmth. “She was fresh of the boat from Ireland. Her family had died in the long crossing. It happens sometimes. Out on the ocean, someone brings illness with them, a lot of folk die. She’d lost everyone. That was what drew us together, I suppose. Two lonely people in a sea of other folk.”

 

“Sounds like you were a good match.”

 

Edward hummed. “Like I said, I can’t really tell you much about her. Not to say I didn’t enjoy my time with her. She was fascinated by the fact I could read. She was so eager to learn.” Edward had to pause to take a deep breath. His heart ached. “I promised her I would teach her everything, anything she wanted to know.”

 

“That’s very kind of you.”

 

He scoffed. “Yes. I am so very kind.” He hung his head, twisting the now empty tin in his hands. “She was hardly recovered from her first journey when I told her I wanted to strike out on the trail. She was scared. Of course she was scared, but I was cocky. I was so ignorant.” He shook his head in disgust.

 

The dirt crunched as Bella moved. She scooted closer to him, close enough to rest her hand on his shoulder. “Whatever it was, I’m sure you did everything you could to keep her safe. It’s obvious you care. Sometimes, life just happens. You could be the most careful man in the world, and when a thing’s gonna be, it’s just gonna be.”

 

Edward’s smile was genuine as he lifted his head. He reached out and touched the tips of his fingers to her cheek before he drew back. “I knew her all of two days before I married her.” He watched as Bella’s eyes widened, and he chuckled without humor. “I pressured her into it, actually. Not for any untoward reason mind you. I just thought I knew what was best for her.”

 

“Ah, that does sound familiar.”

 

“Yeah, I reckon I haven’t quite rid myself of that habit. But you gotta understand. She was an eighteen-year-old Irish girl with no one to look out for her.”

 

“You wanted to take care of her. I understand that.”

 

“Well, you know what they say about the road paved by good intentions. When we married, I didn’t think to tell her I already intended to head west. What I knew about wives was they’re meant to follow their husbands. I didn’t stop to think what it would do to her - uprooting her yet again.”

 

Bella looked at a loss for what to say, but there was no condemnation in her gaze. She swallowed audibly and again touched her hand to his arm. That small touch was so sweet, it was physically painful. Edward found it hard to speak around the lump in his throat. “She died on the trail six months to the day after we married, about three months into our journey. I hardly knew her. I thought we would have the time to get to know each other properly after we were settled in our new lives.”

 

“I’m sorry, Edward. I’m so sorry.” Bella’s voice was thick with emotion.

 

Edward opened his mouth to tell her again it was his fault, but he was distracted by a ruckus closer to the fire than they sat. Most everyone had finished their meal now and some of their neighbors had ventured over to chat. The noise that had drawn Edward’s attention was the small group of men who’d brought out their instruments. One blew out a few notes on the harmonica, another brought out a banjo, and Jasper Hale pulled at the strings of his guitar as they all settled.

 

In minutes, the camp was filled with music and high spirits. The young people danced. The older people chatted, most of them smiling. The children played.

  
Edward watched the revelry with Bella beside him in a companionable silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks so much to barburella, jfka06, and songster for all their help.
> 
> How we doing out there? Everyone glad they can drive everywhere? Coz holy crap, I am.


	6. Decorum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Most of us are happy for planes, trains, and automobiles. I mean, seriously. I enjoy a good walk but a five month walk would be pushing it.

Edward liked to watch Bella dance.

There was something charming about the way she had to be dragged out of her shell each and every time. She sat on the outskirts, watching and clapping her hands along with the merriment. Some of the others would try to get her to dance with them, but she refused.

 

Almost always it was Alice who succeeded in getting her up. The married couples danced together, but since Jasper was always at his guitar, that left Alice to dance with the young people. She went a few rounds with the others before she hooked her arm through Bella’s and pulled her up. As always, Bella put up a fight, but Alice was persistent.

 

Edward could always tell when Bella forgot her weariness and inhibition. The exhaustion left her features. Her smile spread wide. Her movements became more fluid as her hips moved in time with the music. She hooked her arm through Alice’s and one of the other girls, and Edward could hear the sound of her giggle as they danced in a circle. He smiled.

 

When the song ended, Jasper set his guitar aside. He rushed at his wife and swept her off her feet, away from Bella. He spun her around in a giddy circle. When the other musicians kicked up into the next song, he set her down and away they went.

 

Bella fell back. She clapped as she broke through the small crowd. When her eyes fell on Edward, she grinned and made her way to him. “Hey,” she said as she plopped down beside him. She was breathless from dancing, Her cheeks were flushed and lovely in the light of the fire.

 

Edward offered his canteen of cool water. She thanked him, tilted her head back, and drank greedily. He laughed. “No more water for me tonight, I guess.”

 

She ducked her head and wiped her sleeve across her mouth. “Sorry. I worked up quite a thirst.”

 

“So I see.”

 

They sat for a few minutes in companionable silence. Edward watched the different couples. Alice and Jasper dancing around the fire, grinning at each other like they were fresh-faced teenagers in love for the first time. Emmett and Rosalie were swaying together. She leaned on him heavily, looking tired as usual but very happy to be in the arms of her love. Alistair and Vera and Carlisle and Esme sat with the older folk off to the side. They swayed with the music and looked on with proud smiles, happy that their children were happy no doubt.

 

Edward was very aware of Bella beside him, how close she sat to him. They weren’t touching, but he was warmer than he had been before. The chill of the evening was all but gone, in fact. He turned his head enough that he could see her in full. He watched with perhaps more rapt fascination than he should have as she took her bonnet from her head.

 

She began to unwind the long braid wrapped in a circlet around her head. Edward’s fingers twitched at his side. He had the inexplicable urge to help her comb out the inevitable tangles. Despite the snarls, her hair looked so soft.

 

“What’s wrong?” Edward asked when she winced and hissed.

 

She looked at him, her smile rueful. “The sun left the skin of my neck very tender.” She lifted her hair and turned away from him. “Can you see?”

 

He didn’t answer right away, shocked as he was to be faced with the slope of her neck and arms as she held her hair up. An unbidden mental image struck him. He imagined himself standing behind Bella, one arm around her waist holding her close, the other raised to push her hair off one shoulder. The image was visceral. He could taste her skin, likely salty from the long day’s walk, on his lips.

 

Edward shook his head to rid himself of the vision. It had been too long since he was with a woman, that was all. Bella was vivacious and beautiful. He was still a man.

 

He cleared his throat and bent his head to examine her neck. “I can’t see in the firelight, but I believe you. Maybe you should leave your hair down as we walk.”

 

“And get even more dirt in it?” She turned back to him.

 

“Oh, honey.” Edward chuckled as he rummaged through his bag. “By the time we reach journey’s end, we’ll all be a bedraggled mess. That will be some sight, hmm? I noticed your friend, Dr. Cullen, takes care to shave every other morning still. Mark my words, when we get where we’re going, he’ll have a beard as scraggly as the rest of us.” He found what he was looking for. “Turn around. I got something here that’ll sooth that burn.”

 

She looked startled then shy as she stared back at him. Edward was about to apologize, sure he’d crossed a line, but she turned as he’d instructed.

 

He realized too late this was his vision come to life. His mouth went dry as he brushed her thick hair off one shoulder. It was soft as he expected, and he took care to smooth the tendrils that curled at her neck back. The skin was flushed as her cheeks had been when she came to his side after dancing. When he brushed the tips of his fingers over it, her skin felt warm despite the cool evening air.

 

“This may feel a little slimy and cold.” He snapped off a leaf of the plant and peeled off the skin of one side. Bella gasped when he put the leaf to her neck, but she didn’t complain. He rubbed the plant over her neck, careful to keep the rough edges away from her tender skin

 

“That already feels better,” she said. “What is it? And why do you keep a bit of it in your satchel?”

 

“It’s called aloe, and for exactly this purpose. Do you know how many sunburns I’ve had?” He chuckled. “The plant has many uses, but this is the best. All done.”

 

Bella straightened and looked to him. “You’re good with plants.”

 

“It’s a useful talent to have. Knowing your plant life can keep you alive, as you well know.”

 

She frowned and looked down at her boots. “Those berries looked exactly the same as the ones you gave me.”

 

“Not exactly.”

 

She sat up straight and narrowed her eyes at him. “I asked you to teach me the difference. I want to know. I don’t want to be a burden. I want to help, and I’m a quick study.”

 

Edward’s lips quirked and he turned his head just enough to regard her. “I am working you know.”

 

“Yes. And won’t it be good if you don’t have to watch me all the time, as you put it?”

 

“I shouldn’t have said that. I told you.”

 

“It doesn’t make it any less true. I’m not trying to be a pest. I won’t bother you when you have other things to do. Just let me come along when you go gathering at lunching time or when we stop for the day. I won’t be a burden, I swear.”

 

“Bella dear.”

 

They both looked up to find Esme standing over him. Her eyes were, as always kind, but Edward was suddenly very aware of his proximity to Bella. They were sitting close to each other, and he was leaning toward her. Esme’s eyes flicked to his, and Edward thought he caught a hint of warning.

 

“Hello, Esme,” Bella said. Edward thought she sounded a bit breathless.

 

“It’s getting late. Won’t you come to bed now?” She extended her hand.

 

Both Edward and Bella stood. Edward held his hands behind his back and nodded at Bella. “Sleep well, Miss.” He tipped his hat at Esme. “Ma’am.”

 

Edward couldn’t say he was surprised when Carlisle appeared as Esme and Bella moved away. “Mind some company?” Carlisle asked.

 

Reasonably sure he knew what was coming, Edward gestured to the log beside him.

 

They sat in silence while Edward waited. From what he’d observed, Carlisle was a good father. Bella might not have been his own, but he loved her.

 

“I’ve noticed you and Bella talk a fair amount,” Carlisle began. His tone was unassuming which Edward appreciated. He knew well enough fathers could be overly zealous about their pretty young daughters.

 

“She’s curious about the rest of the trail, and she wants me to teach her about the plants.”

 

“Is that all?”

 

“Is there something specific you want to know?” Edward kept his voice steady. He wasn’t about to walk his foot into his mouth.

 

“I’ll be direct then. Bella is a very clever girl. She’s old for her age, but she is, of yet, young and naive. Her father isn’t here, but that doesn’t mean she has no one looking out for her. You seem like an honorable man.”

 

“Nothing dishonorable is going on between us. I have much more respect for her than that.”

 

“I saw you touch her tonight.”

 

“She has a sunburn on her neck. I only treated it with aloe.”

 

To his surprise, Carlisle laughed. “Perhaps of the two of you, you’re the more naive.”

 

Edward tilted his head to look at the man. “What?”

 

“Bella knows I have a salve with me that works quite well.”

 

As shock coursed through Edward’s system, and warmth went through his body. Somehow, he tempered his smile before Carlisle could see. It absolutely shouldn’t please him that Bella played coy with him.

 

“Out here in the wild, it’s easy to forget our society isn’t without its rules,” Carlisle said. “If we were home, I would never have let you alone with her at all.”

 

“We were talking, and this is hardly alone.” Edward gestured at the others scattered around them.

 

“I think we understand each other.”

 

“Of course, sir. Like I said. I have a lot of respect for Bella.” He took a long pull from his canteen. “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.”

 

“I do trust you, Edward. You seem like a very kind, very good man. But you are a man, and your life seems lonely. It’s not something I want for her.”

 

Edward turned to the man and smiled. “No. I can’t blame you there.”

**~0~**

Bella had the distinct impression she was being avoided.

 

Since their conversation about plants, Edward had made himself scarce at lunching time and around the fire in the evenings. It was his day to walk with the Cullens and Hales. Every time Bella tried to approach him, he quickened his pace to fall in beside one of the others.

 

“Oh. Hello, Edward,” Esme said when Edward came up next to her. Bella fell into step a pace behind them. She wasn’t intending to interrupt--she knew when she wasn’t welcome--but that did nothing to slake her curiosity.

 

“Good morning, Esme,” Edward said.

 

“I’m happy to see you. I wanted to thank you again for that ingenious rig you set up for us. Cream in a bucket tied under the wagon. Who would have thought to let the bumping wagons churn our cream into butter for us as we walked?”

 

“Ah, I’m afraid I can’t claim to be the genius behind that. It was a trick I picked up on my first crossing.”

 

“I cannot imagine doing this over and over again.” Esme shivered at the thought.

 

“It’s a more worthwhile occupation than some. There’s a lot of mistakes you can make out here, and each mistake can be the difference between life and death. The more I travel this trail, the more mistakes I can head off at the pass.”

 

“That’s very noble.”

 

“Naw. Everybody has to do something. I’m better off out here, I reckon. Worth something to someone.”

 

“Worth a lot to us.” Esme patted his arm.

 

Bella slowed her pace until the wagon passed. On the other side, she found Alice walking along with Rosalie.

 

“Sweetie, you really don’t look so well,” Alice was saying to Rosalie. She had her arm around the other woman.

 

It was true. Rosalie’s face was flushed an odd shade. Her cheeks were red but somehow still pale, as though all other color had drained from her face.

 

“I’m fine, Alice. We’ll be stopping to eat any time now. I’ll be fine if I can rest for an hour.”

 

“I’ll tell you what’s wrong. Why are you still wearing your wintercoat? Honey, it’s hotter than Hades out here. No wonder you’re so bad off. Are you crazy?” Alice tried to pull the coat off Rosalie, but the other woman shrugged out of her grasp.

 

“Leave me alone. I’m fine.” But Bella could see her hands were shaking as she tried to pull her coat tighter about her shoulders.

 

It wasn’t five seconds later that her eyes rolled up into her head. Alice caught her, and they both went down. Bella yelped and ran to their side. “Carlisle!” she and Alice called at the same time.

 

“Oh goodness,” Alice said on a breath.

 

Bella followed her gaze down Rosalie’s torso to her stomach.

 

Her very swollen stomach.

 

Rosalie was pregnant. Many months gone.

 

“Carlisle!” Bella called again.

 

They drew a crowd. Not only Carlisle and Esme, but James and Edward too.

 

“Ah, hell,” Bella heard James say lowly.

 

Rosalie was already blinking awake. “Alice? Carlisle?”

 

Bella sagged with relief.

 

“Boys,” Carlisle called to Henry and Peter. “Go tell Emmett and Jasper to stop the wagons. We’re stopping a little early for lunch. Tell Emmett we need him here right now. And be careful. You steer clear those wheels. You hear?”

 

“Yes.” They both nodded their promise before they ran off toward the wagons.

 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Esme said as she clasped Rosalie’s hand. “What were you thinking?”

 

Rosalie only whimpered and shook her head.

 

Alistair and Vera caught up with them next, and Bella moved back, giving everyone space. She looked up and was surprised to see Edward standing a pace away. His eyebrows were knitted; his lips pressed into a thin line. Bella felt a wave of indignation. She didn’t have one single clue why Emmett and Rosalie would keep this from the family, but she didn’t think it was his place to judge.

 

And he was judging. Hard.

 

His nostrils flared. He turned on his heel and strode into the forest with a purpose. Bella followed him without thinking. He was walking so fast, he was practically sprinting. Bella lifted her skirts and ran.

 

When they were sufficiently away from the others, she called out his name. He stopped and whirled around just as Bella stumbled. She pitched forward, arms flailing, but he caught her. Bella looked up at him in a daze, stunned to find herself pressed against his chest.

 

“Are you all right?” He sounded irritated, but he didn’t let her go.

 

“I...yes.”

 

Edward got a firm grip on her shoulders and guided her body an arm's length away from his. “Are you trying to get me killed?”

 

“What are you on about?”

 

“Carlisle already told me to stay away from you, and here you are following me into the woods alone again. You’re going to get me shot.”

 

“Carlisle would never shoot you.”

 

“Maybe not, but if he catches us out here alone, he might tell James I’m giving trouble. James will leave me behind, Bella, to fend for myself without so much as a horse to my name to get me to safety before the winter months. Is that what you want?”

 

Bella’s eyes went wide with fear at the idea, but just as quickly, she glared at him. “You’re upset over Rosalie, and you’re taking it out on me.”

 

“I-” Edward began, but Bella folded her arms across her chest and glared. His shoulders slumped and he blew out a long breath. “You’re right. As usual, you’re right. And very irritating. But right.”

 

“Rosalie hid her pregnancy, but I don’t understand why it upsets you.”

 

“Never mind. It’s fine. Nothing to be done now.”

 

“Tell me-”

 

“I think your friends are foolish.”

 

“It’s hardly an abnormal thing for a married couple to have a baby.”

 

“Of course it’s not abnormal. I said it’s foolish, and they both know it. They wouldn’t have hid it if they didn’t agree.”

 

“Rosalie has been fine to this point. There’s no reason to think she can’t keep up.”

 

He took her by the shoulders and gave her a shake. “Do you understand the risk to her? It’s the reason she gets so tired, isn’t it? And it will only get worse. She will give birth on the trail. Even if it doesn’t slow us down, it makes her vulnerable. It will make her weaker.”

 

Bella stared. There was something far away in his eyes, a pain that wasn’t professional at all. “Why are you making this so personal?” she asked.

 

“Because I’ve been there. I was a young, foolish husband once, just like Emmett, and I made every mistake.” His eyes focused again and he released her. He stumbled a few steps back.

 

Bella was struck breathless as pieces fell into place. “Maggie died because she was going to have a baby?”

 

Edward sighed and fell backward. He landed heavily on his rear, but he only pulled his legs up to rest his head on them. “Yes,” he said after an age.

 

Bella hesitated only a moment before she sat next to him, similarly drawing her legs up. She put her hand to his back. “I’m sorry, Edward. What a horrible thing to have happen, to not only lose your wife but your child.”

 

“Don’t feel sorry for me. It was my fault.”

 

“You’ve said that before, but I don’t think it’s true.”

 

“I knew.” Edward swallowed hard. He stared straight ahead, his fists clenched. “When she told me, she begged me not to make her go. I thought she would be fine. She wouldn’t even have to give birth on the trail.

 

“But I was an idiot. We weren’t on the trail more than a month before she took sick. The ladies in our train, they said it happens sometimes. Some are more sick than others. That was Maggie. It was horrible for her. There was no room in the wagon for her to lie down, and I had to drive the wagon. We had no help.”

 

He breathed in and out. Bella was stunned silent. She didn’t know what to say or do besides rub his back. He hung his head, and when he spoke again, his voice was very quiet. “It was one of the river crossings. The current hit us stronger than we thought. She was too weakened by her sickness to keep her head above water long. By the time I got to her, it was too late.”

 

Bella felt very young and silly. What could she say to something like that? What a profound loss. “Edward… Babies are born on the trail every day. I’ve heard the tales as well as you have. I know we all think too much about the deaths, but I heard tell that most trains end up with more people than they started out with. Some die. Journey like this… I expect that’s inevitable, but many more live. So much of it is chance--luck.”

 

“Luck… and knowledge. I was ignorant. I did everything wrong. I had no business taking a woman with child on the trail when I had another option. And you have no idea the mistakes I made. I overloaded the wagon. I kept so many things for so long we had no real need for. If I had dumped them before or not taken them at all, she might have been able to rest in the wagon at the very least.”

 

“We always know the right choices to make in hindsight. I’m sorry, Edward. I’m so sorry.”

 

He tilted his head up and blinked sporadically. She thought he might be fighting tears, but then he laughed.

 

“What?” she asked as he climbed to his feet.

 

He said nothing at first but reached up and pulled down a branch laden with familiar looking berries. “Well. You are already alone out here with me. I may as well teach you a thing or two.” He beckoned her close. “It’s mainly the leaves. See the spike here? The ones I gave you have a rounded leaf.”

 

It took Bella a few seconds to catch up with the change of subject. She gave him a look, and he shook his head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you all that,” he said.

 

“I’m glad you did. I think it helps to talk sometimes.” She put her hand to his arm briefly. “I still don’t think it was your fault.”

 

His thin smile made her think he didn’t believe her, but he didn’t press the issue. “Pay attention,” he said. “Though in this case, I’m not sure how much good it’ll do. From here on out, berries that look like this are poisonous, period. We’re about out of range of the other kind. But there are plenty of plants and berries out there we’ll be coming across shortly.”

  
Bella let her questions turn from Edward’s past to his impromptu lesson. They passed the lunch hour together, and Bella just considered it a helpful twist of fate that everyone was still fussing over Rosalie when they got back. It looked like no one knew they’d even gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So there’s Edward’s whole story.
> 
> Many thanks to jfka06, songster, and Barburella. So much heart all around.
> 
> How we doing out there?


	7. Chimney Rock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So sorry about the delay in this one. It stopped speaking to me for a little while. So here’s a shorter chapter to get us back on track. I think I have a handle on what I’m doing now. Thanks for your patience, and have a happy, non-denominational, wintertime, gift-giving season!

“I was beginning to think we’d never get here.”

 

Edward chuckled and looked at Bella out of the corner of his eye. “I told you it’d be through the end of today. Chimney Rock can be seen from further out than most landmarks on the trail.”’

 

Bella yawned and stretched. “It’s quite pretty.”

 

“Yes,” Edward said, but he wasn’t looking at the rock. Picturesque though it was, the land lost some splendor when it marked only a fraction of their journey. He liked seeing the wonder in her eyes though. Sometimes Edward thought he had seen too much of the violence of the land to appreciate its beauty anymore.

 

Bella glanced at him, her expression contemplative, but before she could speak again, a flurry of activity broke out around them. Bella gave him a sheepish smile when Alice came to lead her away.

 

Everyone had something to do when the wagons circled for the night. Peter and Henry chased each other out onto the prairie, tailing after the other children in search of dry buffalo chips. When wood was scarce, the chips were a valuable source of fuel. They’d burn, thankfully odorless, all night if enough were gathered.

 

Edward helped Carlisle and Alistair get the wagons unpacked for the evening. Tents--the weather could get rainy these Spring days--were arranged around the firepit Jasper and Emmett were building.

 

The women set about figuring dinner. There were a variety of dried vegetables, and the men had brought down a buffalo the day before. Some of the meat was being dried into jerky, but the rest was prime for eating.

 

“Emmett,” Edward called out to the younger man. “You’re a carpenter, right?”

 

“That’s right.”

 

“Good. It’s a good idea to check the wagon and wheels for damage. The countryside is set to get mighty rocky, and a broken part could leave us stranded. I know what I’m looking for, but it’s always a good idea to have an expert’s eye.”

 

“I’ve been keeping an eye out for wear, but it’s a good idea. The wagon nearly got stuck in the mud at our last crossing. We might have jerked something or another out of place.” Emmett set about checking the wagon over carefully then.

 

Before Edward could join him, Carlisle called his name. “I suppose I’m recalling the old tales of tipped over wagons and smashed parts,” he said with a grimace. “There are safer ways, aren’t there, to navigate the steeper hills?”

 

“Sure. Ropes and chains. We might have to anchor the wagon to keep it steady on the steepest hill.”

 

“I’m not sure we have enough rope. I’ve used some of ours to set up traction for the little girl with the broken leg, and I think Jasper might have taken some to keep the cargo tied. Is there a fort coming up soon where I might purchase what supplies we need?”

 

“Robidoux Pass has a trading post. It’s just another day’s walk from here.” Edward paused and looked over his shoulder as casually as he was able. When he didn’t see James about, he continued. “But if you don’t mind me saying so, I reckon we have enough rope to do us fine for the journey. Prices only get higher the closer we get to the west.”

 

“Desperation pays.”

 

“It does at that.”

 

Edward froze when he heard a familiar voice clear his throat. James stepped over to them and patted Edward on the back. Hard. “You’ll have to excuse Edward, Doc. He’s the optimistic sort-- doesn’t believe in being prepared like you and me. Better safe than sorry when it comes to your family, right? Anyhow, he’s right about one thing. The trading post isn’t reliable, though not for the reason Edward would have you believe.” Another harsh back slap before James moved to Carlisle’s side. He took the older man by the shoulder. “There’s another Fort coming up within the week. Better we restock there.”

 

Edward bit the inside of his cheek, trying to keep his cool. It wasn’t anything new. James had a philosophy and a point. Their clients had never been the poorest of people. The reason people like the Cullens and their ilk hired people like James was for their peace of mind. If they could afford it, and it made them feel better, what harm was there in letting them have what they wanted. And so what if James took a little off the top for the crew? It wasn’t so much more than they would have paid on their own.

 

All the other times they’d done this, Edward had told himself it wasn’t his place to question James’s way of doing things. That day, he couldn’t seem to hold his tongue. “If you’re set on it, there’s no harm trying your luck at the trading post first. You’re more like to make a decent trade than to get a fair price at the shop at the Fort.”

 

James flashed a tight smile at Carlisle before he turned his head, masking the nasty glare he gave Edward. “Anyhow,” he said, turning back to Carlisle. “There’s plenty of time to decide what you need. We can talk about it tomorrow when we’re on our way.” He grabbed Edward by the arm, his grip punishing though his voice was as even as ever. “If you’ll excuse us, I need Edward’s attention elsewhere.”

 

Edward kept his irritation in check as James dragged him away. When they were out of sight and hearing of their clients, he wrested his arm out of James’s grip. “Get off me.”

 

“Are you out of your damn mind?” James shoved him. “What do you think you’re doing? You know how this works.”

 

“Yeah, I know how it works.  You get a fee when they need something, but you know damn well they got what supplies they need. We’re in good shape. You got no cause-”

 

“I don’t need no cause ‘cept what the man himself wants. It makes him feel better to have more rope, what’s matter to me or you?”

 

“You said before, I know how this works. I know how this game is played. You buy his rope and talk him into whatever else you can so you can skim even more off the top. You took both those men for more than our usual due in Independence.”

 

“What are you worried about anyhow? The good doctor’s mighty easy with his money. He shelled out seven dollars for each wagon at the last ferry.”

 

“The river was rushing. That was as near to necessity as it gets. As it is, ferrying doesn’t add that much more stability.”

 

James waved a dismissive hand. “We could have gotten ‘em all across.” He jabbed Edward in the chest. “It’s no matter. Bottom line here is you work for me. You got a better way to do it, you go on and do it, but not here. Not with my team, not with my clients. Do we understand each other?”

 

Edward narrowed his eyes. “Yeah.”

 

“I mean it, Masen. This is how we eat. That might not concern you, but the others-”

 

“I said I got it. Carlisle thinks he needs more rope, I’m not gonna try to dissuade him again.”

 

“Good. I’d hate to have to leave you behind. You’re a good hand, but not so good I’d hesitate if you make my job harder.”

**~0~**

“Hey.”

 

Edward looked up to see Bella illuminated in the light of the moon. “What are you doing out here in the dark?”

 

“I could ask you the same question. In fact, that’s what I had in mind to ask.” She sat at his side without asking his leave and handed him a tin plate laden with food. “Didn’t see you at dinner with the others.”

 

Edward sighed and decided he’d save himself the trouble in arguing. She always won. “You sure Carlisle doesn’t mind you giving away his family’s food? Feeding one more mouth can make a huge difference if things get down to it.”

 

“There was meat enough on that buffalo to feed us all for days and then some. Besides, Carlisle has a theory that some of the stomach upsets he’s seen come from keeping meat too long. If he’s right, it’s best we use what we can as soon as we can.”

 

“You have an answer for everything.”

 

She fixed him with a look. “Eat your dinner, Edward. You have to keep your strength up same as the rest of us.”

 

He tipped his hat. “Yes, miss. If it pleases you.” The meat was hearty and tasty, served with a side of limp but seasoned celery. “Speaking of things your guardian disapproves of, I don’t suppose you asked to come out here.”

 

She was silent for a beat before she spoke with a defensive tone. “Carlisle is exhausted. He’s been running himself ragged going between the wagons with all the fevers sprung up the last few days. And he’s about worried himself sick over Rosalie. There’s no reason to bother him for this. We’re not doing anything wrong, after all. He always taught us to look out for our neighbors. That’s all I’m doing here.”

 

“I reckon he won’t see it that way when being neighborly includes sitting out here in the dark alone with me.”

 

“If you want me to leave…”

 

She stood, but Edward reached out and grabbed her wrist without thinking. She fell back down to her knees closer than she had been and slightly off balance. Edward steadied her, and his breath caught as the moonlight lit her finer features. Her brown eyes were wide with surprise, and his heart skipped a beat as he looked on her. He swallowed hard. It took him a few seconds too long to let her go. “I didn’t say I wanted you to leave. Just that there could be talk if we’re always alone together. That’s what Carlisle worries about.”

 

Her expression was sheepish but frustrated as she sat back down at his side. “It all seems silly to me. So what if there’s talk? Can’t we just talk right back? Set everyone straight if they think something’s going on? You and I are only chatting, is all. There’s no harm in that.”

 

He chuckled and put his empty plate to the side. Full of good hot food and warm from her company, he lay back in the tall grass, staring up at the moon. “It doesn’t work that way, but you’re old enough to know it. Stay, if it pleases you. I’m in a rebellious mood tonight anyhow. I suspect I’ll feel differently about it when Carlisle asks James to leave me behind.”

 

“Carlisle wouldn’t. Even at his angriest, he has too much compassion to do something so cruel.”

 

Edward turned his head to regard her. “Since I’m not returning you to him promptly, I suppose I’m depending on that.”

 

She scowled but didn’t comment. Instead, she drew her legs up so she might rest her chin on her knees. “You never did tell me what you were doing sulking alone out here.”

 

“I wasn’t sulking. Well. Perhaps I was.” Edward pursed his lips as he considered the answer to her question. He couldn’t tell her the whole truth, but he found he wanted to talk to her, wanted to share some of his thoughts with her specifically. “I was thinking is all. In the years I’ve been in James’s employ, there are many things I never stopped long to consider. I guess you could say I’m considering them now.” Why now? What had changed, he wondered.

 

“What kinds of things?”

 

“For a long time now, I’ve had to live with the idea of what is and what can’t be changed, only dealt with. There’s an inevitability to nature and the wild land. We might prepare as much as is reasonable, but nature will do as intended. Storms will hit us no matter how hard we try to outrun them.” He gestured out at the open prairie. “The buffalo all around us could decide to stampede.

 

“I suppose I got in the mode of accepting life as is but tonight… Tonight, I’m wondering just how much I should accept.”

 

“Something happened with your boss then?”

 

“You are perceptive, aren’t you.”

 

“It’s the process of elimination, is all. You said yourself it can’t have been something about the trail itself. There are things you can change and things you can’t. We’ve all got no choice but to travel this trail to get where we’re going. It’s people you decide whether or not to follow. I suppose you could be talking about your charges. Perhaps I’m biased, but I can’t imagine Carlisle is a problem for you, and I know Mr. Hale lets him do most of the talking.

 

“That leaves your crew. I hope you’ll pardon my saying so, but it seems to me, the grumbling of men consists mostly of politicians and superiors.”

 

Edward burst out laughing.

 

“I’m sorry,” Bella said. “That was out of turn.”

 

“Perhaps by conventional society’s terms, but don’t apologize.” He chuckled again. “Even out here, people rarely speak their minds. I welcome it, and you aren’t wrong. Yes, it’s James I’m grumbling about, but don’t worry your head none. It’s not the kind of problem that concerns the safety of you and yours.”

 

“I know that. I hardly think you would willingly endanger anyone, even if the president himself told you to.”

 

Edward stared for a heartbeat longer than was polite. How had he won the admiration of this girl? She did, too--admire him, that was. He could see it in the steady way she looked at him, with such trust. He wondered then just how true Carlisle’s words from some nights before rang. Could it be Bella looked at him with more than admiration? Would he even be able to tell? He knew what flirtation looked like when it was a simpering, lilting, empty-headed girl batting her eyelashes at him. He couldn’t imagine Bella acting as such.

 

More to fill the space in his head with anything besides those thoughts, Edward began talking about the stars. He told her a few tales he’d learned along the way about what the Ancient Greeks supposed the stars were, and he taught her how to find her bearings by the North Star. It was better, he thought, to be out here in the darkness if there was something to talk about, something Bella gained by being alone with him. He enjoyed her company more than he’d enjoyed anyone’s company in years. More than he had ever enjoyed Maggie’s company even.

 

Maggie had been attentive but not nearly as whip-smart as Bella was. He thought she had enjoyed hearing him speak, enjoyed the idea there was so much to know outside her little life, but she hadn’t cared much to learn it. Bella, on the other hand, was always full of questions. She cottoned on to ideas quickly and pushed for more knowledge when she didn’t fully understand.

 

It wasn’t a fair comparison, and Edward told himself later he only made it because Maggie was the last person, the last woman, who’d paid him such mind. It was only natural Bella caught his attention. She was the same age as Maggie, and alone, though not as alone as Maggie had been. She was sweet and pretty and every urge Edward had was to protect her. If any of the other of his charges fell on the trail, Edward would feel responsibility, but if Bella was harmed…

 

He wouldn’t think of it. He couldn’t.

 

The hour grew later, and Edward’s sense of duty came back to him. He climbed to his feet and offered his arm. It had been so long since he’d had to think of the rules of decorum, but he knew how to treat a lady. “Come, Miss Swan. It’s late, and it’s been a very long day.”

 

“With another one promised tomorrow,” she said as she threaded her arm through his.

 

“And the next one and the next.” Edward stooped to retrieve the tin plate that had held his dinner. They walked arm in arm in silence until they got near enough to the wagons that Edward had to drop his hands back to his sides. He gestured that she should go into camp first, and he watched her as she returned to her family’s side. When she was safe in the warm glow of the fire, he turned to his tent and his crew.

 

For the first time in a long time, since Maggie’s death, he wondered what it would be like for the thing he looked after, the person, the people, to be truly his. The foolish boy he’d been hadn’t deserved a family to care for. Would the more knowledgeable man he’d become be able to keep his own family alive?

 

Edward watched across the way as Carlisle moved among his brood. He kissed his wife’s cheek when she came from her lessons with the children. He caressed Bella’s hair as he passed her washing the dishes from dinner. He handed Rosalie a mug of something doubtlessly intended to manage the more uncomfortable aspects of her pregnancy. He waved Emmett over and spoke to him, their heads tilted together.

 

Would Edward’s father have been able to advise him how to be a better husband, Edward wondered. If his family had lived, would his wife had lived?

 

For the first time, Edward wondered what it would be like to be in Carlisle’s shoes instead of his own.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to jfka06, barburella, and songster.
> 
> A bit more excitement to come. Thanks so much for waiting.


	8. Outbreak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Historical FYI. Water kegs are smallish. They’re maybe about the size of big cooking pots (not the cauldron type pots, the bigger pots you put on your stove).

The nights Carlisle was gone, Bella found it difficult to sleep. There was a time when she, with foolish, little girl naivete, thought no harm could come to them--her family and her extended family--because Carlisle was the best doctor in the world. But then he hadn’t been able to save her mother. She didn’t blame him, of course, but her innocence was gone.

 

Two months on the trail, Bella knew full well the fragility of human life.

 

The fire had long burned to embers outside when she heard the crunch of earth beneath booted feet. She held her breath when the footsteps drew nearer and let it out in relief when the canvas flap to their tent came open. She heard a rustle as Esme sat up and Carlisle crawled in.

 

“Finally. I was beginning to think you would never return,” Esme said. “Oh, my love. You’re exhausted.”

 

“It was a long night.”

 

“You only set out to check on the babe you delivered yesterday. Has something happened?”

 

“Baby Katie is fine.”

 

When Carlisle didn’t elaborate, Esme spoke again, her voice stern. “Carlisle. I know that face. There’s something you don’t wish to tell me.”

 

He sighed. “Robert Banner died just now.”

 

Bella bit her lip to keep from gasping. Carlisle and Esme were whispering in an effort not to wake her, and she had no desire to let on she was awake. At times, her foster parents tended to forget she was a woman grown now and still treated her as a child.

 

“That’s terrible,” Esme said. “I’m sure you did what you could.”

 

“Out here, there’s not much I could do. It’s cholera, Mae.”

 

Luckily for Bella, Esme’s gasp covered her own. Bella bit down on her knuckle, trying to stifle the innate fear that word brought. Cholera was the disease that had near about claimed her father’s life. After she read about it in his letters, Bella had scoured Carlisle’s libraries for information about the disease. There was some talk as to treatment, but generally speaking, the disease killed quickly.

 

“It’s no wonder, what with us having to set up camp alongside the filth of those who came before. I’m telling the council to spread the word. Clean drinking water helps. We shouldn’t be cleaning, cooking, or drinking with water that hasn’t been boiled. Best we try to keep the children, the elderly, and the pregnant women away from those infected.”

 

“And what about you?”

 

“I’ll be fine.”

 

“Carlisle-”

 

“You know I have to do what I can.”

 

“I know.” There was the soft sound of their tender kiss. “Promise me you’ll take care of yourself. The days are exhausting for all of us, but you spend your nights tiring yourself out further. You need your rest and your strength.”

 

“Yes, love.”

**~0~**

Bella near about jumped out of her skin when Edward broke her reverie by sitting down beside her. She hadn’t heard him approach, staring as she was out over the water.

 

“Hello, stranger.” He grinned wide in a way that made her want to duck and blush.

 

“Stranger?” She scoffed and set about her task, drawing more water into one of the five kegs they carried. James had advised purchasing the kegs because they might hit dry patches or areas where the water was alkaline. Clean water to feed the oxen and themselves could, as with everything, be the difference between life and death.

 

Of course, since the outbreak of cholera, all the water had to be boiled and cooled before being replaced in the kegs.Carlisle had read something about boiled water. None of it made a bit of sense to Bella, but she always took him at his word. It didn’t hurt, certainly, but  it was a time consuming process given they only had two large pots between them. It was a time consuming process.

 

“Well, it seems so. It’s been going on four days now, you haven’t asked me a single question. You haven’t sought me out at nooning time, nor come by to bring me dinner.” He looked up from under his eyelashes, his hands busy with his pack and a fishing pole. “It’s got me wondering if I maybe made you angry again.”

 

Bella frowned. She sat back on a rock and began to untie her boots. “I thought you’d be relieved. You’re always telling me I should stay away from you. I did, and now look at you.”

 

He looked down and began to unwind his line. “I don’t want you to stay away from me. I enjoy your company, Bella. I’ve told you before. Just-”

 

“I know. You’re concerned about what people will think.”

 

“I’m concerned for you. You know this, don’t you?”

 

“I understand.” Bella had gotten her boots off by then. She hesitated a moment, but peeled off her underskirts.

 

“Bella. What are you doing?”

 

The note of panic in his voice made Bella want to laugh. She bit her lip to keep her giggle at bay. “The water at the banks here is muddy. I’m going to wade a ways to fill the kegs.”

 

“Ah. That makes sense. You should let me, though. You’ll be wet the rest of the day.”

 

Bella scoffed. “And likely better off for it. The days are so hot of late.”

 

“Your skirts will be heavy.”

 

“It’s Sunday. We’re not walking today.” In late May, they had begun to rest a full day every Sunday. It kept animals and humans alike from getting over-exhausted. “Besides, I have four more kegs to fill this afternoon. If you wish, you can help me with the others. Many hands make light work.

 

“If it pleases you.”

 

Bella hiked up her skirt to wade into the water. Her face burned, and she wondered if she was being brazen. She reasoned to herself that there was a difference between untoward behavior and necessity. It was hardly her fault Edward followed her out here. It wasn’t as though she was trying to show off a little leg.

 

When she had waded out to where the water was clearer, Bella chanced a glance back at Edward. She thought she saw him staring, but he looked down quickly, resuming his task of unwinding the line in his hand. If anything, her cheeks grew hotter. She cleared her throat and stumbled for a topic of discussion to break the thick atmosphere between them.

 

“What river is this?”

 

“What?”

 

“The river.” She gestured around her. “I swear I didn’t know there were so many rivers in this country.”

 

He chuckled. “This is the North Platte River. This river is a tributary of the Platte River, but it’s over seven hundred miles long when the Platte River is over three hundred. Don’t you find that strange? The smaller river is the main river.”

 

“A tributary isn’t defined because it's the bigger river,” Bella said as she began to wade back. She kept her eyes trained on the water, careful of where she stepped. “It’s an offshoot that flows into the main body of water, a river or a lake. The main stem river flows to an ocean or sea. The stem may be a few feet long, but as long as it flows to the sea, it will be the main stem.”

 

When she was met by silence, Bella looked up. She found Edward staring at her, his face blank. She remembered how often Rosalie and Alice had tried to teach her the fine art of catching a husband. “You’re smart as a whip, Bella, but a man doesn’t like to think you’re smarter than him.”

 

Not that she was looking to catch a husband at all, let alone Edward. “I’m sorry. I know I speak out of turn, and I-”

 

“Bella.” His laugh was soft as his smile. “It’s not speaking out of turn to be an educated woman.” He got to his feet. “You catch me by surprise, is all.”

 

He reached out then to take the keg from her. It was a heavy thing, but he shifted it to one arm and held his other out to steady her as she climbed onto the shore. She leaned on him for perhaps a beat longer than she should have, struck by his eyes and the way way the sunlight glinted off the green.

 

“Well.” He set the keg down. “Are you in a rush to get back to camp?”

 

“No. I don’t suppose I am. Just boiling and walking back here to do.”

 

He hummed. The way his eyes drifted over her face, lingering on her lips, made Bella catch her breath in anticipation. Of what, she couldn’t say, but the moment seemed pregnant with chance.

 

Edward huffed out a breath and stepped back from her. He cleared his throat and nodded down at his feet. “You want to learn how to fish?”

 

She raised an eyebrow, debating with herself. She supposed she could feign ignorance for the sake of his pride. That would be what Alice and Rosalie would do. She crouched down and took the pole in her hands. She strung the untangled line along the rod and fastened the hook. “Do you prefer worms or is there some plant that makes better bait?”

 

Edward stared at her, blinked once, and bent over laughing, his hands on his knees. Bella grinned, pleased at the sound. “I am my father’s only child. He enjoyed fishing.”

 

“I recall.” He waved a hand out. “It seems as though it’s your day to be the teacher. By all means. You might be the more experienced angler, after all.”

 

He helped her find a worm and sat beside her after she’d casted her line. They sat in companionable silence for a time. It was peaceful. She cast sideways glances at Edward, taking in his profile. He had quite a beard going, the same bronze shade as his hair.

 

Was it strange to want to run her fingers through the coarse curls?

 

He turned his head, catching her stare, but rather than look away, Bella was frozen. His eyes darted again down to her lips.

 

Bella’s attention was drawn as her line tugged. They both looked to the water, but no sooner did Bella’s slow thoughts catch up--there was a fish on her line--than the pole jerked again. She had to grasp the thing with both hands to keep it from flying off.

 

“Gracious,” she muttered as she tried to reel the fish in to no avail. She could see the commotion it made in the water, and she pulled back, digging the heels of her bare feet into the dirt.

 

Before she knew what was happening, Edward had wrapped an arm around her, holding her hand steady on the pole while he took the line in his other hand. “Whoa now. Easy. You gotta bring him in nice and slow-like, lest he break your line. Easy does it.”

  
She might have reminded him she knew exactly what to do with a stubborn fish, but the rumble of his voice so near her ear had her muddled. When she pulled back, she found herself nestled against his chest. Together they brought the fish up onto shore.

 

“Woo, girl. Look at that.” When he turned his head, his grizzly chin nuzzled her cheek. The scratch of his whiskers sent chills down her spine. “That there is what you call a whopper. You can feed the whole train with this here fish.”

 

Without thinking, Bella turned her head to look at him, fully intending to tell him he maybe exaggerated just a little, only to find her lips against his. Startled, she stilled, her mind blank. His eyes were wide, his breath hot against her skin. For one, two, three seconds that stretched into eons, neither of them moved.

 

Then Edward groaned. His eyes closed, and he brought one hand up to the back of her head. He kissed her, a proper kiss, and nothing Bella had read about, nothing she had heard from Rosalie and Alice, could have prepared her for it. It was so much more than the soft way his lips moved on hers. It was a thrill that went through her blood, barely keeping time with the quickened beat of her heart. It was a warm thing, a heat that spread from her chest to the top of her head and the soles of her feet.

 

It lasted a handful of seconds before Edward pulled back. Her eyelids fluttered open feeling heavy to her as though with sleep. Indeed that was the state of her mind: the dreamy haze as when one woke up to a mid-morning sun shining warm on their bed. There was a dark quality to his irises then. Not a badness, but something that spoke of want. He looked uncertain, as though he might apologize, but then he tilted his head and kissed her again.

 

This time she pressed back. It was more natural than she would have thought. It was as though her lips were meant to kiss his, to fit with his, to move with his. Many more seconds passed before they parted, both breathless.

 

It might have seemed ridiculous. She could scarcely remember how she ended up in his arms except that she was still holding on to the rod with both hands. The fish flopped pathetically at their feet.

 

He licked his lips and took a deep breath. “Bella, I-”

 

Anything he might have said was cut off by the sounds of little voices yelling. Bella and Edward skittered apart from each other, each climbing to their feet as they turned to the forest behind them. For a moment it was all but impossible to tell what the yells were about, but then Bella heard it.

 

Her name. Cried out by two very frightened little boys. “Peter? Henry?” she called.

 

They came into view scant seconds later. Something was wrong. She could read it in their faces and hear it in their voices. “What’s happened?”

 

“Esme said you gotta bring the water quick,” Peter said.

 

“It’s Carlisle,” Henry said, his small face the picture of concern. “He took sick something awful.”

 

Bella’s stomach twisted. “Oh no.” She grabbed up the keg and started to run as fast as she could.

 

“Here.” Edward had caught up to her easily enough. He had her shoes in his hand. “Hold tight to the keg,” he said only a second before he swept her up in his arms, keg and all.

 

Under normal circumstances, Bella would have protested being carried about like a babe. As it was, she hadn’t the time to put her boots back on, and she trusted Edward to get her back to camp quicker than she could hobble across the forest floor. She held on tight to the keg, glad that camp was only a short distance away.

 

Edward set her down when they got to the grassy clearing. He took the keg from her and ran with her to their wagon.

 

Bella gasped when she came around the corner to find her foster family and a scattering of others gathered around a huddled form. It was Carlisle, of course, and he was in a right state. Though he was a statuesque man, he looked small, curled in on his side as he was in the middle of all the family’s bedding. His face was bone pale and his arms curled around his middle as he panted in obvious, terrible pain. Bella imagined his lip was split because he’d bitten down on it to keep from crying out. It seemed like the thing Carlisle would do.

 

Before Bella could go to him, Emmett caught her round the waist. He dragged her back even as she protested.

 

“Come on now, little sister.” Though Emmett was usually boisterous and cheerful, his eyes were heavy with worry now, and his voice gentle. “You can’t get close.”

 

Edward had brought the water over. Esme looked up and handed him a dipper. “No time to disinfect it, and no point,” Bella heard her say. “He throws up water faster than I can get it in him.”

 

Emmett had dragged Bella out of earshot, where Rosalie and Alice were sequestered. Bella stopped struggling. “Is it cholera?” she asked though she already knew.

 

He jerked his head in a nod. “Hit him out of nowhere. One minute he was sitting up talking, next he was, well…” He gestured helplessly in his father’s direction. “Jasper’s gone to fetch Doc Snow.” He shook his head. “I gotta help Mom. Stay here, Bella. The less people around to catch it, the better.”

 

Bella let Alice and Rosalie tug her back and together they sat on the ground, their arms around each other, rocking quietly.

 

For some reason, though he had no more medical know-how than she did, it made Bella feel better that Edward stayed by Carlisle’s side.

**~0~**

It had long been night before Edward came away from the Cullen’s camp. There was so little he could do, but he had done what he could. He fetched and carried water. He dug through Carlisle’s medicines, trying to find the laudanum. He comforted Esme best he could when she told him Carlisle had used the last of his store the day before to ease a dying woman’s pain.

 

He had never felt so helpless in his life.

 

“Edward?”

 

Bella’s soft, shaky voice had his heart twisting. He turned to look at her, and in the light of the fire he could see the worry on her face. She looked even younger than her years when she made that face.

 

Could it have only been that morning that he’d found himself kissing her by the river?

 

She swallowed. “Is he…?”

 

“No,” he said quickly. “I think the worst of it is over.”

 

“You think he’ll live?”

 

“Hasn’t Emmett or Jasper talked with you.”

 

“I know what they said. I want to hear you say it.”

 

Again, Edward was struck by the trust she put in him. He reached out to touch her shoulder--an innocent, comforting touch--and wished he could pull her into his arms. He hated to see her face so drawn. “Cholera kills very quickly. He’s made it through the day. He will make it through the night, and he will recover.” He squeezed her shoulder. “He is a strong man with much to live for, Bella. He’ll survive. You’ll see. A few days from now, it will be as though he’d never been ill.”

 

“My father is strong, but the disease made him sickly. Weak.”

 

Edward grimaced. He let his hand slip around to her back. “Your father had a string of bad luck. Wasn’t the cholera hit him first. He’d been through diphtheria already when he caught cholera. It was too much for his system. But still, he was strong enough to survive that, and Carlisle will pull through as well.”

 

“It’s terrible what that disease did to him.” Bella wrapped her arms around her shoulders.

 

“I know, little sweetheart. I’m sorry you had to see it.”

 

She eyed him. “You really think he’ll be fine.”

 

“Wouldn’t say it if I didn’t believe it.” How badly he wanted to cup her cheek. There was an ache in him he couldn’t let himself acknowledge. He didn’t know how to feel about their kiss. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Out here on the trail, it wasn’t as though he could steer clear of her.

 

It scared him how much he found the idea abhorrent anyhow.

 

Edward sighed and rubbed her back once more before he let his hand drop to his side. “Sleep, Bella. There’s no telling what tomorrow might bring.”

 

“Can’t sleep. Can you?”

 

Reflecting, Edward found he was disturbed to his core with worry about the Cullen patriarch. He sighed and shook his head.

 

“May I stay up a while with you?” Bella asked, nodding toward the fire at the center of the circled wagons.

 

He knew he should say no. He knew it, but she was frightened. It was the least he could do. “If you wish. Yes.”

  
They stayed the night by the fire, talking of herbs of the region, until Bella fell asleep with her head on his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There.
> 
> Much love to songster and barburella. And much love to all of you! How are we doing, everyone?


	9. Foolish Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: We are so very concerned with the fish!
> 
> Alas, the Cullens and crew were too distraught to think about fish. It made for a tasty meal for a bear that was killed by one of the other wagons. Thankfully, they were able to carry all the meat back to their camp because The Oregon Trail game isn’t always very accurate and if something is too heavy, you get another member of your party to help you haul it’s ass back.
> 
> Ahem.

Edward watched the embers of the fire get low before he thought about moving. Bella’s weight against his side, her breath hot on his neck, was reassuring somehow. Comforting.

 

What Edward had simultaneously loved and loathed about night was that anything was possible. The darkness indulged fantasies of all types from nightmares to more mundane dreams. There in the quiet, he could pretend this was his, that the soft snores in his ear were an everyday occurrence, that when he carried her to bed, he would curl up beside her.

 

As though he had a right to even imagine it.

 

Edward sighed. He turned his body and let Bella slip into the crook of his arm. She whimpered and tangled her hands in his jacket. “Hush,” he said near her ear as he hooked his other arm under her legs. “Sleep, Bella. I’ve got you.”

 

She moaned again, the sound almost but not quite a word, before she nestled her head against his shoulder. Her body slackened again, her breaths evening out in sleep. When he was sure he had a firm grip, Edward stood. He carried Bella back to the Hale’s camp where the girls were sleeping without their husbands for the night.

 

Alice had wanted to stay up with her mother and brother but had been kept away by her husband. Jasper had agreed to stay with Esme and Emmett in her stead if only she would agree to keep well away from the sickbed. Edward had seen enough young, strong men fall to cholera that he didn’t understand why Jasper and Emmett thought they were impervious to the disease, but it was not his place to argue. He’d only been relieved they kept Bella well away.

 

Rosalie and Alice were curled up together, Bella’s bedroll empty beside them. Alice stirred when Edward neared. “Just bringing Bella back,” he whispered so she wouldn’t feel threatened. It wasn’t exactly appropriate for him to be near the sleeping women, but Alistair Hale was near enough if the younger women needed him. And Edward had seen Jasper going back and forth between the Hales’ camp and the Cullens’.

 

Alice blinked at him and moved to pull back Bella’s blanket so he could lay her down. Bella gave a little whine of protest, and Edward had to work her fingers loose of his jacket. He wanted to smooth the hair away from her eyes, but Alice was watching. He had to remind himself again he had no right to touch her.

 

“We’re staying another day at least to give Papa time to recover. Did you hear?” Alice whispered.

 

“I did. It’s a good thing. We made good time to this point. We can afford to rest up a few days.”

 

Alice scooted close to Bella, running her fingers through her friend’s hair as she slept. “He’ll recover.”

 

“You’re right about that. He’ll be just fine.” He offered the young woman a smile and a nod before he backed off.

 

No sooner than he’d got out of sight of their camp than he found himself face to face with a figure outlined by the moonlight. Edward froze, assessing the threat. When he realized it was James, he relaxed minutely but had to swallow a groan. He started walking again only to have James fall in step beside him.

 

“Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?” James asked.

 

“You’re going to have to be more specific.”

 

James grabbed his arm and hauled him to a stop. “Don’t play cute with me. I saw you with the Swan girl.”

 

“Ah, James, come off it. She needed a shoulder to cry on, is all. She’s a young girl, and that man is like a daddy to her. She was scared, and we talked. That’s all.”

 

“Do I look like a fool to you?” James shoved him. “I saw you with her by the river.”

 

Edward’s heart began to pound and his stomach twisted. “That was nothing,” he said. The words made him feel sick. It wasn’t nothing, but James wouldn’t understand that anyhow. “It was-”

 

“I don’t need none of your excuses. You’re gonna muck this whole business up ‘cause you can’t keep your prick in your pants.”

 

“Sake’s alive. My prick ain’t going nowhere you have to be concerned about. I told you. It was nothing. It was an accident.” He rolled his shoulders. “Don’t worry. I’m sure she’s forgotten all about it seeing how worried she is about Carlisle. Even if I wanted to do something stupid--which I don’t--she’s not going to do anything to upset him.”

 

James laughed. “Sometimes I forget how naive you can be about women-folk. Little girls like that are empty headed. She’s only got that little window before she’s an old maid. She’s set her sights on you; she’s not going to care if that man has one foot in the grave.”

 

Edward stared, incredulous. He wanted to laugh. It would be a horse’s ass like James Hunter would think a sweet girl like Bella could be plotting that way. “I’ll keep an eye out.”

 

James didn’t move to let him by. “Or is it the other way around?”

 

“What are you on about now?”

 

“I’ve always liked you, Edward. You shut up and do what you’re told. You don’t give me any problems. But this time around, you’ve been a pain in my ass. Is this what’s wrong with you? You got it in your head you want to play family man again?  Well, all that’s fine, but don’t take it out on me. Or hell, you can’t keep it together for me, you do it for the others. Victor and Laurent don’t deserve you messing it up for all of us.”

 

“Christ. There’s no plot, James.”

 

James stared at him another few seconds before he grunted. “Maybe it’d be better if you stuck to leading the oxen team of the Hale’s wagon.”

 

Edward grimaced. “Whatever you want, James.”

 

The other man huffed again. “Next time you go to the whore house like the rest of us. Telling you, a man has his needs. You don’t get your whistle wet, you get to acting all kinds of crazy.”

 

Edward rolled his eyes. “Whatever you want, James,” he said. He walked away from his boss.

**~0~**

It would be two full days before Bella and the other girls would be allowed near enough to see Carlisle. He sent his love and his own assurances he would live. They all breathed easier.

 

The girls had been tasked with washing clothes. It wasn’t a luxury they could indulge in frequently, given they didn’t have a large enough pot for warm water, and they rarely stopped long enough to let their clothes dry. It would have been impossible to keep clothes hanging as they walked seeing as the wagons kicked up dust something fierce. Outside of Fort Laramie, some members of the wagon train had peeled off to visit a spring. It was a twelve mile detour -- around two days lost--but many emigrants stopped there to wash as it was a naturally hot spring. But James had dissuaded Carlisle and Alistair from making that trip.

 

Since they were all laid up, giving Carlisle enough time to get over the worst of his weakened state, the doctor had thought it was a good time to wash. It was another of his theories that cleanliness might help stop the spread of disease.

 

That first day, Bella set out into the forest to gather the root from a bush Edward had told  her made a decent soap. This way, they could keep what stores they had for dishes and what day-to-day cleanliness they could.

 

Alice came with her and seemed dubious as she helped Bella get to the roots of the bushes she indicated. “This is supposed to clean our clothes?”

 

Bella grinned. “Where do you suppose our soap comes from? Not these bushes, perhaps, but everything comes from nature.”

 

“How do you know these things, Bella?”

 

“What did you think I was doing with Edward all this time?”

 

Alice waggled her eyebrows. “Oh, I had a thought or two. I will say I’m not sure they involved discussing plants.”

 

Bella flushed hot and and concentrated on moving her knife over the root, peeling back the bark as Edward had taught her. “That’s about all we discuss.”

 

“Mmhmm. I see that look, Isabella Swan. Even the tips of your ears are pink.”

 

“The sun.”

 

“Don’t give me that.” Alice knocked the roots from her and grabbed her hands. “I thought at first Papa was being too cautious, but when he brought you back to the fire last night…”

 

“Alice.” Bella groaned and would have hidden her face in her hands if her friend hadn’t been holding them. “I told you. I couldn’t sleep, and he was kind enough to indulge me in conversation. I wish I hadn’t fallen asleep, then he wouldn’t have had to carry me back to you like a child.”

 

“You spend more time with him than you do any of us.”

 

“It’s circumstance, is all. You’re newly married. Rose is married. Edward indulges all my questions.”

 

“Goes to show he has a reason to indulge. Did you think about that? Would James, Victor, or Laurent answer your questions?”

 

Bella shuddered. “I wouldn’t think to ask any of them. I prefer when they don’t seem aware I exist, truth be told.”

 

“Can’t say I blame you there.” Alice giggled.“ Tell me true, Bella. I can keep a secret. Have you taken a shine to Edward? Who could blame you if you did. He’s quite handsome, even with that beard of his.”

 

Bella’s eyelids fluttered as a visceral memory hit her full force. She raised her hand to her cheek, remembering the scratch of Edward’s beard as they kissed. She would not have thought the stiff hair against her skin would be a pleasurable sensation, but in remembering, she ached for it. How silly that it should feel like a need to have his breath hot on hers again, his lips moving, his hands in her hair. How clearly she could see the darkness in his eyes. Could it really have been desire? For her? Why? She had so many questions.

 

“Bella!”

 

Bell started and looked to her friend, blinking in surprise. Alice giggled. “You’re blushing again,” she said.

 

“I’m not either.” Bella rubbed the back of her neck self-consciously.

 

“You are. Has something happened between you and Edward? You can tell me.”

 

“I should hope nothing has happened between them.”

 

Both women looked up to see Rosalie making her way toward them. She fixed her eyes on Bella as she sunk down to her knees beside them. “Tell me there’s no truth here. Nothing is going on between you and that man.”

 

“Oh, Rose,” Alice said. “So she has a little fancy. What of it? It’s normal.”

 

“Don’t encourage her, Alice. This is not a good idea.”

 

“Oh, pish posh. It’s a romantic idea. Lonely man alone out on the trails.” Alice put her arm around Bella. “The young, pretty girl who stole his heart.”

 

Bella wanted to tell Alice to stop, that the idea was ridiculous, but she couldn’t speak around the hope that welled up in her.

 

“It could not be a more foolish idea,” Rosalie said. She was still looking steadily at Bella who could not chance more than a glance at her. “You must see beyond his pretty face, Bella. You must be practical. How would he provide for  you. This is his trade.” She gestured around them at the woods. “What would your life be like? He would be home for what? Perhaps the worst three months of winter, and then he would leave you for most the year, likely with a baby in your belly.”

 

“For goodness sakes. Leave her be, Rosalie.” Alice stroked Bella’s back in a comforting way. “You don’t listen to her, Bella. She’s just bitter she’s not still young and free like you.”

Rosalie put her hand to her bulging middle. “Quite the contrary. Where would I be without my doting husband? He who has been my steady support even when we couldn’t tell the rest of you about our baby. It was a decision we made together to make this journey, that our lives would be better served by this move. Tell me, what do you know of this man that you would let him make such decisions for you? Do you trust him that well?”

 

“My God, Rosalie.” Bella stood and shoved the roots she’d gathered in her apron pockets. “Perhaps I’d noticed how handsome he is, but that’s the end of it. I’m not looking to catch myself a husband.”

 

“Not looking is exactly how some girls end up stuck with useless men or worse.”

 

“Pah.” Alice climbed to her feet. “We were having a little fun is all. Bella is a smart girl. She knows what she’s doing.”

 

Bella didn’t argue, but privately, she thought Alice was as foolish as she was. Bella had very little idea what she was doing, and more than that, she wasn’t at all sure what she wanted.

**~0~**

Try as he might, and the last three days, he’d tried mightily, Edward could not keep his eyes from straying to Bella. He didn’t try to approach her, didn’t follow her when she ventured into the woods that surrounded their camp. In fact, he tried his best to ignore her presence altogether, though he was desperate to know why she seemed to be doing the same.

 

Did she regret that day? Did she wish she had stopped him? Or, God above, had he taken advantage of her? He knew damn well she hadn’t meant to kiss him. It was his own fault they’d been cheek to cheek, pressed together. She’d had a good hold on that fish. She hadn’t needed his help, but he’d slipped his arm around her anyway and then…

 

Well.

 

He was having a hell of a time writing it all off as happenstance. A beautiful girl put her lips to his, even if it was accidental. He was only a man. How could he help but taste her lips, and when she didn’t pull away, when she looked on him with hooded eyes, how could he have resisted going back for a second taste? And a third. And a fourth.

 

Intoxicating. Even remembering the sweetness of her kisses made his thoughts heady, as though he’d swallowed down a cup of wine in one gulp. No, that kiss hadn’t been chance. It hadn’t been chance that he’d taken her in his arms. He’d only needed an excuse to present itself and now that it had, he wanted another reason. Or to hell with excuses. He wanted to take her hand and lead her away from the prying eyes of his crew, her family, so he could kiss her again without pretense.

 

He couldn’t get the idea out of his head. More than just kissing her, Bella had taken the place of the nameless, faceless woman in his idle fantasies. He imagined they had their own camp where they might talk as they did sometimes during the day. He imagined her feisty grin when she challenged him.

 

There were so many reasons he didn’t have the right to think of such things, and yet, he could not seem to stop.

 

On the morning of the fourth day after Carlisle fell ill, the whole party rose with the dawn. It would be back on the trail that day. Though James had grumbled at the delay, it was a good idea for the whole party in the long run. It allowed time for fishing and hunting. Clothing was washed. Some of the mending that had gone undone because everyone was so exhausted by day’s end got done. Emmett had time to make some small repairs to the wagons.

 

Edward watched from across the clearing as Bella helped stow away the last of the pots from that morning’s breakfast. He watched her and thought about how it was only rational that they talk about what had happened. After all, there were still months ahead of them on the trail, and they couldn’t very well avoid each other. That was a good enough reason to figure how to get her alone, was it not?

 

Talk. They did need to talk. It had been his turn to walk with the party. Surely he could find a way to let her know they needed to speak privately. If he-

 

“Edward.”

 

Edward turned to find James looking at him. No. James was not merely looking. His glare was sharp. His eyes flicked over to Bella and back again. “You’re with the Hale’s oxen team today,” he said. “Likely tomorrow, too.”

 

“James, you can’t be serious-”

 

“You have a problem with that order?”

 

Edward swallowed hard. “No. There’s no problem.”

 

“That’s what I thought. Anyhow, you best get going quick. I want the wagons ready to go in the next ten minutes, you hear?”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, fine.”

 

Edward stormed across the clearing toward the Hale’s wagon, his teeth gritted and his hands in fists at his side. It shouldn’t bother him. It shouldn’t bother him at all. It was his job to follow James’s command, and that was that. He’d always been at peace with it.

 

He lifted his head as though he’d heard his name called, and his eyes met Bella’s. She was still a ways away, her hands occupied though her gaze was on him. She smiled. It was a sweet smile, small and beguilingly shy. Edward couldn’t help but smile back. He slowed his gait and hesitated, wishing like hell he could go to her, but he couldn’t.

 

No doubt about it, this pretty little girl had come out of nowhere and upended his world. Not much about his life sat well with him just then, not the least of which was the fact all he could do was tip his hat as he passed her by.

 

It wasn’t nearly enough. Taking a chance, he brushed his fingers over his lips in a subtle gesture and met her eyes again, hoping she would understand. He hadn’t forgotten their kiss, not by a long shot.

 

The way her cheeks flamed red could be seen even from the distance they were at, and Edward’s smile grew wider. He watched as she ducked her head and similarly pressed her fingertips to her lips.

  
The sweetness of her smile as she kissed him back kept him buoyed the rest of the long, tiring day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Wagons ho!
> 
> Many thanks to barburella, songster, and jessypt for all their consistent love and support.
> 
> We’re headed into the Rockies now, folks. Let’s see how our travelers fare.


	10. Consequence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ready, weary travelers? Let’s go!

“Mercy, but the sun is hot.”

 

Bella looked over at Rosalie, watching with concern as the older woman raised her apron up over her face to scrub away the sweat that had gathered at her brow. Bella frowned. It was the end of June. The hottest months were not yet upon them. Already, Rosalie looked ponderously uncomfortable with her big belly. Carlisle said she had another month yet to go.

 

It was early summer, so the weather should not have been so hot. Unfortunately for the wayward emigrants, days that week had been cloudless, and the actual trail didn’t have much in the way of shelter from the sun. They were surrounded by trees and overhanging rocks, but they would have had to stop to rest under one.

 

“Here.” Alice came up beside Rosalie and offered her canteen.

 

“Alice, you need to drink as much as I do.”

 

“No I don’t, and you know it. Go on. Drink up. Anyway, I can run down to the river and run back up to the trail before we get too far. You, on the other hand, can hardly keep up with us as it is.”

 

Rosalie made a face at Alice and slapped her kerchief at her. The other woman giggled and ducked behind Bella. “Don’t exert yourself now, Rosalie. It’s a long day ahead.”

 

Bella laughed, but her attention was soon drawn away. The wagon train was headed around a bend. As a result, she could see the front of the Hale’s wagon from where she walked. From her vantage point, she could see Edward with the oxen. It was, she thought, absurd that her stomach fluttered at the mere sight of him. Her heart gave a pang, as though it had been months and not days since their clandestine kisses.

 

“Miss Isabella Swan, I know your daddy taught you about staring.” Bella jumped when Alice whispered in her ear.

 

“Well, ain’t that sweet.”

 

Both Alice and Bella looked over to find Victor had come up beside them. Alice put her arm around Bella, pulling her closer. Of all the guides, Victor made them most uncomfortable. Laurent was harmless enough. James made Bella’s skin crawl, but his superior attitude kept him from mingling too much with the “little ladies.” Victor, on the other hand, seemed to delight in making them cringe.

 

He chuckled, looking purposefully back and forth between the women and Edward. The way his eyes traveled up and down Bella’s body made her feel awful. Though it was dreadfully hot, she wished she had brought her shawl to wrap around herself, for what little good it would do.

 

“You know, until you came along, little philly, me and the rest of the boys were betting Edward might have been a dandy. Turns out he just likes pretty young hellions.” Victor clucked, looking her up and down again. “Hell if you aren’t trouble waiting to happen.”

 

“Oh, you leave her be,” Alice said. “You got no right talking to either of us like that.”

 

Victor cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, look at you. Quite the fiery lass, aren’t you. Don’t go playing innocent with me. You being a married woman and this one-” he nodded at Bella, “seems to be no stranger to her wiles.”

 

“Victor!”

 

All three turned around to see Carlisle coming toward them. He was still worn from his ordeal. He was too thin, and his hair and beard were more scraggled than Bella had ever imagined. Still, the look in his eyes was fierce and protective as ever. “You come away from them. What you think you’re doing, I don’t know, but you will not speak to these young women if you cannot keep a civil tongue.”

 

“I didn’t mean nothing by it, sir.”

 

“Just the same, I’ll be speaking to James about this. Perhaps it’s best you work one of the other jobs for a time.”

 

Victor scoffed. “My but these ladies are trouble, aren’t they? Especially this one.” He nodded his head in Bella’s direction. “You keep it up, lass. As it is, you’ve got James working Edward to the bone. You won’t be happy until none of us can help with your wagon.”

 

Bella stared after the man as he stormed away. She turned to Carlisle. “What does he mean? What is James doing to Edward, and is it my fault?”

 

“I’m not sure what he’s talking about,” Carlisle said with a frown.

 

“I know you worry about our friendship, but Edward has done nothing-”

 

“Edward is a good man. I know this. He was of great help to Dr. Snow and Esme when I was sick.  If James had a word with him, it was not at my request.” He stroked his beard, his expression deep in thought. “Though now that I think on it, it has been too many days since Edward walked with our wagon.”

 

Bella wanted to kick herself for not noticing sooner. She had noticed Edward’s absence, of course, but had figured he was trying not to upset Carlisle. She had briefly entertained the notion he was staying away from her because he wanted to. Perhaps there was some truth to what Victor said, that she was trouble and her innocent interactions were, in actuality, unwelcome advances. It was a ridiculous notion given the way he looked at her, and so she had dismissed it outright. She hadn’t imagined he was being kept away from her.

 

“I’m sure Victor is exaggerating,” Carlisle said. “James is skilled at what he does. I’m sure the division of labor is fair.”

 

Bella thought perhaps he was being too trusting. She had a bad feeling about James, though she couldn’t put her finger on it. Afraid of being dismissed as a silly child, she had said nothing, and she said nothing then. She only gave Carlisle a quick squeeze before she hurried forward, trying to catch another glimpse of Edward.

**~0~**

They reached Independence Rock five days before Independence Day. It was Sunday again, and Bella was grateful. She had every intention of seeing Edward today come hell or high water. She needed to assure herself he was all right. There was no doubt in her mind now that it was James keeping him away from the Cullen camp at all costs. It was, she supposed, none of her business what businessmen did, but she needed to assure herself Edward wasn’t being mistreated.

 

Luckily for her, an opportunity presented itself, and Bella slipped away from her foster family. She skulked around the guides’ camp and overheard James tell Laurent he’d sent Edward to fill the water kegs. She knew well enough the river was several miles walk away from where they were. It was a needless errand. They'd been near enough the river to refill their kegs the day before, and they would be near enough again when they got back out on the trail.

 

Bella hurried out, hoping to catch him before they got far enough she would be missed. It was early yet, and from the tone of James’s conversation, she thought it had not been long since he set out.

 

The area around Independence Rock was flat, so she spotted him right off. She only debated a moment before she hiked up her skirt and ran. Edward didn’t seem to be in any great hurry, so she caught up with him right quickly.

 

“Sake’s alive, Bella.” He set down the kegs and reached for the canteen on his hip. He held the canteen in one hand and put the other to her stooped shoulders. “Catch your breath.” He put the canteen in her hand. “Take a drink when you can.”

 

Bella worked to steady her breathing. She shivered when he raised his hand to her brow and pushed her hair back. “What are you doing out here?” He asked. His voice was so gentle; any fear Bella had he was angry blew away in the slight breeze.

 

“I…” Bella was struck by a bashfulness that had her ducking her head. “You haven’t taken your turn walking with us of late. Or leading the Cullen’s wagon for that matter.”

 

He sighed. “No, I haven’t.”

 

Bella studied him as she took another long pull from his canteen. “Victor said James was keeping you away.”

 

“He is.”

 

“Edward, if he-”

 

“He saw us that day by the river.”

 

All Bella’s breath left her in one gust. “Oh. Oh, no.” She put her hand to her cheek. “I’m sorry. I… I never meant to cause you any trouble.”

 

“Bella.” He took a step closer to her. “That was much more my fault than yours.” He took another step closer to her, and Bella’s heart skipped a beat with her nearness. “I shouldn’t have been that close to you.” He pressed the pad of his thumb to her chin, his eyes lingering on her lips before he looked up at her. “I shouldn’t be this close to you now.”

 

Before Bella could pull her thoughts together to manage a reply, his hand had slipped around to cup her cheek. He tilted her head up, and all thought went out the window. His kiss was soft, the prickle of his beard titillating against her skin. She had not consciously let herself think of this, but the whole of her body seemed to cry out with relief, as though she’d been craving it for those long days. She wound an arm around his waist and, after she dropped the canteen, cupped the other to his elbow.

 

He broke their kiss with a gasp too few seconds later though he only pulled away fractionally. His thumbs stroked her cheeks, and he sighed. “Ah, Bella. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” He took a deep breath and took a step back.

 

Bella licked her lips and tried to gather her wits. “I, erm… I…I wanted you to.”

 

His lips curled upward, and he brushed his fingers through her hair once more. It was such a tender motion, Bella’s heart twisted in the most pleasant way. “Oh, my sweetheart. You deserve so much better than me.” He shook his head and looked over her shoulder, his eyes scanning the nearby wagons. The circumference of Independence Rock was lined by the wagon train, though the Cullen and Hales were out of sight. “Come on, now. We should find a place out of the sun to talk.”

 

Bewildered, Bella picked up the dropped canteen and followed after Edward. When she handed it back as they walked, their fingers brushed. With every beat of her heart, there was a thrill in her bloodstream. She let her hand slip away reluctantly. “Won’t there be more trouble with James?”

 

“Ah.” He waved a hand. “I’m used to James. Usually it’s one of the others gets on his bad side. He makes a show of throwing his power around, and then he’s off his high horse.” Edward stared ahead. “Though I suppose he has a point. Ah, what am I doing with you, Bella?”

 

Bella wasn’t at all sure what she was thinking or what she was supposed to say. Her heart twisted a different way then. There were so many things she didn’t know if she was supposed to want. Why was her heart so foolish to yearn for a man like this? Never in her eighteen years had a boy turned her head at all, and yet most her thoughts centered around a man who…

 

What was he doing with her? Alice and Rosalie had made courtship look so simple and sweet. Was the way of men and their intentions easy for other girls?

 

They found a quiet spot away from any of the wagons and sat against the rock. “Where does your family believe you are?”

 

“Ah. The others got it into their heads they want to carve their names on the rock.”

 

“Them and every other traveler.” Edward ran his hands over the names etched into the wall where they sat. “This rock is otherwise known as the Register of the Desert.”

 

“They went in search of a suitable spot, and I said I would stay behind to read.” She smiled. “I wander off. I’m known to do that.”

 

“You are at that.”

 

The silence that fell between them wasn’t uncomfortable. Rather, the air itself felt alive. It called to her, and she didn’t know what to do about the words it whispered in her ear. She cleared her throat. “Is it true what they say about this rock?”

 

“What do they say?”

 

“They say that it’s best to reach this point by the Fourth? That it means we’ll be there before the winter hits?”

 

“The name of it comes from the fur trappers who camped here July Fourth, eighteen twenty-four, but there’s some truth to the idea it’s better to be this far earlier in the season, at least to my reckoning.”

 

An odd, faraway look came over him, and he moved his hand over the names. He tapped on a specific one, and only then did Bella notice the names.

 

Edward and Margaret Masen

 

“I know so much now. Much more than I knew then,” he said, his voice as far off as his expression. He took a deep breath. “When I was a younger man, I thought it was a husband’s job to lead his wife. But then, Maggie needed to be lead. I just wasn’t good enough to lead her.”

 

“Edward…” Bella started, but she didn’t know how to continue. What did she know of such things?

 

He shook his head, and when he raised his eyes to hers, there was a pain there Bella wasn’t sure she understood. “You do understand, don’t you?” Edward said. “God, if I even thought about doing this… I’ve already done you so wrong.”

 

“I… I don’t think you have.”

 

“I have.” He wiped a hand over his mouth. “I was raised proper, Bella. I know the way a lady deserves to be treated. If I…” He swallowed hard and dropped his gaze down to the ground. “If I had intentions for you, I should be having this conversation with your father.”

 

“My father isn’t here.”

 

“No. Nor was Maggie’s father. And they both would have said the same, that I wasn’t good enough for their daughters.”

 

“Edward-”

 

He took her hands and looked at her with pleading eyes. “It wasn’t my intention to treat you as such. I do know how to behave properly. I swear I only meant to protect you.” His lips quirked. “But then you were so curious and smart and easy to talk to. I don’t know how it happened. I wasn’t looking for it, but you’ve got under my skin now. I can’t seem to shake this… you.”

 

Bella’s heart was near about beating out of her chest. “Do you want to?”

 

He tilted his head against hers. “No. That’s the damnable misery of it.”

 

Shifting her hand, she tentatively ran her fingers along his wrist. She swallowed hard, nerves warring with a giddy joy she had never felt before. “Maybe I am young, but I don’t think I’m so naive. I think you’re a good man, Edward Masen. I don’t know what I’m doing any more than you seem to, but I know I’m glad you can’t seem to shake me.”

 

He smiled though his eyes were still heavy with guilt. He pulled back but only enough to press a long kiss to her forehead. “It doesn’t make what I’ve done right, Bella. I don’t know that there is a way to do right by you except to leave you alone.”

 

Despite his words, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and held her close. For long minutes under the early summer sun, they sat like that in silence until they could no longer chance being discovered.

**~0~**

Two days later, Bella was in what she might have called a state. She was distracted and prone more than ever to fits of fancy. Her mind was a mess of emotions she didn’t know how to name. Frustration, lovesick foolishness, anger. She didn’t know where to settle. Should she do as he said and simply put him out of her mind?

 

It would have been easier without the visceral memory of his kisses. But that wasn’t true. He had owned her thoughts well before his lips touched hers.

 

She drew out of her reverie as the wagons stopped for nooning time. Esme came to walk beside her. “It’s a peaceful place, isn’t it? For something called the Devil’s Gate.”

 

Bella looked out to where the Sweetwater River wound between a narrow gap in the rock. Devil’s Gate it was called, and while the trail moved around the formation, it was still beautiful to look at.

 

“I wonder why it’s called that,” Esme mused.

 

Edward would know. Bella looked for him automatically and saw him talking to James. She gritted her teeth when she saw James point him away from their camp. Edward, his hands on his hips, looked like he wanted to argue. James gestured at him. Edward looked to where Laurent and James were putting together their meals, nodded at James, and turned to head in the opposite direction of the camp.

 

When they talked at Independence Rock, Edward had been honest about what James was doing. He’d been giving the lion’s share of work to Edward to keep him exhausted. It was a cruelty, but Edward withstood it because he thought he deserved it. That maddened Bella to no end. Regardless of whether or not he should stay away from her, he hadn’t done anything to deserve to be treated the way James was treating him.

 

James wandered in their direction, and Bella strayed away from Esme and the other women as they got the noontime meal together. She crept closer so she could hear what James was saying to Carlisle and Alistair.

 

“We’ll be coming up on Rocky Ridge in a week, more or less. The wheels look to be wearing a bit. Like we talked about, I managed a good trade with one of the other wagons. I sent Edward to retrieve two replacement wheels for us.”

 

Carlisle furrowed his brow. “Just Edward?”

 

“Wheels ain’t so terribly heavy.”

 

“Well, no. But managing two wheels alone? It just seems a bit of a chore.”

 

“He’ll be fine. Shall we-”

 

Bella didn’t need to hear any more. She ducked around the other side of the wagons, hoping to be out of sight before anyone caught her. She followed the line of stopped wagons, looking for Edward. If James didn’t want to help him, she would, decorum be damned.

 

It took her half an hour to find him. By then, he was on his way back to the camp, two large wheels in his charge. James was right. Wagon wheels weren’t so terribly heavy for a man as strong as Edward, but they were large enough they couldn't be carried. She watched as he would heft one wheel, pushing it so it rolled away from him. Then he would lift the other and push it ahead. The exertion under the noontime sun looked to be grueling work.

 

“Edward,” she called as she stepped closer.

 

He stopped and looked to her. His eyebrows knitted and he huffed. “What in all hells do you think you’re doing here?” he asked in a rough voice.

 

Bella stopped short, taken aback by his harsh words. “I… I’ve come to help.”

 

“Damn stubborn little chicken, that’s what you are. Git on out of here. Go on now.”

 

Bella didn’t move. His words stung, but more than that, there was a discomfort growing in the pit of her belly as she watched him. Even as he shook his finger at her, he swayed on his feet. His skin was red. Deep red. More than just burned by the sun red. “Edward…”

 

“Christ, girl. Don’t you know how to listen?” His voice was a roar of frustration by then.

 

Nothing could convince Bella her gentle Edward would ever speak to her like that. No. Something was wrong. Very wrong. She closed the distance between them. “Edward, what’s wrong?”

 

He groaned and batted her hand away when she tried to touch him. It was then Bella realized his breathing was off. Too labored for one thing. He shook his head hard and when he looked back at her, the anger had faded from his eyes. “Bella?” He looked around. “What are…” He looked ahead on the trail to where the wheels had fallen. “Right. I have to get the wheels back to camp.”

 

Instead of moving, he sat down, landing hard on his rear. Bella yelped in surprise and knelt by his side. “Edward?”

 

He panted. His eyes weren’t focused at all. “I’m, uh… I’m just gonna sit here a spell. Just gonna sit for a minute or two. Just a minute.”

 

For one or two seconds, he panted and swayed while Bella scrambled for what to do. Then his eyes rolled back in his head, and he slumped over. “Edward!” Bella put her hands to his cheeks and immediately pulled them back.

 

He was burning up. Far, far too hot.

 

“Help! Someone help me!” Bella yelled. Working on instinct, she began to pull at his shirt, trying to get it open. It made a strange sort of sense in her panicked mind. His skin was hot. Burning. She needed to cool him off however she was able.

 

Her screams had brought a few of the other families running. She had gotten his shirt off and was working on pulling at his boots by then. Staring about wildly, she pointed at a gaggle of small children. “You. Please. Run as fast as you can that way.” She pointed in the direction of the Cullen’s wagon. “Fetch Dr. Cullen, quick. Please.”

 

The wide-eyed children scampered off as soon as their mothers gave the go ahead nod. Bella turned then to the men who had converged on her. “Please help me. He’s too hot. The river. If we can get him to the river…”

 

The largest of the men gathered Edward up and threw him over his shoulders. He ran toward the water, and Bella followed after him. The distance seemed too long, but finally they were there. The stranger switched Edward around in his arms as he splashed into the water.

 

As the stranger laid him down, Edward began to thrash. Bella let out a cry at the sight. It was an unnatural movement, and his eyes were still closed.

 

“Best you stay back, love,” the stranger said. He was trying to keep Edward’s head above water as he jerked.

 

“No.” Bella caught one of Edward’s flailing arms and tried to hold his hand steady. “Edward. Edward, please. You have to come back to me.”

 

A minute passed like an eon, but finally, Edward stilled. The stranger helped Bella tilt his head back, submerging him underwater for seconds before they lifted him up again.

 

They kept him in the water, Bella fanning his face with her cap, for near about ten minutes before he gasped and his eyes fluttered open. His stare was not fixed and the words he muttered unintelligible.

 

“Come on, love. Let’s get him back on the shore,” the stranger said. He hooked his arms under Edward’s, dragging him out of the water. Edward’s body was pliant, and when they were on dry land again, he slumped down onto the dirt.

 

Bella scrambled to his side. She lifted his head to rest on her lap as she brought her canteen to his lips. “Edward. You need to drink.” His skin was still too hot, but cooler now than it had been when he collapsed. “Can you drink for me?” She tilted the water from the canteen into his mouth, but he coughed most of it up. His body was wracked with tremors.

 

“Bella?”

 

Bella looked up to see not only Carlisle but most the others running in her direction.

 

“Carlisle! Help. Please help him. Please. I can’t lose him.” Her eyes followed him as he closed the distance and dropped to his knees beside Edward. “He was… he was acting strange, and then he collapsed.

 

“We need to get him to some shade. Emmett.”

 

Emmett didn’t need more instruction than that. He grunted, but he gathered Edward up in his arms and ran with him toward the shelter of the trees. The rest followed. “Give him some room,” Carlisle said, waving his arm at the small crowd that had gathered until they all took a few steps back.

 

Bella allowed herself to be pulled back, into Esme’s arms. She ducked her head against Esme’s breast, realizing only then she was overcome with tears.

 

A small crowd had gathered. They all watched, waiting for more than incoherent mumbling from Edward. His eyelashes fluttered and his body jerked on occasion. Minutes passed, but finally, finally, Edward’s breathing slowed down to a more normal pace. He turned his head to look at Carlisle, and Bella could see his eyes were more focused. Still hooded and hazy but not as far gone as they had been.

 

“Look at me, son. I need you to tell me your name.” Carlisle asked, his tone patient and kind.

 

Edward swallowed several times, as though summoning the energy to speak was a trial. “Edward Anthony Masen,” he whispered.

 

“Good. That’s very good. And the date?”

 

“July First, eighteen forty-eight.”

 

“That’s right. Now I need you to drink a little more for me, okay?” Carlisle brought a canteen to Edward’s lips and helped him tilt his head up to drink. The movement seemed to exhaust him. “Rest easy, son. It’s my turn to take care of you, hmm?”

 

By the time Carlisle straightened up, James had arrived. Carlisle’s tone was terse as he told James to bring the wagons around. “We’ll make enough room in our wagon. He needs rest and to stay out of the sun for some days. He’s had a heat stroke, I believe, and he’s lucky to be alive and in possession of his faculties.”

 

When James had gone, Carlisle turned to the stranger, offering his hand. “Thank you, Mr. Clapp.” He must have known him from his time spent running back and forth between the wagons.

 

The stranger, Mr. Clapp, shook his head. “Nothing to thank me for, Dr. Cullen.

 

“It was good work getting him to the river. That was precisely the right thing to do.”

 

Another head shake. “I can’t take the credit for that, Doc. I never would have thought of it.” He nodded his head at Bella. “Was your girl there who knew what to do.”

 

Carlisle turned to look at Bella, surprise etched on his features. Bella wasn’t sure what to say or what she should be thinking. She was frightened for Edward, and she wasn’t sure if she was shaking from that fear or because she was soaking wet and freezing. Perhaps she should have been abashed, knowing she shouldn’t have been out here in the first place, but she had no room for that emotion.

 

“That was very clever of you, Bella. I can tell you with absolute certainty you’ve saved his life.”

 

Bella’s lower lip trembled, and she found herself beyond speech. When Carlisle opened his arms, she flew from Esme’s embrace into his and let him hold her tight. She sobbed against his chest while he rubbed her back. “There now. It’s okay. It’s all fine. You did good, Bella.”

 

“Tell me he’s okay. Please tell me he’ll live.”

 

“Our Mr. Masen is a strong young man. We’re going to look after him. He’ll be fine.”

 

Bella let herself believe.

  
She had to believe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to jessypt, jfka06, barburella, and songster for all their love, support, and beta work.
> 
> Ah, Edward. How are we all doing, kids?


	11. Three Island Crossing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello! A bit of shameless begging before you continue on. Do we have any banner makers out there? The majority of my current stories don’t have banners right now. I love banners and I’m not ashamed to beg. *puppy dog eyes*. I’m looking for help w/this story, Snapshots, and (I know this is a long shot), my Destiel story Boy Done Wrong. Anywho! If you or anyone you know would be interested, let me know! I would do a very happy dance.

There was an instant voice in the back of Edward's mind urging him to get up. He was conscious, and he had work to do. He should not be resting in a client's wagon, tucked in between bits and pieces of their lives. However, his body wouldn't cooperate. His limbs were struck by a lethargy unlike anything he'd ever experienced in his life. It took all his concentration to open his eyes, never mind actually moving.

 

"Rest easy, son,” Carlisle said after his sons had helped settle Edward in the bed of their wagon.

 

Too tired to fight, Edward slept fitfully.

 

Whenever he stirred, someone, no, not someone, Bella would press the lip of the canteen to his mouth and encourage him to drink. Often, she would rub a cool cloth along his face.

 

“Need to get up,” he mumbled to her once. He felt the roll of the wheels beneath his back.

 

“Pardon my language, but like hell you’re getting up out of this wagon, Edward Masen.Carlisle said you need to be out of the sun for a while yet. You best get used to the idea of riding in here with me.”

 

He opened his mouth to argue, but her glare had him backtracking. Anyway, it wasn’t as though he could get his limbs to move. He closed his eyes and was back to sleep in seconds.

 

When he woke again it was with a sense of urgency. His boss sounded upset, and he was sleeping on the job. It was slightly easier to pry his eyes open that time. He had more energy but only a fraction. He still couldn’t get his body to cooperate enough to get him upright.

 

Slowly, though, the sound around him sharpened. He recognized not only James’s angry voice but Carlisle’s as well. They had to be standing right outside the wagon.

 

“You were driving him into the ground. That’s the reason he’s not even sitting upright yet. It’s not just the heat stroke, he’s exhausted. Even without the heat, he would have collapsed sooner than later.”

 

“We’ve done this run together five times now, ten times if you count the return trip. We ain’t never had a problem like this before. Wasn’t like I wanted him to die. In fact, not to be crass, but that would be inconvenient. He has work to do.”

 

“Not any time soon.”

 

“I’m not arguing he should rest a spell, but I hope it’s not your intention to coddle him the rest of the trip. He’ll be up and on his feet before you know it.”

 

“I need you to grasp the fact you almost killed your man. You are constantly warning the rest of us to respect the elements, yet it’s you who didn’t. Please understand that if not for the quick thinking of my ward, Edward would be dead.”

 

“It’s your ward I was protecting.”

 

Edward groaned and actually managed to raise up off the wagon bed before a wave of dizziness forced him back down.

 

“What are you on about?” Carlisle asked.

 

“Let’s just say his behavior concerned me.”

 

Edward winced. Even though he knew James was covering his own ass, he was grateful he didn’t tell Carlisle the full truth.

 

“You doubt the character of your own man?” Carlisle asked.

 

“Begging your pardon, Doc, but I doubt the character of any man where pretty women are concerned.”

 

Edward bristled. He knew he was out of line kissing Bella the way he had, but he would never dream of… Well. In any event.

 

“All the same, Mr. Hunter, why don’t you leave it to me to take care of my own? What I don’t need is to worry about your men.”

 

“Yes, sir. I hear you.”

 

“Good.”

 

It was a minute later that the wagon jostled. Edward had pushed himself mostly upright by that time. He cleared his parched throat and nodded at Carlisle as the older man climbed into the wagon bed.

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

“Better. Fine.”

 

Carlisle put his hand to Edward’s forehead and then his cheek. “I’m not your boss. Tell me how you really feel.”

 

Edward blew out a sharp breath. “I, um… It’s hard to think. And… when I think, it’s hard to, um… find the right words.”

 

“Hmm. Hopefully rest and plenty of water will help. Now I’m going to call Emmett or Jasper to help you out of the wagon. We need to get a little dinner in you. Then you can sleep at our camp for the time being.”

 

“I can’t-”

 

“Doctor’s orders. Don’t try to argue with me today. Conserve your energy.”

 

Before Carlisle moved away, Edward reached out and clasped his shoulder. “Carlisle.” He swallowed several times, trying to get his words to work. “What James…”

 

“I take it you overheard our conversation?”

 

Edward nodded.

 

“Suffice to say you and I are going to have a conversation at some point, but that time is not tonight. Try not to worry.”

 

So Edward didn’t.

**~0~**

It was the evening of July Third. Bella was about to climb into the wagon bed when a hand on her arm stopped her. She turned her head to find Esme looking back at her.

 

“Aren’t you going to help with the chores?”

 

Bella narrowed her eyes ever so slightly at the older woman. “I’ve done what was bidden of me.”

 

“Well, perhaps you can come chat with me. It’s been some time since we had a good talk.”

 

“We speak every day on the trail.” Bella cast a glance over her shoulder into the wagon bed. Edward was watching them curiously. She took her foster mother by the arm and pulled her a ways away. “Tell me what’s really troubling you.”

 

Esme sighed and stroked her cheek affectionately. “You’ve taken good care of Edward while he’s been recuperating.”

 

“He had no one else.”

 

“There’s no need to get defensive. What you did was very kind. He needed the care, and he looks to be regaining his strength. He’s an able man, Bella, and his mind appears to be healing as the rest of him. I’m not sure he would appreciate the constant attention you’ve shown him.”

 

Bella frowned and pressed her tongue against the roof of her mouth. She was certain it wasn’t Edward who wouldn’t appreciate her attention. Every time he saw her, his lips turned up, and Bella’s heart skipped a beat. What she wanted more than anything was the chance to ask him what those little smiles meant, but they hadn’t had time. Even if they’d had the time and privacy, she hadn’t the words. Was she being a silly little girl?

 

“The wagon isn’t enclosed,” Bella said. “You’d see if anything inappropriate was happening. Surely it’s no different than a chaperoned visit with a good friend.”

 

Esme tilted her head, fixing Bella with a knowing look. “Do you enjoy his company merely as a friend?”

 

Bella looked down at her feet. Her foster mother put her hand to her cheek with a tender touch. “Sweetheart. That kind of man is not for you.”

 

Tears of frustration, anger, and uncertainty stung Bella’s eyes, and she could not raise her head. Her jaw was clenched. She had to swallow hard before she could speak again. “May I see my friend now?”

 

Esme sighed. “You may.”

 

Bella turned away and scrambled up into the wagon bed. The tense set of her shoulders seemed to permeate the atmosphere, and she couldn’t raise her head to see the smile she loved so much. There was a knot in her throat she couldn’t swallow down for trying.

 

Edward touched her knee. It was the lightest of brushes, but it did wonders to calm her. More than calm, a shock went straight to her belly, soothing the twist with something much warmer. When she looked up, she saw his concerned expression melt into his soft smile. She smiled back and huffed, searching for anything else to think about.

 

“I, um… Hey, I have a question for you.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“What’s the Three Crossings?”

 

Edward sucked in a sharp breath. “Oh, hell. Is that where we are?” He rubbed his eyes. “Where did you hear that name?”

 

The stricken look on his face shocked her. “Well, I... I suppose I was snooping when James was talking to Carlisle and Alistair. They were talking about whether it was a good idea to go on to Three Crossings or if we want to use the South Alternate Route, whatever that all means.”

 

Edward looked away from her, his breath ragged. Bella wasn’t at all sure what had him so disturbed nor what she could do about it. She touched his knee in the same surreptitious gesture. He didn’t turn back, but he brushed his fingertips against hers in return. It was another minute before he answered. “There is no good choice here. Not around this time of year. It’s called Three Island Crossing because the river is wide enough there are three strips of land, three islands. So what happens is, you cross the river four times in one set. This early in the year, the waters are likely rough.”  He swallowed audibly. “Three Crossings is where Maggie died.”

 

“Oh.” Out of her depth, Bella had no idea what to say to such a pronouncement. “I’m so sorry.” She found his fingers and gave them a brief squeeze. “If it’s so dangerous, why would anyone do it?”

 

“In another month or so, the waters are much calmer, and it’s an obvious choice. If you must take the Southern Alternate Route,  you cannot cross to the North bank for quite some time. It’s a much longer path and very dry. It’s difficult on the animals, and because most folks would rather take the chance of drowning to cut days off their journey, it’s more like you’ll be lonely on that route.”

 

“You’re right. There’s no good choice there.”

 

He shook his head. “I’m sure James sent one of the others ahead to scout. He makes the choice to take us across the river, it’ll be all right.”

 

“You’ll forgive me if I trust James about as far as I could throw him.”

 

Edward smirked. “It was an accident you know. What he did to me.”

 

Bella made a vague noise of acknowledgment but said nothing.

 

“Anyhow,” Edward said. “You trust me, don’t you?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“You can trust James with this decision. And I’ll be there. I promise I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

 

The look in his eyes was so fierce, Bella could imagine he would jump into churning water, forgoing his own survival to save her. The thought chilled her to the marrow of her bones.

**~0~**

Edward could practically see the wheels in Carlisle’s head turning. He looked from Edward out to the rushing waters of the Snake River and the three islands at its center. Edward had seen the water much choppier--it had been worse when Maggie died--but this was not a tranquil river by a long shot. “This is too dangerous for you, Edward,” Carlisle said.

 

“You know we don’t have another choice. There’s not enough room for me in the wagons. Not with the women and the little ones riding.” Rosalie, Esme, and the little boys certainly had to stay in the wagons, and there was hardly room.

 

Carlisle’s expression was disgruntled, but he nodded. “Fine. Then you’re with my wagon.”

 

“Yes, sir. Of course.” It was where Edward wanted to be, after all. Bella would be fording the river, walking toward the back of the wagon. There was only enough room in the wagon for Esme and Rosalie. Henry and Peter were the only ones who could fit in the Hale’s wagon.

 

A gunshot and whoop drew both men’s attention. Carlisle looked toward one of the other wagons camped a bit further down the river. Much of the train had called a day of celebration as it was Independence Day. Carlisle’s party was not the only one who had decided to keep moving, but it would be a more lonely crossing than most. Carlisle shook his head. “I hope they’re careful. Doctor Snow’s family is also crossing. It would be a shame to have no doctor on the south bank should someone get accidentally shot.”

 

“You worry so much about not only your family but everyone else’s. I don’t know that I’ve told you enough, Carlisle, but I appreciate it. You shouldn’t be the one looking out for me, but I’m grateful.”

 

“It’s nothing you should thank me for. Life is a difficult occupation, and the world is full of hardships. My philosophy is we must look out for each other. You’re a good man, Edward, and I seem to recall you did the same for me.”

 

They both moved off then to ready for a hard day’s travel.

 

As he expected her to, when Bella heard he would be outside the wagon with the rest, she began to fret. “It doesn’t make sense,” she said in a low voice so only Edward would hear. “You’re still dizzy and tired. What if the water gets the better of you?”

 

It wasn’t lost on Edward that this was the exact worry he should have had the first time he made this crossing. Maggie had been dizzy, exhausted, and weaker than he to boot. The waterline had been higher.

 

He shook his head to cast off the oppressive memory. “Don’t you worry. I won’t be doing much more than walking, maybe a little dog paddling. We’re already in the river, so if the sun gets to be too much, I’ll dunk myself.” He winked at her.

 

She shoved his arm playfully. “That isn’t funny.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “That was the most frightening thing I have ever seen, and if I never see it again, that would be just fine by me.”

 

“Can’t say I blame you.” He was, in effect, in the same boat. The worst thing he’d ever witnessed was his wife drowning. Though he told himself he’d made this very same crossing five other times without any disaster larger than soggy belongings. “The wagons are caulked, and we’re all expert river crossers by now. I’m sorry if I made you nervous.”

 

She gulped but made an effort to put on a brave face. “Of course. Expert river crossers.”

 

James headed in their direction then, and Edward took a deliberate step away from Bella. To his reckoning, it seemed as though James was avoiding him. He looked as though someone had a grip on his testicles as he came up to Edward then. Hands on his hips, he coughed, and kicked his foot in the dirt.

 

“Anyhow,” James said as though they were already in the middle of a conversation. “Doc says you’re not up to leading any of the teams. Think you could do me the favor of keeping an eye out for trouble from the rear?”

 

Seeing as James wasn’t the type to ask but order, Edward figured that was as close to an apology as he was likely to get. “That’s what I intended.”

 

“Good.” James paused again, tilted his hat at Bella who only glared back, and walked off to the Hale’s wagon.

 

The Hales set out first. Edward clucked his disapproval as he watched the boys hanging out of the wagon, trying to get a better look. He was about to shout across the water for someone to get them back inside, their mother, Vera, came around and scolded them.

 

When they were a pace out, the medium wagon, driven by Victor, followed. Edward scanned the water. Judging by the waterline against the Hale’s wagon, the first crossing didn’t seem deep enough to trouble the smaller wagon.

 

“We’re moving!” Laurent called from his place with the oxen team on the Cullen’s wagon.

 

“Here we go,” Bella murmured by his side.

 

Edward thrust one of the ropes that had been secured to the back of the wagon at her. “Hold tight to this as you walk, you hear?”

 

“Just like every other crossing,” she said, her tone a mild reproof.

 

He sighed. “Yes. Just like every other crossing.”

 

This was the day he dreaded every time he made this journey. No matter how much else he had to think about, his memories stole him away. Tonight, if all was well, he would make the trek a ways down the river to where he’d buried Maggie and his unborn child in a patch between a cluster of trees. Today he would be plagued by the visceral remembrance of the whole hellish experience.

 

“One down, three to go.”

 

Edward blinked, momentarily displaced in time. He was aware Bella was talking to him, but he was confused why she was there and Maggie wasn’t. He cleared his throat, trying to shake away the haze in his mind. “Right. One down. Keep going, my darling. We’ll be there before you know it.”

 

“What did you say?” It was Carlisle who asked. He had been walking closer to the wagon, speaking with Esme last Edward checked.

 

Edward had to think hard to remember what he’d just said. His thoughts were always scattered during this crossing, but that day was by far the worst. Part of it was the heat stroke--as Bella had pointed out, he was still frequently dizzy and his thoughts were fuzzy around the edges--but it was also Bella. He couldn’t pretend she was merely another customer, his business. The fear history would repeat itself, that he would lose another young woman who meant the world to him, was crippling.

 

“Carlisle.” Bella took his arm and pulled her foster father close. Edward was almost certain she was explaining about Maggie. He was far too overwhelmed to feel foolish. Rather than let it bother him, he took the time to rub his eyes and remind himself what was really going on.

 

The second crossing only made things harder. Alice had run back to check on her parents. When she tripped, falling head first into the water, Edward’s heart began to beat out of control. She was in two feet of water when she tripped and not in any danger, yet Edward was sure, for a second that stretched on for an age, that disaster was at hand.

 

Bella touched his arm. “Are you all right?”

 

“Be careful. The rocks are slippery. You have to be more careful.” He knew he shouldn’t snap at Bella. Of course he knew that, but he couldn’t help it.

 

“I’ll be careful,” Bella said, placating him.

 

Edward flinched as the water splashed off the wheels, hitting in the face. He remembered struggling alone with his draft animals, soaked to the bone from the backsplash before he was even in deep water.

 

“Halfway done,” Bella said, breaking into his reverie.

 

Edward’s throat tightened. Though there was a small voice in the back of his head telling him to be wary, Bella’s family was watching, he pulled her to him anyway. He caught her face in his hands. “Please be careful. Please. Don’t let go of the rope. Please don’t let go. Don’t let go.”

 

She put her hands over his. “I won’t. I promise.” She stroked her fingers over his knuckles. “Was it here?”

 

He closed his eyes but managed a nod.

 

“Nothing’s going to happen, Edward. Not this time.”

 

He took a deep breath, getting a hold of himself, and dropped his hands. “I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s fine. It’s all fine. Come on. Wagon’s going to leave us behind.”

 

Edward glanced up. Sure enough, they had an audience. He took a step away from Bella and nodded.

 

The third crossing was where the water was deepest. Anxiety crept up Edward’s spine as more and more of the wagon--more and more of Bella--disappeared beneath the surface. The wagon floated. Bella swam. Edward did his best not to panic.

 

Some hours later, the whole ordeal was done with. Edward sat on the bank and rested his forehead on his knees. He had refused offers of food as he was sure he would only lose whatever he tried to choke down. He rubbed at his temples, trying to block out the sounds of revelers finally able to enjoy their Independence Day.

 

He heard footsteps approach but didn’t raise his head. “Are you dizzy?” Carlisle asked, his voice, as ever, even and gentle.

 

Edward had to think about his answer. What was dizziness compared to the raging storm in his head? “Yes,” he said.

 

“Look up at me.”

 

It was the last thing he felt like doing, but Edward obeyed. He raised his head and followed Carlisle’s simple instructions as he tested his vision.

 

“I’m fine,” Edward said a few minutes later. He climbed to his feet, and though he swayed, he didn’t fall. “I need to get going.”

 

“Where are you off to?”

 

“I just need a few minutes alone.”

 

“I’m afraid that’s not going to happen. You’ve been in the sun all day, and you’ve been showing signs of disorientation.”

 

“That-” Edward snapped his mouth shut. He rubbed his temples. “This is something I need to do.”

 

“I understand, but you’ll have to suffer my company.”

 

“Fine.”

 

They walked in silence for a time until Edward found his wife’s crude grave. He had replaced the dilapidated wood marker a number of times in his travels. In a way, he knew he was lucky. Most emigrants who’d lost a love one would never see their grave again.

 

“Will you tell me about your wife?” Carlisle asked.

 

Because he knew he owed the other man an explanation, Edward told him about Maggie. Carlisle was quiet for a time after Edward finished.

 

“Does Bella remind you of Maggie?”

 

Edward’s breath left him in a huff. “At times,” he admitted.

 

Carlisle nodded as though he expected as much. “I asked you once of your intentions.”

 

“They haven’t changed, though I will admit we would be having a very different conversation if I… Well. If situations were different.”

 

Edward rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m sorry about today. I was out line, and I know that. I wasn’t trying to be inappropriate.”

 

“Today I understand.”

 

“You do?” That was enlightening as Edward wasn’t sure he understood what had come over him that day.

 

“Yes. My daughter-in-law suffered a regrettable trauma some years back. She suffers the occasional episode, very similar to what I saw in you today.”

 

Edward grimaced. He wasn’t sure he liked the idea of suffering episodes.

 

“You care for Bella,” Carlisle said. It wasn’t a question.

 

“I… Yes. Very much so.”

 

“And if I’m reading you correctly, the only other woman you’ve truly cared for died here. I find it reasonable you would worry, and your heat stroke didn’t help keep your mind clear. I understand your reaction.

 

“What concerns me is Bella’s attachment to you. What she might want. I believe you’re an honorable man. If your intentions have changed, I’d expect you to follow the rules of polite society. But even in that case, I’m not her father, Edward. I can’t speak for her.”

 

“I could.” Edward reached out to touch the rough edge of Maggie’s grave marker. “I’m not a good husband. Not good enough for either of them.”

 

Carlisle reached out and splayed his hand across Edward’s back. “You’re a good man. The lifestyle you lead… it’s not what I would choose for my child, but then, that’s what this journey is about, is it not? New beginnings.” He clapped Edward on the shoulder. “Think about it, but I will ask that you not confuse the poor child. She is headstrong to be sure but not unbreakable.”

 

They headed back to camp then, and Edward’s thoughts were muddled for very different reasons than they had been earlier. “It’s not because of Maggie, you know,” he said just before they got within range of the camp.

 

“What’s that?”

 

“My affection for Bella. It has nothing to do with Maggie. Yes, there are similarities.  Maggie was so young, alone, and spirited, but Bella is very different.”  He had no idea why he was telling Carlisle this, but it seemed important.

 

The older man smiled. “She is a lovely, unique girl, and she deserves everything this world has to offer.”

  
“That we can both agree on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hmmm. 
> 
> Thanks to jessypt and barburella, and to all you lovely reviewers and readers and general all around beautiful people.


	12. Out of Order

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Didjoo see my pretty banner? I loves it. Thanks to everyone who offered to help. ShadyPhee sent me a finished piece in like five seconds. I was in awe. How do you people make such pretty things so quickly?!

The Sunday after Independence Day, the party finally rested. Though Edward had spent the majority of the time in the wagon, he still found himself worn and in need of their days of rest. It was irritating how the lethargy persisted. He was used to bouncing back from illness swiftly, but this one was proving difficult to shake. He had returned to some of his duties - checking over the wagons, helping load up camp in the morning. He’d also been returned to his own camp for the most part, though Esme still called him over to sup with them. Laurent and Victor snickered at him, but it was well worth the better company.

 

Today, though, everyone had a little freetime, and Edward used his to slip into the shelter of the woods. It was a short walk to the river, and since he guessed some of the others might be making their way to the shore, Edward kept going until he found a bank that was more private. He scrambled over a small rock embankment to find the secluded spot and for a time relaxed on the ground. In no hurry, he removed his boots and socks. He rolled up his pant legs and sat with his feet in the water.

 

It was a hot day and his secluded nook wasn’t so well sheltered from the sun. Edward grimaced. As disgruntled as he was at the idea he could be affected by something as constant as the sun, he was also not so full of pride that he wouldn’t take precautions. In any event, it had been a long while since he had wiped the dirt and sweat from his body.

 

Edward stripped off his shirt and waded a ways into the water. They had to cross this river, the Sweetwater River, and he had to disagree with the name. This river was anything but sweet. The water rushed and churned not so very far from where Edward stood in a calm spot. He knew James had sent Laurent scouting for a place to cross, but he couldn’t help his worry. He couldn’t help that his mind automatically played horrific visions of Bella slipping beneath the surface.

 

As though to soothe his worry, a soft, sweet sound reached Edward’s ears. Singing. Hearing it, he thought back to his youth when his mother would sing as she cooked and put him to sleep at night. He walked back to the shore and climbed the rock embankment, resting on his belly so he could peer over the top.

 

He’d hoped and suspected the sweet voice was Bella, but he hadn’t honestly expected to be rewarded. As he watched, she set the water kegs she carried on the ground and sat to unlace her boots.

 

Though he knew the right thing to do was look away, or at the very least, alert her to his presence, Edward found himself frozen. There was a burning in his gut he would have called hunger had it not also infused his chest with warmth. It was a great comfort and yet…

 

He longed. He longed so much, it threatened to choke his breath and steal his ability to even think about anything except how much he wanted. Damn Carlisle anyway for planting that seed in his head. New beginnings. As though he could hope to be enough for any woman, let alone the dark haired beauty in front of him.

 

When she began to remove her underskirt to wade into the river, Edward got his senses about him. He backed down the embankment and sat on a rock with his head in his hands.

 

He had been a foolish young man once who had believed in bright futures because he willed it so. The death of his parents should have dissuaded him of his naivitiy, but it took an innocent young woman’s life to get him to realize he had no control over his life. His intentions had always been good. Maggie had suffered for his arrogance. He would not find out too late the fallacy of his plans, not if it meant playing with Bella’s safety and happiness. He didn’t trust himself with something so precious; why should her father?

 

Edward was wrested from his reverie by a scream and a splash. He stood and looked out toward the water in time to see Bella sweep by. She screamed again, her arms flailing as she scrambled for purchase on the rocks.

 

“No. Not her.” Edward was off like a shot, running down the shore. “Not. Her. Bella!” He yelled her name as he dove into the river after her. The current hit him with the strength and violence of a buffalo stampede. He was sucked into the rapids and beneath the water. He was disoriented. There was no up or down, only forward, onward.

 

He breached the surface for only a second, but it was enough for him to find his strength. He heard Bella scream his name and swam in the direction of her voice. He coughed and choked as he fought to stay above the waterline. He moved toward the sound of her voice, unable to see for a second that may as well have been hours.

 

Bella had caught herself against a thick, upended tree in the middle of the river. Edward had to throw himself forward to catch the end of the furthest branch.

 

“Lord have mercy. Edward!” Bella called.

 

He held one hand out, trying to get a better grip but needing to stop her forward motion. “Stay there.” He sputtered as water assailed him. He pulled himself toward her. The bark was slippery. It crumbled beneath his fingers and he slipped again.

 

“Edward.” Bella lunged toward him, and then they were both in the water again.

 

“Bella.” He caught her around the waist before she could be swept away again. With his other hand, he grabbed at a branch. He had a grip on it, but it wouldn’t last. “Hang on to me. Do not let go, Bella. Do you hear? Try to stay above the water. Kick hard. Don’t let go.”

 

He felt her arm wind around him before his grip slipped. Not her. Not her. Not her. Though he felt her near, felt her kicking and clawing at the water just as he was, it was as though he were fighting some unknown force. It had taken Maggie while he stood by, bewildered and disbelieving as to what was happening right in front of him. Not this time. Not her. Not Bella.

 

With a suddenness that startled him, there was solid ground beneath his feet. He pressed forward, and got his arms more firmly around her as they stumbled up onto the dry shore again. He stumbled, and they both fell, her small body pinned beneath him. She grunted, and he rolled onto his side, panting and shaking. His breath left him when he saw Bella’s eyes were closed. He caught her face between his hands and gave her a shake. “Bella? Bella, please.”

 

Her eyes fluttered open, and she sucked in a deep breath as though she had just remembered her lungs needed the air. He clutched her to his bare chest, rocking them both back and forth as his fingers tangled in her hair. “Oh, thank God. Thank God, thank God.”

 

“Edward?” Her fingers were on his face, stroking his too-long hair out of his eyes.

 

He pulled back, checking her over frantically. His head was assailing him with horrifying images and visceral memories he didn’t want. He remembered the dead weight of Maggie in his arms. He remembered calling her name over and over, shaking her limp form as she lay lifeless on the beach. It wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the same at all. Bella blinked up at him, alive but confused, yet he couldn’t shake his anxiety. He sat straight, pulling her up with him. Her hands fell to his shoulders. “Are you all right?” he demanded, still checking her over. Her dress was torn. It fell down to her shoulders, and there were angry scratches against her pale skin. “Are you hurt? Talk to me. Talk to me, please, Bella.”

 

“Edward. Hush.” Her hand was soft and warm against his too-cold cheek. “I’m fine. I’m just fine.”

 

As those words sunk in, a relief so profound settled into the marrow of his bones. He pulled her tighter to him and kissed her. It was a fervent kiss, one that broke with a gasp because his heart was still pounding too fast and his lungs were still starved for breath. His body still thought the water had them both and was trying to drag them under. He pulled back. Her breath was hot on his face as she panted, and he couldn’t help but kiss her again. She clung to him, her arms around his neck, and kissed him back.

 

“You’re all right?” he asked, but he didn’t give her time to answer before he kissed her again. “Are you?”

 

“Yes. I promise.” Again they kissed. “Are you?”

 

Before he could think about it, the wild energy that had shot through him when he first saw Bella in the water drained from his body. He fell backward onto his elbows, dizzy and exhausted.

 

Bella was over him in a heartbeat. “Edward?”

 

“I’m fine.” His words were slurred, and his eyelids were heavy.

 

“Are you hot?” Her hands felt like heaven on his face. It took him a moment to realize she was checking him to be sure he was not having another heat stroke. “Edward? I have to get Carlisle.”

 

She moved to get up, but he caught her around the wrist. “Don’t leave.” He swallowed hard. “I’m fine. I promise I’m fine. I’m just tired.” His eyelids threatened to close. “Very tired.”

 

He tugged her wrist, needing her back in his arms. “Please stay. Stay for just a minute. I just need to rest a minute.”

 

Bella pursed her lips, worry evident on her face as she studied him. He reached up to cup her cheek. His fingers trembled with exhaustion. “I need to catch my breath, that’s all.” His blinks were slow, and he fought them. Bella was alive and beautiful. He didn’t want to close his eyes. He didn’t want to have to let her go. “Stay.”

 

She lay beside him there on the bank. When he gathered her closer, she settled with her head on his shoulder. There was so much wrong with what he was doing, he knew. There was no circumstance in which this was appropriate. He had no right to hold her like this at all let alone when he was half clothed and her dress was falling off her. His first priority should have been to see her safely back to camp

 

“Just a minute,” he muttered as his eyelids drooped.

~0~

The noontime sun was strong in the sky before Edward opened his eyes again. The weight on his chest confused him until his fingers encountered damp hair and he remembered what had happened. His eyes flew open and panic surged through him until he allowed himself to be grounded by the sight before him.

 

Bella was alive and safe in his arms. She slept peacefully, her head cradled against his skin, her arm thrown around his body. He was in awe that she trusted him so well.

 

Oh, of that she should not. If he was worthy of her trust, he’d have leapt to his feet and found his shirt to cover her bare shoulders with. Now that the lethargy had receded again, he had no excuse. Yet he lingered. He pressed the tip of his finger to her nose and traced her features both with his eyes and hands. She gave the softest of whimpers in her sleep and snuggled against him.

 

He pressed a light kiss to the corner of her mouth but it was quickly not enough. He kissed her chin and then the tip of her nose. He kissed the skin beneath her eyes, and she began to wake. He kissed her cheeks, and when she breathed his name, he kissed her lips.

 

They lay like this for minutes as Edward warred with himself. Each kiss made it all the more impossible to turn away from her. She was not his, but he was quickly forgetting that. He was like to forget his own name when she kissed him as she did then, making quiet little noises he caught with his mouth.

 

The entirety of the world had dwindled down to this woman, and so it shouldn’t have surprised him that he didn’t hear the rustle of the trees behind them or the sound of boots on the dry ground. Edward remained oblivious to everything until he heard a gasp and a shout of, “What the hell?”

 

Edward pulled back, away from Bella, and found himself staring down a furious Emmett Cullen.

**~0~**

“This is insanity.” Edward sat where he’d been sequestered like a criminal up for trial which, he supposed, was not altogether untrue.

 

There had been much chaos after Emmett found Edward and Bella alone together. Like any good elder brother, he’d been livid. Edward was downright surprised he hadn’t ended up with a black eye or worse. As it was, the man had taken him by the arm and dragged him back to camp, heedless of Edward’s bare feet.

 

He’d gotten off light.

 

When they got back to camp, there had been a lot of yelling, so much so that the wagon train’s elected council had to be convened. Now Edward sat with his head in his hands, his bare chest covered by someone’s borrowed coat, as Emmett recounted his tale for the council - five supposedly upstanding and knowledgeable men including James.

 

His boss was glaring at him off and on as Emmett spoke. He grunted when the younger man finished. “Well, first off, I have to apologize on my hand’s behalf,” he said, directing his apology toward Carlisle. “We’ve had this discussion. You know it’s not something I condone or excuse with my people. Goes without saying Edward’s share of our fee is yours.”

 

Carlisle cocked his head, his stare incredulous. “Do you sincerely believe that’s what I’m concerned about? The only argument here is whether or not your man will do the right thing, the honorable thing. Money I have. I cannot give a woman back her virtue.”

 

At that Edward stood and waved his hands. “Whoa now. Back up a minute. I’ve been trying to tell you-”

 

“I’ve heard about enough from you,” Carlisle snapped. For such a gentle, patient man, his glare now was fierce. “I trusted you to be a better man than this, and that was obviously my mistake. You said you cared for her. You claimed to have respect for her, and yet you’ve sullied her good name. Just because she has no neighbors to gossip and scorn her doesn’t mean what you’ve done is acceptable. She deserves so much more than this.”

 

Edward’s heart was thick in his throat. “I know. It wasn't my intention-"

 

"I couldn't care less about your previous intentions. Neither you nor I have the power to change the past no matter how much we might want it. What I care about now is what you intend to do to make it right."

 

Before Edward could speak, one of the councilmen, a reverend named Weber, if he remembered correctly, cleared his throat. “Ours is a small society, but we’re not savages, even out here in this wild land. You’ve brought this issue to be resolved. Now, I don’t know about the others, but I see only one solution here, one right thing to do.” He looked to Edward. “If there is an ounce of honor in you, sir, you would consent to let me marry you. Tonight, if possible.”

 

The others were nodding in agreement. Edward’s heart sped and he shook his head. “That is not necessary.”

 

“A likely story,” one of the men huffed.

 

“I kissed her. I am not denying I acted inappropriately, and I will face what consequences that brings, but there’s no reason to make it more than that.”

 

“Yes, that is a very convenient thing and careless thing for you to say, Mr. Masen,” the reverend said. “Son, you need to take responsibility for your actions.”

 

“This isn’t about me. Bella is… She would make a fine wife. I would be proud to call her my wife, but that’s unfair to her. There’s no reason she should be stuck with me because I made a mistake. It went no further than a kiss, I promise you.”

 

Carlisle’s answering laugh was humorless. “You’ll understand why I don’t have the luxury of taking you at your word.”

 

“Given the state you were found in, your story sounds less than believable,” one of the others said. “That you were meeting with her secretly-”

 

“It wasn’t planned. It was chance I was out there at the same time she was. It was chance I saw her fall in the water at all.” Edward patted his pants. “My clothes are still wet. So were hers.”

 

“Sure.” James huffed and crossed his arms as he glared back at Edward. “You were in the water. There’s no doubt about that. You and I both have seen many near-drownings. I have yet to see one where you crawl out of the water only to fall asleep on the shore. That’s not how it happens. I know you, Edward. If she fell in like you said, you’d have run her back to the good doctor here to be checked over.”

 

“That’s what I should have done to be sure, but that doesn’t mean I took advantage of her in that way.”

 

“I cannot take that chance,” Carlisle repeated. “Bad enough that I swore to her father I would take care of her as if she were my own. I will not return her to him big in the belly from a man who won’t take responsibility. Don’t ask me to do that, Edward.”

 

“You said yourself you wouldn’t want a man like me with a life like mine for your own child,” Edward said. “Why would you wish it on Bella?”

 

Carlisle took a step forward, his eyes bright with fury, and Edward was sure he was going to hit him. “You think I’m not worried about that? You think I don’t wonder how you can provide for a family doing what you do.” He gestured around them. “I believed you were a good man. I believed you had the capability to be enough for her some day, but not now. I asked you to do things in the proper order in the proper time. Not this way, but what choice have you left me with? She will find no husband with a bastard child at her hip.”

 

James scoffed. “Enough of this ruse, Edward. You’re caught. Carlisle, you don’t gotta worry that he can’t support her. He can.”

 

Eyebrow raised, Carlisle looked between Edward and James. “What’s he on about?”

 

James spoke for him. “Edward comes from money. He ain’t doing this because he got no other skills or options. He’s got money and land in the west.”

 

“Is that so?”

 

Edward closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “He’s right. I do have money and acreage in the Rogue River Valley.” He’d gone through with his plans at first, but when he’d found himself on his land alone it hadn’t seemed right. He couldn’t seem to sit still. He’d found James and that had been that.

 

Carlisle shifted his weight, his expression startled. “That’s where Charlie settled, where we intend to settle.”

 

“I know.”

 

The train’s elected leader clapped his hands together. “Then that’s the end of it. I see no reason for further argument here.” He pointed at Edward. “You made your bed, son. You best get ready to lie in it. You make things right or you find another train to travel with. You make that unfortunate choice, then whatever Carlisle and his sons decide to do to you, I fully intend to look the other way, do we understand each other?”

 

Edward gritted his teeth, frustrated as all get out. Bella had done nothing wrong. She didn’t deserve this. “Can I talk to her? Alone.”

 

Emmett snorted. “Right. You want us to leave you alone with her again?”

 

“Yet you’re ready to marry her off to me?” Edward shook his head. “She should have some choice in this matter.”

 

“That’s something you should have thought of before you went anywhere near her.”

 

Edward turned back to Carlisle, choosing to ignore his son. “I never lied to you about  how I feel about her. She’s everything I could ask for in a wife and far too good for the likes of me. I understand why you can’t take me at my word, but this should be her choice. If she’ll have me, then yes, I’ll marry her tonight if that would set things right. But only if it’s what she wants.”

 

“And if she doesn’t?”

 

Edward’s cheek twitched. “Then it’s like the man said. I know I wouldn’t be welcomed here, and if you and yours come after me, then what can I say? It’s no less than what I deserve.”

 

Carlisle frowned but he nodded. “Go on then. I need to speak to my wife and Reverend Weber, if you don’t mind, sir.”

 

“Of course,” the reverend said.

 

Edward swayed with a rush of dizziness. This was all happening so quickly, and while his heart soared at the idea of making Bella his wife, he also feared for her. It wasn’t right. It couldn’t be right.

 

Could it?

 

Rubbing the back of his neck nervously, he followed Carlisle across the clearing, back toward their camp and Bella.

**~0~**

Bella paced back and forth, muttering under her breath. “This is insanity. He has done nothing wrong.”

 

“That is unequivocally not true," Esme said, her voice still gentle but strained.

 

Before she could argue again with her foster mother,  Emmett came around to their camp. He nodded at his mother. "Pa wants to speak to you." He looked to Bella, his eyes tight. "And Edward wants to speak with you."

 

Bella's throat tightened. She couldn't read the look on Emmett's face beyond the disappointment everyone bore. Ridiculous though the notion was, she was desperate to see with her own eyes Edward was safe.

 

Everyone was so angry.

 

Emmett gestured for Bella to go around the other side of the wagon. She was surprised when he didn't follow her, but every other thought was forgotten when she saw Edward. It was all she could do not to throw her arms around him.

 

He didn't look happy. He looked nervous and ashamed. When he took her hands in his, Bella's stomach twisted. She listened intently, stunned at the enormity of the consequences of their foolish actions.

 

"Bella." Edward brushed her cheek with the slightest touch. "You have every choice. You and I both know Carlisle's fears are unfounded." He looked down as he spoke. "You'll get to Oregon and you can have any manner of husband you desire. You don't have to settle for me."

 

It confused her when he spoke like that, as though she were some prize while he was some vermin. What could a girl like her offer a world-weary man like him?  She tried to orient her thoughts. This was so far beyond anything she was prepared to deal with. Alice and Jasper's courtship had lasted two years and, seeing as he had no settled occupation, might have lasted longer than that if Carlisle had not been persuaded.

 

"It doesn't seem like there's much choice," she said.

 

He tugged her closer and tilted his forehead against hers. "You have a choice. We'll tell them we wish to marry tomorrow and I'll be gone by the time everyone wakes."

 

"No. Edward." She grabbed his arms as though she could keep him there by force. "No. I won't let you go off alone."

 

"It's not so bad. The fur trappers’ trails are easier to follow without a wagon."

 

"No." She swallowed hard and stared at her feet. "I won’t let you risk your life that way. I couldn’t bear it. If... if you don’t want me, we-”

 

“Sweetheart, look at me.”

 

Her heart sped and warmth spread through her chest at his soft endearment. She raised her eyes to his and leaned into his hand as he cupped her face.

 

“Bella, this is not about me not wanting you.” He dropped his hands to take her hands again and put them to his heart. “The thought of marrying you fills me with a joy I don’t know how to express. You are more important to me than anyone or anything ever has been. Ever.” He brought her hands to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. “I love you, Bella. I have no right, but it’s true. I love you and that’s why I want so much better for you than me.”

 

A smile spread wide over her face before she could control it. She pulled her hands from his and wound her arms around his neck. “I love you too,” she whispered, feeling shy and ridiculous but happy. So happy.

 

“Oh, Bella, Bella. It shouldn’t have happened this way. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

 

“Shhh. It’s okay.”

 

“It isn’t.” He held her tightly against him, his hands stroking her back. “Bella, are you sure? Please don’t do this because of me. I’ll be okay.”

 

She wasn’t sure at all. She wasn’t sure she knew how to be a wife or that she was ready. She wasn’t sure how they would live or where. She raised her head and kissed the underside of his chin. I’m sure of you. You’ve taken care of me even when I didn’t ask you to, even when I hardly knew you. I’m sure of that, and I’m sure I love you.”

  
The worried, guilty expression faded from his face replaced by a deep joy. He kissed her then. He kissed her in broad daylight heedless of the fact her de facto family was right around the corner, and Bella allowed herself to believe she could have everything she’d dared not dream about before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Weeeelllll… that happened.
> 
> Thanks so much to jfka06, barburella, and jessypt for all their help.
> 
> How do we feel about a shotgun wedding, eh?


	13. Some Honeymoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Man. Life keeps getting away from me. Sorry about the delay.

The three days after Edward and Bella’s impromptu marriage proved to be quite literally rough. They had hit a vicious patch of trail known as the Rocky Ridge. The treacherous rocks were not easy on livestock or wagons.

 

The first day, Bella had only barely stirred in her new husband’s arms when they heard Emmett and Jasper calling through the trees for Edward. A scout sent ahead the night previous had come back with news the trail was blocked by a minor rockslide about five miles up. The able bodied men had a full day ahead of them getting to the obstruction and then clearing it.

 

So it was the first full day of their marriage, and Edward and Bella hardly saw each other. Bella helped the women put together a quick breakfast and dry foods for the men to take with them. Bella was flustered, worrying that she was doing something wrong as she wrapped jerky and biscuits for Edward. She was only copying what she had seen the other women do for their husbands, and though it was a simple enough task, she couldn’t help but wonder if she was missing something.

 

Edward looked surprised and pleased when she brought him his satchel filled with what he would need for the day. Bella’s cheeks still burned when he kissed her softly in front of the others, but she didn’t pull away. In fact, she found it difficult to let him go. Esme had warned her there would be no respite for them, that it would be back to business right away, but that didn’t mean Bella had to like it.

 

The rest of the day Bella spent fretting that Edward would exert himself too much again. Esme drew her close for a hug. “Carlisle will take care of him, Bella. Don’t you worry.”

 

They busied themselves sorting the gifts Edward and Bella had received. The night before they had been thrown haphazardly into the Cullens’ wagon. Rosalie, who fell in with Emmett and Carlisle believing Edward had taken advantage of Bella, had the occasional unkind word for Edward.

 

Of the now four couples making their way to the west coast, Edward had nothing but what the other travelers had given them. Bella didn’t understand the point of her sarcasm. What did she expect Edward to do? He had nothing to trade. Did Rosalie expect Edward to make her goods and furniture by hand...overnight?

 

“Pay her no mind, Bella,” Alice said. “Women near to their time are always moody.”

 

When they were done sorting and reorganizing the wagons, they set about planning the evening meal. Since the men would not have had a decent lunch, they decided dinner should be more hearty. To that end, the two skinny chickens Bella had been gifted with by two separate families were summarily beheaded, and the women set about the tedious task of plucking feathers.

 

When that was done and the birds on a spit over the fire, Bella slipped off by herself to gather what she could find in the way of root vegetables and other edible plants.

 

The men trudged back to the camp after nightfall. They were all tired and dirty. Though she had seen Esme, Alice, and Rosalie do for their husbands a hundred times over what she was now doing for hers, Bella still felt out of sorts, as though she would be caught and censured, when she brought Edward his dinner. She tried her damndest to remind herself she was his wife, and touching him was no longer inappropriate. Still, she felt as though her foster family must be staring when she tended to Edward’s superficial wounds as he ate.

 

When she clucked over his scraped knuckles he flipped his hand and wound their fingers together. The way he stared at her, his eyes shining with unabashed adoration, sent warmth to her cheeks and set her heart to a quickened beat. She ducked her head, shy, but he brought his other hand  to cup her cheek. He didn’t say a word but kissed her softly, just once, before he turned his attention back to his meal.

 

That night they lay around the fire near to the others and yet were their own unit. Bella was surprised how quickly she grew used to lying in his arms, her head on her chest where she could hear his heartbeat. She loved the way his fingers felt as they traced along her hairline or gently untangled snarls. He whispered to her, telling her stories about a buffalo stampede he witnessed in one of his other crossings.

 

The second day brought with it a moral quandary. In the mid afternoon, they came across a family by the side of the trail. Their wagon tongue had broken rendering them unable to go any further. They begged the party to stop and when Carlisle did, they begged him to trade. They hadn’t much, but whatever they had they were willing to trade to get the part they needed.

 

The Cullens and the Hales each had a spare--two spares total between their three wagons. But there was a good long leg of their journey left. It was entirely possible that they could end up in the same predicament much further down the line when the situation was more dire.

 

Bella clung to Edward’s arm, taking what comfort she could from his nearness. She couldn’t bring herself to look up. It broke her heart to imagine the family’s plight. What a helpless feeling it must have been to be stuck in the middle of nowhere with no options, no hope save for the kindness of strangers who had their own family’s welfare to consider.

 

To Bella’s immense relief and James’s consternation, Carlisle gave over his spare part. And even after that, they stayed on while Emmett and Edward helped replace the tongue.

 

“You wasted your time and your spare part and on top of that got a right horrible trade. That man took you, that’s for sure,” James said when they were on their way again.

 

Carlisle’s answering tone was mild. “The man offered what he had, and truth be told, I’d have given it to him free of charge if I could have saved his pride at the same time.”

 

James shook his head. “It’s a mighty fine quality to have compassion for your fellow man. I ain’t arguing that point. But out here, it can get you killed. They ain’t the last family we’ll pass who got themselves in a heap of trouble. You can’t save them all. Not if you want to get where you’re going.”

 

“Thank you for your kind advice as always. I’ll take it under advisement.”

 

“What would you have done in Carlisle’s shoes?” Bella asked Edward later when they were sitting together that evening.

 

Edward was quiet for a long minute before he spoke, his eyes downcast. “I would like to say I would make the same choice as Carlisle did. All things being equal, that would be my preference. Man with a wife and three little ones? Of course I’d want to help him.”

 

“But,” she prompted gently when he grew quiet again.

 

He sighed. “But James has a point. I’ve seen how desperate things can get out here. I’ve seen people trade the very last of their food for a wagon part on the hope they’ll find game or be able to trade something else they’re likely in dire need of. They live like that day to day as long as they’re able.”

 

He wound his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him. “He’s also right that we’ll see more of this kind of thing.” He tilted his head against hers and closed his eyes. “Yes, I would like to say I would be as altruistic as Carlisle. I know that would make you proud. But given the choice, I’m not sure I would have made the same call. I’d do anything to protect you, Bella. Anything at all.”

 

“I know.” Bella turned her head to him and nuzzled her nose against his whiskers. She pressed her hand to his back and found she didn’t care if the others were watching them.

 

The third day brought them to a river crossing along the Sweetwater River. Edward’s anxiety wasn’t nearly what it had been at Three Island Crossing. Still, he kept his hand tight in hers as they forded the river behind the wagon. “Can I tell you a secret?” he asked as they stepped carefully.

 

“Of course.”

 

“I’m happy to have the excuse to hold onto you. It was difficult for me before, especially those crossings that I couldn’t see you.”

 

“You shouldn’t worry so-” Her words cut off with a yelp as her feet skidded forward. She heard Edward gasp, and before she could fall, he had his arms around her. He crushed her to his chest as they both scrambled to stay upright.

 

“Bella. Are you okay?” He was staring right at her, his eyes wild as he looked her up and down.

 

Before she could speak they were both falling. Bella’s heart near about jumped up to her throat, but though there was a mighty splash, when she opened her eyes again, she was not submerged. Of course she wasn’t. She was on her ass, chest deep in water beside her husband.

 

Emmett came into their eyesight, leaning on the walking stick he’d used to knock Edward’s legs out from under him. “You were all but out of the water. There is such a thing as worrying too much, Edward.”

 

This was what Bella had been about to tell Edward before she’d slipped.

 

There was a moment of relative silence--as silent as it could be with wagons, livestock, and humans alike crossing a rushing river--while Edward stared up at Emmett as though deciding what to do. Then he reached out, grabbed Emmett’s stick with both hands and yanked. Bella squeaked in shock as Emmett’s massive body produced an equally large splash. Edward pulled Bella closer to him, protecting her from Emmett’s sputtering and flailing. When she looked back, Bella giggled at the smirk on his face.

 

Emmett got his bearing and looked for a second like an angry grizzly about to charge. Then he threw his head back and let out a loud guffaw. He clapped Edward’s shoulder. “Well played.”

 

“Oh, for heaven’s sake.” Esme had caught up to them by then and stood in ankle deep water with her hands on her hips. “Must I remind you three that you’re full grown? I swear, Peter and Henry aren’t this much trouble.”

 

“Ah, none of this was my idea,” Bella said.

 

“Such lies, Bella,” Emmett said as they all got to their feet. “It was your fault we fell in the first place.”

 

Before another scuffle could break out, Esme got Edward’s attention. “Some of the cargo isn’t secured as well as it should be. Do you think you can give me a hand?”

 

Edward nodded his acquiescence, kissed Bella’s cheek, and hurried to the back of the wagon.

 

When they were out of sight, Emmett slung his arm around Bella’s shoulders. She tensed and almost pulled away, but after a moment’s consideration, she relaxed. Emmett chuckled. “Does that mean you’ll talk to me again?”

 

Bella hadn’t so much as looked at Emmett for the last three days. “If you’re ready to come on down off your high horse then yes, I suppose I’ll talk to you.”

 

He hummed, and when she looked, there was a much more thoughtful expression on his face than she expected. “Maybe you got ahead of yourselves. Maybe he wasn’t proper, but hell, neither am I most the time. He’s been good to you these past days.” He looked at her. “You’re happy?”

 

She nodded.

 

“Then I’ve got no quarrel. I liked Edward well enough before all this.”

 

Bella wrapped her arms around Emmett’s waist. “Thank you.”

**~0~**

Edward was distracted.

 

He was supposed to be checking the wagons over for damage and wear. The problem was he had quite the view of his wife, and he was wont to stare. How odd it was that watching her at the most mundane task could entice him. She was with the other women, setting about her usual evening chores.

 

Then again, everything about Bella seemed to entice him these days. Funny how a few words promised in front of a reverend made right so many of his previously clandestine thoughts. He was obsessed with the idea she was touchable now, that he could stare freely.

 

How ironic it was. Carlisle and the others had forced this marriage on them because they suspected his carnal interest in Bella. Previous to their vows, Edward had no carnal interest. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. It had not escaped his notice that Bella was a beautiful young woman, but he was still enough of a gentleman that he hadn’t allowed himself to think of a lady like that. His desire to kiss her and hold her before had only been a manifestation of his affection for her, his need to protect her, her growing importance to him.

 

Now, though, there was an itch beneath his skin that was getting progressively more difficult to ignore. It had been there before, but he had not acknowledged it. Now it had permission, and it was all he could do to convince that wild, wanton part of him to be patient.

 

He had pledged the rest of his life to Bella, but that depended on her living long enough to fulfil that promise. Damn Carlisle and the rest for giving him the right to think on her the way he was.

 

It bothered him at times that she seemed so content to merely lay in his arms at night. She would curl up against him with her head on his chest and her hand resting warm on his belly. As he answered her questions and told her stories about his family, his life, his time on the trail, it was all he could do to concentrate on his words. What he wanted more than anything was for her hand to drift lower. Sometimes he swore she knew what he was thinking and teased him on purpose. Her fingers would skim the hem of shirt, brush the skin underneath, before she pulled back.

 

He’d wondered more than once if she felt the same fire for him as he felt for her.

 

But then he had to remind himself that she was a young girl and innocent besides. She knew nothing of the physical act of love. The idea made him nervous.

 

Maggie had been young but innocent she was not. Suffice to say Ireland had different social rules than America did. In fact, Maggie had disabused him of several popular notions, the most revealing of which had been that women could and did enjoy physical relations as much as men.

 

And therein was the problem. Bella had likely been raised believing giving her body over to her husband was among her marital obligations. Many considered women who wanted sex to be deviant. It was his duty to guide her in such matters.

 

Which was why, he told himself, it was a good thing she was so innocent. He was man enough to admit, if only to himself, there was no way his self-control could resist a Bella in command of her feminine wiles.

 

A man clearing his throat drew Edward’s attention to the fact he was staring blatantly at his wife now, not even attempting to finish his work. Guilty, he looked up to find Carlisle on the opposite end of the wagon, checking the wheels he should have been long done with. Edward ducked his head. “Sorry.”

 

“Don’t apologize.” Carlisle offered Edward a smile he hadn’t seen in days. “You seemed troubled.”

 

“Troubled.” Edward stroked his beard, turning the word over in his head. He was happy Carlisle had approached him and didn’t want to spark his ire again. “It’s been a long time since I’ve thought like a husband. It’s been a long time since I’ve thought of a future at all.”

 

“And now?”

 

Edward huffed out a short laugh. “I wonder at every minute decision I have yet to make and even those I didn’t make. I didn’t choose to bring her on this journey, but I still wonder if it’s the right choice and if I will ever be certain.”

 

“I think I can answer that. The only certainty I know is that there will always be those moments of pure terror when you fear you’ve made the wrong decision for you and your family.”

 

For some reason, Edward was taken aback. “You’re uncertain about your choices?”

 

“Very much so.” Carlisle gestured around them. “Every day I wonder if it would have been a wiser decision to travel by ship. It can be done, of course. It’s such a long trip, and the sea seems more dangerous than the trail on most days. In cramped quarters it’s easier to catch disease, and if something goes wrong, there’s nowhere to go. It too is a long journey, but would it have been preferable?”

 

He studied Edward for a long moment before he spoke again, his tone soft. “I hope I’m not overstepping my boundaries here, but… Well, I know your father isn’t here to tell you, so I’ll let you in on a secret. I can guarantee that he couldn’t have taught you to find the perfect road through life because it doesn’t exist. It didn’t exist for him and it won’t exist for you."

 

Edward opened his mouth but quickly shut it again when he realized he had no idea what he was about to say. With those simple words, a weight had been lifted from his heart, and he took his first deep breath in too many years. He knew those things at some level. He understood. Yet hearing Carlisle speak them out loud brought him some small semblance of peace.

 

He’d thought for so long he’d missed something, some important piece of information that if he’d just been paying attention, he would have known better than to try to take Maggie out on the trail.

 

Truth be told, he hadn’t missed a thing. With Carlisle’s words, that knowledge sunk in and settled in the marrow of his bones.

 

A minute later, Bella approached. Her eyes darted from Edward to Carlisle and back, her expression wary. He got to his feet to greet her, and he smiled a little easier.

 

That evening, he gave himself a respite from worry. He took the time to appreciate the family he’d stumbled into and the second chance he’d been given. He let himself smile and kiss his beautiful wife with abandon. He let himself believe he deserved the wonderful gifts he’d been given.

 

After dinner, it was as though Edward’s buoyed mood was infectious. He was sitting with his arm around Bella, both of them quiet as they listened to the others. Across the camp, Jasper pulled out his guitar.

 

It had been some time since the emigrants danced at night after a long day’s travel. This far into their journey, moods tended to be more somber, reflecting all that had been suffered or lost. But it only took a few soft chords of Jasper’s guitar to draw the attention of the other musicians, and soon a proper shindig was in full swing.

 

Beside Edward, Bella began to sway in time with the music, her side bumping against his. He recalled how often he watched the merriment from afar--the young people dancing while the elders looked on, proud of their happy brood. He remembered the flush of Bella’s cheeks and the smile that played about her lips, the laughter that fell from her mouth when she and Alice danced together.

 

Edward got to his feet and offered his hand to Bella. Her eyes were curious but uncertain, as though she hadn’t yet figured out what he wanted, but she put her trusting hand in his and let him pull her up. When he wrapped an arm around her waist and held their other joined hands out, her eyes went wide.

 

“Edward. I can’t dance.”

 

He brought their joined hands to her face so he could brush her nose without letting her go. “Now that, Mrs. Masen, I know is a damned lie.”

 

He didn’t give her another chance to protest. The musicians were playing a fast song, and he threw them headlong into it. Though it had been so many years since he’d danced, he found the steps came back to him quickly or they were ad libbed easily enough. He heard her quick intake of breath, but she followed where he led, a wide smile spreading over her pretty face.

 

God, she was beautiful.

 

It took no time at all before they were both pink cheeked and laughing in each other’s arms. Edward had forgotten this- what it was to let all the weight of life slip away for a few minutes frivolity. He used to like dances in his youth. He used to like the pretty dresses the girls wore and the way their satin and lace felt brushing his pants as they danced.

 

They were all so young then. Young and without a clue what the world could hand them.

 

Back then, dances ended with a respectful bow and Edward offering his arm to lead the young lady back to her family or escort. That night, when the end of a song found Edward and Bella breathless and panting, he didn’t step away from her. Bella’s traveling clothes were much thinner than the big dresses of his youth, and their dancing not nearly as proper. Her body was hot against his, only amplifying the heat coursing through him.  Her hair was mussed, her grin happy, and the spark in her eyes only for him.

 

His wife.

 

He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to kiss her in a way that was very much improper in front of the gathered crowd.

 

Another song began, but Edward didn’t move. He stayed still as his will wavered, his body tense because he knew what he wanted, what he should not want, what he didn’t think he could possibly have under the circumstances.

 

Bella stared steadily back at him. Her grin fell and her eyes darkened as they darted down to his lips and back up. In that moment, there was no question. He didn’t have to read minds to know she felt this thing between them, the heat not only of their skin but in the air. The magnetism.

 

Edward swallowed hard. He took a step away from her, but only to take her hand. She followed, ever trusting, as he led her beyond the ring of the fire into the trees. He didn’t go far, just enough that they were out of sight of prying eyes.

 

There, he snapped under the weight of his desires. He spun Bella to face him and pressed her back against the trunk of a sturdy tree. She whimpered, but she was indeed of the same mind as he. Her hands went to his face and her fingers tangled in his hair. She pushed her body up while he pressed his down on her.

 

Not close enough. She was not nearly close enough. His hand skimmed along her side, down past her waist. He found the crook of her knee and brought it up to hitch it over his waist.

 

Abruptly, rational thought caught up to him. He broke their fervent kiss with a gasp and groaned as he buried his face against her neck. That was almost his undoing. He could smell the salt of her skin there, and it only enticed him more.

 

But what was he going to do? Would he pull them to the forest floor or take her there against that tree? Putting aside the fact the reasons he had not bedded her on their wedding night still stood, it was his duty to take care of Bella. This was not the way.

 

Reluctant, he pulled away enough that the chill of the evening cooled his skin. In the moonlight, she blinked at him, her hands still clasped at his shoulders. He sighed and kissed her, a lingering but chaste kiss.

  
“You are too tempting for either of our good,” he murmured, tilting his forehead against hers. He kissed the tip of her nose and with another sigh, stepped backward. He took her hand. “Come, love. It’s late. We’ll sleep soundly tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: My, my, my. Whatever will he do when she figures out those wiles of hers? Tsk.
> 
> Many thanks to barburella, jessypt, and songster. MWAH!


	14. Good Day For A Swim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So a couple of you caught the discrepancies between Valleys a couple chapters ago. I mixed up the Willamette and Rogue River Valleys. I have to untangle that little mess, so I’ll get back to you on that when I have a moment to breathe.
> 
> Thanks for bearing with me with updates. I’m in the middle of a move, plus school, plus work, so things are a little frustrating right now.
> 
> Okay. On with the show. MWAH.

It was still night when Bella’s eyes opened, and she couldn’t immediately figure why she was awake. She blinked up at the blanket of stars and almost drifted back into the arms of sleep when she heard it. Her name, spoken with a soft, dreamy sigh.

 

Opening her eyes again, Bella turned her head. Sometime during the night, she had rolled out of Edward’s arms. He was resting on his back with his hand stretched out in her direction, his fingers twitching. His lips moved, talking in his sleep.

 

Bella rolled onto her side and scooted over until she could feel his body heat. She was careful not to wake him. The last few days had been grueling for the guides, with no small amount of help from Emmett and Jasper, and he needed his rest.

 

The night was clear and they slept out in an open field. The moon was high and full, so she could see his features quite easily in the light. His lips pursed in a pout, murmuring her name again.  Bella’s heart began to pound, and she wondered if it would ever not thrill her to hear him say her name.

 

He seemed to relax when she was near. Still unused to the idea any man should be touchable to her, Bella took advantage of the quiet to satisfy a few curiosities. She had been able to feel him, his skin, the shape of his face, when they kissed, but always she was lost to the marvelous sensation of his mouth moving with hers. She didn’t have time nor inclination to think about anything else.

 

Now, she took her time, letting her fingers trace the lines of his face. Thick eyebrows. Strong nose. Full lips. Coarse beard that she loved to feel tickle her skin.

 

The night had started off so hot he was only wearing a thin shirt. His neck and chest, where she could feel, were cool to the touch. He was strong. The muscles of his chest and arms were hard beneath her palms. She paused for a moment, feeling his breath come and go.

 

Her hand wandered lower. His shirt had bunched up in the night, so his belly was exposed to the cool night air. Bella let her fingertips follow the trail of hair from his belly button down lower. Lower still.

 

Here, she paused, feeling quite the sinner. But this was her husband. She was a wife. It was her right, hell, it was her duty to be intimate with her husband’s body. Bella glanced up. Edward slept on. Beyond him, she searched out the forms of the others and listened. No one moved. She could hear the even breaths of the others and the odd obnoxious snore. Satisfied and too curious to resist, she let her hand drift, skimming over his pants lightly at first and then letting her palm rest full against him.

 

He was hot. His skin hardened perceptibly under her hand. She groped, trying to find the shape of him through touch alone.

 

Without warning his hand shot out. His fingers wrapped around her wrist in a firm grip. Bella gasped and jumped, instinctively tugging her hand back, but he held her tightly. His eyes in the darkness looked dangerous, but she wasn’t afraid of him. Of course she wasn’t. That wasn’t the reason her heart was pounding hard against her chest.

 

She was frozen in his gaze, her tongue tied, her cheeks flaming. Her body, her blood, seemed to have turned into that sensation she got when she’d spent too long kneeling, when her feet tingled to the point of pain.

 

One second she was looking down on him, the next she was on her back. He was over her, his body aligned, his hands pinning her wrists down to the ground by her head. Knocked breathless, she didn’t quite understand what was happening until his hips ground against hers. She could feel his hardness through the thin layers of clothing they wore. She knew what he intended.

 

Bella’s throat tightened, but she had no time to speak before his lips were hard and demanding against hers.

 

For seconds, Bella couldn’t think at all. She was afraid, but amidst the fear and nerves was a rush of excitement. Her blood boiled. Her body cried for his, for him. He released her wrists, and his hands were instantly everywhere, trailing down her side. His hand found its way to her inner thigh, and he pushed her legs open.

 

She wanted him. She did. But she was also confused. Something in her muddled mind screamed. He hadn’t wanted this. Not yet. Not this way. Not…

 

Surrounded by her family.

 

His mumbles were incoherent, she realized dimly. He wasn’t really awake. He was acting on instinct or a dream. Either way, she had to stop him. He would never forgive himself if he took her like this, and quite frankly, it wasn’t what she wanted either.

 

Bella threaded her fingers into the hairs at his neck and tugged. Hard.

 

Edward pulled back with a cry she smothered with her hand over his mouth. He blinked, his eyes narrowed at first in agitation before he seemed to realize what was going on. He rolled off her, muttering a low oath as he did. He drew his legs up and breathed unsteadily.

 

Uncertain she was doing the right thing, Bella got onto her side. His eyes were closed, his arm thrown over his face. The gossiping girls back where she was from had many things to say about men and their various parts. Bella may have been innocent, but she wasn’t  fool. She knew well enough what he was trying to hide from her, what she had felt easily when he’d pressed his hips against hers. One of the girls had told her once it hurt a man if he could not be brought to his release once things had been started.

 

Bella bit her lip and tentatively reached for him. “Edward?” she whispered and scooted closer to him.

 

He cringed away for a moment before he breathed deep and reached out to run his fingers down her cheek. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice so soft she was sure, at first, she imagined it.

 

She backed up an inch to look him in the eyes. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Whatever for?”

 

Bella’s cheeks flushed, and she instantly wished she had merely told him he was forgiven for whatever imagined sin he’d committed. It was better as she could not bring herself to confess she’d been molesting him in his sleep. That it was her right to do so seemed irrelevant.

 

“I…” She let him draw her nearer and played with the button of his shirt, unable to meet his eyes. “Were you dreaming?”

 

He sighed. “Yes.”

 

She wanted to ask him about what the gossiping girls had asserted. Instead, she said, “Of who?”

 

He choked and then laughed, the sound soft and incredulous. “That is a very silly question, beautiful girl.” With a sigh, he kissed her forehead and disentangled himself from her. “It’s early yet. Go back to sleep.”

 

“Where are you going?” she asked, sitting up when he stood.

 

He kept his back to her, turning his head over his shoulder. “I’ll be back in a minute, I promise. Go back to sleep,” he said again and headed to the treeline.

**~0~**

“Isabella, that is the fourth time you’ve almost tumbled headlong off this path.” Alice slung a helpful arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to the center of the path. “Husbands are very distracting, but I guarantee you’ll be able to enjoy yours a lot more if you’re not suffering from a massive head injury.”

 

Bella opened her mouth to speak but quickly closed it again, her thoughts strangling her words. Her husband was quite distracting, but she didn’t know yet how to talk about such things. She was still unused to the idea she and Alice were two married women, and it was permissible to ask her dearest friend’s advice one way or another.

 

In the end, she tripped and stumbled over words until she admitted to Alice her marriage was as of yet unconsummated.

 

“He hasn’t-” Alice began in a yell that she cut off when she saw Bella’s stricken expression. She closed her mouth with an audible clack of her teeth and pressed her lips together, searching for words. After a moment of steadying breathing, she looped her arm through Bella’s and drew her closer. “Why the devil not? It can’t be that he doesn’t want you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.” She paused. “Is it that he cannot…” She held her free arm out and straight, raising an eyebrow at Bella in question.

 

“What? No. No.” Bella gave a short laugh. Her cheeks burned, and she stared straight ahead, unable to look Alice in the eyes when she recalled the way Edward’s body responded to her touch. “A few nights ago, I was… Oh, but I shouldn’t have.”

 

“No. Tell me.”

 

Bella’s cheeks flamed only hotter. “I suppose I was curious,” she said after she had related a basic version of the tale. “I… I want to touch him.” More than touch him. There was a pull in her that sighed his name in her ear, an ache that she knew instinctively could only be filled by him, with him. “Is that normal?”

 

Alice cackled. “Well. I’ve never been called normal before, but I will tell you this. I pity the women for whom desire is forbidden or thought unseemly. I can’t think of a greater pleasure than physical love. It is something well beyond any measure I could describe.”

 

“Desire.” Bella rolled the word around in her head, trying it on for size. Did it fit the innate curiosity she felt, the need to know his body? Did it fit the craving she had, now that she knew what it felt like to be pinned beneath him, his body hot and hard against her?

 

“In any case, if staying power isn’t his problem, what is?”

 

Bella told Alice of Edward’s worry. Her friend was silent as she processed this. It wasn’t something she could dismiss so carelessly. They both saw how Rosalie struggled, and while they knew neither of them could bring a pregnancy to term while still on the trail, they knew the trials of the early days were at the very best uncomfortable.

 

“You know…” Alice tapped her lips, her look far away. “Jasper and I courted for a long time.”

 

To Bella’s surprise, it was Alice who blushed then as she went on. “You already know we got a little ahead of ourselves, but even before that we weren’t as chaste as perhaps my father might have wished us. There are… other things.”

 

“Other things?”

 

“Listen close, now.”

**~0~**

Marriage suited Edward greatly. Bella suited him. Even without the benefit of a marriage bed, the constant reminder she was his left him breathless. She was wonderful--alive, vivacious, and beautiful. Most of the time, her headstrong attitude amused and endeared him.

 

Most of the time.

 

Every once in a while, in great exasperation, he reflected that she could stand to be just a little more biddable. Only slightly.

 

He'd asked her to stay at camp while he went off hunting. He supposed it wasn't a direct order, but it had been implied, he felt. But when he returned to camp, he found her gone. Alice had waved in the direction of the river, mumbling something about swimming.

 

At that, Edward strode quickly in the direction Alice had indicated. No matter how much he tried to convince himself everything was fine, there was no reason it shouldn’t be, he couldn’t quell the nervousness rising within him. It was a marked change. Bella’s behavior was nothing short of normal. He had observed, long before she was his, her habit of taking to the water whenever time and weather permitted. This was, however, the first time she’d done it since they’d married.

 

Protecting Bella was foremost in his mind constantly. His every decision now affected her, and his worry at making a mistake never went away. Combine that worry with the anxiety of the combination of his wife and water, and Edward couldn’t get through the trees fast enough.

 

“Bella,” he called, emerging from the trees and finding her a ways down the river bank. His voice must have been drowned out by the water for she, only scantily dressed, ducked behind a rock outcropping.

 

“Oh, Edward.” Though she relaxed visibly when she realized it was him, she still pulled her discarded dress toward herself, shielding her body from his view. “You gave me a fright.”

 

Calmer now that she was in front of him, Edward put on a mock scolding face. “I could have been anyone.” He looked over his shoulder as though he expected to see someone peeping from the trees.

 

“You could have, but you aren’t.” Her tone was even and her expression curious. As he watched, her cheeks pinked, as though she were embarrassed about something. He was about to apologize for making her feel so when she let her dress drop, leaving her in her underthings.

 

Edward froze. His instinct was of two minds. The first was what any well-mannered man should do if he stumbled across a woman in a state of undress. He wanted to avert his eyes and yet…

 

She was his wife, and he was head over heels in love with her. This awkward space they occupied, where he was allowed to show his love every place except their marital bed, so to speak.

 

“Bella,” he said, his voice hoarse, his mouth gone dry.

 

She held his gaze a moment longer before she turned away. It was only after she’d taken a step or two toward the water that he caught her by the arm. “What are you doing?” he asked, anxiety again encroaching, though it had a harder time through the lust that clouded his mind.

 

“I intend to go swimming.”

 

Edward swallowed hard past the lump in his throat, trying to order his mind. Somehow, he managed to tear his eyes away from the sight of her--she was undressed and his and it was damn distracting--to look over at the river. The water was calm, widening into a pool that would be easy to swim in without danger of being swept away.

 

At his silence, Bella turned again to head toward the water.

 

“Wait,” he said, already beginning to toe off his boots. “I’ll go with you.”

 

“I thought you had things to do.”

 

He did, at that. He had a great many things to do, and James wouldn’t be pleased to find him gone. Still, it was taking all his willpower not to grab his wife and haul her up against him, feel her nearly naked body against his. “I… You shouldn’t go into the water unprotected.” He began to remove his pants.

 

To his surprise, a flash of cloth went sailing by his head. It landed near his feet, and Edward was shocked to see she had thrown whatever remained of her clothing off. His head snapped up just in time to see her quite naked form dive into the water. He stared, dumbfounded, until she popped above the surface again, sputtering.

 

“Are you all right?” he asked, anxious.

 

She smiled at him, her cheeks still pinked though the rest of her skin had turned paler with the change in temperature. “Just a little chilly.”

 

“You should come away from there before you catch your death then.”

 

She only rolled her eyes. “I’ll be fine, Edward. The water’s calm here. You don’t need to worry for me. If you have other business to attend to, go on.”

 

Edward narrowed his eyes. He had the very distinct impression he was being toyed with, and he wasn’t sure if it angered him or excited him.

 

Perhaps both.

 

Divesting himself of his shirt, pants, and socks, though keeping his drawers on, Edward waded into the water after her only to again stop short.

 

She was floating on her back, her pert nipples bobbing above the water.

 

He caught her around the waist and dragged her against him. With her nipples hard and cold on his skin, he wasn’t altogether sure what would have been better--her putting herself on display so that anyone who happened by might see or having her nude body aligned so perfectly with his. He gulped, glad the cold temperature of the water was abating his natural inclination. “Have you lost your mind?”

 

She quirked an eyebrow as if trying to affect an air of indifference, but he’d felt the way her heart hammered. “I’m only swimming.”

 

“Skinny dipping. Where anyone can see you.”

 

“There’s no one here but you and me.”

 

He studied her a moment, from the way she squirmed ever so slightly under his stare to the quick rise and fall of her shoulders. She shook too, and he didn’t think it was all from the cold water. “You’re trying to seduce me.”

 

Her breath caught, and her gaze faltered. After a few unsteady breaths, a determined look came over her features. She stepped back against him so they were again skin to skin. Beneath the water, her hand skimmed his side around to his belly. “So what if I am?”

 

“Bella.” His throat was so tight he could scarcely speak. He should grab her hand, still her movements. Her fingers were exploring his chest, his sides, and dipping down to play at the hem of his drawers. He found himself conflicted--quite unable to move. “I’ve told you…”

 

She didn’t let him go. Her breath shook, but her movements never faltered. She let her fingers skim lower. “Correct me if I’m wrong. I admit the details are quite sketchy to me, but if you are out here…” She wrapped warm fingers around his length, pulling him free of the confines of cloth. “We cannot make a child this way.”

 

He was enraptured. Entirely under her spell. She was making far too much sense, and yet some small part of him wanted to argue. This could not be sensible.

 

The growing part of him told that sensible voice to go straight to hell. It was unbearably alluring how she was equal parts vixen and innocent. She had obviously planned this to an extent. It wasn’t an impromptu action on her part, though she couldn’t have known he would follow her here. Yet for all her boldness, there was a wonder to her expression. There was an endearing curiosity to her touch. She would look at him, her expression furtive, and when she coaxed a little moan from him, she grinned.

 

Giving in, he wrapped his arms around her, crushing her against him, smothering her yelp of surprise with his kiss. He closed his eyes and began to discover her anew. His hands cupped her bottom first, one palm over each cheek. He broke their kiss, dragging his teeth down her chin and neck. She whimpered and then gasp when his mouth found her breasts.

 

Her hands had stilled, and that would not do.

 

One arm still wrapped around her, he took her hand with his. Kissing her softly now, though no less deep, he guided her hand, wrapping her fingers firmly around his base. He showed her how to stroke. It had long since ceased to matter that the water was cold.

 

It had been quite a while since he’d been with a woman in any capacity and this… He’d never been with a woman he loved before. Touch was different because it was her. Everything was different.

 

He moved her hand faster, his breath ragged against her ear, panting her name and taking the lord’s name in vain alternately. It was not long before he pulsed in her hand, his lips hard on hers to drown his groans.

 

She released her grip on him and moved so her arms were around his neck. She pressed tiny kisses to the underside of his jaw. “I love you,” she whispered, and damned if it wasn’t the sweetest thing Edward had ever heard.

 

He held her close, swaying them in the water, his forehead tilted against hers. Despite the fact he was so recently spent, he was hard pressed to push the thoughts of ravishing her on the bank of the river away. It had occurred to him that she was his, well and truly his. That no one else would see this body, touch this body, but him, and suddenly he was ravenous for her. For everything.

  
He sighed and kissed the tip of her nose before pressing his mouth to hers. “You’ll be my undoing, Bella, and I love you all the more for it,” he mumbled against her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to barburella, jessypt, and songster! 
> 
> Sooooo. How we doing, friends?


	15. Temptation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oye.This one wouldn’t decide where it was going, sorry about that. Onward!

After a long, difficult birth, Carlisle delivered twins to a young woman a ways back in the wagon train. The young woman’s husband was so grateful that he’d saved not only the children but his wife as well, he’d insisted on paying. To that end, Carlisle found himself the owner of a horse. It was a strong, fine animal the man said Carlisle could use to ease his travel. After all, he spent a good amount of time traveling up and down the wagon train. A quick mount could mean the difference between life and death.

 

“Great. Just one more reason you’re going to run yourself ragged,” James groused, but he told Edward to make sure the horse was safe.

 

Jasper jumped at the chance to get on a horse. He had mounted the thing before Edward could blink. He let out a whoop as he got control of the animal. “Good girl. You’re a good girl, aren’t you?” He patted the side of the horse’s head.

 

“You’re good with her,” Edward said.

 

“I’ve always loved horses. Most animals, really, but horses especially.” His smile was serene as he stroked lovingly through the horse’s mane. “I think of all of us, I’m most excited about this new life. Rosalie and I… I love my sister, but sometimes I wonder how we’re related. I think she and Emmett will end up settling in Oregon City, if only because it’s a city.”

 

“It’s beginning to resemble one, anyway.”

 

Jasper grinned and walked the horse in a slow circle. “The getting there has been trying to say the least, but I can’t wait. Alice and I have dreamed about this since we were stupid kids. Raising a family together. Working the land.” He looked at Edward. “What about you?”

 

“What about me?”

 

“Is this what you wanted?” Jasper gestured out at the land.

 

“You mean being out on the trail year after year?” Edward had to laugh. “No, I didn’t want this. I never wanted this.”

 

“Sorry. I’m just trying to figure how a man goes out, gets himself a parcel of land in a place he can make his own and just...walks away. You must have wanted it at some point.”

 

Edward hummed, thoughtful for a few moments. “I don’t know that I ever knew what I wanted, not with a passion. I knew I wanted to be respected. I knew I wanted a wife and family, but they were all vague notions.

 

“My family was the adventurous type, even my mother.  We would often take trips to the wilderness to explore, climb the rocks.” He grinned to himself despite the quiet pang of his heart. “My father bought my mother a pair of breeches so she could climb like we did.”

 

He shook the memory away, continuing his story. “They went on a trip without me. It wasn’t so unusual. By that point I was grown and about to finish my studies.  But I was supposed to go on that particular trip. I fell ill, just a common cold, and I couldn’t go. They went… and they never came back. Their bodies were found a full month later. They’d fallen, you see.”

 

Jasper slid down off the horse and put his hand on Edward’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

 

Edward nodded an acknowledgement. “Anyway. After that, people  treated me differently. My father was a lawyer. I already had his name.” He put his hand to his chest and looked at Jasper with a wry smile. “Edward Anthony Masen Jr.. After he died, it was like people expected me to take his place. His firm offered me the apprenticeship he would have given me without question, with assurances they would take me on as a legitimate lawyer and his various clubs simply told me when meetings were, expecting me to show up.”

 

“It wasn’t the life you wanted.”

 

“I don’t know, to be honest. I don’t know that I ever really thought about it. It was a good life. I had the respect right off, and I could have had the wife and family easily enough.” He clucked his tongue and shook his head. “Course, it’s beginning to be clear to me that I’m just not prone to easy. I’d started to hear about the people heading west. It appealed to me on some base level. A new, wild land with no set rules. A place where I could make a name for myself rather than be known because of who my father was. I started making plans and then Maggie came along. It seemed like I was well on the road to getting everything I wanted on my own terms.”

 

He tilted his head to look at Jasper. “I suppose that’s a long way to answer your question. I don’t know that I ever thought about what I was going to do once I got to the end of the trail. I still don’t know if I’ll make a good farmer. The land produces well enough, I know that, but who knows. That life might just make me miserable.”

 

“Guess you don’t have much choice,” Jasper said. “What with a wife and all that. You have to provide.”

 

At that, Edward’s lips turned up into a genuine smile. “Can I admit something to you?”

 

“Course.”

 

“Bella… She’s the only thing in my life I’ve ever been sure of. I can’t tell you that I’ll like working the land. I can’t tell you if I’ll make it as a farmer or if I’ll ever gain the respect I wanted. But if I get to come home to her, I’m sure I’ll be a happy man. Whatever challenges this new life presents, she’s worth it.”

 

Jasper glanced over his shoulder toward the camp, and Edward knew without looking that his eyes were fixed on his own wife. “Yeah. That she is.”

 

Without another word, Jasper got himself up on the horse again, and Edward fell into step beside him as they walked back to camp.  As usual, his eyes immediately sought Bella out.

 

He found it difficult to concentrate when he was looking at her.

 

It seemed, to Edward, that it was counterintuitive to be irritated at his wife for bringing him pleasure. The problem was she had opened Pandora’s box, except that instead of filled with evil, it was filled with wonderful, tantalizing things. Equally disastrous, though, he often thought. He was ravenous for her. The itch to touch her in every conceivable way, --and Edward had always been a creative soul--was near about unbearable. Out on this godforsaken trail, he could accomplish almost none of them.

 

That didn’t stop him from imagining though.

 

“Hey.” James snapped his fingers in front of  Edward’s face. He scowled as Edward blinked, coming back to himself. “I asked you a question.”

 

“Well, ask it again.”

 

His boss rolled his eyes. “I asked if the horse was going to be trouble.”

 

“She’s healthy and obedient.”

 

James nodded. “Alright, then. You keep her fed and watered. Make sure she’s secure for the night.”

 

“Yeah,all right.”

 

Oxen could be trusted to remain in the same relative area throughout the night, so they were allowed to roam as they pleased once their task for the day was done. Horses were a different story. They were skittish creatures who had to be tied or corralled lest some noise or wild animal spook them.

 

They were nearing the City of Rocks-- an area where granite formations towered high, looking for all the world like a city built for giants. The area was open and the days were hot. But despite his need to get several things done before he could settle for the night, when Edward saw his wife leaning up against the side of the wagon, catching her breath after chasing Henry and Peter about, he couldn’t help but approach her.

 

He stepped softly, so when he wrapped his arms around her from behind, she jumped. He chuckled in her ear and kissed her neck.

 

“Mercy, you near about scared me out of my skin,” she admonished, but she relaxed back against him.

 

Edward hummed, the sound low in his throat as he tried his best not to think about what she looked like in her skin. “I’ve got work to do that’ll take me away from the camp. I came for my goodbye kiss.”

 

She tensed and turned in his arms. “Where are you going?”

 

His cheek twitched as he fought laughter. “To the creek with Carlisle’s new horse.”

 

She rolled her eyes and looped her arms around his neck. “So dramatic. That’s not a thirty minute walk from here.”

 

“Yes, but I won’t be able to see you.” He jutted his lower lip out in a pout.

 

“Hmm.” She kissed his pouting lip softly, teasing. “Then I suppose I’ll consider it my wifely duty to send you off with a proper kiss.”

 

He pulled her flush against him then and kissed her in earnest.  He kept his hands at the small of her back, though he itched to let them drop further. It was one of the things he’d discovered that day in the river. He loved the feel of her bottom in his hands, and it was all he could do not to touch her again.

 

The longer their kiss went on, the harder it was to dissuade himself from the idea that had entered his head. They were on the opposite side of the wagon as the others. Surely he could pull her down into the soft grass and--

 

“Ew!”

 

Edward and Bella broke their kiss, turning their heads to see Peter and Henry pointing and giggling at them. Reluctant, Edward took a step away from Bella, stamping a foot at them. “All right. Scat, you.”

 

They ran off, and Edward turned back to Bella. He kissed her more chastely on the cheek before he put his hat back on. “I’ll be back soon.”

 

She patted him on the bottom, giving him a brazen wink. “I’ll be here, husband mine.”

 

Somehow, she always made it next to impossible to walk away from her. Still, Edward managed. At the creek, as he let the horse drink her fill, he stared into the shallow water. He crouched and touched the chilled stream, recalling perfectly the feel of Bella’s cool skin beneath his palms as the water rushed by. His shiver then had nothing to do with the cold.

 

When the horse lifted her head, content, Edward walked back to camp with a quickened step. He’d been joking when he told Bella the walk to the creek was too long to be away from her. Right then, every word was truth. He needed her. To see her at the very least.

 

Back at camp, he hastily tied the horse to the wagon. It was not a solid tie, but it would hold until after dinner.

 

He found Bella easily. She put a bowl of supper in his hands and sat beside him to enjoy it. He rather enjoyed licking the remnants of it from her lips rather than partake in his own bowl, and he did so quite readily until Emmett cleared his throat and glared.

 

During supper, Henry and Peter clamored. Apparently, the little boys had been pestering Victor who had deflected them off on James. James, Victor said, was the best at telling spooky stories. First they begged their father to let them ask James to tell a story. Once Alistair had told them to feel free to try their luck, they ran over to James’s camp and dragged him back to the fire.

 

To James’s credit, he was a fantastic storyteller. He let the little boys drag him back and set down to tell a few tales from the trail that may have been a little more imaginative than other tellings.

 

Typically, when he heard James’s stories, Edward found it was a good time to catch a few minutes to himself. Now he settled, propped up against a barrell with Bella between his spread legs, her back against his chest.

 

Even with their family and his boss around them, the children included, Edward’s mind began to wander. In this position, it was too easy to imagine what else they could be doing, what he would rather be doing. He could feel how her body fit against his. He pressed his cheek to hers, nuzzling his nose at her neck and trying not to think about how little it would take to slide his hands up or down. Either direction. He really couldn’t decide which he preferred. Really, he would enjoy anything that might elicit that quick intake of breath from her.

 

Bella sucked in a breath, and Edward thought at first his fantasies had gotten the better of him. But no, his hands still rested lightly at her waist. She’d gasped not at his ministrations, but at James’s story. She was unconsciously pressing herself closer to him, completely oblivious to the fact she wasn’t helping keep his mind off his more carnal desires. She wiggled and made those tiny noises he couldn’t help but associate with her pleasure.

 

He was torn between the desire to elicit those sounds from her himself and the urge to punch James in the face for taking that right from him. He was barely able to hold on to enough reason to keep himself in the present.

 

“Don’t worry,” he murmured low in her ear. “I’ll protect you.”

 

She turned her head to press a kiss to the underside of his chin and threaded their fingers together.

 

By the end of James’s tales, the little boys were hiding, one of them pressed between their mother and father, the other cowering in big brother Jasper’s arms, whimpering. Alice was tucked against Jasper’s other side.

 

“Mercy,” Edward heard Esme say. “We might have kept Rosalie away. She’s like to go into labor at this point.”

 

“More’s the better,” Carlisle whispered back.

 

Emmett took up the story telling with something a little more gentle so the boys might sleep through the night. Edward moved his hands along Bella’s neck and shoulders, kneading the tension away. He revelled in the sounds of her soft sighs and little moans.

 

Nights like these, he wasn’t sure how he was going to survive this journey. She had shown him they could be intimate without risking pregnancy. Innocent though she was, he should have known better than to think she couldn’t teach him a thing or two. But now they had to wait until another day of rest could be called before they were alone again.

 

As he mused over this, Bella’s breaths became even. It took him a moment to realize she was asleep.

 

Shifting, he drew her up into his arms and stood. She gave a startled groan, but he hushed her. “Sleep, sweetheart. I have you.”

 

She sighed and nestled against him, closing her eyes again. “I know,” she said and fell back asleep.

 

As he settled her down on their blankets, he marveled again at the trust she put in him. He lay beside her and kissed the back of her hair, and tried to think of anything except how much he wished they were elsewhere, away from prying eyes.

**~0~**

Bella woke with a shiver.

 

The nights of late had been muggy and warm. Even in the very earliest of mornings, Edward was there, his arm wrapped around her. Since her wedding night, Bella had never had cause to wake up chilled.

 

The camp was already up and bustling which disconcerted Bella further. She sat up, her eyes darting around from person to person without landing on the one person she wanted to see. She typically woke when he did, but Edward was nowhere to be seen.

 

“Oh, good. You’re awake.” Alice knelt beside her, helpfully putting her cap on for her.  Wash your face and come get your breakfast. We’ll be off in a few minutes.”

 

Bella caught Alice by the arm before she could run of again. “Where’s Edward?”

 

Alice looked amused. “Honey, if you don’t know where your own husband is, I can’t help you.” She gave Bella a quick hug and bustled off.

 

A quick look around their bedding revealed Edward’s belt, his pistol, and the sack he always carried with him were all gone. Her boots stood alone. She pulled them on and packed up their camp as quickly as she could. Once it was stowed, she went to catch Carlisle’s arm. “Have you seen Edward? Where is he?”

 

It wasn’t Carlisle who answered but a voice from behind them. “Don’t worry about him. He’ll get on soon enough.”

 

Bella whirled to face James, vague, dream-like memories floating back to her at the sound of his irritated voice.

 

“Get up, you damn fool. I told you. I told you to secure that damn horse. Now it’s run off.”

 

“The horse,” she said, remembering.

 

James scoffed. “He didn’t tie her proper.” He eyed Bella with obvious disdain. “Seems he got distracted by… dinner. Anyhow, he’s gone off to find the thing.”

 

Memory again floated back to Bella, and she could recall Edward’s soft kiss to her cheek as she tried to drag herself out of sleep. “Hush, love,” he’d said. “Just a dream. Go back to sleep.”

 

Trusting his word, she’d let herself slip back into her dreams. The liar. But then, he would have wanted her to get a little more rest rather than stay up and worry as she most certainly would have. As she was doing right then.

 

“How long has he been gone? Where is he? Do you know?”

 

“Relax, little one,” James said. “He left just before dawn, so it hasn’t been so long yet. Edward knows what he’s doing. Shouldn’t be too difficult to find one horse. Edward’s a fair decent tracker, and the nag left a clear trail heading that way.” He pointed. “Back toward the creek.”

 

“We should stall until he gets back then,” Carlisle said, looking over to where the wagons were almost all re-packed and the animals ready for the day’s travel.

 

James shook his head. “Ain’t no need for that. Edward knows the way, and he’ll be on horseback.”

 

Bella balked. “What if he doesn’t find her?” She turned to Carlisle. “We can’t leave him behind.”

 

“Relax,” James said again. “He knows what he’s doing.” At Carlisle’s uncertain expression and Bella’s disbelieving one, he made some effort at putting on a softer, more sincere tone. “Truly. Though it was his own mistake that set him off, it’s not so uncommon to have to go off after an animal that’s wandered away. It happens, and this is typical. Even if he doesn’t find the horse, one man moves faster alone than a wagon train. He’ll catch up with us before the day is out, surely.” He grinned at Bella and winked. “I have no interest in leaving you a widow.”

 

He patted her cheek, and Bella turned away, repulsed. When he hurried off to oversee the rest of the preparations.

 

Behind her, Carlisle sighed and put his hand on her shoulder. “I think we can trust his word there,” he said quietly.

 

Bella bristled. “He nearly killed Edward once.”

 

“That was an accident.”

 

“Are you asking me to leave him behind without knowing he’s safe?”

 

“He is first and foremost a guide. He knows this land and his job very well. So does James.”

 

“Edward is first and foremost my husband. You saw to that. You would never leave Esme behind. You wouldn’t expect her to leave you behind.”

 

His smile was ever gentle and patient. “She has left me behind. She does so frequently, and I her as I am frequently behind us or ahead of us in the train.”

 

“That’s different,” Bella said with a scowl. “She knows where you are. Regardless you are with the train and not left on your own in the wilderness.”

 

He sighed. “I know you’re worried, but you needn’t be. Don’t you trust your husband’s expertise? He’s good at what he does, Bella.” He peered up at the sky. “And today is a good day for it besides. The clouds are heavy today, shielding us from the sun, but I don’t think it’ll rain. He has his knowledge and his gun. He’ll have the horse soon enough. You’ll see, sweetheart. He’ll be back with us before evening.”

 

Despite Carlisle’s words, Bella couldn’t find it in her to be soothed. Her mind was playing voices and images in a loop. She remembered Victor telling them of ailing people, left by their families to die alone by the side of the trail.  And then she remembered the lone graves scattered here and there, the people who were buried where they fell, their crude headstones destined to be desolate and forever unvisited by those who’d loved them. She remembered the sad story that had reached them some days before of a child of eight who had gone missing and the family who had ultimately had to leave him lost.

 

Desperate with fear she would never see him again, Bella’s resolve grew. She found a  sack in the wagon and filled it with a few biscuits and some dried meat. She strapped her canteen over her chest and slipped off along the path James had pointed out. She moved quickly, lest she be seen and stopped.

 

Her heart pounded both with fear for Edward and fear for herself. What was she doing? This was foolish, and she knew it. She knew Carlisle and James were right. Edward was capable and skilled. She was not. But she couldn’t shake the feeling of despair that encroached on her. She couldn’t stand not knowing if Edward was safe. She couldn’t stand the idea of him being out here all alone.

 

And James had been right about one more thing. The horse had left clear marks where it was going. She could follow the prints, and more than likely, she would come across Edward and the horse making their way back to camp. He would pull her up to ride with him, scold her for her foolishness, and that would be that.

  
Determined, Bella set out as quickly as her feet would carry her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to barburella, jessypt, and songster. And many thanks to EveryDayBella for posting for me! Weee. I can’t post from work and I have an itchy trigger finger.


	16. The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Omai...some of us think Edward will be a wee bit perturbed at Bella’s action. Hmm. I wonder why. *blinks innocently* Anyway. Let’s see how he’s doing.

“Damn animal. Something’s got you spooked, don’t it?”

 

Edward ducked low behind a shrubbery, watching the horse as it snuffled and shifted its weight. The thing proved to be in a skittish mood today. Edward had caught up with it within an hour a ways downstream, but it had bolted on him several times now.

 

He sighed and stood slowly so as not to frighten the creature. Again. He would have to gain the horse’s trust. He stepped out into the open a few paces. The horse snorted warily. Edward sat crosslegged on the ground and waited.

 

It was already past noon as near as he could tell. He couldn’t be certain. The day had grown gray and chilled. Clouds threatened, and Edward pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth in worry. The City of Rocks was among the worst places to run into a storm. Rain often brought with it fantastic lightning storms, both awing and dangerous. The granite formations attracted lighting like a fish to bait. If James had led the Cullens into a field of granite…

 

Edward tried to keep his calm, not wanting the horse to pick up on his agitation. If the thing would cooperate, they could still catch up with the others with fair ease yet.

 

“You know who you remind me of?” he said, making sure to keep his tone pleasant without a hint of the irritation he felt. “When I was knee high to a grasshopper there was a little girl just two doors down from where we lived. Between you, me, and the rocks, it occurs to me now that she was sweet on me.

 

“That is not,” he told the horse, “why you remind me of her. No. See, at the time, I was just a little boy. All I knew was that she vexed me. Kept pestering me, hanging about when she wasn’t wanted like the flies on your rear end there.”

 

The horse lowered her head to nip at a bush, her stance regal, as if she didn’t approve at all where this story was going.

 

“She worked at getting on my nerves. I’ll tell you, she near about made it an artform.  I hope you can see, you useless nag, why you remind me of her. In fact, I think that’s what I’ll call you. Norma. It’s a fine name, you see. You, like she, still deserve respect, kindness, and patience.

 

“So what say you, Norma?” He got to his feet again, his movements slow. “I promise I’m not angry. What say we go back and join the others, huh?” He took a step and then another. “Have I told you about my wife? This is the longest I’ve been away from her since we wed. I have to tell you, I’m not enjoying it at all. So I’ll make you a deal. You get me back to my Bella by the evening meal, and I will introduce you to apples at the nearest opportunity.” Near enough now, Edward reached his hand out. The horse shifted but didn’t bolt. He wrapped his fingers tight around the reign. “There we go.”

 

Norma gave a disgruntled snort. It was clear from her body language she still wasn’t comfortable. Edward looked up at the sky. The stormclouds were heavier now and growing blacker.

 

Edward sighed as he stroked Norma’s mane. “I’m afraid there’s no getting away from it, my girl. It seems you and I are destined to get wet today. What say you let me mount, and we’ll both be back with the group quicker.”

 

Another few minutes passed as he assured himself the horse was calm enough to ride. He pulled himself up into the saddle just as rain began to fall. He turned the horse, tensing his body to ride forward but then, some part of his intuition flickered.

 

He would never know why he did it. One second he was ready to ride,  the next he was twisting in his saddle and scanning the landscape. He raised his hand to his brow to shield his eyes from the rain. Just as he was about to turn back,  he spotted something moving.  No. Not something. Someone.

 

"Christ. Oh no. No."

 

Edward's heart was hammering about as fast as the gallop he urged Norma to. It was Bella. Of course it was. Though she was barely a dot on his horizon, he knew. He just knew it had to be her, out here in the wilderness. If he had taken off in the direction he’d intended, he never would have seen her. She was behind where they were heading. She could have been lost forever.

 

When he finally got to her, he about vaulted from the horse and caught her up in his arms.

 

"Oh, god. Edward, thank god. Thank God I found you."

 

He held her at arms length. "You found me? Bella, what in all hell are you doing out here?" He was shouting over the din of the falling rain.

 

Her brow furrowed. "I woke and you were gone. I've been looking for you.  James thought you wouldn't be that far, but you were."

 

"James? James knows you're out here?" Edward was going to kill him.

 

She blinked. "No."

 

He shook her a bit, his grip tightening on her shoulders. “Does anyone know you came after me?”

 

She ducked her head. “No.” The word was almost lost in the sound of wind and rain.

 

Before he could even begin to think of what to say to that, there was a loud clap that sounded as though the sky was rending itself in two. Edward tucked Bella under one arm and reached for Norma’s rein with his free hand. On the heels of the first crack of thunder, a second came and the cloud-black sky lit up with lightning. The storm had dropped right on top of them.

 

“Christ.” Edward let go of Bella to steady the horse again. He took Norma’s big head between his hands and looked her right in the eyes. “What I said before about respect and patience? That does not apply right now. I’m telling you true, if you start and buck us off, I will have you butchered. Horse meat is somewhat gamey but passable. I need you to do your job now, the one thing you were bred for. If you cannot, you will be useless to me. Do you understand?”

 

As if to punctuate his words, the sky lit again followed closely by thunder. Bella gasped and pressed tight against his back. Norma made a plaintive sound and shifted her feet, but she didn’t rear.

 

Satisfied, Edward turned back to his wife. He lifted her up. Bella got the idea quickly and she pulled herself up into the saddle with his help. He quickly mounted behind her, getting hold of the reins and kicking the horse to a run.

 

The hard rain stung his face as they rode across the countryside, but Edward could do nothing about that. He was much more concerned by the lightning that flashed every few seconds. This part of the country was known for its lightning storms. Many a time, out on the trail, he had watched the flashes of light trace intricate patterns across the sky and been awed. But then he had watched from relative safety. Out here they were far from safe.

 

A bolt of lightning hit a lone tree not ten feet from them, sending it up in sparks and flames. Edward felt Bella jolt against him in fear. He hunched over her as much as he could, hoping that if the worst should happen, the bolt would strike him and leave her unscathed.

 

It seemed like a lifetime before they had reached the cover of trees. By then the heart of the storm was behind them a pace but still headed in their direction. Edward didn’t stop until he got to the destination he’d had in mind.

 

He slowed Norma down to a trot as they came in sight of a small logwood cabin. It was little more than a shack, but it was a more than adequate shelter from the raging storm outside. He slid off the horse and offered his arms to Bella. Once he had her set on the ground he took her face between his hands, checking her over. She was soaked to the bone and trembling but otherwise fine.

 

“Get inside,” he barked.

 

Her head snapped up, and her eyes went wide. She was hurt by the anger in his tone. He might have felt bad, but just then, his heart was pounding madly and his only thought was to get her into the cabin where the violent flashes of light couldn’t harm her. Into the cabin where she might be out of the freezing rain. His hands at her waist, he gave her a firm push in that direction, and she finally went.

 

Edward only stayed outside long enough to assure Norma was properly tied to the hitching post. He patted her wet flank. “You did well. There are many apples in your future.”

 

When he stepped inside the cabin, he nearly barreled into Bella. She was standing just inside the door, looking around in the dim light.

 

“Wh-where are we?” Her words stuttered through the shivers that wracked her, and he could see her eyes were on the wall where various tools were hung. Out of context he could see why they might seem frightening. “W-w-who’s house is th-this?”

 

Edward pushed past her to the fireplace set into one corner. He was pleased to find at least enough logs left that he might start a fire. “It’s no one’s, really,” he said, his voice still rough and irritated. “It’s a fur-trapper’s cabin. None of them stay in the same place very long. There are cabins like this scattered everywhere, though we were lucky this one was so close. We-- Don’t touch that!”

 

Bella, who had been reaching out to examine one of the many steel-toothed traps that lined the wall, snapped her hand back. She wrapped her arms around herself and looked to him, contrite. “Can I help?”

 

“No.” He turned back to the fireplace, arranging the wood and feeling in his bag for the flint.

 

“Aren’t you c-cold? Y-you’re not even s-s-shivering.”

 

“No.” He knew he was cold, but he couldn’t feel it. His heart was still racing, his thoughts spinning too fast to think about paltry things like the chill on his skin. He couldn’t quite get over the idea she’d been wandering alone for hours looking for him. And then the lightning. What if he hadn’t been there when the lightning storm struck? Then again, what if she had been with the others? Where were they now? If they were in the middle of the granite, they were all in much more danger than Edward and Bella had been out in the open space.

 

When he had the fire going, Edward turned back around to find Bella hadn’t moved. She was still standing in the middle of the small space, arms wrapped around herself, head turned away from him toward the wall. He stood, and she flinched, looking up at him with uncertainty from under her eyelashes. He sighed. He hadn’t meant to be so gruff with her, but she’d scared him.

 

It was hard, though, to stay angry at her. She looked like a half-drowned-cat. The water from her sodden clothes dripped and pooled on the floor, and she was still shaking terribly. Edward took a deep breath and looked around. He thought briefly of tucking her into the room’s one bed, but there was no way they could both fit on it. Besides, the bed was too far away from the fire to do any good any time soon.

 

Swallowing several times to assure his voice would be even when he spoke, Edward extended his hand toward her. “Come here.”

 

Ever trusting, she took his hand and let him draw her closer to the fire. “Take off all your wet things. You’ll freeze.”

 

He didn’t wait for her to reply. Instead, he strode past her to the bed and yanked the blankets and furs off. The room was damp with the rainstorm and musty with dust. He shook the blankets out before he turned back to Bella.

 

She’d taken off her coat, but she still looked uncertain. And cold. She started a little at a particularly loud clap of thunder. If he’d been calm enough he might have teased her. Was she really being so shy now when she had been so brazen out on the river?

 

He gave his head a hard shake before that thought could take root. He still needed to take care of her. He didn’t need to be thinking about what her body might look like out of the water by the light of the fire.

 

Of course, the fact she seemed as skittish as Norma had that morning sobered him somewhat. Like the horse, she was picking up on the charge in the room, the tension that rolled off him in waves, and it had her on edge. He could see it plain as day, and regardless of what she’d done, he didn’t want to be the one that made her that uncomfortable.

 

Wrapping an arm around her waist, he brought her tight against him. With his free hand he stroked her hair back off her face. Tremors still shook her body, and her teeth were clenched tight against the shivers. Still, when her eyes met his, she let out a soft breath and tilted her cheek against his palm. “Everything will be fine,” he said as much to himself as her. “We’ll wait out the storm here and meet with the others in the morning.” He stroked his thumb under her eyes. “Right now, you need to get dry and warm.”

 

“You too?”

 

He smiled and pressed his lips to hers in a tender kiss. “Yes. Me too.”

 

Before he turned around--leaving each other a little room for modesty seemed the best idea under the circumstances--he rested a blanket at her feet so she might cover herself. That done, he shrugged out of his soaking coat and draped it over the snowshoes that hung on the wall. He did the same with his shirt and kicked off his boots. Then, he turned around and froze.

 

He’d caught her just as she leaned down to pick the blanket up off the floor. She was turned away from him, her round bottom on display and perfect despite the gooseflesh that covered it. The shape of her did things to him, stirred that now too familiar lust and longing.

 

She draped the blanket over her shoulders, pulling it closed around her, huddling closer to the fire. Edward closed his eyes for a moment and breathed in and out, suddenly glad that he was beginning to feel the chill on his skin. Seeing her like that, if only for an instant, had driven every thought out of his head, and it took him a few moments to remember what he’d been about to do.

 

Giving the furs one final shake to rid them of what dust he could, he laid them out on the floor near the fire and then brought the blankets over as well. There he stopped, debating with himself. He questioned whether or not his next thought was merely an excuse to touch her.

 

Bella turned toward him, still hunched and shaking even under the blanket, and Edward was decided.

 

Their eyes met, and he held her gaze as he reached to undo the button of his pants. When she realized what was going on, Bella turned back to face the fire, but not before he saw the flush raise to her cheeks. She was just affording him the same modesty he’d afforded her, he thought.

 

As nude as she was now, he stepped up behind her. Her breath caught, but she didn’t start. When he pulled the blanket off and away from her, she didn’t protest though she made a soft, surprised noise.

 

“Shh,” he said near her ear. “This is the fastest way to get warm, that’s all.” He pulled her down onto the floor with him, holding her the way they were accustomed to now, her back against his chest. He spread the blanket over his shoulders and wrapped it around them both.

 

His arms around her waist, he bent his head to blow hot air against her cold shoulder. She sighed, some of the tension going out of her as she leaned back against him. This was fine, he thought. It was no different than holding her the night before.

 

No different except that when he held her like that fully clothed, all he could think of was how he wanted to touch her, and hear the little noises she would make as his fingers found her most sensitive spots.

 

No different except that they were skin to skin, and he could feel her coarse curls with his fingertips sitting as he was with his arms low around her. He lifted one hand to brush her hair off her shoulder and continued his trail of open mouthed kisses to her neck. Her breath picked up, and she wiggled against him, only making matters worse.

 

Then it occurred to Edward he didn’t know what he was waiting for. She had taught him that they could still be intimate without the danger of pregnancy. Hadn’t he been dying for an excuse to get her in private? They were very much alone now and nothing he wanted to do with her was going to make her colder.

 

Bella turned her head to him, catching his lips when he trailed his kisses from her neck up to her cheek. He let his hands begin to creep up her body until he cupped her breasts. She gasped into his mouth and then moaned when he gave her nipples a gentle pinch.

 

She bucked back into him as he explored her skin with his fingertips and leaned back so her head rested on his shoulder. That was all well and good, except it naturally invited his teasing fingers lower. He drew a path from her breasts to her belly, memorizing the feel of her. Every gasp he elicited, every moan was as pleasurable to him as if she'd touched him.

 

When his exploring fingers tangled in the damp curls between her thighs,  her heartbeat quickened. He could feel it plainly with his chest against her back.

 

Yes, they were both plenty warm now. Hot.

 

He slid his fingers along her slit slowly, ready to pull back at the first sign of discomfort, but she only whimpered and turned her head so her lips brushed his neck. His fingers found that curious little nub, and when he rubbed she jolted against him. Her hands, resting at that point in his thighs, squeezed hard.

 

His own breath came heavy near her ear. God, her little whines would have him undone before he could...

 

But no, he shouldn't think of that.

 

He distracted himself by moving lower, spreading her open so he could slide a finger inside her. Then it was him who groaned. She was wet and slick for him.

 

The blanket over his shoulders encased him in an uncomfortable tomb of heat. He shrugged it off so that he might continue his ministrations without that barrier. Anyway,  Bella's body radiated heat. Her back and his chest were moist with the condensation of their mingled sweat.

 

Outside, the storm raged on, the crack and roll of the thunder somehow fitting background music as Edward's thoughts gave way to base need. She writhed under his touch, and he wanted to see her. It was a feral desire, all instinct and need. He had her on her back in a movement so swift they both gasped and paused.

 

She was gorgeous, glorious. Her face was flushed in hectic shades of pink and scarlet. There was a dark quality to her eyes, as though she could be dangerous. What a funny thought it would have been if his mind wasn't so clouded with lust. His little, teenaged wife dangerous? But she was. She had him senseless, and he was so hers, he'd have gladly given over his very self just to please her.

 

Leaning over her, propped up on one elbow, he ran his fingers down her body. He might have feasted on her skin if he hadn't been so busy devouring her with his eyes. She had such pretty breasts with pert, hard nipples.

 

Drawing his hand down, he watched in fascination as his fingers disappeared into her. Hot. God it was good and yet... It was a ridiculous thing for a man to be jealous of his own fingers.

 

He looked back up at her face, needing to see her as he pleasured her. The sight of her didn't disappoint. Her eyes crossed and her lips parted as she sighed. When she saw him watching, she closed her eyes, biting down on her lip.

 

He'd neglected her lips, he realized. That's what was missing here. She needed to be kissed, thoroughly so. He leaned down to do just that. He parted her lips with his tongue, seeking hers. She wound her arms around him, pulling him closer. His body responded and, quite without realizing it, he had pressed himself down on her.

 

Her hands raking through his hair, she shifted beneath him, widening her legs to accommodate their new position. Unfortunately for his will, the movement lined up their bodies. He was there, so close he need only nudge her legs open just a little wider and push. He stifled a groan against her neck.

 

"Edward, please. I want... I want..."

 

He was startled to hear her voice after so long with only moans and sighs passed between them.

 

"Please," she begged again, and it was Edward who whimpered.

 

There was, some distant part of him knew, a very good reason why he should not go where he so desperately wanted to. He only had to recall it.  But all he could hear was her breathless voice in his ear, the way she wanted him. And mother of mercy how much he wanted her. She owned him, this beautiful creature, and he ached to be home inside her. His cock had been hard as the granite outside for too long now.

 

She thrust her hips up to meet his, his name tumbling from her lips again, and his will shattered. His cock found her entrance with no effort at all, and in one push, he was sheathed inside her.

 

Bella cried out, her fingernails digging into his back, and they both stilled. It was one of the hardest things he could imagine when all he wanted was to thrust, thrust, thrust--relieve the pressure that was only growing worse at the base of him. But he'd have done anything for her, so he waited. She'd clamped her lips at his shoulder and her breath was hot as fire against his skin. Still he waited until her breath evened and the tension drained from her. When the sting of her nails disappeared, he moved again.

 

Pulling back, he pressed soft, sweet kisses to her lips and cheeks and chin as he moved inside her. They were apology--how could this possibly feel as good for her as it did for him--and reverent worship all at once. Her breath stuttered, but she kissed him back, trembling beneath him for reasons that had nothing to do with the cold.

 

He didn't last long; he couldn't, not when it had been too many long days and weeks that he'd craved this, her. He couldn't last long when the emotion of joining with her simultaneously knocked him on his ass breathless and sent him flying straight up to the stars. He'd been right. Her body opened to welcome him as if he'd always belonged there, as though he was finally home.

 

Afterward he lay draped over her as he caught his breath again. He was so content he wanted to cry when she ran her fingers through his hair, gently untangling the gnarls and knots.

 

Eventually his mind began to turn on again. He was somewhat vexed to realize he had not concentrated on her comfort as he'd intended. He'd had a plan for when they were finally able to couple, and this had not been it. He lifted his head and stroked her cheek in adoration. His mouth, he discovered, was dry and his voice gravelly when he spoke. "Are you all right?"

 

Her answering smile was gentle and shy. "Yes," she whispered.

 

He traced her lips with his fingertip and sighed. Thoughts and with them worries were beginning to creep back into his consciousness. "I...I should feed you." It was really the least of what he should do but perhaps the only thing he could reasonably accomplish just then.

 

She brushed her fingers through his bushy beard. "Not yet."

  
That was all the invitation he needed. He laid back down, resting his head at her breast. He took one of her hands twining their fingers together. "I love you, Bella."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to jessypt and barburella!
> 
> On a personal note, I’m finishing up writing my second book, a novel I believe will be called “One To Tell The Grandkids”. I’m planning on posting more info + the first chapter in the next couple of weeks. If you’re interested, there are links to my author’s blog and Facebook in my profile. Follow me and I’ll be updating those pages soon.
> 
> Annnnd onward. So. Uh. That happened. How we doing?


	17. First Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh, these kids… I wrote part of this in class last night. I’ll let you guess which part. Ehehehe. Good student, me.

Bella stirred to the sounds of movement around her. By then, she was used to waking up sore. She pointed her toes as she stretched. It was seconds before it sunk in that the ache she felt was far from typical. She opened her eyes just enough to verify she wasn’t crazy; she really was in a surprisingly cozy cabin, laying on a pile of furs. The blanket that had been so hastily shoved aside shortly before was draped over her.

 

And her husband stood at the fire, his back to her. He was covered only by the blanket that rested over his shoulders. Bella shivered, a thrill that ran through her body at the sight of him.

 

What a curious thing it was to become part of a person. She’d been at once consumed, his body owning hers completely, and powerful. That she could take him inside of her and watch as he was lost and found all at once. The way he looked at her, as though she was the answer to every question he’d posed to the world.

 

She wanted to rise and go to him, to wrap her arms around his waist and draw him back down onto the furs with her. This seemed a counterintuitive thought. She still stung and ached from his first intrusion, yet every instinct in her yearned to have him again.

 

Still, she was far from certain of herself. Instead of pushing to her feet, she shifted where she lay, rustling the blankets so she made enough noise to draw his attention. Edward turned toward her and smiled.

 

It was a forced smile; she could tell instantly he was unhappy. Bella forgot all about seduction. All at once she remembered how they’d ended up in this cabin lined with steel traps and musty-smelling furs. She’d awaken in a daze from the haze of lovemaking. The rest of her family was not, she wagered, so lucky. While she lay safe in her husband’s arms, they were exposed to the elements. She sat up in a mild panic.

 

“Do you think the others are okay? Do you think they’ve found shelter from the storm?”

 

His eyes flicked to hers, and his tone was mild when he spoke. “I have no earthly way of knowing that.” She must have looked stricken because his expression softened and he scooted away from the fire to sit closer to her, his hand to her leg. “Lightning storms can be very dangerous, but the wagon train generally gets through them just fine. It’s a matter of luck, but the others know as well as I do how best to keep out of trouble.” His eyes narrowed. “Which is more than I can say for you.”

 

Bella ducked her head and drew her legs up to her chest, pulling the blanket tighter around her. “You’re still angry with me.”

 

He set his lips in a thin line and scooted closer to her. He took her by the shoulders and gave her a light shake. “Bella, do you have any idea how close you came to being out there in that storm absolutely alone? Of course I’m still angry with you. You were unbearably foolish, and it could have cost me the only thing in this life I hold dear.”

 

“You think it’s different for me? How could you think I could leave you behind? I had to go find you.”

 

“I was never lost.” There was a note of exasperation to his tone. “Let me ask you this. If I wasn’t here, could you make it back to the trail on your own? Do you know where it is? What direction to head in?”

 

Bella was quiet. She knew damn well she’d turned herself in hopeless circles when he came riding up.

 

“That’s what I thought,” he said. “What in the name of all hell were you thinking?”

 

Indignance began to tug at the edges of her uncertainty. “I already told you what I was thinking. I couldn’t leave you. I couldn’t. It was too awful to think of moving forward without you. You think I could have stood it? Walking off and not knowing if you were safe?”

 

“I told you, I know exactly where I am. I always knew where I was and how to find the trail. Never at any point was there a time that was in question. I always knew how to get back to you.”

 

“I wasn’t worried you’d get lost. I was worried something would happen and I would never know.”

 

“I know how to survive this trail, Bella. You should know that by now.”

 

“What is the one thing you’ve put into my head over and over? Nature is unpredictable and unforgiving. I’ve heard enough stories from Victor and Laurent about who’s fallen on the trail, guides and greenhorns alike.” She scowled at him. “Does it even occur to you to remember what happened the last time you wandered off on an errand James sent you on? Away from the camp, away from where I could see you? If I hadn’t followed you then, you would have died.”

 

Edward opened his mouth to respond but quickly shut it again. He was glaring at her. She glared right back, and he growled in frustration. "You're stubbornness is going to get you killed. Don't you understand that?"

 

"Could you have walked away and simply trusted that the land would give me back to you? On James's word, no less. I'm forced by circumstance to trust him with my life. Don't ask me to trust him with yours."

 

For a full, tense minute, they stared at each other angrily. Then shame began to cut through Bella's indignation along with a healthy helping of confusion. She knew he'd been irritated before, when they first got to the cabin, but then he'd pulled her into his arms and...

 

She ducked her head and worried the edge of the blanket between her fingers. "Are you terribly angry with me?"

 

"Oh, I could throttle you cheerfully." He sighed and scooted closer so their covered knees touched. "But I can’t be angry at you without being angry at myself. I wasn’t paying attention. If I’d tied the horse right in the first place, neither of us would have been out here. And then, when James roused me, I could have woken you up to reassure you. I should have done that rather than let you wake to find me gone."

 

Bella's throat tightened. In retrospect she could see how stupid she'd been, running off as though she had any hope of finding him before she got lost herself. But she could still remember the fear and panic that had consumed her. It still lingered like a coat of bile on her tongue. It was what kept her from promising to never do anything so reckless. She would. Over and over, she would make the same choice.

 

She raised her head and straightened her shoulders, looking him straight in the eyes. "I don’t want to wake up like that again."

 

Edward took her hands and raised them, so he could kiss her knuckles. "That’s a promise. Be patient with me, Bella. I'm learning to be a good husband, and I won't make the same mistakes twice."

 

He moved again so he was beside her, and Bella relaxed as the last of the tension dissipated from the air between them. She watched him kiss each of her fingers in turn. Her blood ran hot in her veins, and her heart began to pound. She wanted to lay back, pull him with her and over her. She wanted to be consumed by him again.

 

"It’s not like you to be so careless with the horses," she said, trying to derail those wanton thoughts.

 

He raised his head and began to trace the line of her chin with the tip of his finger. "Yes, well. I was distracted."

 

His gentle touch sent flames under her skin and electricity over it. "By what?" she asked, breathy.

 

He crooked a finger under her chin and tilted her head up. "Providence saw fit to give me the most beautiful wife in the world. It's hard to concentrate on silly things like my job when I would rather be with you." He swept his thumb over her lip, his eyes following the movement. "When all I can think about is..."

 

He let his words disappear into her lips. It was not a quick kiss but one that only stoked the fire in her veins into an inferno.  She let go of the tight hold on her blankets to wrap her arms about his neck.

 

Edward groaned into her mouth and pulled back slightly. He caught the blanket before it fell off her shoulders and pulled it up tighter around her. Their breath mingled between them, and he had to swallow several times before he could speak. "Ah, Bella. I might have spoken too soon about making the same mistake twice. Here I swore I wouldn't put you in danger, that I wouldn't subject you to the weakness of illness out here, and look what I've done." His sigh was a stutter near her ear. "What I want so much to do again. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done what I did. I swear it was only my intention to warm you, but damn if you didn't feel so good against me like that."

 

"Of all the things to apologize for." Bella gave a shaky laugh. Her eyelashes fluttered with the sensation of his fingers trailing up and down her back. She hid her face at his neck, too shy to look at him as she spoke her next words. "I wanted you. I... I want you to again."

 

He brought her head up to study her face again. “Are you trying to tempt me?” His voice was stern, but his eyes betrayed both amusement and what Bella was coming to recognize as lust.

 

Her husband wanted her. She was sure of it. The idea made her chest tighten. Emboldened, she got to her knees and pressed her palms to his chest. His eyes followed her as she leaned in and began to press tiny, sweet little kisses to his chin, his cheeks, the corner of his mouth. “If I was,” she said between kisses. “Would you say it’s working?”

 

He growled and Bella found herself flat on her back in the next heartbeat, her breath pushed out of her by shock. He held himself above her, staring down, his eyes dark and mischievous. “Little girl, do you know what games you’re playing?”

 

Before she had a chance to think about what was happening, he’d leaned in to claim her lips. As he did, his body brushed hers, his hips pinning her. He broke their kiss quickly which was just as well; she was already breathless. Their noses touched, and they both panted. “Don’t you know, Bella, that a proper wife shouldn’t be such a wanton wench?”

 

He was so close to her, his body engulfing hers, that Bella’s thoughts scattered. She couldn’t have answered him but then, she wasn’t at all sure he was looking for an answer.

 

“Didn’t I hurt you, Bella?”

 

“N-no,” she said on a breath. “Edward, no.”

 

He tilted her head and kissed her more softly. “I did. Of course I did. Yet you still want me again. Now?” His hips pushed against hers, and she whimpered. Not in pain, but because of the sensation that shot through her. “You’re not scared.”

 

“No,” she said, though truthfully, part of her was. It had hurt. Of course, she’d known it would. She didn’t have the right words to tell him how she felt. Yes, she was nervous. Physically, it had been an odd mixture of pleasure and pain. But beyond the physicality, there had simply been something… more about her joining with Edward. That, and it seemed her body yearned for his instinctually. It was a primal need. Her hips bucked up, responding to his without her conscious effort. “I would… I want...I want you.”

 

He growled again and let his full weight bear down on her. They were a tangle between his blanket and hers, bits and pieces of their skin touching. “I don’t want to deny you,” he said between voracious kisses. “You know that, don’t you?”

 

“You don’t have to.” She tangled her fingers in his hair.

 

He rolled partially onto his side, enough that he had a full view of her body. Her blanket lay over her haphazardly at best now, and he pushed it to the side, exposing her breasts fully to the balmy air of the cabin. Bella’s chest rose and fell sharply. Edward’s touch was gentle. He brushed his thumb over her nipple and then cupped her breast. He leaned down, taking her in his mouth. Bella made an odd noise somewhere between a squeak and a low moan.

 

The lightning storm that raged outside was nothing compared to the flashes of fire and heat he sent through her body.

 

With a groan of his own, Edward rolled away from her. He got to his feet, groaning as he did, barely managing to catch his blanket before it fell away from his waist.

 

As he stepped away from her, toward the fire, she sat up, still panting and befuddled. “What are you doing?”

 

He had grabbed up a pitcher and basin by then, and he came back, resting these at her side. “My intention was to take care of you when you woke,” he said, pouring water into the basin. He looked up at her with an adoring smile. “You destroy my best intentions, my wanton witch.” He kissed the tip of her nose.

 

Feeling confused and foolish, she began to reach for her blanket, but he stopped her. He swept the hair off one shoulder and ran his lips along the line of her throat. “Let me take care of you, Bella. That’s my duty as your husband; to take care of you.” His words rumbled against her skin, and she sighed.

 

Edward lifted his head and kissed her cheek before he set about his business. He ran a soft cloth through the water in the basin and began to clean her. The cool water was pleasant on her overheated skin, an altogether different sensation that pulled her nipples ever more taut as he worked.

 

He started at her face, taking care to press with the lightest touch under her eyes and harder around her ears. He wiped at her neck, his eyes straying lower to where water trickled down the side of her breasts.

 

Then lower. He pushed her back to lay on the furs as he tended to her, wiping down her front.

 

She wondered if she should be embarrassed. When he pushed her legs open, she was all too aware of the stickiness that had long dried against her thigh. She threw an arm over her eyes, torn between giving herself over to the exquisite experience of his touch and self-consciousness at her lack of experience with anything. She still wasn’t sure if it was right to want him the way she did. He’d said it himself, that a proper wife wasn’t so brazen.

 

Surely he’d been teasing. Hadn’t he? She couldn’t speak, and he didn’t as he wiped away the evidence of their coupling.

 

All pondering, worry, and any thought in general went straight out of her head when he slid down her body and buried his face between her thighs. She gasped and jerked, her legs coming up, but he raised a hand to push them back down. “Hush,” he admonished, silencing her confused yelp.

 

“I… you… oh. Oh.” She quickly lost the ability to speak as he began to lick and suckle. This… this was not something Bella had any concept for. Her hands scrambled. One of them tangled in his hair, the other reached back, seeking something, anything solid. She needed something to keep her tethered to this planet because this was something other. Just other. It was wrong and right and frightening and exhilarating and she wanted to tell him to stop, stop. There was something she wasn’t ready for her, something unknown, and it was building inside her. Quickly. Coiling. Her muscles tensed and twitched, out of her control, and she didn’t know if she liked it, but at the same time, she did. Oh, god. She did. And she was scared that if she opened her mouth, she would beg him. For what, she had no idea.

 

His tongue probed her deeper and her hips bucked. Her hand found the foot of the bed. She clung. She clawed it. She realized too late she had the other hand had slipped to his shoulder, gripping hard. The noises she was making were ones she had never heard before, not from anything let alone her own mouth. Yet she couldn’t stop them, and she couldn’t make them form words.

 

What was this? What was happening? She was about to come apart at the seams; she was sure. She called his name. Then she screamed it as she was driven into madness. Her body convulsed, and her vision went white.

 

Sense returned to her slowly. She loosened her grip on the foot of the bed, finding her fingers aching and cramped with tension. Her body trembled with an odd weakness, limp and pliant as Edward straightened and gathered her into his lap. He rocked her, pushing damp tendrils of hair away from her face and kissing her cheek.

 

“What…” She swallowed. “What was that?” she whispered, trying to make her wobbly limbs respond so she could wrap her arms around him.

 

He chuckled. “Did you enjoy it?”

 

She had to think about that for a moment. She muffled the answer against his skin as she hid her head in the crook of his neck. “Yes.”

 

“It’s what you did for me in the water.” With her face to his neck, she felt him swallow thickly. “And before…” He sighed. “Before shouldn’t have happened, Bella. And it won’t. Not out here. I won’t tempt fate again.”

 

She raised her head, but before she could argue, he pressed a finger to silence her. He replaced his finger with his lips against hers. “Soon,” he promised, the word a rumble against her skin. “Two months. Perhaps two and a half, and we’ll say goodbye to this godforsaken trail forever. Then…” His hand dropped to her belly. “Everything, Bella. I’ll give you a home and a family. I promise.”

 

They kissed and rocked and silence for a while longer, and Bella was content to be in his arms. Surviving as they did day by day on the trail, it was sometimes hard to believe this journey would ever be over. Home, she thought.

 

What a strange concept to wrap her head around. She had begun this journey thinking she would go home to her father’s house, with the Cullens and their brood close by. Her whole world had changed. A home of her own, and a family. She was almost surprised at the wave of longing she felt. She wanted those things. She’d never thought about it before, not in any real sense, but she wanted it. She wanted this. Edward.

 

Their journey had an end. She had a future that wasn’t dusty trails and coffee and bland biscuits for breakfast each morning. She had a future, and, if Edward could be expected to keep his promises, a say in what that future looked like.

 

Bella yawned and rested her head on his shoulder, sleepy and content as a kitten in a sunbeam. “Can we have a cat?” she murmured, not really awake anymore.

 

His body jostled as he chuckled. “Cats are, as far as I understand it, essential on a farm anyhow. I expect we’ll have more than one.”

 

“Good,” she said as the world began to fade away.

 

When she woke again, the fire was low and the night was quiet. The lighting and rain had ebbed. Edward had laid her on the cabin’s little bed, but in the low light she could see his form on the floor beside her. She frowned to herself, not really awake, and got out of bed.

 

“Bella?” he murmured sleepily.

  
She didn’t say anything. She simply lay down on the furs on the floor with him. He grumbled something, but he lifted his blanket and tucked her underneath with him. Satisfied, she lay her head on his chest and drifted back to sleep in an instant. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I was totally supposed to get them out of the cabin and back to the family but ya know, Bella hadn’t had hers so… there ya go.
> 
> Many thanks to barburella and jessypt. Love them so much. Hope you all have a great weekend!


	18. Epicenter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Shorty chapters seem to be my MO this week. Eh! Let’s get these kids reunited with the family.

It was dawn when Edward rose again.  He blinked several times, revelling for a few more precious seconds in the warmth from the furs, blankets, and his wife’s body pressed against his.

 

He took the usual few moments of quiet to stare at her, to watch as she slept. Today more than ever, the feeling of peace and contentment that rose in him was surreal. Today he woke to hearth and home. It was easy to imagine that soon, this would be his daily life. He would rise from his own bed, in his own home, to work his own land. Bella would be there by his side when he woke and in his arms as he slept.

 

It was a good daydream.

 

Reluctantly, he rolled away from her and rose to his feet. He stretched, looking out the cabin’s window to survey what he could of the land and sky. The clouds remained, but they weren’t nearly as threatening as they had been the day before. It would be a chilly day, but the ride would be easy enough.

 

He went about his business, straightening and packing up what little they’d brought with them. He surveyed the cabin for anything that might be of use. He would send James back with supplies to replace whatever he took.

 

It was only a few minutes later, as he stood over the fire, that he heard a rustle behind him, and Bella’s soft yawn. “What are you doing?” she asked, her voice scratchy with sleep.

 

A thrill went down his spine. With her voice pitched low like that, what he wanted most to do was turn and push her flat on her back, take her again to keep her warm from the early morning chill. It was best he was turned away. His will had proved to be less than solid when it came to his pretty wife.

 

“I found some beans when I woke earlier, and I set them to cook. It won’t be a particularly flavorful meal, but it’ll be enough to get us through the day until we find the others.” He ladled some of the beans in the pot he had over the fire into the tin cup from his own supplies and steeled himself as he turned around.

 

Bella smiled. It was a shy smile, and the sight of her sent warmth like liquid through his chest. She was so young and sweet that she stoked an urge in him to gather her close and tuck her under his arm to protect her from whatever the world might throw at them next. At the same time, a fire sparked low in the pit of his belly. Her hair fell wild, mussed from his fingers and the time she’d spent on her back beneath him. She was still nude under the blanket she held clasped at her chest. It would take nothing at all to tug the blanket out of her hands and…

 

Edward shook the thought away, aware that he was staring. He settled next to her on the furs and pressed the tin cup into her grasp. With his hands free, he pushed her hair back out of her eyes, just looking on her. For long moments they stared at each other with soft smiles, his fingers tracing her hairline in soft strokes.

 

Bella’s stomach chose that moment to rumble, and they both laughed, coming out of their shared daze. “Hush,” she said, blushing. “I haven’t eaten since yesterday morning.”

 

“Ah, Bella.” He drew his thumbs over her lips. “I’m not doing a very good job of taking care of you.”

 

She kissed him. It was a quick peck to the underside of his jaw. “I was cold, and you warmed me,” she said, still so close to him her breath was hot on his skin. Her blush deepened, but her words were steady. “I wasn’t hungry for food.”

 

“Wanton,” he accused before he sought her lips with his. He was careful to keep the kiss relatively chaste. He didn’t let his hands wander more than to cup the side of her face, letting his thumb brush her cheek. It was difficult not to take more when he knew it was so freely offered. It was especially difficult when she set her cup down so she could draw his fingers along his bearded chin.

 

After a moment, he pulled back and brushed the tip of her nose with his. “It’s time for us to return to the world.” He sighed and scooted back from her. “Get dressed. I’m sure the family is beside themselves with worry by now. I’ll have Norma ready to ride in ten minutes or less.”

 

Some minutes later, the fire had been snuffed, and, as promised, the horse was ready to go. Bella emerged from the cabin dressed with her hair tamed into plaits, tucked up under her cap. She stepped to his side and handed him the tin cup of beans. It had been refilled now with the remainder of the beans he’d made. “You didn’t eat yesterday either.”

 

A lascivious tease lingered on the tip of his tongue, and Edward brought the cup to his lips to hide it. Besides the fact whispering filthy things into his wife’s ear would do nothing to quell his desire for her, he also had to remind himself that Bella had been innocent until he’d taken her the night before. He had seen the hint of uncertainty that had flitted across her features when he’d called her a wanton witch the night before. He would have to be more careful.

 

Still, it was difficult to keep a civil tongue. In his travels, Edward had known what it was to starve, and yet the taste of her skin on his lips, her sex under her tongue was more satisfying than any meal. Remembering his mouth on her, Edward shivered. He swallowed a groan and kissed her in thanks before he brought the cup up to eat.

 

Minutes later they were on their way. Edward pushed the horse to a quick gait. He navigated easily through the forest. It was more peaceful than it should have been. Bella was a warm weight pressed against his back. Her arm was wrapped around his waist, and her head rested on his shoulder. As long as she was safe, he was happy.

 

After a time, they stopped to stretch and let Norma drink. "Where are we going to meet the trail again? How far do you expect they got before the storm?" Bella asked.

 

"We're meeting up with the trail around where we last camped." He fixed her with a look. "Do you think they didn't notice you were missing? They'd have stopped immediately. It's likely they're still looking for you."

 

Bella ducked her head, abashed. "I've delayed our whole party."

 

"That you have, my stubborn one." He looped his arm around her waist and tugged her close. "We'll be fine. The important thing is you're safe."

 

They remounted and were off again a minute later.

 

Half an hour into that second leg of their journey, Bella's startled cry pulled Edward out of his pondering. He slowed Norma to a trot and looked around to see what might have frightened her. "What? What's--"

 

He cut off when he saw what she must have seen. Black smoke curled up, rising from the furthest rise from where they were. The smoke was right around where Edward had last seen the family. Edward dug his heels into the horse’s sides, pushing her to a gallop.

 

It took an agonizing half an hour to get to the trail. Edward pulled the horse to a stop the at  the first still wagon he saw. "What's happened? " He asked, nodding his head at the smoke still thick in the air.

 

One of the little ones wiggled away from her mother's arms and stood looking up at Edward and Bella. "There was a great fire. There was lightning and thunder and the lightning hit all over. It scared me something awful." She grabbed her toddler brother's hand. "Mommy made me take Benny and hide under the wagon, but some wagon burned."

 

The mother hushed the child and looked up at Edward. "The lightning storm struck, but the rain didn't come with it. One of the wagons up ahead caught fire, and it got out of control with the wind. Many wagons burned and a lot of livestock ran off. Some are injured. My husband went ahead on the trail to offer help."

 

"Do you know anything about Dr. Cullen’s family?" Bella asked. Anxiety made her voice thin.

 

The woman shook his head. "I know nothing of his family. Dr. Cullen is helping the wounded. That's all I know. The news doesn't travel back this way very quickly."

 

Edward looked over his shoulder at Bella. "If I asked you to stay here, would you?"

 

Her only response was to tighten her arms around his waist. He sighed. "Of course not." He nodded at the little family. "Thank you. Stay safe."

 

They rode on. On horseback, they wove through the scattered wagons with relative ease. Many families were back on the trail as if this was a normal day, and those wagons rolled by at the usual pace. It seemed a surreal thing when he knew for other families, possibly his own, this day brought only disaster.

 

The extent of the damage became apparent quickly. It was small things at first. Here and there, a few wagons showed signs of burning. Some canvas covers sported holes where fire had hit. Along the ground, Edward could see patches of burnt grass and charred shrubs.

 

Edward's stomach began to churn as they got closer and he began to recognize the families stalled on the trail. These were the families they circled the wagons with at night. They were the ones who had come to the wedding, who gathered to dance at the end of a long day's travel.

 

As they passed, some called their names with relief. Edward got the impression it was widely known he and Bella had been separated from their family. It warmed Edward slightly. In the wake of disaster, looking out for one another was what people did best. Edward waved in acknowledgment but didn't stop.

 

They finally found the Cullens and the Hales at the epicenter of the mess. Bella hopped down as soon as Edward was going slow enough, leaving him to find a place to tie off the horse. He watched Bella run toward the smoldering mess that used to be the Hale's wagon.

 

Esme and Alice appeared first, each of them calling Bella's name as they ran. The three women crashed together in a tangle of limbs and tears.

 

The little boys, Peter and Henry, were not far behind. As the three fell to the ground,  they wormed their way in between everyone to get their hugs in. When they had properly greeted Bella, they made a beeline for Edward and wrapped themselves around his legs. Edward ruffled their hair, touched by the fact they cared.

 

Esme pulled back, cupping Bella's face in her hands and looking her over. "Are you all right? Are you hurt?"

 

"I'm fine. Just fine."

 

"You foolish, foolish girl. You scared us all half to death," Esme said, wagging a finger in Bella's face. "I have half a mind to take you over my knee, married woman or not."

 

"Don't think I haven't thought about it," Edward said as he knelt beside Bella.

 

Esme turned to him and to Edward's surprise, she wrapped her arms around him,  kissing his cheek. "It's good to see you safe, dear boy."

 

"You weren't so lucky," he said. All four of them were streaked with soot. "Where is everyone else?"

 

"Oh, mercy, it was awful," Alice said. "The lightning struck the wagon ahead of us, but ours caught so quick after the fire started. And Alistair... Alistair..."

 

"Oh, no. Oh, no," Bella said. "Don't tell me..."

 

"Papa burned his leg," Peter said.

 

"It's a bad burn," Esme said, her voice quiet. "Vera is with him. Carlisle did what he could, of course, but there was only so much. He had to move on and help the others. The boys went him." She looked to Edward. "Your men are salvaging what they can from the wagon. They just left to get more water from the river."

 

"And Rosalie?" Bella asked.

 

"Resting in the other wagon," Alice said. "The stubborn mule nearly ran herself ragged trying to care for her father and help with the wreckage. The last thing we need is for her pains to start when Papa has his hands full as it is."

 

"How bad was the damage to the cargo of the wagon?" Edward asked Esme.

 

The look on her face said it all,  and Edward felt momentarily light-headed. Half their food and supplies had been in that wagon.

 

"Papa needs us now," Peter said. "Carlisle said we need to be strong for him."

 

The little boys hustled everyone to their feet and back to their father's side.

 

Edward's stomach sank again when he saw the extent of Alistair's wounds. He lay on the ground with his head pillowed on his wife's lap. He was covered by several thick winter coats except for one leg. His pants had been torn up above his knee, and his exposed leg was bandaged with strips of cloth that looked as though they had been torn from a dress. The strips overlapped from his knee to his toes. They were bloody in places and sodden in others. That wasn't good. It meant his wounds were open.

 

Vera looked up, offering them a tired smile. "Bella, Edward. It's good to see you safe."

 

Esme sank down next to Alistair and brought a canteen to his lips. "There you go. How are you feeling, Alistair?"

 

Alistair only grunted, so Vera answered for him. "He feels warm." She put a palm to his cheek. Her eyes were bloodshot and drawn with worry.

 

"Of course I feel warm," the man snapped through gritted teeth. "It's the middle of summer. and you've got me lying out here under the sun."

 

Esme and Vera exchanged glances. Alice’s breath caught, but Bella looked confused. Edward tucked her tight against him, so he could whisper in her ear.

 

"A fever is a bad sign. The worse the fever, the further he is from recovering. They may have to amputate the limb." Fevers after wounds meant death was not far off, he didn't add.

 

Bella gripped him tightly, pressing the back of her free hand to her mouth.

 

"Masen."

 

Edward swung around to see James and the others approaching. Like the rest of the family, they were covered in soot.

 

"You all right?" James asked grudgingly. He looked to Bella. "I see you found your little trouble-maker. You two weather the storm?"'

 

"We're fine," Edward said. "We got to shelter."

 

"Good. Then you're fit to work. We can't afford to waste time. Get on over here and get your hands dirty."

  
Edward nodded. He turned to his wife and took the time to kiss her soundly, more grateful than he could ever say that Bella was whole. He was worried. The loss of supplies could be dire, but he was determined now more than ever that he would take care of her no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Much thanks and love to jessypt and jfka06. I typed most of this on my phone! Idk why you needed to know that, but there it is. Merry weekend, everyone!


	19. Complications

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Good Monday to you, friends. I don’t care what you say. Six twenty is EARLY.
> 
> In any event… let’s continue.

It was a long, demoralizing day.

 

Bella fell into step with Alice and Esme doing what she could. They went to the two remaining wagons to take an inventory of what they had left.

 

“If one of our wagons had to burn, I wish it had been this one,” Alice said as they surveyed the smallest wagon in their group. “It all seems like such a waste now. Petty incidental things.” She touched a small nightstand that had been in her room at home. “Most of the house Pa sent ahead of us by boat, but these are things we thought we needed.”

 

Bella touched her arm. “Our things are important to us. Sometimes we take human lives for granted because they aren’t as fragile as things.”

 

Alice huffed and looked around them. “I feel fragile out here,” she said in a small voice.

 

“And helpless,” Bella agreed. She hugged her friend close, and they trembled together for a moment.

 

“Oh, Bella. I was so worried about you yesterday. When we found you’d wandered off, and we searched and searched but couldn’t find you. And then all this.” She gestured at the wreckage with an arm. “I imagined the most horrible things.”

 

Bella’s stomach twisted. While her family was going through all this panic and pain, she and Edward had been safe and warm. “You didn’t have to worry about me.”

 

Alice pulled back. “Ugh.” She stamped a foot in frustration as she looked for a not-so-dirty spot on her skirts to wipe away her tears. Finding none, she pulled Bella’s apron up and dabbed at her eyes. “You and Edward did seem to fare better. Neither of you had anything on you. How did you shelter from the storm?”

 

Bella started at the beginning, recalling how panicked she’d been when she woke to find Edward missing. She succeeded in breaking the oppressive mood anyway. Alice giggled. “You are so strange,” her friend said. “Thinking you could track a horse.”

 

“Well, James said it would be easy.”

 

“Easy for him, I’m sure. Those boys have practice at that sort of thing.”

 

Bella rolled her eyes and continued her story, recounting how Edward had found her right before the storm hit and that they’d ridden through the pelting rain.

 

Alice sighed. “The rain missed us for the most part. That was half the trouble. I suppose it was chasing after you. But gracious, you must have been soaked through.”

 

“We were, but apparently there are trappers cabins dotted all about these parts. Makes sense, now that I think on it. Carlisle told us the trail was originally travelled by fur trappers. Edward knows their trails well, and he knew where the nearest cabin was.”

 

“Isabella Sw-- err, Masen. You mean to tell me you spent the night indoors?”

 

Bella ducked her head, and Alice sighed. “Mercy. I’ve been dreaming about a roof over my head for months now.” She chuckled and leaned in closer to Bella. “If I’d had that kind of time alone with my husband…”

 

She trailed off suggestively and Bella averted her eyes. She could feel a furious blush heat her cheeks and hoped Alice was too busy with their task to notice.

 

No such luck.

 

Alice gasped and grabbed Bella’s arm. “Why, Mrs. Masen. Tell me your husband has finally made you a woman.”

 

Bella rolled her eyes, but even the tips of her ears were burning at that point. Alice squeaked and hugged her. “Of course he did. Imagine him riding off to protect his lady fair from the lightning. The two of you, cold and wet and all alone in a little cabin. It’s all terribly romantic.”

 

“Romantic?” Bella pulled back to look at her friend. “You think it’s romantic that while I was… while we were…” She gestured helplessly. “You all, my family, may well have been dying.”

 

“And what luck with that? If you’d been here, who’s to say it might not have been you dying? The fire that swept through the camp was so quick. Who’s to say you might not have been in its path?”

 

“But if I hadn’t run off in the first place, you never would have been in this spot.”

 

“Perhaps not. Perhaps we would have made it to the City of Granite. James told us how dangerous granite is.”

 

Bella nodded, remembering what Edward had told her, but she wasn’t convinced all this destruction wasn’t her fault.

 

Alice took her hand and squeezed. “Bella, there’s no use thinking about what might have been. We make our choices. We make our mistakes. And maybe if you hadn’t things would have been better. But then maybe if you had something else might have happened. You’ll drive yourself crazy thinking about it.

 

“This trail… it’s not real life. Or maybe it’s too real. I’m not certain. What I know is none of our days is anything like what life was like back home. It’s like you told me before. You and Edward didn’t get those quiet moments with each other. You’ve never had the chance to just relax and be with each other. I’m glad you got that chance. I’m glad you weren’t here, and I’m especially glad you were safe.”

 

Bella hugged her friend fiercely again. “We’ll get back to normal. We’ll get back to real life soon.”

 

Alice smiled. “Yes, and hopefully, we’ll find some land not far from yours and Edward's. We can be neighbors. Our kids can be best friends like us.”

 

Bella smiled back allowing herself, for the first time, to picture a little boy with Edward’s hair or a girl with his eyes. The thought excited and frightened her all at once. She still wasn’t used to how quickly her life had changed that it would be a possibility soon for her to have a baby, her baby, in her arms soon.

 

She thought of how it felt to hold Edward inside her and she pressed a palm to her flat belly.

 

Perhaps sooner than later.

 

Bella shook that thought away when she heard voices headed in their direction. James and the others were back, including her husband. Bella hurried to the edge of the wagon bed, eager for whatever nonsensical reason to see he was safe.

 

He was. He and Victor had a charred barrel between them. The rice, if Bella remembered correctly.

 

She and Alice hopped down from the wagon. Bella kissed her husband’s cheek--stained though it was with soot like everyone else now--and then set to work.

**~0~**

The group worked all throughout the rest of the day and into the night. It was well past sunset by the time Jasper and Emmett came around to their camp. They had news of the rest of the train.

 

Something in the area of twenty families had suffered some kind of loss. For the most part, the wagon train had banded together to help those who could be helped. Lost livestock was rounded up. Wagons that could be repaired were. Many people’s belongings had to be rearranged to make room for injured family or smaller animals.

 

In total three wagons, including the Hale’s, were at a complete loss. Fifteen animals had been killed in the fire, and about seven more injured to the point that they had to be put down. There wasn’t a count on how many had been injured. Carlisle still hadn’t come back. He’d been awake for dangerously close to two full days at that point, but there were injuries to tend to.

 

“He spent a lot of time with a family whose little boy was bad off,” Emmett said, his tone uncharacteristically soft and sad. “So strange. He looked fine. Dirty like everyone else, but on the outside he looked okay.”

 

The boy had hung on most of the day but slipped away as the sun fell.

 

Emmett was devastated. His shoulders were slumped and he leaned his head on Rosalie’s shoulders like he carried the weight of the world. She stroked his cheek and moved his hand to her huge belly. His lips turned up, and he lifted his head to kiss her.

 

But unlike the rest of the camp who grieved for the loss of a life so young, Carlisle had not had time to grieve. There were still wounds to be tended and others suffering the ill effects of breathing in smoke. Esme worried, but Emmett told her Carlisle was best served knowing his family was safe.

 

James said, “We’ll finish our inventory by midday tomorrow then hopefully we’ll be able to put in a few hours at least, get ourselves past the City of Rocks. I’ll know what kind of shape we’re in by then, but it ain’t good. We have food enough for less than half our journey from this point, but that’s not the worst of it. You folk are well enough off we may be able to buy foodstuff from the fort we’ll come up on soon. There’s not many who can afford to resupply this late in the trail. The store won’t have much and what they do have they’ll be selling for far too much. But I know Carlisle well enough by now, and he’ll pay what they ask.

 

“What’s more troublesome is two things. First, even if the fort has enough food to get us through the rest of the trip, they’re not going to have enough meat. We got some, but meat is important. I seen people get mighty sickly when they’ve got nothing but rice and dried celery to eat.

 

“Second thing is we’re down to only one spare part now, so we can’t afford any mistakes with the wagons we have left. We’re going to be careful, but Emmett, I’m going to need your help looking after the wagons. We have to make sure we repair the small things before they get to be big things.”

 

Emmett nodded at this.

 

After that, Esme shooed everyone off to sleep. The whole party was exhausted. Bella went to her foster mother and wrapped her in the hug. “I can stay with you.” She knew well enough Esme wouldn’t sleep while Carlisle was still out.

 

Esme smiled and nodded to the short distance away where Alice was helping Jasper and Rosalie Emmett. “You have your own husband to attend to,” Esme said. “Go on. I’ll keep watch over all of us.”

 

So Bella retreated to where her husband was waiting, watching her. She had set aside a bowl of water, and he was using it to try, however vainly, to clean his face. He winced. Earlier, Bella had seen his hands, pinked and tender from the minor burns he’d sustained dealing with the smoldering wreckage. She took the rag from him as she knelt down. “Let me,” she said.

 

Edward sighed and sat back.

 

“Close your eyes,” she said as she raised the wet rag to his temple. His eyes met hers and lingered for a few seconds before he did as she asked. He closed his eyes, and she let water strike his hairline. She watched the drops carve rivulets into the black dirt and ash that stained his skin. She wiped his forehead, over his eyes and down the bridge of his nose. She wished she could wipe away the exhaustion she saw written all over his face.

 

When she’d drawn the rag down to his cheeks and above his lip, his eyes opened again, slowly, and the atmosphere between them changed, charged. The air heated. Bella’s hand faltered.

 

How? How was this the first thing she felt when it was just the two of them? All day they’d both been surrounded by destruction. Lives hung in the balance. Just an hour before, she’d heard Alistair give the most god awful scream of agony when they changed his bandages.They were both bone-tired. Why in heaven’s name was she remembering his touch now?

 

She brought the rag over his lips and stroked down his beard. His eyes were intent on hers. Even in the flickering light of the fire, she recognized the look there. She got the sense he was fighting like her not to let this heat overtake them.

 

With two fingers under his chin, she raised his head, bringing the cloth down his neck. She felt his adam’s apple bob under her fingertips. She paused.

 

“Bella,” he whispered, raising his hands to her wrists. He winced when he tried to take her hands. She finally broke their stare so she could look at his hands. She held him by the wrists, looking over his tender skin. Remembering Alistair’s destroyed skin, Bella shuddered. She raised his hands to her lips and brushed the lightest of kisses against his skin.

 

Watching her, he cupped her face in his hands. He winced again, but he didn’t pull back. Instead, he leaned forward and kissed her. After a moment, he pulled her down with him, laying back on their bedding. He tasted vaguely of ash and dirt. She didn’t care. She scooted as close as she could to him, letting him wrap her in his embrace.

 

They were alive.

 

This trail, it’s not real life, Alice had said, but Edward was real. They were real.

 

Edward pulled back with a groan and a sigh. He kissed her forehead and the tip of her nose. “Sleep, Bella.”

 

She traced a finger along the lines of his face. “You too?”

 

He smiled and kissed her forehead again, a lingering kiss. “Me too.”

 

**~0~**

 

It felt like only a minute had passed when Bella opened her eyes again. They burned. She hadn’t had nearly enough sleep. She blinked, trying to figure out what had woken her.

 

The fire was low. Bella blinked, and her eyes focused on a figure across the circle. She barely heard Esme’s gasp and the relieved way she said her husband’s name. They embraced. Bella watched through bleary eyes and hazy thoughts as Esme pulled him down beside her and rocked him gently a they spoke in whispers.

 

When her foster parents laid down together, Bella closed her eyes again. She was safe in her husband’s arms with almost everyone she loved close by. In that moment, her future, their future, felt certain, and Bella fell back asleep secure that they would all make it through somehow.

**~0~**

Not enough time could possibly have passed when Bella was again awakened. It was still nighttime. The fire was still burning low. But now, voices spoke urgently. Bella opened her eyes.

 

Across the circle, Jasper was crouched near Carlisle and Esme. Carlisle had propped himself up on one arm, listening. He got to his feet and followed Jasper over to where Vera sat with her husband’s head in her lap. The voices grew more urgent, and Bella could hear Alistair’s pained cries only too easily.

 

“No. No.”

 

“I’m sorry, Alistair,” she heard Carlisle say. “Your fever is getting much too high. It’s the only way.”

 

“I’ll get through this.”

 

“If we don’t take the leg, you’ll surely die.”

 

“I’d rather die,” the other man yelled.

 

Behind Bella, Edward stirred. She knew he got the gist of what was going on quickly as his arms tightened around her, and she felt the hot breath of his groan against the back of her head.

 

The arguing continued for another few minutes before another figure bolted from the opposite side of their circle. A bulky figure. Emmett.

 

“Dad.” He wasn’t even trying to keep his voice down, and Bella thought she knew exactly what he was going to say. “Rose… I think the baby’s coming.”

 

Bella’s heart threatened to pound right out of her chest.

 

“That settles it then,” Alistair said. “You tend to my daughter. You bring our grandson safe into this world.”

 

Carlisle’s shoulders were tense and slumped as he sat still for a moment. Bella couldn’t imagine what was going through his head. Surely the situation with Alistair was dire, and the lives of mothers in childbed were never certain. On top of that, Carlisle hadn’t slept in two days.

 

This wasn’t good.

 

“Jasper, go find Doctor Snow,” Carlisle said, his voice far too even and rational for what the situation merited. “Or there’s a woman. She’s perhaps a half mile back. Her name is Sasha. She’s a midwife. Get one or the other or both.”

 

He started to rise, but Alistair’s hand darted out, and he grabbed him by the arm. “Carlisle, you’re not going to let one of them deliver my grandson. Do you hear me? Take care of my daughter. I’ll be fine. You take care of her.”

 

“Shh.” Carlisle put a firm hand to Alistair’s chest and pushed him back down. “Rest, my friend. Just rest. I’m going to take care of her. I promise. Rest, and don’t fight me. Think of our grandson. Think about living long enough to hold him, no matter what the price.”

**~0~**

As fate would have it, Alistair Hale did live long enough to see his grandson born.

 

It was yet another long day.

 

Rosalie’s labor proved difficult and, for Bella, terrifying. She had never seen so much blood. As the day wore on, Rosalie’s strength waned until she was limp and pale as death.

 

As for Alistair, his fever got worse quickly. By the time a proper tool could be located to amputate his leg, it was too late for him.

 

“At this point, we’d only serve to torment the man further before the inevitable,” Doctor Snow said to Carlisle.

 

Priority shifted to Rosalie and the baby. For a time, it looked as though Rosalie and her baby would precede Alistair in death.

 

They rallied. Rosalie roused enough to push one last time, and Bella watched in horror and awe as a tiny body slid from her friend into Carlisle’s waiting hands. There were ten agonizing seconds of horrible silence as Carlisle worked to clear the baby’s airways and then the most beautiful sound in the world: the baby’s gusty cry of resentment and general displeasure at being displaced from its hidey hole.

 

Rosalie whimpered, and her head lolled. Her lips moved, but her voice was too weak for Bella to hear the words.

 

“It’s a boy,” Carlisle said finally, assured the baby was breathing and likely to keep doing so.

 

“Rosie.” Emmett leaned down close to his wife and pressed a long kiss to her temple. “It’s a boy. Do you hear that? We have our boy.”

 

She seemed to breathe easier after that, though she was only semi-conscious for a few more minutes before she closed her eyes.

 

“She’s just sleeping,” Carlisle said after he’d examined her.

 

Sasha, the midwife who spoke not a single word of English, gave Emmett an exaggerated grin as she handed the now clean and swaddled newborn over to him. She guided the baby into his tired, uncoordinated arms, nodding emphatically as she backed away.

 

For a moment, just a moment, there was only perfection. Bella watched with everyone else as Emmett rock his son, checking him over, counting tiny fingers. He leaned down to press another kiss to Rosalie’s temple. Bella was close enough to hear the sweet words he whispered near her ear. “You did it, sweetheart, and he’s perfect. I love you so much. I love him so much, and I’m going to protect you. I promise there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for both of you.”

 

He cried. They all did.

 

Life.

 

Alistair’s strength kept up just long enough to let him hold his first grandchild close to him. His face, like his daughter’s, was bone pale with exertion, but he was able to hold and kiss the boy. He told Emmett to take care of his daughter and grandson. He reached up a trembling hand to stroke Jasper’s face and then that of his two little boys. He told them to be the good men he’d taught them to be. His hand lingered at Vera’s cheek, and he told her he loved her. He said, “Thank you,” to Carlisle.

 

Then his hand fell to his side and he slipped into delirium. By the wee hours of the next morning, his shallow breaths stopped.

 

Death.

 

A perfect cycle on the worst and best day.

 

Bella cried in Esme’s arms because her husband had gone to Carlisle’s side. She watched as Edward gently coaxed Carlisle away from the family that had gathered around Alistair’s still form. Carlisle was babbling something nonsensical, delirious with grief and exhaustion, but Edward hushed him.

 

“You’ve done so much more than anyone else could. You need rest,” Edward said, leading him back to where Esme and Bella waited.

 

Carlisle stopped short. “I need…” He rubbed his eyes. “We need…”

 

“You’ve taken care of all of us,” Edward said, guiding him another few steps forward. “Let us take care of you.”

 

Bella let go of Esme so she could bring Carlisle the rest of the way to their camp. She stood and went to Edward’s side, letting him wrap an arm around her waist and pull her tight against him.

 

They waited until Esme had finally convinced Carlisle to lie down. Almost the instant he did, he was gone to the world.

 

Edward and Bella crept back to their places to get what rest they could because they all needed their strength for what lay ahead.

  
What did tomorrow look like? For the first time, even on this trail of endless dangers, Bella realized she honestly and truly had no idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: How we doin’ folks?
> 
> Many thanks to barburella and especially to jessypt. Man I love waking up on Monday mornings to a beta’ed chap.
> 
> On a personal note, my new ofic book, One to Tell the Grandkids, should be coming out soon. Here’s a summary for you:
> 
> _One to Tell The Grandkids:  
>  Since she was a teenager, Taryn Sato skirted the edge of disastrous decisions. When she found herself pregnant after a one night stand with a complete stranger, she knew she was giving her family an opportunity to say “I told you so.”  
> Caleb Ryder was more of a big brother than best friend to Slate McKenzie. When Slate found out he was going to be a father, Caleb promised to be there for him. Though Caleb was the type of man to learn from his mistakes, history threatened to repeat itself in the form of Slate’s baby’s mother, Taryn.  
> A story about finding love when you aren’t looking and finding your place when your family tree is really a forest._
> 
> If you’re interested, feel free to follow me on FB or follow my website. I’ll be posting an excerpt on Tuesday, I believe. Thanks so much for your time!


	20. Back On The Trail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Greetings. So a couple of mistakes… this is why it’s difficult to write historical fics. SIGH.
> 
> So they are officially going toward the Rogue River Valley. Tbh, I am not sure where I got the Willamette Valley from. So any instance where you see Willamette Valley, replace it in your head with Rogue River Valley. Yes? Yes. Good.
> 
> Additionally, last chapter James said something about them coming on a fort soon. This is just plain wrong, and my bad. I was looking at the wrong year maps. There isn’t another Fort or trading post or ANYTHING from where they are to their destination… So let’s pretend that never happened, okay?
> 
> Okay. Onward!

It was late morning before Edward couldn’t force himself back to sleep any longer. Since the dawn hours, the crunch of wagon wheels and lowing of animals had kept him from a deep sleep, but now he was well and truly awake. He let his eyes open slowly, reluctant to face what the day would bring.

 

The first thing he saw was his wife. She rested with her head on his chest, just as dirty and disheveled as he was. Still, she was a vision, and he regretted his reluctance to open his eyes. As long as they day brought more time with Bella, it wasn’t a bad day at all.

 

Bella made a soft noise in her sleep and snuggled closer to him though that was hardly possible. Since Alistair’s death too few hours before, they could not seem to stop touching. Edward couldn’t keep her close enough. Today life seemed more fleeting and fragile than usual.

 

With great effort, Edward managed to tear his gaze away from his wife long enough to look around the rest of the camp. James, Victor, and Laurent were missing. That wasn’t surprising. They must have been out hunting or fishing. What was surprising was that James had let Edward sleep. He supposed there must have been some level of mercy in the man. The other three hadn’t been awake most the night with a dying man and a laboring woman. That was a family affair. Today would be difficult, and Edward’s place was here.

 

But for at least another handful of moments, no one needed Edward. He was free to do what he did best: fret.

 

Edward turned his attention back to Bella. He shifted carefully so he could look on her face. His beautiful wife. She was irresistible, and that was a problem. In the height of passion, it had seemed easy to play down the dangers they were facing. What was one night? Surely they could have one night.

 

Now, though, the dangers had grown considerably. Now that the food situation was close to dire, James had instituted strict rationing of what they had left. They would hunt, fish, and gather to supplement, but they couldn’t afford to depend on the idea they would be able to find their own food in the wild. They were coming up on an area where the hunting wasn’t good, not at this time of year. Beyond that lay a small stretch of desert; there would be no fish and very sparse plantlife.

 

If he and Bella had started a child in the fur trappers’ cabin, they wouldn’t know for some time. Breeding women were always given hearty portions and for good reason. It was likely Bella would grow weak along with the rest of the group. If the child took what little sustenance she had…

 

Bella stirred in his arms, breaking the hold of his increasing paranoia. He tilted her chin up to kiss her into wakefulness, treasuring the soft whimper that vibrated against his lips. Her fingers slid along his neck and tangled in his hair.

 

It was the only reassurance he needed. They were alive now and both robust in health. With his kisses, he vowed again he would protect her. Another two and a half months and they would be home.

 

Well, they would be at the end of this particular journey at any rate.

**~0~**

Lunch that afternoon was a bittersweet affair.

 

As Rosalie was too weak yet to move, the family gathered around her to eat. The atmosphere of grief hung on them, a physical weight that choked like dust. But like a candle in a darkened room, the little bundle in Emmett’s arms gave everyone a reason to smile. They passed the baby around as they ate, each of them taking the time to greet this new life properly as they hadn’t been able to do in the chaos of the night before.

 

“What will you name him?” Esme asked, reluctantly putting her new grandson back in her son’s arms.

 

“Jacob,” Emmett said, looking down on the baby with a tender smile. “Jacob Alistair Cullen.”

 

Vera put her hand to Emmett’s back, the other at her heart. “He’d like that,” she whispered, and she gathered her abnormally quiet little boys close to her for a hug.

 

After lunch, they all got down to the heartbreaking task of leaving a loved one behind.

 

Emmett, Jasper, and Vera carried Alistair’s body to the riverside to be cleaned while Edward and his fellow guides--back from a morning of hunting--began to dig a grave in the shade of a tree just off the trail. The women and boys were instructed to gather as many large stones as they could. Carlisle was convinced to go back and rest after he checked on Rosalie and baby Jacob. He’d had too little rest to lose the pallor of exhaustion.

 

“Why does Papa’s grave need rocks?” Peter asked. He was trying so hard to be brave, trying not to cry though it was very obvious he wanted to. “Jasper and Rosalie’s Mommy lives in a cemetery. Her grave has no rocks.”

 

Edward hesitated, looking to Vera who nodded once in permission. Edward slipped his arm around the little boy and gave him a tight squeeze. “In the city, we put people in cemeteries so they won’t be disturbed. There are no cemeteries out here, so we put the stones down so animals won’t bother your Papa.”

 

Peter took a gasping breath, fighting the tears in his eyes. “But people visit cemeteries.  Papa will be all alone with the wolves.” His voice cracked, his face the picture of misery.

 

Edward closed his eyes and scooped the boy into a hug. “Peter, people pass by this place day after day ever year. You remember you’ve seen graves by the trail.”

 

Peter sniffled and nodded, wiping at his eyes. “Yes. Henry likes putting flowers on them.”

 

“That’s right. So he won’t be alone.” He touched the little boy’s chest. “And he’ll always be with you here. You’ll remember him, and he’ll know.”

 

The boy sniffled again, getting control of himself. “Okay. I’ll get more rocks.”

 

As he scampered away, Edward’s heart ached. He worked beside the other guides in silence, lost in his thoughts until Bella came to bring him a canteen.

 

She touched his arm, looking at him in concern. Doubtless she'd read the tension in his body language. "Is it Maggie?" she asked, looking between him and the open grave.

 

"Partially." He put his hand over hers against his shoulder. Trust Bella to think of him through all this. She was right; it was impossible not to think of Maggie when he was digging another grave off the trail. "I'm thinking of all of them."

 

"All of whom?"

 

"Everyone I've seen fall on the trail."

 

Bella took a deep breath and pulled him over to a boulder to sit. "Will you tell me?"

 

He knew she was asking because she thought he needed to talk about  it. He hadn’t realized how much he kept bottled up about the things he’d seen and done on the trail before he had her. She was slowly absolving him of old, long-held guilt. “I probably shouldn’t tell you,” he said.

 

She just took his hand in hers and set her shoulders, looking at him with a steady gaze.

 

Edward had to swallow hard past the lump in his throat before he could speak. “I don’t want to say Alistair is lucky because he wasn’t. He suffered so much, and it wasn’t his own foolishness that got him killed. Or anyone else’s for that matter.”

 

Bella squeezed his hand, knowing he was dwelling again on his part in Maggie’s death. It took him a moment, but he squeezed back and tilted his head to rest against hers.

 

“What I mean to say is, it didn’t take him so terribly long to die,” Edward continued. At her sharp breath, he winced. “I know. There’s no right way to say it, I think. He was in a lot of pain for too long as it was, but because it happened the way it did, we didn’t have to make impossible choices.

 

“Think of what might have happened if he’d survived an amputation. Rosalie won’t recover for some time. Weeks if we’re lucky. If her father had survived, we wouldn’t have had room for them both in the wagons.”

 

“That would have been difficult but what do you mean about impossible choices?” Bella asked. “We would have made sacrifices and left other things behind.”

 

“At this point, most everything we have in those two wagons is a necessity for survival, but that’s not really what I’m talking about.”

 

Edward tapped his fingers on his knee, second-guessing himself as to whether or not he should put these kinds of thoughts in Bella’s head. He had to hold this knowledge, but did she? He sighed and spoke softly. “There are times when you know beyond a shadow of  a doubt a person is going to die. I’ve seen it happen where a family has little choice but to move on, leaving their loved one to die on their own by the side of the trail.”

 

“That’s barbarous,” Bella said with a gasp.

 

“It is, but you know by now it comes down to survival out here. Our group has some leeway because we’ve made good time to this point, but that doesn’t mean that time won’t run out. This debacle from start to finish may end up costing us four to five days. That’s near on a week, and we’re not so close to where we’re going that we can afford to lose that kind of time. Winter may hit early or the rivers may flood. We can’t know how much time we actually have. There’s a reason folks find themselves in the middle of the worst case scenario and they have to make those kinds of decisions.”

 

He nuzzled the top of her head. “That’s what I was thinking about. It’s terrible. It’ll be terrible for the family to leave him here in the earth, to know they’ll never be able to visit his grave or assure it remains undisturbed.”

 

“But at least we get the chance to bury him,” Bella finished. “At least we know his suffering is over.”

 

Edward nodded, and Bella tilted her head to kiss the underside of his chin. “It must be terrible having seen all these things,” she said.

 

“It’s life, I think. Terrible things happen in the city and the countryside. Terrible things happen even when you have walls and a roof over your head. Out here, our little society is simply more concentrated, and we’re constantly exposing ourselves to the dangers of the trail. Something has to give.”

 

He pulled back so he could take her face in his hands. “But I’ll tell you, Bella. It all gives me an appreciation for what I have.” He kissed her and closed his eyes, holding her close. “I won’t take you or this life for granted. Not ever.”

 

“Hey, Masen. You planning on helping us finish or are you done for the day?” James called from the gravesite.

 

Edward got to his feet, pulling Bella with him. He squeezed her hands once before he went back to his work.

**~0~**

The Cullens and Hales buried Alistair that afternoon. They camped and turned in early, and they were back on the trail the next morning having lost four days travel. Because the wagon train was so long and many families had been delayed by the storm, they weren’t alone on the trail, and that was some comfort at least.

 

They were traversing over a rocky, difficult trail as they headed toward Granite Mountain. Rosalie was far from comfortable, tucked as she was in a small space in the wagons. The rough road caused her no small amount of pain. It was simply too dangerous to have baby Jacob there with her for long amounts of time.

 

Esme helped fashion a sling so the baby could be carried easily. Esme spent a great deal of time with Vera and her boys. Alice was worried about Jasper who was taking his father’s death hard. Emmett and Carlisle had other duties about the wagon train, Emmett consistently looking after the wagons and Carlisle going about doctoring with their new friends at the back of the train. As a result, it was Bella who was usually saddled with baby Jacob.

 

She didn’t seem to mind. It didn’t take long for the baby to become attuned to her. Besides his mother, Bella could soothe Jacob most easily.

 

The simultaneous hope and dread that curled in Edward’s stomach every time he saw her with the baby left Edward brooding. Useless though it was so soon after they’d been together, he worried and watched Bella constantly for signs she might be carrying. Some days back on the trail, she was still fine and strong.

 

The group fell into a routine. There was no more schooling for the children or dancing for the young the people. Instead, every evening the food stuff was carefully inventoried and portioned out for as filling a dinner as they dared make. Then, each member of the group set about seeing what they could do to add to their supplies.

 

Edward taught Bella, Alice, and the boys how to recognize some of the plant life around them. The boys seemed to concentrate on finding currents and black raspberries. Bella even found something Edward identified as asparagus--which she had never heard of-- and they filled their bellies that day. The men hunted and fished.

 

As Edward had figured, there wasn’t much game to be found. James had some luck with a gaggle of geese he found, but there wasn’t much to be said for the larger game animals.

 

Fishing was a little more successful. Those were the nights Edward loved most--when it was he and Bella who were sent to the water to see what they could catch. The fish were much larger and more plentiful than they had been earlier in the season. The right-sized catfish or salmon could feed the entire group.  A single trout could make a hearty meal for someone.

 

In the evening, Edward helped the other guides set rope traps in the hopes of snaring smaller game like prairie dogs and squirrels. He caught a rabbit and remembered the early days on the trail, when he was so often in trouble with Bella and he’d brought her rabbit stew to beg her forgiveness.

 

They survived. They weren’t in trouble yet.

 

Just after they traversed Granite Mountain was a cutoff Edward identified as the Salt Lake Cutoff Junction.

 

“There are four main destinations off this trail,” Edward told Bella later that night when she asked. “Oregon City and the Rouge River Valley in the North, and Sacramento and Salt Lake City to the South.”

 

“Alice said the water of Salt Lake is actually salty like the ocean.”

 

“She’s right.”

 

Bella was quiet for a moment. “Have you seen it? Or California?”

 

He shook his head as he pressed tender kisses to her hairline. “Our trains always went North. When I first travelled the trail, those routes didn’t yet exist. Now James hears rumors about gold in California. He thinks a good many people might be headed out in that direction to make their fortune. Can you imagine?” He chuckled.

 

She hummed, tired. “I can’t imagine Oregon, let alone great salt lakes and gold.”

 

“I would take you there if you wanted,” Edward said. “If it was the best thing for our family.”

 

“Edward.” Bella rolled over onto her belly so she was propped up on his chest. “After this journey, I never want to travel a day in my life.”

 

He smiled and kissed the fingertips she traced over his lips. “I can do that too. If it’s best for our family.”

 

They lay quiet for another few minutes. Bella ran her fingers absently along his beard and he smoothed out her hair. “What are you thinking?” he asked when he realized he wasn’t close to sleep and he missed the sound of her voice.

 

She hummed. “I was wondering where we’d be on my birthday. It’s my birthday in three weeks. Did you know that?”

 

His lips tugged down at the corners. “I didn’t, actually. Nineteen.” She lifted her head and he waggled his eyebrows at her. “Practically an old maid.”

 

She smacked his chest but then she pecked his lips. She pulled back, looking at him with a curious expression. “Edward… how old are you?”

 

He laughed. “You don’t know?”

 

“That’s strange. I guess I don’t.”

 

"That's true. I suppose it never came up." He gave her a wry smile. "It seems like you've been a part of me forever, Bella, but we've had so little time."

 

He would never be used to how great it was to earn her shy smiles. He loved the bashful way she ducked her head and the way her tired eyes sparked. "And yet you didn't answer my question," she said,  bopping the tip of his nose.

 

"I turned thirty-one in June." He watched her carefully, but she didn’t react to his admission. “Did you know that, sweetheart? That you have an old man for a husband?”

 

Bella rolled her eyes. “I have a ninny for a husband. That much I can tell you.”

 

“Your friends married men their own age.”

 

“You are remarkably observant.”

 

“Bella.”

 

“Are we back to this? Do you want me to say I wish I’d had someone else? Well, you best get used the idea that what I’m glad for is you. Maybe we stumbled our way into this marriage, and I still have no idea what I’m going to say to my father, but I’m glad for it, regardless. As long as it was you, I wouldn’t have cared if you were fifty-seven.”

 

In spite of himself, he chuckled, and he had to wrap his arms tighter around her when she made to shove him away. “I’m sorry. I had the sudden image of you kissing a grey-haired old man, and it was either laugh or be violently ill.” He kissed the tip of your nose. “And I have to admit, I find you quite adorable when you’re yelling at me.”

 

She narrowed her eyes and pushed at him again. “Edward Masen, I’m fair sure you’re supposed to find me intimidating when I yell at you. Not adorable.”

 

He caught her flailing hand and held it close to his chest. “Ah, yes, well, that too,” he said and kissed her until they both fell asleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to jessypt and barburella!
> 
> Our tale is winding up pretty soon here. I’m thinking maybe three more chapters. We’ll see how it goes.
> 
> SO. How’s everyone doing?


	21. Another Argument

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, so… I know the vast majority of you don’t care about this part, but the Oregonians do… so I’m going to clarify. If you don’t care about the history, please feel free to step past the bold into the story.
> 
> I figured out where my confusion came from. When Edward originally travelled the trail it was even more primitive than it is now (now being 1848, when I have them travelling). There were only two “stopping” points, one of them being the Willamette Valley. Oregon City is IN the Willamette Valley, but at the point I had Edward ORIGINALLY travelling the trail, it was not a city yet...hence the destination is listed as the Willamette Valley. 
> 
> In 1848 your options were more diverse as more routes had been figured out. The main options were as I laid out: Sacramento, Salt Lake City, Oregon City (The Willamette Valley), and the Rogue River Valley (Southern Oregon, essentially). The oldest route, the classic Oregon Trail, is the route to Oregon City. It is MUCH longer and more dangerous than the route to Southern Oregon. We’re talking a fair number of extremely steep hills and mountains (where it was easy for your wagon to tip or break) and about a billion more river crossings, including the Columbia which had to be rafted (those of you who played the game remember what a pain in the ass that was… I always drowned). 
> 
> The route to Southern Oregon (The Rogue River Valley) was known as the Applegate Trail and was available to travel after 1846. Incidentally, the folks who surveyed that trail did it because they lost two children to the Columbia River and wanted to find a safer route. It’s a lot easier and MUCH shorter, not only due to distance but to difficulty. 
> 
> Anyway, long story really short, as I was researching and trying to figure out timelines and places our travelers would encounter, I liked the idea of the Rogue River Valley and the Applegate Trail more. So eventually, I forgot that Edward would have settled in the Willamette Valley originally… That’s my bad, but I really can’t take it back at this point. All the places that have been mentioned in recent events are from the Applegate Trail, not the Oregon trail. The Applegate Trail diverged from the Oregon Trail at Fort Hall. We’re going to fudge a bit of history and pretend Edward was ahead of his time in settling in the Rogue River Valley. Don’t worry, Oregonians. While I’m sure the Willamette Valley is indeed more fertile and better than the Rogue River Valley, the Rogue River Valley isn’t a barren wasteland either. They’ll all do fine there.

The barren stretches of land of the Black Rock Desert and the surrounding valley gradually gave way to trees and mountains again. It was late summer, and despite the sun that beat down on them--no longer as unforgiving as it had been in the desert--Bella liked carrying baby Jacob against her in his sling. The damp feel of his warm body against her too-hot skin seemed like a small price to pay, especially in this odd half-life she was living. They all suffered for the good of the group and did what they could.

 

“Bella, are you sure you don’t mind?” Rosalie asked for what had to be the hundredth time. She was still pale and tired easily, but she was a full-functioning member of the party again. She had spent near on three weeks lying in the back of the wagon as she recouped, useless to do much but feed the baby.  She’d been mobile for another three weeks, and she was even more eager to help now than she had been before. Bella couldn’t blame her. Even before Jacob’s birth she’d been large and ungainly. It had taken all her energy simply to keep up with the pace of the wagon train and stay on her feet all day.

 

“I don’t mind,” Bella said, cradling the baby close to her.

 

Alice appeared and she hugged Rosalie about the waist. “Let her take care of him. They get on well, and she needs the practice.”

 

Rosalie snapped her head in Bella’s direction. “He didn’t… You’re not…”

 

“I’m not,” Bella said, her cheeks burning bright in embarrassment.

 

“You could be,” Alice said. “You were terribly ill two nights ago.”

 

“I didn’t cook the roots we picked enough. Edward specifically said they had to be cooked well, and that was all I ate.”

 

“No matter.” Alice looked to Rosalie. “The point is, you had your baby brothers to care for. Bella hasn’t had the benefit of being around a baby.” She looked back to Bella. “Even if your little stomach upset is the result of a few bad leaves, I’ve seen the way your husband looks at you. Mark my words, this time next summer you’ll have a babe of your own in your arms.”

 

Bella ducked her head and made a fuss of rearranging the sling about Jacob’s form so she wouldn’t have to look up. “Anyhow, Rosalie, I’m fine with Jake. I know you want to spend some time with Vera and the boys.” Peter and Henry were alternately clingy and angry these days, and they had proven themselves to be a handful.

 

Rosalie stepped close, reaching into Jacob’s hidey hole to caress her son’s downy head. Bella knew she was still reeling from her father’s death. They all were, but smiles were beginning to come easier, especially around the baby. “They’re worth the struggle,” Rosalie said. “Bella, if you think you’re going to have a baby, you should tell us. It would be all right. I know I’ve said a few things about you and Edward, but I wouldn’t be mad if you were. We’d all take care of you.”

  
  


“I’m not,” Bella insisted again, and she hoped she was telling the truth. She knew exactly what would happen if the family thought she was going to have a baby. They would make her rations more filling while the rest of them got their already meager portions cut again.  

 

“Well, fine.” Rosalie hesitated a moment, but then she offered Bella a small smile. “I can see he loves you, your husband. I still think he’s a horse’s ass for what he did, but he does his best to take care of you.”

 

Bella sighed, but she smiled. “I love him too.” Even after ten weeks of marriage, she still felt shy about admitting it to anyone but Edward. She was glad, though, that Rosalie had said something. The other woman’s disapproval had lasted longest, and Bella was tired of feeling judged.

 

“More’s the better,” Rosalie said. She pulled the sling up higher around the baby, protecting him from the sun. “Be good, precious boy. I’ll be back soon. I know you’ll be hungry. You might actually be worse than your father that way.”

 

Not long after Rosalie had gone to help Vera get ready for another day, Edward reappeared. He’d gone to fill their canteens and make sure their water supply was brimming. Though they were past the desert now, they were all well aware of what a precious commodity water was. The few days it had taken to cross the desert had been harrowing to say the least, and though it had been a boon to have so many oxen up to that point, keeping them all cooled and watered had proven to be difficult. They’d had to camp for a day to let the oxen rest and rehydrate when they finally got to water again.

 

Bella accepted the canteen, moving awkwardly to put it in her pouch while not jostling the sleeping baby too much. When she looked back up, she found Edward staring, an unreadable expression on his face. Her cheeks flushed and she patted at her hair, as useless as that motion was these days. “What are you staring at?”

 

“You.” He stepped closer and wrapped an arm around her waist. He put his other hand around her and the baby, tilting his head against hers with a soft sigh. “This is a good look on you, Bella, and as long as I was alone, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the idea I can have this some day. With you.” He stroked the baby’s back, his smile tender and wondering.

 

Shy, Bella turned her head so she could press a kiss to his neck. The idea still seemed surreal to her. Motherhood wasn’t something she’d contemplated before she found herself married to Edward, and out here on the trail, it was difficult to imagine what their normal lives would be like. Her life before seemed like a distant dream, and her life ahead was one big question mark. After all, Edward had been on the trail so long himself he couldn’t tell her what their lives would be like, what would be expected of her.

 

Still, bonding as she had with baby Jacob, Bella was getting used to the idea that no matter what the rest of their lives would look like, this was a part of it. Someday she would have a child of theirs in her arms.

 

“Some day.” She pushed his hair away from his eyes. It was getting so long. They all looked so bedraggled and dirty. As Edward had told her months ago, even Carlisle was supporting a ragged beard and scraggly hair. “Some day when we have four walls and a bath all our own. Oh, Edward. Do we have a tub?”

 

“If we don’t, we will. A proper stationary tub. That’s what you want?”

 

She sighed and leaned against him. “That sounds heavenly.”

 

“You are easy to please, aren’t you?”

 

Bella hummed, content to rest against him for a few more minutes before they had to be out on the trail again. Edward was quiet, and Bella misread the tense set of his shoulders. She was becoming accustomed to how worried her husband always was. She couldn’t really blame him. Out here, where they could not be sure their supplies would last long enough to get them where they were going, there was always something to be worried about. This, however, turned out to be something different.

 

“Bella?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Would you understand if I had to leave you with your father for the winter?

 

A bolt of shock went down Bella’s spine, and she raised her head to look at him. His eyes were cautious, begging her to understand. “What do you mean?” she asked. “Where will you be?”

 

“It’s another five days travel from where your father lives to where I’m settled, near as I can figure.” He spoke slowly, as though giving her time to process what he was saying. “It’s been about three years since I’ve seen my home with my own eyes. I have no idea what condition it’s in. Plus the sharecropper who’s taking care of my land for me right now has his own family moved in at the moment. The way I figure, we’ll have perhaps two months before winter sets in good and proper, assuming it doesn’t come early this year like it did last. I can make some headway making it a livable home in that amount of time.”

 

“That makes sense. What I’m not following is why that leaves me with my father for the winter.”

 

There was a hint of exasperation in his tone and expression as he looked back at her. “Bella,” he said as though she should already know the answer.

 

Most days, Bella was proud and happy to be Edward’s, and he hers. Sometimes, though, it struck her that she had no idea how to be a wife. Popular wisdom was she was meant to be biddable and obedient. It was likely many women would have been aghast at her behavior, questioning her husband’s decision and arguing with him on top of that.  But the twin lumps of anger and fear had taken residence in her throat, and she found she couldn’t hold back, though she did her best to keep her tone calm. “It makes sense that you want to get things in order, of course, but I can be of help.”

 

“I already told you; I have no idea what we’re bound to find when we get there. I have no idea if there’s a livable situation for a wife.”

 

“When you say that, all I hear is you have no idea if there’s a livable situation for you. What are you so scared of that you worry about bringing me?”

 

“I’m not scared of anything. There’s nothing to be scared of.”

 

“Then there’s no reason I can’t come with you.”

 

Their argument was interrupted by the call of “Wagon’s ho!”. Edward and Bella fell into step together. The silence gave Bella far too much time to think, and the more she considered it, the angrier she got. How dare he try to leave her behind?

 

“It’s likely the sharecropper I left it with has built it up some,” Edward said after a tense few minutes. “But who knows to what. There may not be much in the way of room.”

 

She fixed him with a sour expression. “Well, mercy. We may have to sleep on the floor. Heaven knows how I’ll manage, seeing as I’ve spent the last five months of my life sleeping on a bed made of feathers.”

 

That seemed to catch his attention. He tilted his head, staring at her even as he kept moving forward. She stared right back. “You’re fit to be tied, aren’t you?” Edward asked.

 

“That’s an understatement if ever I heard one.”

 

“Why are you this angry? I knew you wouldn’t like the idea, but you’re upset with me.”

 

“Of course I’m upset with you!” Bella started as the baby in the sling stirred and whimpered with her shout. She huffed and rocked him in her arms, taking deep breaths so she was calmer when she spoke again. “Didn’t you promise me you wouldn’t make the same mistake twice? Yet here you are, planning on leaving me to wonder and worry again, to wake up without you.”

 

“Whoa. Darling, this isn’t remotely the same thing.”

 

“No, I suppose it isn’t. Then you were looking to be gone one day at most. Now you’re talking months. Months, Edward, while I have to think of everything that may have happened to you.”

 

“Nothing would happen to me. Honey, this isn’t the same thing. I’d be five days away in settled territory. There are people around. Settlements with supplies. You would know exactly where I was.”

 

“I still don’t understand why I can’t be with you.”

 

He gave a small growl. “Bella, as it is, I haven’t given you what you deserved. You deserved to be courted properly. Your father should have given me permission to court you because I had earned that right in his eyes, because I was even remotely good enough for you. You deserved to be doted upon, spoiled with as many gifts as caught my eye. And then, when we did wed, you should have had an extravagant wedding. Those are all the things I already didn’t give you. A man shouldn’t bring his wife to a home in shambles. Can’t I give you that one thing?”

 

Bella was quiet. To her, the idea was foolish. She understood the circumstances of their marriage very well, and she never would have blamed him for the steps they missed. More than that, she had no need to be spoiled, and might not have liked being the center of attention at an extravagant wedding such as Rosalie had.

 

However, she had seen enough of men in the city and how they puffed up with pride when their wives had the prettiest dresses and most modern homes. She’d heard Emmett grumble with dissatisfaction that he’d had to bring his bride to his father’s house, though it would have been silly of him to buy a home of his own when they were already planning to move out West.

 

Edward thought he was failing her as a husband because he had been unable to provide her these niceties. What she wanted was for him to realize he made her happy, and she had no doubts he would take care of her. But could she give him that small satisfaction at the price he was asking?

 

As she’d retreated into her thoughts, he had begun walking further away, as though giving her space. He was moping. She could tell by the way his eyebrows were knitted together. She checked to make sure baby Jacob was secure and content in his sling before she moved to Edward’s side to take his hand in hers.

 

“I understand why this is important to you,” she said. “But I need you to understand something. You’ve seen this journey, this trail come to an end. You know where you’re going, and you know there’s a life after this.” She gestured around them. “What I’m hanging on to right now is that this journey is almost over. A few more weeks. Another month, perhaps, and we can stop. What you’re asking of me is not to let this journey end. Because it won’t for me. Not if you’re still out there wandering. Not if I can’t see with my own eyes that you’re safe, warm, and fed.”

 

Then it was his turn to be quiet. She gave him the same space to think, but she kept her hand twined in his, hoping he would understand. There were many who would tell her it wasn’t her place to ask this of him, and she knew there was every possibility he would dismiss her feelings entirely. He’d done it to Maggie after all, not out of cruelty of course but because it fell to him to make the right choices for their family.

 

After many minutes, he sighed. “And yet, if I left right away for my home and took you with me, I would take you away from the father you haven’t seen in years.”

 

Bella’s heart gave a painful twist. The closer they got to their destination, the harder it was not to think about how much she missed her father. Though she’d been frightened at the harrowing prospect of so many months of walking through the wilderness, she would have braved anything to get back to her father again.

 

“Could you not stay with us for a time?” Bella asked in a small voice. “Perhaps if you stayed until spring, it wouldn’t feel as bad.”

 

At this he smiled. “Stay? You mean in your father’s house? You think I’m safer there.”

 

She held her head up straight. She was sick to death of feeling as though they’d done something wrong and shameful. She loved this man, and her father would know she was proud to be his wife. “You would stay with me in the room I was supposed to live in, of course. I know it’s not ideal, but it would be just for the winter. And then if you still didn’t want me to come with you in spring, I would understand.”

 

Again they lapsed into silence, but after a moment he tugged her close to him for a quick squeeze. “This is what I’ll promise you. I’ll wait until after I talk to your father before I make a decision. If he allows me to stay, I may make one trip to my own land, a quick trip, and I’ll come right back. At least then I’ll know what needs to be done.”

 

Bella smiled and hugged him again. “Thank you.”

 

Edward grunted, but he ran his hand up and down her spine for a brief moment before they had to separate so they could keep their pace. “This may all be a moot point. Your father may well shoot me and that will be the end of it.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to baburella (YOU’RE A WAGON HO) and songster. I know it was a shorty chapter, but we have a lot to cover next time around!


	22. Happy Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: You know what’s great about Pacific Standard Time? It’s still jfka06’s birthday! Happy birthday, my darling. And a belated happy birthday to my dear barburella. I love these gals.

The night of September twelfth, Edward hardly slept. He remembered the feeling that crept just under his skin. It was a giddy anxiety that made him jumpy--nervous but excited. And foolish. He hadn’t felt this foolish in quite some time, perhaps since he’d been a schoolboy making big, moony eyes at a schoolgirl. Then again, his wife wasn’t much older than those schoolgirls had been, so he supposed it was appropriate.

 

It was still a good while before dawn when Edward could stall no longer. He tightened his arms around Bella and brushed her hair back so he could press kisses against her neck. He whispered her name, trying to rouse her and let his hands drift down her body with innocent strokes.

 

She sighed. “Hmm?” she asked, not yet awake.

 

“Bella. Wake up, love. Not much. Just enough.”

 

She groaned and snuggled back against him, her breaths evening out again in no time.

 

Edward chuckled, laughing both at the adorable sounds she made in her sleep and also at himself. This was silly. None of them got enough rest these days. He should let her sleep because today would be another long and harrowing day no matter what.

 

Still, though, he’d been planning this for three weeks. He was eager to be up and away from the camp before anyone else woke.

 

He sat up, locating Bella’s boots and eased them on her feet even as she slept on. She made a few disgruntled noises, and her leg twitched as though she meant to yank it back, but he got the things on all the same. She did wake when he lifted her up into his arms. Her breath came in a startled gasp and she held on to him, obviously off balance.

 

“Shhh.” He pressed a quick kiss to the side of her head. “I have you. You don’t have to wake up all the way. You can sleep in the saddle.”

 

“Saddle?” The word came out garbled with sleep. She blinked at him, her lids hooded and eyes unfocused.

 

They reached Norma’s side. Bella looked startled as he lifted her into the saddle, but she grabbed hold and swung her leg over the other side of the horse to steady herself. She looked from him to the camp and her still-sleeping family. “Where are we going? What are we doing?”

 

“Never you mind.” Edward swung up into the saddle in front of her. “Put your arms around me and lean up against me. Sleep. I’ll take care of you.”

 

That was enough for Bella. She looped her arms around his waist, rested her head on his back, and was asleep again in minutes. Edward wondered if the absolute trust this woman put in him would ever not stun him. As they got on their way, Edward found he couldn’t stop smiling.

 

The next hour was among the most peaceful and happy Edward had been in perhaps the last decade. The early morning air was crisp and clean. They were away from the trail and the smell of that many animals and humans sharing the same space. The land was peaceful--birds chirped and bugs buzzed. Bella was a warm weight against his back.

 

They were almost to their destination when Bella came fully awake. She breathed in sharply and lifted her head from his back. “Where are we? What’s happened?”

 

“Don’t you worry. Nothing’s happened. We’ve just pulled food duty is all.”

 

The party’s food situation was becoming more and more of a problem. They were only a couple weeks out from their destination at that point, but their stores were scanty at best. To supplement their meager portions of rice and biscuits, each day, one of James’s crew took the horse and spent half the day hunting or fishing. With the horse, they were able to get back to their place on the trail without being left behind.

 

Of course, Edward never pulled this duty. James said it was because his wife was a pain in the ass and likely to get them in more trouble. Edward supposed it wasn’t untrue, but he’d had to work very hard not to put his fist through his boss’s teeth at the sentiment.

 

“We pulled food duty?” Bella asked, and the hint of amusement in her tone told him she’d cottoned on to the fact he was up to something.

 

“Of course we. As I recall, you’re good at fishing.”

 

“So James is sanguine with this?”

 

Edward’s lips twitched at one corner. “Well, no. He said he would let me do this over his dead body, but I went over his head and secured permission from Carlisle to take Norma.”

 

She yawned, resting her head on his shoulder. “Which, I suppose, is why we had to leave before the dawn.”

 

“Well, that was one part.”

 

“And the other?”

 

He slowed the horse to a stop so he could dismount and led her over the rocks, trying to remember the path he’d taken the year before to find the spot he was looking for. “You’ll have to wait and see,” he said to his wife.

 

For once, she didn’t argue. She looked around them as he walked the horse forward, likely trying to get her eyes to adjust to the pre-dawn light.

 

They wandered for a few more minutes before Edward found the open space he’d been looking for. They’d crested a hill and were suddenly in view of Clear Lake. The grass around them was tall and damp with dew. Edward helped Bella down from the horse and spread the blanket he’d brought.

 

“Sit with me a minute. We have some time yet before we need to be about our business.” He settled against the tree, opening his arms to her, and she came readily. They rested with her back against his chest, both content with the silence for the moment.

 

Within a few minutes, Bella gasped. The sun had finally peaked over the horizon, and the sight of dawn breaking over the waters of Clear Lake was stunning. “It’s beautiful.”

 

“And yet it pales compared to you.” He kissed her cheek. “There is so much beauty in this land we’ve crossed, but we’ve rarely been able to enjoy it. I know it’s not much, but I wanted you to have this morning.”

 

As he spoke the words, his plan suddenly seemed a very silly and inadequate birthday gift. “I’ll make it up to you; I swear I will. Next year, for your twentieth birthday, or perhaps even at Christmas. I’ll make it up to you.”

 

“Hush.” She twined their fingers together and craned her head back to kiss the underside of his chin. “If there is one thing I’m certain of, I’m sure I can look forward to many years of ridiculous gifts from you. I’m telling you here and now, though I’m positive you won’t listen, this is enough for me. Being here with you is enough.”

 

He sighed and nuzzled the skin behind her ear with the tip of his nose. “It’s not. You deserve so much more, but I’m happy you’re happy here with me.”

 

For a time, they forgot about the sunrise, lost in each other. The way she rubbed her hand from his knee up his thigh, the movement absentminded as they kissed, sent shivers down his spine. His own hands wandered, caressing her body at random.

 

Before long, though, he had to stop. Already his thoughts were heady, swirled with lust. He wanted nothing more than to feel her beneath him again. But when he tried to pull away she caught the side of his cheek, keeping his lips to hers. She breathed his name into his mouth, and he was undone.

 

After all, they would only be on the trail a few weeks. Surely that was survivable. Unless he’d gotten her with child some weeks before and it had yet to make itself known. Either way, there was nothing he could do about that particular encounter. He couldn’t make it worse by laying with her now.

 

He never could seem to get the hang of thinking rationally when he was kissing his beautiful wife, so it shouldn’t have surprised him when they ended up horizontal on the blanket in the soft grass. He moved his lips to her cheek and throat. “Is this okay?” he asked because some part of him thought it had to be abhorrent to take her like this in the open.

 

“Yes,” she whispered, her tone breathy. Her hands stroking along his back.

 

“Wanton,” he teased and kissed the tip of her nose. He loved her all the more for it. She was no dainty, prissy girl to be sure.

 

But precious, he thought as he skimmed his hand down her side.

 

What he wanted was to spend hours kissing, licking, and nipping at every inch of her body. These longs weeks he had replayed the memory of being with her, the sounds of her pleasure, over and over again. As it stood now, he doubted he would be able to bring her to release as he had that day. The air was too cool, and the last thing they needed was for her to get sick. He hiked up her skirt, murmuring promises of how good he would make it for her soon. So soon.

 

They were almost home.

 

Her fingers threaded in his hair and she tugged, bringing his mouth to hers.

 

He loved her more than he could withstand. His body didn’t feel capable of handling it. He had no words to express it. Instead, he tried to show it in the way he moved in her, with her. He kissed her slowly, moving his tongue in time with the thrust of his hips. Their whimpers and moans made up a language only the two of them spoke, and somehow, it was everything.

 

Some minutes later he lay spent with his head resting on her breast while her fingers worked through the tangles of his hair. The breeze bit at his bare ass, and he shivered. She chafed his arms to warm him, and he laughed, lifting his head to pepper her face with kisses.

 

“Are you all right?” he asked, stroking her cheek with a tender touch.

 

She nodded, pressing her thumb to his chin, scratching his scraggly beard. Her cheeks flushed pink and her look turned shy. “It was a nice surprise. I wasn’t expecting… that.”

 

He rolled his eyes. “As usual, my wanton witch, it wasn’t my intention. This marriage of ours may not work. It’s dangerous to be alone with you.”

 

Her cheeks flamed, but she looked pleased. “Why would that make our marriage fail?”

 

He buried his nose in her neck, scratching her with his beard until she giggled and tightened her grip on his hair. “How will I provide for you if I cannot leave your bed?” he rumbled low near her ear.

 

She gasped and squirmed beneath him, and Edward swallowed a groan. Yes, his Bella was far too irresistible, and if he didn’t untangle them now, he would spend the whole day making love to her. He got to his knees and pulled her with him. “Come on. We’ve got work to do.”

 

A few minutes later, a little rumpled but otherwise decent, they’d made their way down to the water’s edge. They each had a pole and found worms and bugs easily enough. They sat side by side, shoulders bumping, talking.

 

“Emmett and Rosalie are talking about going on to Oregon City next year,” Bella said, resting her head on his shoulder.

 

Edward grunted. “There’s time yet for anything to happen. He was intrigued by all the talk of the gold they found in California, too.”

 

“That’s even worse.”

 

He looked over at her, surprised to see her eyebrows knitted in consternation. He brushed her cheek with his fingertips. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be glib.”

 

She was quiet for a moment, staring out at the water. “We’d never see him again.”

 

“I wouldn’t say that.”

 

They were interrupted by a tug at her line. She landed a catfish big enough she needed his help reeling it in.

 

Edward let out a whoop when the the thing was flailing on the beach. He grabbed Bella around the waist, spinning her around. “My girl, you are brilliant. This fish right here has got to be about thirty-five pounds.” He whistled. “Your father will be proud.”

 

She smiled, pleased with herself, but it didn’t last long. By the time they recast, she was frowning again. “How do you figure we’d ever see Emmett, Rosalie, and the baby again? Without another trip like this.” She gestured around them and shuddered. “I told you; I don’t ever want to travel again. How could they want to leave again? And so soon?”

 

He reached over and took her hand. “It’s what they feel better serves their family.”

 

“Their family is here.”

 

Edward put his line down so he could put his arm around her. Her shoulder tensed, but she relaxed quickly enough. “I’m sorry. I’m being childish, I know. It’s just…”

 

When she didn’t answer, he rubbed her shoulder and kissed her cheek. “It’s just what?”

 

She looked at him. “We’re so close now. A few more weeks, and we’re all home safe. Together. I’m scared of everything that could still go wrong.”

 

He wanted to give her everything. He would have given her anything. But this was one thing he couldn’t promise her. After everything that had already happened, she wouldn’t believe him if he promised nothing would happen.

 

Bella breathed out in a huff. “Besides, Carlisle isn’t exactly a spring chicken. How is he going to work the land? He’s a doctor. That’s all he’s ever been.”

 

“It’s likely Vera will stay with Carlisle and Esme unless she finds a husband to care for her. Anyway, it won’t be long before Peter and Henry are strapping young lads more than capable of helping Carlisle work his land. And I sincerely doubt Jasper and Alice will settle very far away.” He tilted his head. “And Carlisle has more money than I ever did. It’s likely he’ll hire hands to help.”

 

She glowered at him. “I want to be in a huff. Do you mind?”

 

Edward smirked. “It’s your birthday. We can do whatever you wish.”

 

Another half an hour later, Edward had landed a couple of much smaller fish. He built a fire and called them a late breakfast or an early lunch.

 

“Edward?” Bella said between bites.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Who was the Donner Party?”

 

Edward choked on his fish. “Where on earth did you hear that…” He shook his head. “Nevermind. Of course people are nervous about it.”

 

“I heard James say to Victor if we ran into any more problems, we’d end up like them.”

 

“We won’t. That is utterly ridiculous. We’re too close to where we’re going to end up like them.”

 

“How did they end up?”

 

Edward ran a hand over his eyes. “You don’t need to know that.”

 

“Tell me anyway.”

 

“So stubborn.” He sighed. “It happened last year. They took a new route, and everything went wrong. There was an early snowfall, and they were stranded in the mountains. There were eighty-seven members of their party. Forty-eight survived.”

 

Bella was silent, digesting that. “James said maybe he wanted…” She looked up at him furtively. “He wanted a piece. Of me or Alice. But that wasn’t the way to get it.”

 

Fury burned through Edward’s veins. “Sonovabitch. I’ll kill him.”

 

“Please don’t, but what did he mean by that?”

 

Edward studied the last bit of charred fish on his stick and leaned it up against a rock. “They ran out of food in the dead of winter,” he said slowly, watching her. “And some members of the party had already died.”

 

He saw the moment realization set in. She dropped the fish. “Oh.”

 

He was about to pull her into his arms when he caught a movement out of the corner of his eye. He leapt to his feet, bringing her up with him and pushing Bella behind him.

 

They had been alone all morning but suddenly there were too many people in the clearing by three. Three very tall, very intimidating looking men. Indians. They were staring. Edward heard Bella gasp and felt her clench the back of his shirt in her fists.

 

“Bella.” He kept his eyes on them and his tone calm. “Stay behind me. We’re going to be fine, okay? Just keep calm.” He swallowed hard. “And if anything happens, run to the horse. Get out. You understand?”

 

He felt her grip tighten, and he knew without a doubt she wouldn’t be going anywhere if something happened to him. He also knew the relations between settlers and the Native population in this area were tense to say the least. Tense bordering on violent, especially if these were Modoc. His stomach twisted.

 

The men still hadn’t moved, though one of them was smirking now. His eyes weren’t on Edward but on Bella. Edward was only barely keeping a handle on his rage. He took a deep breath and stepped purposefully to the side, still keeping Bella behind him, to get the man’s attention. He raised his hands in a peaceful gesture. “I’m not here to cause you trouble. Look. All I got on me is a rod. My gun is by the horse.”

 

They didn’t understand. That was clear by the blank looks on their face. The smirking one stepped forward, and Edward had to fight to hold his ground. He said something, and Edward shook his head. “You know I don’t understand.”

 

The smirking man’s grin widened. He gestured to Bella and said something else.

 

Edward narrowed his eyes and straightened up, squaring his shoulders, ready to fight.

 

The other two laughed. The smirking man gestured again to Bella and then to Edward. He linked his fingers together and quirked an eyebrow.

 

Edward considered but he didn’t see how it could hurt. He reached behind him to take Bella’s hand and pulled her out from behind him to his side. She clung to him, but when he chanced a glance to the side, he could see her gaze was steady, hard.

 

The smirking one was looking at her again, as though amused. He held his hands out in a similar gesture as Edward had. Then, he slowly reached into a pack he held at his side. He pulled out what looked like a necklace and held it out to Edward.

 

Edward blinked, confused.

 

The other men looked at each other, saying a few words. The smirk had turned into an outright grin. The man gestured with the necklace and pointed at Bella. He made a sweep over his stomach, making an arc as though his belly was extended. He pointed to Bella again and shook the necklace.

 

“Edward?” Bella said quietly. She was clutching his hand hard enough it hurt, but he was sure she could say the same.

 

“I… I think he’s trying to trade with me.” He huffed out an incredulous laugh. “And if I’m not mistaken, that’s a fertility charm.”

 

There were a few seconds of silence. Then Bella giggled. She leaned her forehead on his arm.

  
Edward relaxed and looked up to the three men. “Okay. I don’t think we need… that.” He cleared his throat, loosening his hold on Bella’s hand and taking a cautious step to the side. “What else do you have?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to jessypt. I love that chick too.
> 
> SO! How was that? They’re getting closer.


	23. Hello?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: HELLO. I love you. Won’t you tell me your name?

They caught up with the wagon train just as the noon time meal was closing. Edward ducked his head, pressing a subtle kiss to Bella’s cheek before he dismounted the horse and turned to help her down. He kept her in his arms a beat longer than necessary, reluctant to let go of the singular bubble they’d been in since before dawn.

 

“Bella.” Alice darted to them with a happy smile and wrapped Bella up in a hug. “Happy birthday.”

 

“Thanks, Alice.”

 

“Ooo, what’s this?” Alice reached out to palm the pendant of the necklace that now hung around Bella’s neck.

 

“Oh. Edward traded his pocket watch.” Bella glanced at Edward, meeting his eyes briefly with a smile as her cheeks tinted red. “Though I told him he shouldn’t.”

 

Edward clucked his tongue and shook his head at her stubborness. She liked the necklace. He knew she did, but she was troubled by the idea he’d pawned off what little he had that was not a necessity to give it to her. “I had a chance to get my beautiful wife a gift on her birthday, and I took it. You’ll forgive me eventually.”

 

“Yes, I’ll forgive you, but I told you I was perfectly satisfied with what you gave me before.”

 

Alice slung her arm around Bella’s shoulder. “Do tell me, sister,” she said in a low voice so only Edward and Bella could hear. “Just what did your husband give you before that you could not bring home in your hands?”

 

“Alice,” Bella hissed, and Edward struggled not to laugh. Alice, he’d come to figure out, could look the part of a sophisticated, high-born woman, but she had the mouth of a guttersnipe.

 

Bella let herself be dragged off by her friend, and Edward went to store the day’s catch until it could be cooked for their evening meal. There would be full bellies tonight.

 

Just as they started moving again, James appeared at Edward’s side. “You’re a damn fool, you know that?”

 

Instantly the happy mood Edward was in vanished as he recalled what Bella had said she’d overheard.

 

James was oblivious to the shift in moods. “You got your little wife there preening about the new bauble you traded for. And good for you for finding redskins in these parts who would trade instead of hack us all to pieces. But all that’s gonna happen is some of the others are going to go looking for nifty native jewelry of their own, and they’re going to get slaughtered.”

 

All things considered, it was a good point, but Edward wasn’t in the mood to listen. He reared back and punched his boss so hard in the face, he fell back on his ass. Edward stood over him, fists clenched. “Maybe you better worry about more immediate threats.”

 

“Have you lost your mind?” James got to his feet and into Edward’s face. “No, I don’t even have to ask that question. You’ve been completely off your rocker since you’ve been dipping your wick-”

 

Edward took a step forward, forcing James to step back. “Enough, James. I know first hand you have no respect for the families who employ you, but you will respect our wives. Do you realize Bella overheard you and your crude comments? You’re lucky I don’t tell Jasper what you said of his wife.”

 

James narrowed his eyes and shoved Edward away from him. “Christ, is that what you’re on about? That’s petty nonsense, and you’re a damn hypocrite besides. The start of this journey, you were one of us.”

 

“I was never like you.”

 

“Yeah, look at you all high and mighty. I ain’t never gone near that little gal. That was all you, you horse’s ass, so don’t look down your nose at me. You’re so caught up in your territorial bullshit; you’re not listening to a damn word I said. You’re going to get someone in this party killed.”

 

“Oh, come off it. I didn’t go looking for Indians to trade with. They found us. I traded with them to keep things civil. I’ll talk to the others about it so they won’t go getting any fool ideas.”

 

James grunted and straightened his vest as they got to walking again. “We’ll need to be careful. We’re going to sleep in shifts, and that includes you, married man or not. You can tear yourself away from your little wife to do your damn job. Laurent, Victor, and I need a little bit of sleep as much as you do.”

 

“You won’t get any trouble from me on that front. I got more cause than you to want to keep this family safe.”

 

“I wouldn’t bet on that. This is my livelihood, after all.”

 

Later that evening, when the family had settled down to sleep, Edward--who had pulled the second shift of watch duty--held Bella safe in his arms.

 

“Do you really think there’s danger from the Indians?” Bella asked.

 

He sighed. He hated to add to the long list of things that could still go wrong on the trail. “I can’t say I blame them for being upset. This trail we’re travelling is newer. Tribes that haven’t had to deal with settlers now get them coming through every year. There have been some misunderstandings on both sides, and there have been some cases of outright trouble from both sides.”

 

“It’s a funny thing, isn’t it?” She rested her hand on his chest and her head on his shoulder. “This is all wild land to us, unsettled. This is something we have to suffer through to get to where we want to be. But it’s their home.”

 

“Yes. And we take more of this land every day.” He stroked a slow line up and down her back. “But on the other side of that coin, that’s why I told you earlier you shouldn’t worry about never seeing Emmett and Rosalie again. Believe me, every year I make this journey, the West sees great changes. There will be trains and towns before you know it. One day we may come with our children to this very spot and tell them tales of how it once took us weeks to get from here to our home.”

 

“Our home. Imagine that.”

 

He raised her chin so he could kiss her sweet lips. “Oh, my love. I do. Most every night, I do.”

**~0~**

The next three weeks were the longest of Bella’s life.

 

They’d been through much rougher sections of trail where days seemed to stretch like weeks, but being so close to the end was tantamount to torture.

 

“It makes no sense,” Bella said to the other women as they sat together to prepare the evening’s meal. “We’re past the point of greatest danger.” She held up one of the potatoes they were cleaning. Small farms had begun to dot the landscape, and they had bought the potatoes fresh that morning. “We won’t starve. Even if we did get stranded, we can be rescued easily even if winter did hit early. We crossed the Klamath River a week ago, and that was our last river crossing. Why am I so antsy?”

 

Rosalie sat back, reaching for baby Jacob who had begun to fuss. “Well, the Siskiyou Mountains aren’t nearly as difficult as the Rockies, but they’re not easy either. I suppose one of us could take a tumble down the mountainside if we’re not careful.”

 

“Hush now, Rosalie,” Esme admonished. “No need to tempt fate.”

 

“Well, it’s no big mystery why you’re so anxious,” Alice said. “You’ll see your father again in a week’s time, Bella.”

 

At that, Bella’s hands faltered in their task, and her heart sped. The longing she felt to see her father was almost more than she could withstand. A week was too long.

 

But it was also too short.

 

The next day, Carlisle fell into step beside her. Bella was surprised. Things had been awkward between them since the impromptu marriage he’d demanded. He gave her a wide berth, and Bella hadn’t seen fit to close it.

 

She still loved her foster father, of course. She’d spoken to him when she had to, had been afraid for him the horrible night Jacob was born and Alistair died. But she was hurt. She was angry, but she was also a child who had fallen in esteem in her father-figure’s eyes. He hadn’t trusted her, and she wasn’t sure how to come back from that.

 

Carlisle sighed quietly. “Are you nervous about seeing your father? I know you’re excited, but perhaps you have some trepidation?”

 

Bella looked down at her boots. They were worn through in several places. She could feel the sharp rocks  beneath her feet. “You mean because I am coming back to him a sullied woman?”

 

“Bella, that’s not what I meant.”

 

“Isn’t it?” Bella blew out a sharp breath. “It’s what I’m nervous about.”

 

They were both quiet for a few beats before Carlisle spoke again. “Being a father isn’t an easy task. You do your best to raise your children well. It’s every father’s hope that he raises his sons to be the kind of men other fathers would choose for their daughters. And it’s every father’s hope that he may find for his daughters husbands who will care and provide for them in the manner they deserve. It’s every father’s duty to ensure his daughter’s happiness, and it’s not a task I would ever take lightly.

 

“I have to admit, I’m nervous to see your father too. I took that decision away from him, and he won’t be pleased.” Carlisle stopped short and put his hand to Bella’s shoulder to stop her as well. “Bella, I’ll be honest with you. I’ve liked Edward since I met him. He seemed to be a good man, but I couldn’t be sure he was good enough for you, especially given the life he leads.

 

“However, these last few months have put to rest any fear I had for you. Edward has been a good husband, and he’s proven to me many times over that your safety and happiness is paramount in his mind.” He offered a smile. “More than that, the change he’s brought out in you is remarkable. Marriage suits you, Bella.”

 

Bella ducked her head, but her lips quirked up at the corner. “Marriage to Edward,” she said in a small voice.

 

“Yes. This has all worked out better than I ever could have hoped.” They began walking again. “Your father won’t be pleased that the choice was taken out of his hands, but he won’t be too angry, I think.” He grimaced. “At least, not at you. He knew Edward from his own journey, and he has eyes. It won’t take him long to see what I see.”

 

He touched her arm briefly, an affectionate gesture. “He’ll be as proud as ever of you, Bella. I know because I am.”

 

Bella paused, caught by a well of emotion those words brought. When Carlisle turned to see why she’d stopped, she threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. His hands at her back were a comfort she’d denied herself too long. “Thank you.”

 

He kissed her forehead. Pulling back, he cupped her face and stroked her cheek with his thumb in a tender gesture that soothed much of the uncertainty in Bella’s heart.

**~0~**

“My god. Edward, look.”

 

Edward quickened his step to join his wife at the crest of a hill. In the valley below, he could see a cluster of buildings where a small town was budding in the vast wilderness.

 

Bella put her arm around his waist, leaning against him. “Have you ever seen such a beautiful sight?”

 

“Hmm. I think I’ve seen better.” He put his hand under her chin, tilting her head up so she was looking at him. “There are so many reasons I’m glad this is my last journey across the trail. There are so many beautiful sights, but none will ever be as beautiful as they were when you were there with me.”

 

Her smile widened, and she tilted her head up invitingly. He took that invitation, leaning down to kiss her, and lingered.

 

With the constant trampling of so many herd animals, the squeak of wagon wheels, and the chatter and footfalls of people, the clip clop of a single horse coming nearer them was indiscernible. Edward was quite wrapped up in kissing his wife good and proper when something came between them. It hit him on the chest and he was pushed back, away from Bella.

  
Edward was about to shout his protest when he saw the thing that had pushed him back was the barrell of shotgun.  A shot gun that was still pointed at his chest. A shotgun Edward found was being pointed at him by a furious Charlie Swan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: WHOOPS. Sorry for the shortness of this chapter… it just seemed to end really well there. As I’m sure you’ll agree. ;)
> 
> Many thanks to barburella (Who now has a hankering for Bella/Carlisle fic...wtf) and songster for all their help!


	24. End of the Trail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Weeee. I’m so excited. My copy editor just gave my back my Ofic novel. It should be out soon. Sorry. Had to share. Onto Edward and Bella. Let’s see if Charlie is actually going to shoot him.

Of all the ways Bella had imagined seeing her father again, this was not one of them.  She was confused, thinking Edward yanked away from her. When she looked up and saw her father, she was startled and excited. She almost dragged him down off his horse for a hug until she finally processed the full extent of what was happening.

 

Her father was pointing a rifle at Edward’s chest.

 

“Dad,” she cried and stepped between them without a second thought.

 

The result was instantaneous. Edward gave a startled shout and pushed her behind him. Charlie pointed his gun down at the ground. Not to be dissuaded, he dismounted his horse, getting right in Edward’s face and forcing him to take a step backward. “You get away from my daughter.”

 

“Dad,” Bella tried. “Edward.” She was irritated at the way Edward kept himself in front of her, as though her father would ever try to hurt her. Actually, she was most irritated at the way neither one of them was paying her a lick of attention, preferring instead to glare at each other.

 

“Sir, let me explain,” Edward said.

 

“Explain nothing. You get away from her, and I might consider listening to whatever you have to say.” Charlie took a step forward. Though he held his rifle at his side, he still looked menacing.

 

Edward moved to step away from her, but Bella stubbornly held his hand, stepping with him. She lifted her chin though her heart pounded and she wanted to cower. She’d made up her mind weeks ago that she wouldn’t be ashamed of her marriage. “Dad, stop. He’s my husband, and he can be as near to me as he pleases.”

 

Despite the clamor of the settlers moving around them, the people, livestock, and wagons, the world seemed too quiet as her father gaped at her. By that time, Carlisle and the others had caught up with them. When Carlisle called his name, Charlie swung around to turn his glare at the other man.

 

“Well, looks like we’re stopping a mite early for the day,” James said dryly. “I’ll tell the others to circle the wagons and they get to cover Edward’s chores too. I reckon he’s going to be busy.”

~0~

“This is ridiculous.” Bella stormed a few paces away from the fire where she and the other women were readying dinner.

 

She should have been excited. When the first of the wagon train arrived near his home, Charlie had headed out in search of the Cullens and Bella. He’d ridden several days by himself with supplies so he could walk the last five or so days with Bella. Their bellies would be full--a fact that had Jasper, Emmett, and the little boys hovering with eager looks on their faces. Bella should have been in high spirits along with the rest of them.

 

Instead, she began to pace furiously, looking in the direction her father, husband, and Carlisle had disappeared. “I should be with them.”

 

Esme stood and went to her, wrapping her in the protective embrace of her arms.  “Try not to worry, sweetheart. Everything will be fine. Your father is just angry at having his choice taken away from him.”

 

Bella cast her foster mother an incredulous look. “Yes. Everyone keeps telling me that. He’s angry at having his choice taken away? Ha. Well, he’s in good company. It’s not his life being argued about; it’s mine, and this is the second time I have not been privy to that discussion.”

 

“It’s your father’s job to make a good match for you.”

 

“Edward is a good match for me.”

 

“And he’ll see that.”

 

“What if he doesn’t? He doesn’t know Edward like I do. None of you do.” She shrunk in on herself and allowed Esme to hold her tighter. “Esme, what if he doesn’t approve? Can he do anything?”

 

Before she could answer, Bella heard her father call her name. She turned to find the three men returning, Charlie several paces ahead of Edward and Carlisle. Bella tried to get a read on Edward’s face--he didn’t look happy but he was no worse for the wear--but her father had taken her by the hand and started leading her away.

 

Defensive, Bella yanked her hand away. “What’s going on?” She tried again to turn toward her husband, but her father took her by the arm.

 

“I want to talk to you. Alone.”

 

Bella’s heart began to pound, and her stomach twisted. Her father had always been such an even tempered man, but he was furious now. His hold on her was not bruising, but it wasn’t gentle either. She had always been an obedient daughter, and as uncertain and confused as she was, this didn’t seem to be the best time to start being defiant. At least not until she heard what he had to say.

 

He deserved that much, she thought. After all, there was nothing he could do. She had been married before a priest. It was done. Charlie would have to live with the choices that had been made without either of their consent.

 

She let him lead her away. Once they were out of sight he seemed to lose a little of his fury. He blew out a long breath of air and sat on a boulder not looking at her. Bella, unsure of what to do or say, clasped her hands in front of her and waited.

 

When she thought she might scream if he didn’t say something soon, he finally spoke. “Bella… you need to know there are options.”

 

The dread that had twisted in her stomach turned to ice. She took a steadying breath. “Options?”

 

“You don’t need to stay with him.”

 

“Dad-”

 

“I know you’re nineteen, and you may think that’s grown up enough. God knows you were always more grown up than you seem, but that still doesn’t make it right for a man to do what he done. And I understand why Carlisle thought he did what’s best for you, but he doesn’t know the things I know. You have options here. Things are different. A lot of young men, good men with good prospects, have made their way out west. Not enough women have.” He swallowed hard and finally looked up at her. “Even with someone else’s baby, you wouldn’t have trouble finding a good husband.”

 

Bella’s throat was tight with fear and fury. “I have a good husband.”

 

“A good man doesn’t do what he did.”

 

“He didn’t do anything. Least not what you think.”

 

“Don’t you understand? I want you to have a choice.”

 

“You mean you want me to have your choice.”

 

Charlie tilted his head, looking at her hard. “I mean what I say, Bella. I’d never want to make that choice for you. I’m sorry Carlisle did. Plenty of fathers might think I’m crazy, but I think you should have a say in who you marry no matter if you’ve done something foolish or not.”

 

“And I mean what I say. I choose Edward. He’s my choice. He’s my husband, and I have no wish for another. And he is a good man. Dad.” She clung to his arm, pleading. “You knew him. You travelled with him for many months. How can you say he’s not a good man?”

 

“Easily if he would seduce a young girl.”

 

“He didn’t.” Bella gave a small growl, too frustrated to be embarrassed at her father’s words. “I know they don’t believe us, but he only ever kissed me. It wasn’t proper, but it wasn’t insidiousness on his part either. No one believes us. No one believes me but it’s true. Emmett misunderstood, and everything happened so quickly after that. I thought I hated Carlisle for not believing me, for forcing us into this, but…” She shook her father’s arm, close to tears and terrified he could somehow force her and Edward apart just as swiftly as they’d been forced together. “I love him. I love Edward. Don’t make me give him up. Please. Please, because I won’t. I won’t.”

 

“Bella.” Charlie’s tone was roughened but quieter than before. “Hush.” He put his hand to her cheek. “Hush now.” He pulled her to him and for the first time in over four years, Bella found herself wrapped in her father’s embrace.

 

She trembled in his arms. She had known her world was going to change with this journey, and she had spent these last months scared of what she could lose out here on the trail. It almost seemed like asking too much that she should have everything she wanted: the vast majority of her family safe and Edward beside her.

 

“Please believe me. He’s a good man,” she whispered.

 

Her father held her at arm’s length, studying her a moment. “I believe you.”

 

Bella blinked at this, not quite believing her ears. “You do?”

 

“Yes. And you were right. I remember Edward well from our crossing together. He’s a very bright man. He saved my life more than once.”

 

“He saved my life too. And he’s promised to give this up as his trade. He has land of his own already.”

 

“Yes, he did tell me that.” He cupped her cheek once more in a tender gesture. “He’s been good to you? Truthfully, Bella. Tell me.”

 

“He is very good to me. He’s kind, and he worried about me probably more than you do.”

 

Charlie huffed. “I sincerely doubt that,” he said, but he smiled and took a step away from her. “Bella let me look at you.”

 

Bella ducked her head, shy now that her moment of panic had passed. Charlie looked her over and clucked his tongue. “I didn’t think it was you at first, when I saw you,” he said. “I hardly recognized you. You are grown up, Bella.”

 

“Dad.” Now her voice waivered for a much different reason. She flung herself into his arms again, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and holding on. She cried freely then--a girl who’d missed her father terribly--and he hugged her back with just as much urgency.

 

“I missed you, Bells. I missed you so much.”

~0~

Though he didn’t doubt Bella’s devotion to him for a second, Edward couldn’t hide his relief when she came around the corner smiling. She ran from her father’s side into his arms, ignoring the displeased look on Charlie’s face. Edward didn’t try to disentangle her. He closed his eyes and hugged her tighter. Let her father see for himself his feelings and intentions for his daughter were true and deep.

 

Charlie didn’t say a word to Edward.

 

For two days.

 

He frequently shouldered his way between Edward and Bella, leading his horse so he could talk to his daughter. Edward said nothing at the disrespectful slight. If his father-in-law’s cold shoulder was the most retribution he could expect, Edward would consider himself lucky.

 

For her part, Bella showed no signs of shame. Quite the opposite, she was proud and demonstrative toward him as always. Charlie made no effort to dissuade her when she held his hand or kissed him chastely. At the end of the day, when she went to sleep by Edward’s side, Charlie made no protest. He still didn’t look pleased, but he wasn’t objecting.

 

It was nooning time on the third day when Charlie made his move. There was a stream nearby and the fish were biting. When Edward took his leave to fish, Charlie went with him. He didn’t ask; he simply followed. Edward made no comment about it though he thought to himself he was glad he hadn’t decided to hunt. He remembered quite well that Charlie was an excellent shot.

 

Still, he supposed if his father-in-law intended on doing him in, he could always claim he’d drowned.

 

Edward was startled out of these only half-amused thoughts when Charlie cleared his throats.

 

“So,” Charlie said as though he hadn’t spent the last two and a half days trying to pretend Edward didn’t exist. “What are your plans then?”

 

This was a conversation Edward had expected and rehearsed weeks ago. He told Charlie about his plans for his home and the compromise he’d reached with Bella.

 

“I’ll understand, of course, if you don’t want me in your home,” Edward said, keeping his tone even. “I’ll figure something out that will allow me to see Bella through the winter as I promised.”

 

Charlie scoffed. “Oh, come off it. You know as well as I do if I didn’t let you in, she’d only follow you.”

 

“She’s missed you. I know she wants time with you.”

 

Charlie hummed in acknowledgment, looking out over the water. “Well, I have a proposition for you.”

 

Edward looked to his father-in-law, shocked.

 

“Here’s what I want. Don’t stay just the winter, stay the season. I could use another pair of hands, and it would do you some good to see how it’s done before you try to take it out of the hands of the man who’s done it for you for these years. That’ll give him some time to settle his affairs, I’d imagine. I get my daughter for a year and you get the experience you need so you and my daughter and whatever grandkids you might get on her won’t end up starving in a few years time. Might be a blow to your pride, but--”

 

“It’s no blow. Well.” Edward grimaced. “You’re right. This isn’t how I would have wanted things to be. However, I’m secure in the knowledge I am capable of standing on my own two feet. I can provide for her, for us, now.” He let a smile tug at the corner of his lips. “And this arrangement would please Bella, I think.”

 

He offered Charlie his hand. After a moment’s hesitation, Charlie took it. “I have a great deal of respect for you and your daughter, though I know I didn’t act like it. Thank you for giving me the chance to prove I can be a good husband.”

 

Charlie nodded as he shook. “I can’t say I’m happy about it. I remember talking to you about my girl. I can’t say that feels comfortable.”

 

Edward shook his head fervently. “It was never my intention--”

 

“I realize that. My daughter’s word is good enough for me.” He tilted his head, looking Edward right in the eyes. “And I’m not blind. I’ve seen the two of you together. You treat her right and provide for your family, you have my support and my blessing.”

 

“That means a lot to me, sir, of course.” Edward coughed into his hand, hoping he wasn’t overstepping his boundaries. “I think it would mean the world to Bella to hear it.”

 

Charlie chuckled. “I think you’re right about that. Anyway, I have some news to tell her.”

 

It was when they stopped for the day that Charlie sat down next to Bella and repeated what he’d said to Edward. A look of such delight came over her face, and she threw her arms around her father gleefully. “Thank you, Dad.”

 

He patted her back looking simultaneously awkward and pleased. “Well, it’d be somewhat hypocritical not to,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “All things being equal, I suppose I’d like to ask for your support and blessing to.”

 

Bella blinked at him, perplexed. “For?”

 

“Well… You remember that neighbor of mine, don’t you? I wrote to you of her. She’s got a boy who helps me.”

 

“Sue, you said.”

 

“Yeah. Well, seems we may have gotten a little ahead of yourselves, and the long and short of it is, I have a new wife, and you’re going to be a big sister.” He said the last part in such a rush, Edward was certain he must have misheard. But no. Charlie was as red as Bella ever got as everyone gathered around sputtered.

 

“I… Dad, that’s… Oh,” Bella said.

 

He chuckled and gave her a wan smile. “Yes. The little guy certainly snuck up on us. He’ll be here in time for Christmas, or so the doc reckons. I know it’s a surprise.”

 

“A good one,” she said.

 

“Yeah?”

 

Bella clasped her father’s shoulder before leaning into Edward’s embrace. “It looks to be a full house then for a time?”

 

“For a time,” Charlie agreed.

~0~

Two days later, the party stopped in front of Charlie’s home.

 

They’d made it.

 

Their journey had taken just shy of six months, and none of them were the same as they had been before they’d set out. Among them was a new widow, a new mother, two newlyweds, and a brand new person. They were missing one patriarch and many of the things they might have thought a necessity only half a year before. Their clothes were dirty rags, their hair and beards bedraggled, and they all looked like they needed to be scrubbed for a week straight in a tub.

 

They’d made it.

 

As they came up to the house--a home simpler in style than they’d come from but much larger in scale--Bella could see a pretty, raven-haired woman, her belly quite obviously swollen, and a long-haired boy who looked to be a tall, broad fourteen on the porch. When they saw the party, the boy--Bella’s step-brother Seth, she expected--took his mother’s arm to help her down the steps and toward the weary travellers.

 

The sky was threatening rain. They barely got the animals sorted and themselves inside before the storm hit. Then they all, the whole party, stood on the covered porch or at the windows, staring out at the land with huge eyes.

 

They were all dry, and when they were inside, they were warm despite the weather.

 

Bella looked up as Edward stepped to her side. He took her hand and brought it to his mouth, pressing a kiss to her knuckles and smiling at her broadly.

  
They’d made it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to jessypt and barburella.
> 
> How are we doing folks? We’re going to have a roof over our heads. I’m toying with the idea of making more than one chapter after this. We’ll see what the kids decide to whisper at me.


	25. Clean and Dirty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So. You win. The kids didn’t let me finish. Damn kids.

Charlie Swan was no fool, and he was, above all things, a considerate father. Though his daughter had been far from him, he had made preparations to ensure her future. Though he’d known there were many men in need of a wife in the West, he’d still taken steps to ensure she had a proper dowry.

 

In Bella’s case, he had taken a sizable chunk of the land he’d amassed and built her a home of her own with small crops. Edward saw the wisdom of it. There was no guarantee any of the settlers would be successful. Charlie was ensuring his daughter would be provided for.

 

However, as Bella had arrived home already wed, those plans were in the wind.

 

Then there was the Cullen-Hale clan. Plans were all well and good, but the reality of the trail had hit them hard. They had originally intended to move straight from the trail to the lands they had been granted. Three separate plots of land spaced nearer than Edward’s land was to Charlie’s, but still further apart than they wanted to be right then.

 

As a result, the little, three bedroom house that was to be Bella’s dowry currently housed the three Cullen couples. Vera and her boys were in one room of the main house, Seth in another, Charlie and Sue in the master bedroom, of course.

 

Which left Edward and Bella in Bella’s room, the room her father had built for her to live with him before she was inevitably betrothed.

 

Henry had woken up crying for his Pa the night before. Edward had heard it through the walls. Ergo, the walls were far too thin for what he wanted to do with his beautiful wife.

 

To discourage his lust, Edward reluctantly disentangled himself from Bella. Now that they could stay still for a time, there was much to be done. He had a plan, and it was early enough to carry it out with some privacy. He hoped.

 

Edward crept downstairs as quietly as he could. The house was quiet.

 

Out on the back porch, there was a bathing tub. A large one. Edward started a fire. It would take a long time and many buckets to fill the tub with hot water.

 

Some time later, the house was beginning to come alive. Sue stepped out on the porch, balling her fists into her back. She chucked. “Can’t say I blame you. How long has it been since you’ve had a hot bath?”

 

He scoffed. “Forever, and it stands to be a while longer. This here is for Bella.”

 

“Good man.” She reached up, pulling the long curtain around to partition off the small space. “I’ll fetch her down for you.”

 

“Oh, Mrs. Swan. Don’t you worry about that. I’ll get her.”

 

She clucked her tongue. “Sue. Call me Sue. And don’t worry. When I said I’ll fetch her down, what I meant is I’ll tell my son who can actually make it up the stairs before that water goes cold.”

 

The bath was filled and steaming when Bella stepped out onto the porch. She blinked in the early morning light, but when she saw the steam curling up from the tub, her eyes went wide.

 

Edward stepped forward and took her hand. “Come, love.”

 

“This is for me?”

 

He smiled broadly because she was looking at him as though he’d presented her with a fortune. He pulled the curtain around, shutting them off from the rest of the house. That done, he stepped over to her and took the shawl from her shoulders.

 

“I promised you a bath of your own, and you’ll have it. A proper, indoor bath. A tub so big you can swim in it.” He began to unbutton her sleeping gown and slipped it off her shoulders. “But for now, yes, this is for you.”

 

When she was nude, he took her hand to help her into the tub, but instead, she wrapped her arms around his waist. She pressed her lips to his ear and whispered, “Get in with me.”

 

Her voice was so low and sultry, Edward was instantly done in. How could he help it when he could feel her bare skin under his palms? He ached for her.

 

At that moment, he very much regretted telling his father-in-law they would stay.

 

“Bella.”  He kissed her because he couldn’t not. “There isn’t room enough in that tub for the both of us.”

 

She ran her hands over his sides and pulled at the strings of his pants. “It’s a large tub. Big enough for a grown man.”

 

He kissed her again, growling as he did. “And you”--he ran his hands down, cupping her ass in his hands--“are a wanton witch.” He kissed her again and then stepped away from her. “Get in the tub. The water will get cold, and you’re very dirty.”

 

“So are you.”

 

She shivered, and he was done arguing. He picked her up, ignoring her startled cry, and placed her in the tub. “Let me help you first,” he said. “Then I may join you.”

 

She closed her eyes as she sunk back in the tub. “Oh, this is heavenly.” She opened one eye to look at him. “I know how to bathe myself, you know.”

 

“Yes, I know.” He picked up a rag, dipped it in the warm water, and lathered it with soap. “But let me do it anyway.”

 

It was, he thought some minutes later, not the best of plans if he intended to keep his hands to himself a moment longer. Tracing the lines of her body. It wasn’t only the steam in his face that had his body overheating even in the coolness of the morning.

 

When he helped her wash her hair, Bella moaned. It did nothing to help Edward’s state of arousal. He concentrated instead on combing the snarls out of her hair.

 

“Edward, are you sure you don’t mind this?” she asked, tilting her head back to look at him.

 

He placed a tender kiss at her forehead. “Having an excuse to touch you? No. I can’t say I mind that.”

 

She closed her eyes again, and he went back to his painstaking task of untangling and washing her hair.

 

What a sight she was with her pert nipples standing up above the waterline. And when she stretched one leg out of the water to wash it, he very nearly dragged her from the tub to make love to her on the porch.

 

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, the house was beginning to stir. The Cullen clan had arrived at the main house for breakfast. Jasper and Emmett both had some fun teasing the duo from behind the curtain. They both laughed when Edward--who was, unfortunately, not as naked as they expected, drew back the curtain enough to threaten them with bodily injury.

 

“Come away from there,” Esme said, corralling her grown son and son-in-law. “For heaven's sakes, you’re worse than the children.”

 

Shaking his head, Edward turned back to his wife. She was standing, and he hurried back to her side. “You don’t need to rush.”

 

She sighed and reached out to take his hand. “There’ll be time for us soon.”

 

He wrapped a towel around her but stopped her when she moved to step close to him. “I still have dirt on me from a hundred miles away.”

 

Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed his nose. “I told you to come in with me.”

**~0~**

In the end, Edward opted to go with the other men to the river to bathe. The water was cold enough Emmett’s holler of shock as he jumped in was likely loud enough to be heard by the neighbors some five miles away.

 

Floating on his back, enjoying the company of his unlikely brothers, Edward laughed.

 

“What’s so funny?” Jasper asked, sending a wave of water toward him that had him sputtering.

 

Edward straightened so he was treading water. “It occurred to me that I’ll likely never see James nor any of his crew again.”

 

“Good riddance,” Emmett said. “There was something about that man that made me want to punch him.”

 

They didn’t know the half of it.

**~0~**

Sue had been showing Bella the animals--how to milk a cow and collect the eggs from the henhouse, that sort of thing. They returned to the main house to find the Cullen men in the fresh clothes they’d bought in town, their sun-darkened skin clean of dirt.

 

“Oh, good. Bella, here,” Alice said, bringing her a small basket filled with scissors and razors and all manner of things that perplexed Bella. “Your husband is up in your room. He needs a shave and a haircut like the rest of these scoundrels.” She ruffled her husband’s hair affectionately.

 

Bella clutched the basket close and frowned, looking about. Esme, Rosalie, and Alice all had their husbands seated in front of them in various stages of grooming. Vera was sitting on the table with Peter in front of her, doing her best to get the snarls out of his unruly hair.

 

This was the part she had been so uncertain about. Out on the trail her role, whether daughter or wife, was limited. Now she would be expected to take care of her husband. Should she have been waiting to meet him when he got back from the river? “I… I don’t know how to…”

 

Alice put a hand to her back and gave her a gentle push. Facing away from the others, she winked at Bella. “Let him show you.”

 

As she stepped into their room, Bella was rendered temporarily breathless by the magnificent sight in front of her.

 

Edward stood at the center of the room dressed only in his pants. He was toweling his hair dry and didn’t see her come in. It gave her a few minutes to admire him--the smattering of hair on his broad chest, the muscular definition of his abs, the freckled sun-kissed skin of his shoulders.

 

The stirring of desire in the pit of her belly seemed brand new. Her heartbeat sped and shivers went down her spine.

 

Maybe this emotion was not new as much as it was free. Yes, there was much to attend to but nothing serious. There was no pressing matter of survival hanging over them.

 

Bella pushed the door shut behind her, and the sound caught Edward’s attention. He lifted his head and grinned when he saw her. She, in turn, was momentarily distracted from her lusty ambitions by the sight of his face.

 

“Oh my goodness. What have you done?” She set the basket down and took his face between her hands so she could assess the damage. Someone had hacked away at his beard leaving it a patchy mess.

 

He laughed and held her at arms length. “I’ve found trimming as much as I can with scissors makes it easier to shave.”

 

“Oh,” she said, and though she knew it was ridiculous, she felt foolish for not having known.

 

Remembering Alice’s suggestion, she ran her fingers over the coarse hairs at his chin. “Will you teach me?”

 

His eyes were dark on hers, and it struck Bella then how close she was standing to him. Unnecessarily close if her only intention was to groom him. He swallowed audibly. “Teach you what?”

 

“To shave you.”

 

He blinked, his eyes still intense as he looked back at her. The air between them had grown thick and heated again. “Bring the basket here.”

 

She took a few steps away from him to retrieve the basket, and when she came back, he put his hands to her waist. She thought for a moment he would kiss her. Instead, he lifted her up off her feet and set her on the sturdy dresser.

 

He showed her how to prepare the lather and stood still, looking up at her, as she spread the shaving cream over his cheeks, his chin, above his lips. She pressed her finger underneath his chin, tilting his head up so she could coat his neck.

 

How she wanted to kiss him then, cream or no.

 

She didn’t. At his direction, she took up the razor and carefully, so carefully, began to draw it down his skin just as he directed.

 

“Don’t be nervous,” he murmured when she yanked her hand away.

 

She raised her hand back to his neck. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

“Slow. I trust you.”

 

His face was so close to hers she could feel the warmth of his breath. She kept one hand against his neck, steadying herself and his head, she supposed, and watched as the skin of his face was slowly revealed to her.

 

When she was done, she set the razor down and stared. He looked so different it was surreal. The lines of his face were softer than she’d expected. He was a beautiful man.

 

Bella washed her hands off in the basin and touched her wet fingertips to his skin. She traced the smooth planes from his cheek down to his neck. Under her fingers, his adam’s apple bobbed.

 

He caught her wrists, stopping her explorations, and her breath caught.

 

“Bella,” he whispered, dropping his hands to her waist. He pulled her off the dresser. There was so little space between them. “I need you.”

 

Their lips met in the next heartbeat, and Bella was lost to sensation. She traced the lines of his back, his strong shoulders, his chest as they kissed. He spun her around and walked her backward. She moaned when he hiked her skirts up and pulled her underthings down.

 

“Shhh.” He nipped at her bottom lip. “Quiet now. Can you be quiet?”

 

She murmured her assent between fevered kisses, and he pushed her down on the bed, climbing over her. Her wandering hands helped him push his pants down.

 

He entered her with his fingers first, pressing and touching her in ways she had no name for. “Shh, love. Shh,” he warned, catching most of her moans with his mouth.

 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, head thrown back on the pillow. “Oh god.”

 

He replaced his fingers with his cock, sliding into her in a one, two, three stroke. Bella closed her eyes, momentarily overwhelmed by how it felt to be at once filled and consumed by him. For all their urgency, she might have expected him to take her fast. She wasn’t sure she would have minded, though her husband’s intimate touch was still so new to her.

 

But when he was deep inside her, the air between them changed. The heat stayed the same but the fervor drained away. When she opened her eyes, finding his on hers, that zeal was replaced by something altogether more powerful.

 

There was a sweet reverence in the way he touched her then. He ran his fingers adoringly along her cheek and followed the trail his hands left with kisses. He twined their fingers together and pinned her hands to the bed as he thrust into her. Her body remembered him, called for him, and her hips raised with him.

 

The sounds he made low in his throat drove away any rational thought. There was nothing concrete to her existence then. She was made of pleasure and passion. She was made of the tingle that went through her body when he moved within her and the fire that burned in her blood when her name tumbled from his lips in a strangled whisper.

 

“Please,” she heard herself say. “Please.” But what she was begging for she didn’t know.

 

Still, he answered. “Yes. Anything.” And they found that urgency again.

 

Their movements reached that frantic pace, and something inside Bella coiled tight. It took her addled mind some time to recognize what was happening.

 

This was what it felt like that day he had put his mouth on her.

 

Bella reached back, scrambling instinctively for something to hold on to. She twisted the bedspread hard in her fingers, trying to remember how to speak. The words tangled in her mouth. Did she want him to stop? What was about to happen had frightened her before, but oh… oh, oh, oh, it had been so good. Too good.

 

And this…

 

This was better.

  
And if she opened her mouth, she feared she would beg for it. She feared she would scream.

 

There were reasons that was a bad idea.

 

“Bella. Bella.” Edward sounded desperate, his voice almost a whimper. He kissed her, and then they were both screaming, their mouths drowning the sound, and Bella couldn't discern the pulse of his manhood from the way she seized around him.

 

Bella had only barely come back to her senses when there was a sharp knock at the door. She gripped Edward tightly, swallowing a yelp of surprised.

 

“Edward,” Seth called through the door. “Charlie is looking for you.”

 

Edward groaned under his breath. “Of course he is.” Louder, he said, “I’ll be down in a minute.”

 

He cupped Bella’s cheek, the motion soft. “Some day, my beautiful wife, I will have you all to myself, and we won’t leave our bed for a week.”

 

She giggled, blushing, and raised up off the bed to kiss him once more before he had to roll away from her.

**~0~**

It was only five days later that Edward had to leave.

 

“Two weeks,” he murmured, holding her close and dotting kisses to her eyelids, her chin, her cheeks, her nose. “Only two weeks.”

 

Bella kept her arms locked around his waist. “Please don’t go,” she tried for the hundredth time.

 

With two fingers beneath her chin, he tilted her head up to look at him. “We agreed.”

 

“Well, I take it back.”

 

He smiled and kissed her once more, his hand cupped at her jaw. “Two weeks. That’s all. You promised.”

 

“But what if there’s trouble along the way?”

 

“The way is more settled. You know that. The winter won’t hit early this year.”

 

“What if it does?”

 

“Bella.” He stroked his thumb over her cheek, staring at her intently. “I will come home to you. Two weeks, and I’ll come home. That’s a promise.”

 

She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him again. “Promise me these two weeks will be the longest we’re ever apart, and I’ll let you go.”

 

He rubbed her back, rocking her from side to side. “I promise.”

 

Bella clung to him few moments longer. She blew out a long breath, kissed the side of his cheek, and summoned her bravery.

 

Then, she let him go.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I should end it there. Or end it with three weeks going by with no word from Edward. And then do a sequel about surviving the winter and not ending up like the Donner party.
> 
> Bwah ahaha
> 
> I won’t do that though. 
> 
> Many thanks to barburella, jessypt, and songster for all their help! 
> 
> On a personal note, to those who haven’t heard and are interested, my new novel, One To Tell the Grandkids, is available on Amazon currently. You can also get my novella, Duplicity, for free for a time. Links to both are in my profile. Thank you so much for all your kind words and support.


	26. Welcome Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi! *bounces around your inbox merrily* A wonderful person made me a youtube video teaser for Snapshots and I’m so happy, I’m like...glowing. It’s obnoxious (I am, not the lovely Trina Smusic Patterson). Oh. Okay. Srs bsns. Let’s get Edward home!

“Bella, come away from there.”

 

Bella started. She hadn’t realized anyone was in the room.  She looked studiously back to the sewing in her lap as she answered Alice. “There’s better light by the window.”

 

It wasn’t a lie. Since so much of their clothing had been lost or worn through on the journey, there was a lot of sewing to do to get ready for the long winter months.

 

Alice hummed and pulled another of the living room’s sitting chairs over to sit facing Bella. “Yes, you’re right. The light is very good. It’s also a good place to daydream about handsome men riding over the crest of the hill there.”

 

“Humph,” Bella grunted in acknowledgment, ignoring the heat that rose to her cheeks.

 

“I’m not going to tell you for the thousandth time that your husband is going to be fine because you never believe me anyway. Instead, I’m going to distract you. This works for both of us because I need someone to gossip with.”

 

That caught Bella’s attention. “Gossip? About whom? We hardly know the neighbors.”

 

“And yet, in the middle of a busy harvest season, so many of them have dropped by to introduce themselves.” Alice giggled. “And have you noticed, it just happens to be the single men or their mothers at the very least?”

 

Bella considered this. Coming as she did from the city, it hadn’t seemed strange that neighbors came to welcome them. Now that Bella thought of it, her father’s closest neighbors were miles away. It would have taken some effort to come calling on a normal day and, as Alice had noted, it was the harvest. The men came in from the fields well past sun down. Emmett had fallen asleep on his dinner plate the evening before.

“Single men. But for whom? There are no--” Bella cocked her head, looking at Alice in surprise. “Vera?”

 

“Truth be told, the first of the lot came looking for you.”

 

“Me?” Bella was so startled she nearly dropped her sewing.

 

“Of course you. After all, no one expected you to come home with a husband. They all knew Charlie had a daughter of marriageable age. You know those things about your neighbor. But don’t worry. They won’t bother you. You’d be a fine catch for any of them, Bella, but they’re on to greener pastures now, so to speak.”

 

“But it’s unseemly. Vera’s a new widow not even out of mourning. With two boys, no less.”

 

“You must see what a fine prospect she is,” Alice said, eyeing Bella with bemusement. “She’s young enough yet at thirty-one to bear more children. She has some money of her own even with the loss of the wagon. The boys are the icing on the cake.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

The look on Alice’s face suggested she thought Bella was being a bit dim. “They’re already half grown. It will only be a few years before they’ll be ready hands at the harvest. No need to start from scratch in that case.”

 

Bella made a face. “That’s so crass and cold.”

 

“It’s business,” Alice said with a shrug. “It’s a mutually advantageous arrangement. Vera will be provided for and protected. The lucky suitor will gain two strong boys and a pretty, biddable wife. Between Jasper and Carlisle, her interests are being well taken care of.”

 

Not for the first time, Bella wondered what her life would have looked like had things happened differently with Edward. She liked to dream that he might have seen fit to settle down and court her properly as he often lamented he hadn’t. Knowing her husband as she did, it was more likely he’d have convinced himself he was no good for her and trudged after James as he always had.

 

If she and Edward hadn’t been caught in a compromising position, it might well have been her in Vera’s place being evaluated like prize stock. Young enough to bear many children. Pretty enough as these things went. Likely more opinionated and stubborn than a good wife should have been, but as her father had said, there were many more men than there were women in this new land.

 

Then again she couldn’t exactly call her marriage the pinnacle of romance. She’d been married off as supposed damaged goods, her value diminished by the bastard she potentially carried.

 

Bella shuddered and returned to her stitches. “I don’t understand why there’s such a rush. Even setting aside what Alistair left Jasper, she has enough to start a life here on her own. She could support herself and the boys for years before she’d run out of money even if she failed miserably, and it would give her time to find a match she truly wants.”

 

Alice hummed, intent on her task for a few moments. “I know you won’t think me uncharitable for saying what’s the simple truth,” she said. “Vera just doesn’t have your keen sense, Bella. I don’t doubt you could run a farm and handle your finances well enough on your own if you ever lost your husband, but Vera isn’t that kind of woman. She needs to be taken care of. She wants to be taken care of. I have no doubt you could survive on your own, but she can’t.”

 

Bella shuddered, a cold, sick feeling twisting in her belly. She set down her sewing with shaking hands. “I don’t want to survive on my own.”

 

“Oh, lovely.” Alice stood and went to stand beside Bella. She pulled her friend’s head to rest on her breast and patted her hair. “Just a few more days, and he’ll be back safe and sound.”

 

Though she had repeatedly tried to tell herself she was being ridiculous, Bella had a hard time drawing in a deep breath. Her chest ached and her eyes teared. She groaned, swiping at them. “I’m sorry. I’ve been so whiney the last few days.”

 

“Bella.” Alice chuckled and stroked her hair back. “There are ten of us in this house, eleven if we count your husband, because none of us could stand the idea of leaving. Don’t apologize for being a bit weepy. You think I don’t know how lucky I am that my husband doesn’t stray further than the pastures? I don’t blame you for being scared, not after what we’ve all seen and been through, but Edward will be fine.”

 

At that, Bella breathed a little easier, letting herself believe her friend’s words. A few more days. She could be brave for that long.

 

“I want to tell him, Alice,” she whispered, closing her eyes and wishing with all her might that when she opened them, he would be coming over that hill.

 

Alice hugged her tightly. “You will.”

**~0~**

It was Jasper Edward saw first. At least, he thought it was Jasper. It was a blond figure mounted on a horse rounding up the livestock.

 

Whoever the figure was, the sight of him meant one thing: Edward was almost home. His grip tightened around the reins, and he had to struggle to keep the horses at a steady pace. They pulled a wagon--mostly empty for the time being--and it would do him no good to rush and topple the thing. Another hour’s ride wouldn’t kill him.

 

It felt as though it would. Bella was so close.

 

Being away from her was more difficult than Edward had expected. The days were almost bearable for all its distractions. There were endless ledgers to go over, purchases and plans to be made, his land to reacquaint himself with. The nights, however, were long and desolate without her.

 

Often she was so much in his thoughts he felt the phantom of her touch. When he rolled over to find the bed beside him empty and cold, the ache he felt intensified to the point he thought he might die.

 

Before he could go insane, Edward would turn his thoughts to a great many things, not the least of which was the family he’d been adopted into.

 

It was likely Carlisle would end up doing as he had always done. Even in the short time he’d had before he had to leave for his own property, Carlisle had been called off to attend to this neighbor or that. No matter what else he was supposed to be doing, he always went. It was a call in him, Edward recognized. Perhaps he would hire someone else to work the land for him, but Edward figured Carlisle would find he could get paid for his doctoring skills just as well in the west as he had in the city.

 

Emmett too was likely to end up in his same trade regardless of whether he and Rosalie ever did travel on to one of the larger cities. Like Carlisle, he possessed a skill in high demand. A carpenter would be most lucrative out here where folks were struggling to carve civilization out of the wilderness.

 

Jasper, Edward had mused, would likely end up raising livestock. He was good with animals, and they made for just as good trade if not better, especially if he had the sense to turn his land into a dairy farm.

 

The man had been a friend to him when everyone else was intent on judging him. Edward had made a mental note to talk to him about the possibility.  

 

Watching Jasper with the cattle as he got closer, Edward felt smug. He’d been right about his friend’s preferences.

 

When Jasper caught sight of him, he turned his horse to a gallop. He pulled up alongside Edward’s wagon and patted the side. “Brother, if I never see one of these again…”

 

Edward chuckled. It wasn’t even the same kind of wagon. This one was closer to a carriage than anything else. “It’ll be in storage for the winter, so try not to let it traumatize you.”

 

Jasper grinned, but the smile quickly faded. “Why don’t you pull over here and let me take the wagon the rest of the way?”

 

Edward’s heart dropped down to his feet, his blood running cold. “Why?”

 

“A single person riding horseback will get there quicker, and--”

 

“Something’s happened.” Edward pulled the horses to a stop. “Tell me.” He was trying to keep calm, but his panic was rising steadily.

 

Please, no. They were off the trail. They were supposed to be safe. Bella was supposed to be safe.

 

Jasper grimaced. “You’re almost a week later than you said you would be. Between worrying for you, helping us prepare for winter, and helping take care of the menfolk, Bella ran herself a bit ragged.”

 

Edward got down from the wagon just as Jasper dismounted. He grabbed his friend by the shoulders and gave him a shake. “What do you mean? What does that mean?”

 

“She had a bit of a faint and tumbled part way down the stairs.”

 

Edward gave a small cry, already turning toward the horse. Jasper tried to say more, but Edward had mounted and was off without hearing another word.

 

On horseback as a lone rider, it took no more than twenty minutes to reach the house, but each of those minutes stretched on like an eternity. There was no reason to be so panicked. Nearer to the house he’d spotted Rosalie and Esme in the gardens. If everyone was going about their business as usual, Bella couldn’t be so badly off. His rational mind had cottoned on to all of it, but it hardly mattered. His worst fear was his beautiful wife’s untimely death, and now he couldn’t calm until he saw her whole in front of him.

 

“Edward--” Sue, sitting on the porch sewing, pushed ponderously to her feet when she saw him coming, but Edward cut her off before she could speak.

 

“So sorry, Mrs. Swan,” he said, dismounting with a leap. He ran into the house and up the stairs without a backward glance at his mother-in-law.

 

Bella was asleep when he got to their room, but seeing her again, her chest rising and falling at steady intervals, did much to soothe Edward’s nerves. More than that, the sight of her was salve to the ache being gone so long from her side had caused.

 

He crossed the room and went to sit on the bed. His relief faded quickly when he saw her up close.

 

She looked as though she’d gone a round or two in the boxing ring. Bruises littered the fair skin of her arms. It was her face, though, that twisted his stomach with dread and alarm. There was a dark bruise on her cheek, but that was the least of his worries. The skin that wasn’t bruised had a sickly pallor to it. She was covered in a sheen of sweat, and when he touched his palm to her cheek, her skin was clammy and cool to the touch. The air in the room was hot, owing mostly to the raging fire in the hearth, and though the window had been open, he could still smell the faint odor of sick.

 

“Bella,” he whispered, his voice hoarse.

 

Her eyelashes fluttered as she woke, and it took a few second for her to focus on him. “Edward?” she murmured, her voice weak and breathy, with sleep or illness, he wondered.

 

But after she blinked a few times she sat bolt upright. “Edward!” In the next instant, Edward found himself in a hold so tight he nearly choked. “Oh, Edward. Are you here? Are you really here?”

 

He momentarily forgot his worry so he could hug her back just as tightly, but he regretted it when she cried out and cringed away from his touch. “Sorry,” she said, taking his face in her hands and running her thumbs over the beard that had grown in again. “I’m a little banged up, that’s all. I’m sorry.”

 

“What happened? What’s wrong?” he asked. His anxiety was a hard, painful lump in his throat, and he dreaded the answer.

 

“Oh, it was nothing, really. I haven’t been sleeping, and I haven’t been able to eat much, and--”

 

“Why?” He moved his hand to cup her good cheek, too anxious to let her ramble. He took a deep breath and put on a stoic face. He could be brave for her. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

 

She ducked her head. “There’s nothing wrong,” she said. Her tone was oddly bashful.

 

Bella pushed the blankets off and tugged him. Getting the idea, Edward readjusted so he could sit with his back against the headboard. She surprised him by climbing into his lap. Despite her reassurance, it didn’t escape him that she was trembling. Something wasn’t adding up here, and Edward felt he would go insane if he had to wait longer to know.

 

But rather than speak right away, she seemed to get distracted when she looked up. She began to trace the lines of his face, running her finger along the outline of his beard. “I was so afraid. You didn’t come home when you said you would, and I was so afraid you would have up and died without knowing.”

 

“What, Bella? Sweetheart, what is it?”

 

Again she looked down, but at least whatever she had to say brought some color to her cheeks. She hid her face against his neck but finally whispered, “I’m going to have a baby.”

 

His heart skipped a beat. He’d been so sure whatever news she had would be bad, he couldn’t quite process this bit of information. His hand paused in the act of rubbing her back.

 

He took so long to speak she raised her head, a cross between fear and disbelief evident on her features. “Are you displeased?”

 

“No!” The word came out as a startled croak, and he readjusted his grip on her. “God, no. Bella.” He said her name in a breathless whisper, awed. A thrill was rising in him, a joy so deep he was almost afraid to acknowledge it.

 

It was frightening to love someone as much as he loved this woman in his arms. It made him vulnerable. The part of him who had seen too much loss knew that even here, safe in their borrowed bed, there were so many ways he could lose her. Endless possibilities. Childbirth was not without its risk in the best situation.

 

Still, if he dared to hope, the love that blossomed in him now at the idea he’d created a child with her was something profound. It was so different than it had been with Maggie.  

 

When Maggie had told him the same thing, he’d merely been proud of his own prowess. That was what a man did, after all. He took a wife and had children. It was the natural order of things, and he took the blessing for granted.

 

Now he knew what it was to love a woman to the depth of his soul. He knew how special it was that this child had been created in love. He knew how precious and terrifyingly fragile life was.

 

“That’s the best welcome home I’ve ever heard of,” he said, finally finding his voice. He let his grin have free reign of his face, and it threatened to break his cheeks. “How far? It couldn’t have been that first day home.”

 

The pink tinge of her cheeks deepened. “No. Not then. I’m eight weeks gone.”

 

Though he wouldn’t have thought it was possible, Edward’s grin widened. “Your birthday?”

 

She huffed at him. “Yes, it seems you needn’t have traded for my necklace.” She touched her hand to the thing that still hung about her neck. “You left another gift behind.”

 

Ridiculous though he was, the idea had him puffing up like a peacock. He spread his hand over her belly, imagining it swelling beneath his fingers. “So I did.”

 

Her expression was adoring but exasperated. “So smug.”

 

“Proud,” he corrected and captured her lips before she could argue.

 

She kissed him back until he brought his hand to her cheek. When she gave a start of pain, he let her go, remembering belatedly that she was injured.

 

Pregnant and injured. “Bella. Your fall. How? The baby,” he stumbled over his words, not knowing what to ask.

 

“I’m fine,” she said, though she looked worried herself. “It happened yesterday evening. I was halfway down the stairs and I got dizzy.” She made a face and patted the bedding. “That’s why I’m here in the middle of the day. Carlisle has been watching me like a hawk, but there has been no pain--well, besides the bruising, but no pain here.” She pressed a hand low on her belly. She cleared her throat. “And no bleeding. He told me to keep still a few days just as a precaution, but if you want to know the truth, I think it’s because he could finally get me to sleep if I stayed put. He’s been after me on that account since you’ve been gone.”

 

“You haven’t been sleeping?”

 

She touched a hand to his chest, drawing her fingers down. “Without you? No. I couldn’t. At first, I waited because I knew it would take days for word to reach us if you hadn’t made it where you were going. Then…” She shook her head, and Edward thought he understood. Even when enough time had elapsed that she could be sure he arrived safely, he was still gone. She took a deep breath. “Then the end of the second week came and went. Then another day and another and another.

 

“And another and another,” he finished for her. He kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry. I should have thought to send word. I did think to, but I didn’t expect it would take me as long as it did. I kept thinking I would set out myself the next day--no sense in sending someone with word--but then something else would come up and the day would be lost.”

 

“You’re here,” she said, snuggling close against him. “And I’m here, and we’ll have a summer baby just as Alice predicted.”

 

He chuckled, holding her close. “Such a talent. What else did she predict?”

 

“Nothing that I know of.”

  
“Well, that’s enough.” He put his fingers beneath her chin and tilted her head up to look on her. “That’s more than enough,” he said, and he kissed her soundly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Look, I have no idea what these kids are doing. Part of me wants to say one more chapter left, but they keep on changing the game on me. HUMPH. So we’ll play it by ear. Can’t be long. If not one chapter then two at the most, I reckon.
> 
> Many thanks to jfka06 and barburella and to all of you out there who make it a pleasure to keep writing.
> 
> There’s going to be a write up about how this story came about on Fic Sisters. Watch on FB or Twitter. I’ll repost it when it’s up. :) I’m excited.


	27. New Arrivals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello, lovelies. Let’s see how the kids are doing.

The combined Cullen-Hale-Masen-Swan family was as ready as they possibly could be for the winter.

 

The month after Edward came back from his own property was a busy one. There was livestock to be slaughtered, smoked, and jerked to hold for the winter and the windows to be insulated against the coming cold. The women had their hands full pickling and jarring fruits and vegetables as well as reinforcing their clothes against the cold weather.

 

When winter began in earnest, they were all able to relax. The house was crowded, but the families got along. They were able to enjoy the finer things they’d given up when up to fourteen hours a day had been spent walking.

 

There were the necessities of settled life. For an hour or so a night, Esme would sit with Peter and Henry to further their schooling. Often times Sue’s fourteen-year-old son would sit with them. He hadn’t had much in the way of schooling, having grown up in the area when it was still wild.

 

Watching her with the boys one evening--even baby Jacob was settled in a basket by her feet--Edward added to his mental list of things he thought his adopted family might get into in this new world. Judging by how she’d reacted when she heard of the lack of schooling options, he wouldn’t put it past Esme to see to the educational needs of the district herself if it came to it.

 

A doctor, a carpenter, a teacher, and the makings of a fine rancher. The Cullen-Hale clan stood to become important members of the growing community--the kind of family that would someday have streets, if not whole cities, named in their honor.

 

Where, Edward wondered, did that leave him?

 

He had no need to be a bastion of the community, though it was a nice notion. He would settle for being a good husband and father. He hoped his crops would grow and his animals would be fit for the slaughter.

 

His father-in-law had been successful on that venture, and Edward was glad Charlie had insisted he and Bella stay the year. He’d seen the fall harvest but they’d still been travelling when the spring crops were being planted. There would be another planting and another harvest come Spring and Summer.

 

As for the rest…

 

Edward lost his train of thought when his queasy wife entered the room and came to sit beside him. He shifted so he could put his arm about her shoulders and tuck her close. She was shaking, and she didn’t know if it was because she was cold or from the sickness. He pressed a kiss to her clammy forehead, wishing for the umpteenth time he wasn’t so frightened for her.

 

The sickness was natural, Carlisle, Esme, and Sue had all told him repeatedly. It meant the baby was strong. Bella too was strong, and he knew that well enough. She had her moments of swoon and exhaustion, but she bounced back quickly.

 

And they were no longer on the trail, he reminded himself. She was safe in the house, and as long as he or someone else escorted her up and down the stairs, there was no reason to think she would die.

 

Then again, Bella was stubborn. More often than not, she didn’t tell anyone when she was on the stairs and fixed him with an exasperated expression when he insisted on taking her arm.

 

“Let him fuss,” Edward heard Rosalie tell Bella one day. “Men don’t much like being helpless.”

 

Since then Bella had been more patient with him. He hated to be a bother, but he knew they were lucky she hadn’t hurt herself or the baby worse than a few bruises.

 

Edward kissed the top of her head and held her hands to keep her from taking up any chore or hobby. She grunted at him but rested her head on her shoulder. Edward set aside the book he’d been reading--a mind-numbing breakdown of Oregon topsoil and tilling techniques--and began to work his fingers along her shoulder and neck.

 

After a few minutes she was pliant against him. Her sigh was soft, her body warm. He kissed her hair again. “Have you eaten at all?”

 

She made a disgruntled noise, and her answer came out muffled against the cloth of his shirt. “Esme gave me a bit of bread soaked in fresh goat’s milk this morning. It was disgusting. I couldn’t stop eating it. However, I didn’t keep it down for long. Don’t worry, though. I’ll likely be ravenous by supper.”

 

He hummed, nuzzling his nose at her hairline. “Can I do anything for you?”

 

Bella raised her head, and he was glad to see the mischievous glint in her eyes. “I would like to hear you sing tonight after dinner.”

 

He fixed her with a mock-stern glare. Some days before, when he’d been in the barn tending to the horses he’d brought back from his homestead, he’d been singing to himself absently--something he hadn’t done in quite some time. Bella had caught him at it when she came to bring him inside for the midday meal. Since then, he’d managed to sidestep her requests, but she must have known he could refuse her nothing under these circumstances.

 

It was only that it felt strange. The last time he could remember singing was the last time he was truly happy.

 

“If it pleases you, I’ll do it,” he said. “I’ll ask Jasper to bring out his guitar, and we can have a right shindig.”

 

Her look brightened at his acquiescence. “That would be lovely.”

 

He brushed his fingers down her cheek, pleased she was happy. “I had a piano,” he murmured after a moment, distracted as he traced the shape of her lips with his fingertip. “I had to leave it by the side of the trail. What a fool I was to think it was so important.”

 

“Music is important.” She reached up to twine their fingers together, bringing their joined hands down to her lap. “You can play?”

 

“Yes. Very well.” He shrugged. “That is, I could. It’s been years.”

 

“Then I want a piano for our house. I can play a little, and I would love for music to be a part of our lives.”

 

He dipped his head to kiss her softly. “I’d like that.”

 

Someone cleared their throat, reminding them their hushed conversation wasn’t private. Edward looked up to find Esme’s lesson was done, and Emmett was staring at them in bemusement.

 

The larger man made a show of bowing grandly in Bella’s direction. “So sorry to disturb you, Mrs. Masen. I was wondering if I might borrow your husband. We’ve got business to discuss.”

 

Bella held on to Edward’s hand, keeping him there with her. She looked at him. “What business?”

 

A smile quirked at the corner of his mouth. Many men would have found Bella’s question impertinent, but she was simply not the kind of wife who paid no mind to her husband’s business affairs. The day he’d come home, they’d stayed awake far into the night talking of all that was to be done before they left her father’s house in a year’s time.

 

“I’ve contracted Emmett to do some work for us,” Edward said. “Much of the furniture currently in the house isn’t ours. I never replaced the items I had to leave and never accumulated more. We’ll need a table, a bed to say the least.” He smiled and spread his hand over her belly. “A crib, of course.”

 

“The crib first. Cribs, I should say,” Emmett said, the look on his face far off as if he were mentally prioritizing. “Three of them. Charlie’s baby can sleep like Jacob in a basket for a time, but he’ll need a crib before long.” He rolled his eyes. “At this rate, Jacob will need a bed of his own before we get settled.” He shook his head, looking fondly at his son in his mother’s arms. “A rocker too for you, Bella.”

 

Edward stood, helping Bella to her feet as he did. “Come on, then. We’ll move to the kitchen. Let’s hope I can afford everything I know you’re going to talk me into, Mr. Cullen.”

 

Emmett slung his arm around Edward’s shoulders in a friendly gesture. “I’m not exactly a master craftsman, friend. My prices are reasonable, I feel. Still, for you, I might charge a small tax.”

 

“On what grounds?” Edward demanded in dramatic ire.

 

“On the grounds that it pleases me.”

 

Bella grinned, but she reached over and gave Emmett’s head a smack. He laughed. “Okay, little sister. Of course I didn’t mean a tax. I meant a discount. I get those words confused.”

**~0~**

Sue’s time came three days before Christmas.

 

Bella had been trying her hardest not to think of the inevitability of birth. Pregnancy she thought she could handle. She didn’t like feeling so ill all the time, but it was bearable. Everyone told her it would pass soon enough and her energy would return. But she’d only seen one live birth, and it was nothing short of terrifying. Bella wasn’t naive to the fact baby Jacob’s birth could have killed Rosalie easily.

 

She tried to keep those kinds of thoughts aside as she helped the other women tend Sue. Her stepmother must have seen it anyway. She took Bella’s hand in a quiet moment and pulled her to sit down on the bed. “Don’t you worry about me. I was younger than you when I had my daughter Leah. Oh, I hope you get to meet her one day. It’s been some time since I’ve had a baby, but I remember how this goes. Everything will be fine. I’ll be fine.” She patted Bella’s cheek in a motherly way. “And so will you.

 

“Besides,” she said, looking up with a wry expression as Carlisle came into the room again. “I never had my own doctor on hand. I’ll be fine several times over, I expect.”

 

Still, it was a long, bloody business. The metallic smell was sharp in the air, and it made Bella swoon. Esme caught her when her legs gave out and called her husband to help her to bed. “Rosalie and I caught a few winks this afternoon. We’re more than enough to help Carlisle. Go on and get some rest.”

 

Bella couldn’t sleep and for once, Edward didn’t try to persuade her when she protested. By that time, the men were all somewhat drunk anyway. She went to her father and wrapped an arm around him. He swallowed hard and spoke without looking at her though he patted her hand as he did. “The night you were born, my father took pity me and got me very, very drunk. But you took so long getting here, I was sober as a stone by the time you finally came.” He played with the empty glass in his hand, still not focusing on anything. “You were always enough, Bella. Your mother couldn’t have anymore children, and that was fine. I never needed another.”

 

Bella knew her father was excited about the new baby. She’d seen him put a hand to Sue’s belly and grin in that foolish, beautiful way men did when they were over the moon. He wanted this baby...but not at the cost of his wife.

 

It had not escaped Bella’s notice that her husband was watching her with naked fear in his eyes, likely thinking along the same lines.

 

But finally, finally, as the dawn of the next day broke, the strong, gusty cry of a disgruntled newborn broke the relative quiet of the house. Her father was off like a shot, Seth right on his heels.

 

Bella hovered along with the rest of the family in the hall outside the master bedroom. She sat on the settee with Edward at her side and Seth, who had been denied access to the room, at her feet with his head in his hands. He rocked back and forth as though he was a boy of four instead of fourteen, and Bella ran what she hoped was a comforting hand through his hair.

 

They didn’t wait long before Charlie emerged again. Bella breathed easier at the sight of his smile--the wide, foolish one. His eyes were focused on the small bundle in his arms as he walked.

 

“Your mother is fine,” Charlie said as Seth scrambled over to him. “You can go see her if you’d like, just be gentle. She’s had a tough day, and she’s exhausted. You have a little brother,” he called after the bigger boy, but he had already disappeared behind the door.

 

Charlie chuckled and went to Bella then. Edward relinquished his position next to her, and Charlie sat down. Curious, Bella pulled the blanket away from the tiny form so she could better see his face. “Hello there,” she said, breathless and somewhat incredulous when she finally set eyes on the baby.

 

She’d never expected to be anyone’s sister. A sister and a wife in one year, mother the next. How strange life was.

 

“His name is William,” her father said. “William Adam Swan.” Bella hadn’t ever heard his voice waiver as it did then. “Sue wants to call him Billy.”

 

“Billy. He’s quite handsome,” Bella said, finding and counting his miniature fingers with awe.

 

Charlie shifted so he held his son in one arm and his daughter tucked under the other. He spared a fatherly kiss for them both, obviously deliriously happy.

**~0~**

The end of winter was marked with a wedding. Vera wed Michael Newton. He was a mildly successful farmer in his early forties. He seemed a kind enough man who got along with Vera well enough as these things went. He could take care of her and the boys. Edward supposed that was what counted most.

 

She and the boys were the first of their extended party to leave. When she did, Edward and Bella decamped from the main house to the small house that had been intended for them in the first place.

 

By then, Bella was feeling much better and was able to withstand the mere thought of Edward touching her intimately. Fascinated by the changes of her body, Edward spent a great deal of time undressing her in order to explore with his hands. Her breasts were perceptibly larger, the nipples darkened and much more sensitive to his touch. Her figure, though still slight, was fuller, and her belly…

 

He couldn’t keep his hands off the swell of her belly as she grew their baby. He spent as much time as she would allow with his lips pressed to the taut skin, talking to his son or daughter or simply kissing every expanding inch.

 

Then, once they both established they didn’t care at all about the impropriety of making love when Bella was already pregnant… Well, Edward couldn’t say he was upset they finally had some semblance of privacy.

 

It was still early spring when everyone else left. There was much to be done: first crops to plant and homes to be built. Edward knew Bella worried for her foster family, but they were strong and together.

 

“They’re only two day’s ride away, love,” he comforted her the evening after they left. “We’ll see them plenty.”

 

True to his word, Carlisle and Esme came back in mid-May to deliver some of the furniture Emmett had completed. He had started with the most important pieces--a chest of drawers, an ornate rocking chair, and a strong, sturdy crib. He might not have had a suitable enough amount of time under his belt to be considered a master carpenter, but he was well on his way, Edward reflected as he surveyed the fine work.

 

Though there was a doctor much closer, Edward was glad when the couple decided to stay. He didn’t want to trust anyone but Carlisle with his wife and baby. On top of that, Esme was the closest thing to a mother Bella had. Sue was nice, but she wasn’t as familiar, and she was naturally busy with Billy. They agreed to stay until the baby was born and at least a couple of weeks after that.

 

Edward didn’t often forget how young his wife was. What he did forget was that she couldn’t possibly be as confident as she typically came off. Once Esme was there, it was clear how desperate she was for a little guidance.

 

He couldn’t claim to be different. Charlie was a good man and a great teacher in the field. Still, Edward couldn’t bring himself to ask for advice when it came to being a good husband and father. After all, it was Charlie’s child and grandchild under Edward’s care. He didn’t want to seem as though he were anything less than completely confident in his own abilities.

 

Carlisle stopped one of Edward’s worried tirades by taking him by the shoulders. He called his name quietly until he was sure he had Edward’s attention. Then he looked at him steady in the eyes as he spoke. “I have no doubt in my mind that your father, were he here, would have been proud of you.”

 

Edward blinked at the other man, taken aback by Carlisle’s perception. He ducked his head, and Carlisle patted his back. “You’re working very hard. I know it. Charlie knows it, and, perhaps most importantly, your wife knows it. I haven’t seen Bella this happy since before her mother died. Son, you’re doing your best, and that’s all you can ask of yourself. I told you once you’ll never have all the answers. You’ll never do everything right.”

 

They began walking again, and Carlisle continued after a moment, his tone thoughtful. “The choice I made on behalf of a dear daughter I think, in hindsight, was a mistake. At least, if I had to make that choice again, knowing what I know now, I might not have acted so hastily.”

 

Edward started, realizing Carlisle was talking about his forcing Bella into marriage. “As indignant as I was on Bella’s behalf, I don’t know that I would consider that choice a mistake. Even if it was, well… I’d like to think it worked out for all involved. I know it did for me.”

 

“And for Bella too, but that’s my point. Even when you make mistakes, it’s unlikely to bring on the end of the world.” Carlisle held his hand up to stop Edward’s response. “I know you carry much guilt over your first wife’s death, but I don’t believe you made a mistake. It’s impossible to get through life without making decisions, which is the only thing you did.”

 

Carlisle stopped them again to look Edward in the eyes. “It wasn’t your choice to come west that killed your wife, Edward. That was as sound a decision as any other. Trust yourself and your instincts at least a little. Bella isn’t a woman who would demure to the whim of just any man. She trusts you, and that’s no small feat.”

 

It was exactly what Edward needed to hear.

**~0~**

In the not-so-early morning of May 27th, 1849, Bella’s pains began.

 

Edward stayed with her as long as he was able, helping her walk a bit or simply holding her hand. Eventually, though, Charlie pulled him bodily out of the room. His father-in-law dragged him to the small kitchen, sat him down, and plunked a stiff drink in front of him.

 

“No.” Edward shook his head. “I don’t want to be drunk.”

 

“Then don’t get drunk, but drink enough to calm yourself.”

“I’m perfectly calm,” Edward lied. He was nearly out of his mind with anxiety, but he didn’t want Charlie to know that. After all, it was natural that Charlie would want him to be strong for Bella.

 

Charlie gave him a cool look and nodded at the drink. “Pick up the glass.”

 

They both knew Edward’s hands were shaking. He yanked them off the table, hiding them in fists on his lap.

 

Rather than speak at that, Charlie raised his own hands. They too were shaking. Badly. “She’s my daughter,” he said as he lowered his hands back to the table, spreading the fingers wide and pressing them flat.

 

Edward couldn’t think of what to say so he shot the drink he had been given back in a few gulps. He set the glass down with a thunk and closed his eyes, letting the burn of alcohol warm his blood.

 

He felt better for seconds before Bella’s scream--strangled and singular though it was--had him curling in on himself. Charlie likewise cringed, and Edward rubbed at his chest, wondering if part of his heart had actually curdled and died there.

 

“She’ll be all right,” Charlie said in a tone that suggested if anything dared tell him otherwise, he would make it happen.

 

Edward just stared at the empty glass, reconsidering the benefits of getting drunk. He was fairly sure Bella would forgive him for being drunk, but she probably would mind quite a deal more if he went out of his mind.

 

Every once in a while, a hand would come in to ask Charlie something about the crops or the animals. He answered them with responses that grew more clipped as morning turning to afternoon and then to early evening.

 

“The baby is being a might stubborn,” Carlisle said at one point. “There’s no need to be concerned. Soon. It’ll be soon.”

 

Step by step, Charlie and Edward got closer to the bedroom until they were leaning on the wall right outside of it. Edward could hear Bella’s exhausted whimper when Carlisle told her, “One more push, sweetheart. It’s almost over.” He slid down the wall and gripped his hair in his hands, pulling hard as Bella cried out in earnest.

 

His head shot up again when he heard it: the baby’s cry. His baby’s cry. “Oh God, oh God.” He pushed to his feet on shaking legs and nearly fell. Charlie steadied him before he fell. Out of sorts, he reached for the door and jiggled it hard, trying to get into his and Bella’s room.

 

He couldn’t be away from her any longer. He needed to see her.

 

The door open and he nearly fell again. He caught himself on the doorframe. Esme quirked an eyebrow looking amused. Her eyes were shining and her smile was wide. “Hush now. Hush,” she said, stroking the side of his face. “You’re making more of a fuss than your daughter.”

 

“My…” Edward shook his head hard and he stepped past Esme into the room. His head felt at once heavy as stone and light as a feather. The sensation and the rapid pounding of his heart was making him dizzy.

 

When he finally set eyes on Bella, he was finally able to take a deep breath. She was sitting up, pale and soaked with sweat but smiling.

 

By god, she was smiling. And crying. And crooning softly to the…

 

The baby she held in her arms. His baby. Their baby. Their daughter.

 

Edward stumbled forward and fell to his knees beside the bed. He was aware of Carlisle standing nearby, wiping the blood from his hands, and Esme, but they were only vague shapes around him. All he could really see was his wife and baby girl.

 

Bella laughed and sniffled. “Come up here. Look, Edward. Look.”

 

At her urging, he stood again, though he had no idea how he got his legs to hold him. He sat on the edge of the bed, his movements careful lest he jostle either of them, his eyes darting wildly from Bella’s face to the swaddled child in her arms. He couldn’t quite get his brain to accept there was no danger.

 

Carlisle clapped his shoulder, giving him a slight shake. “Breathe, Edward. They’re both fine. You can see it with your own eyes.”

 

And Edward breathed.

 

And smiled.

 

And smiled.

 

When Bella moved to hand the baby to him, his arms went out as though on instinct. He’d held Billy a few times, but this was different. This was infinitely different.

 

His daughter was tiny. He drew her against his chest, overcome with the need to protect her. “She’s…” Words escaped him. He was far too enraptured by the way the baby seemed to fit perfectly in his arms, as though she belonged there.

 

He took his eyes off his daughter to stare at Bella in wonder. He leaned forward and kissed her soundly, tasting the sweat and tears of her struggle.

 

This was it, he realized. This was the end to a journey he’d started so many years ago. This was the the end of his trail. He’d been traveling for so long, yet now this tiny creature firmed up a sense of belonging. He was home. Not in the sense he was on his own property in his own house as he’d intended when he first set out from the east. Home was this--his wife and daughter. A place he would belong no matter where they were.

 

He kissed Bella again knowing that with her at his side, he could face whatever their new life would bring.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay. There will be an epilogue--I have to name the poor girl--but this is done!
> 
> Many, many thanks to barburella and jessypt. And thanks to all you lovelies. Your enjoyment of this story, and all my stories, consistently makes my day.


	28. A Good Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello, darlings. Sorry to those of you who received an update and then an error message. I was told it wasn’t working and ended up accidentally deleting it while I was putzing around. (I was at a bar… whoops).

The fall day was cool. When a breeze rustled his hair, Edward transferred the reins of the carriage to one hand so he could adjust the blankets around his four-month-old daughter. He smiled when he saw she was awake and let her take a firm grip on one of his fingers.

 

“Good morning, Angel.”

 

From her place in the basket beside him, Angelica Rachel Masen graced him with a toothless baby grin. She gurgled, trying to guide his finger to her mouth. She grunted with effort, kicking her legs so hard the blankets fell away again.

 

“None of that,” he admonished, tucking the blankets around her again. “We wouldn’t want you to catch cold.”

 

A tendril of fear curled itself around Edward’s stomach and squeezed. He was glad he’d been too busy helping his father-in-law secure a few things that had come loose  and he hadn't eaten much of his noontime meal. He had to swallow around a painful lump in his throat as he tried not to think about how fragile the lives of babes were.

 

Angel cooed at him and then giggled--that happy baby sound that could warm the cockles of even the coldest heart. The knot of fear eased, and Edward smiled back at his daughter. She was a fat, healthy, happy baby with pink cheeks and bright eyes. “Your papa is very foolish,” he said. “Momma is always telling me it doesn’t make much sense to worry about things that haven’t happened yet and might not ever happen. She said I may as well concentrate on enjoying you while you’re still our little bug. After all, you were just a mite only yesterday, it seems, and look at you now--a great big baby of four whole months. Momma’s right. I should enjoy my baby before she becomes my little girl.”

 

He sat back, glancing out at the the trail before he looked again to his daughter. “I know you’ve enjoyed staying with Grandpa, but I think you’ll like having a space all our own. You’ll be the little lady of the house instead of being under your Uncle Billy’s thumb. One day you’ll have a passel of brothers and sisters to boss around.”

 

The idea had him lapsing into silence again as he considered this pretty vision of the future. Another tendril of worry tugged at him.

 

He’d taken Bella to his bed just a few days before for the first time since Angelica was born. The thought he’d made her pregnant again had him both hopeful and dismayed. There would be more children for them. He knew that, and the thought of adding to his brood made him proud and pleased. Still, he wasn’t oblivious to the fact each pregnancy was a risk.

 

“Life is a risk,” Bella had told him when he’d hesitated in taking her. She pulled him down with her in bed, stroking and touching and tempting him. “Are you planning to deny me the rest of our lives?”

 

He couldn’t of course. He hadn’t. She was far too bewitching, and he was too in love with her. It was the kind of love that had to be expressed physically; keeping it locked inside him would have killed him.

 

“I’ve so missed you, my wanton witch,” he said before he buried himself inside her.

 

“Edward?”

 

Speak of the devil... Edward looked over his shoulder to see Bella push herself up from where she'd been napping in the back of the carriage. He heard her pat the wooden floor and then she gasped. "The baby!"

 

"She's here, love. She's fine. Angel just wanted to ride up front with her Papa, didn't you, sweetheart?"

 

Angel gave a loud squeal, swinging her balled fists and kicking her feet to join the conversation. Edward lent Bella his hand, keeping her steady as she climbed over the seat. When she was settled she took the baby from the basket. Angel greeted her mother with happy noises, and Edward warmed, looking on his precious girls with a smile.

 

“You didn’t sleep long,” Edward said, reaching over to tuck a strand of hair back under Bella’s cap.

 

She yawned and blinked, rolling her neck and eliciting a series of small cracks. “I’ll be fine. It’s getting late, and I’d imagine we won’t be too long on the trail.”

 

“No,” Edward agreed. “We’ll stop soon. I was hoping to make it as far as the next town, but the wagon moves slower than I remember.” He looked behind him as though he would spot the larger wagon driven by Charlie and containing most of his and Bella’s earthly possessions. “We’ll have to camp tonight. I’m sorry.”

 

“What on earth are you sorry about?”

 

“We’ll have to sleep on the floor outside most likely. Well, you could lay in the back of the carriage with Angel, I suppose, but--”

 

She bumped his shoulder. “Hush, you ninny. I’ll stay with you.” She rested her head on his shoulder. “It’ll be like old times.”

 

“Old times,” he murmured and shook his head. Traveling the trail felt like another lifetime. He supposed it had been.

 

They did stop only a few hours later. He and Bella went about setting up camp while they waited for Charlie and Seth to catch up.

 

It was amazing how quickly Edward had forgotten his old life. Once it would have been second nature to prepare a camp for an evening’s rest. He’d had it down to a science once, but then again, he had shared the work with at least three other men. Now he stood in the clearing, hands on his hips as he tried to remember everything there was to do and what order it should all be done in.

 

“It’s a good thing you thought to put the supplies in the carriage,” Bella said, pulling a set of pans from the back.

 

Fire. Of course. It was cold. They needed fire for warmth and cooking.

 

When Edward returned from gathering wood, he found Bella sitting with her back against a tree. She had a blanket over one shoulder, shielding Angel from the cold as she suckled. He stopped at the edge of the clearing to watch for a spell. He loved the serene look Bella got when she was feeding their daughter. She stared down, her smile so tender, and patted the baby as she hummed and rocked.

 

He allowed himself a few extra moments, thanking providence and the protective streak of Carlisle Cullen for this gift, this life. Then, he went to take care of his family.

 

**~Two and a Half Years Later~**

 

“Angel! Mercy, you were misnamed, weren’t you? Come back here, you little hellion.”

 

Bella made a last ditch lunge trying to corral her almost-three-year-old daughter. Angel had chubby, uncoordinated legs, but these days, Bella wasn’t the height of grace. She managed to catch a wrist and held on for dear life. The child was covered from head to toe in soapy water and thus was very slippery.

 

“Momma, no.” Angel giggled, kicking her feet in her merry game as Bella hoisted her up. “I’m all clean.”

 

“Ha.” Bella plunked the protesting toddler in the tub that sat in the middle of the kitchen. “Angelica Rachel, you sit yourself down or so help me, I’ll change your name to Satan’s Minion.”

 

Angel splashed and fixed Bella with a winning grin--a miniature version of her father’s smile and just as effective, as the little rascal doubtless knew. Bella sighed, feeling her irritation ebb. She eased herself down on the floor and picked up the soapy rag again. “Come on, little one. We’re going to have guests. Don’t you want to look pretty for our guests?”

 

Angel stomped a few times for the pleasure of seeing the water slosh wildly, but she finally sat back down in the tub, assuaging her mother’s fear she would catch her death of cold. “Imma always pweety. Papa says.”

 

“Yes, well, Papa is biased.” Bella smiled at Angel’s pinched expression as she poured water over her head. “Yes, baby girl. You are mighty precious. But people may not see it with all this dirt on you.”

 

Some time later, Angel was clean and dressed in her Sunday best. Her long, auburn hair was brushed to a sheen and adorned by a pretty bow. She was a handsome child, and the fact Bella could see her own features mingled with Edward’s would never cease to amaze her. But beyond that, she was truly resplendent, and Bella was smug with pleasure at the job she’d done. Oh, it was true enough the child would likely be rumpled and covered in mud five minutes after their guests arrived, but they would at least have a glimpse of her looking as cherubic as possible.

 

Bella took Angel up to the master bedroom and sat her on the middle of her bed with something clean to play with. She was bedraggled from her battle to get Angel and the house in the right condition for guests. Another wrestling match ensued, this one with her hair and clothes. Soon Bella was looking herself over in the mirror. She was pleased that the reflection that stared back looked the part she wanted to play: a self-assured, pretty mother and wife.

 

She glanced down and frowned. Well, from the neck up at least, she was satisfied.

 

It had been about a year since she’d last seen her father. This time, Charlie was bringing not only his family but most of the Cullen clan as well. Bella wanted nothing more than to appear all grown up--the matron of the large house that was quick becoming a central hub in the district they lived in.

 

Edward was a smart man and better educated than many in their growing community. He was a natural leader and successful in his business dealings. Men were beginning to look up to him, and it made their wives want to be in Bella’s good graces.

 

But the Cullens had known Bella as a child and had known Edward when none of them, save perhaps Alice, would have believed he could be a good husband. Carlisle and Esme hadn’t seen her since she was an inexperienced young mother trying her hardest not to weep as they rode away. They had their own family to return to after all. Though Bella didn’t believe they’d judge her, she still wanted very much to put her best foot forward.

 

She wanted them all to be proud of her and of Edward.

 

Done with her personal renovations, Bella started to give the house one last look over. She quickly abandoned that pursuit, knowing she would drive herself crazy if she stopped to find all the imperfections in her home. She pulled Angel to her feet, ushering her downstairs and outside. They settled on the porch swing, Angel leaning against her side as she read.

 

Bella cut off mid-sentence, cocking her head when she thought she heard the clip-clop of horse hooves. She used the railing to pull herself to her feet. Leaning on the pillar, she craned her neck, watching the horizon. Angel came to stand at her side, and Bella moved her free hand from her middle to her daughter’s shoulder, keeping them both steady.

 

Another minute passed before a rider appeared on the crest of the hill. Relief flooded over Bella, and she smiled so broadly her cheeks stretched with the effort.

 

Edward had been gone for two days. It was the first time since he’d left her at her father’s house for three weeks that he’d been away from her more than twelve hours. It was a necessity, and she was in no condition to travel even as far as town. The likelihood any danger would have come to him wasn’t very high. Still, when she saw him, Bella could admit to herself she’d been frightened for him. Small though the chance was, the area not too far off had been beset with strife between the natives and the settlers. That was just one of the possible fates that could have befallen her husband.

 

Bella acknowledged the weight of the worries and let it slip away just as quickly. Even after some years of marriage, her breath still caught whenever she saw him. He was a sight, to be sure. There was a reason she’d more than once caught her friends--married or not--trying to ogle him discreetly. Her fingers twitched at her sides. She couldn’t wait to run her hands through his longish bronze locks, blown wild as they were from the ride.

 

His eyes swept the porch, found her, and he smiled. She saw him give the horse a nudge with his heels, urging the beast faster, easily outrunning the carriages that followed him.

 

“Papa!”

 

Angel flung herself, hurrying down the four steps from porch to ground so fast, Bella yelped in alarm. The toddler made it to the bottom without incident and ran full tilt across the grass toward her father.

 

Bella followed at a much more tedious pace. She wished she could run, she wanted to, but she was far too ponderous for all that. She could wait a few more minutes for Edward to get to her.

 

He pulled the horse up short and dismounted. He picked Angel up and launched her high in the air. When she came back down, he cuddled her close, kissing her cheek even as he sprinted forward to get to Bella’s side. Shifting his giggling daughter to his hip, Edward wasted no words. He put his arm around Bella’s waist and pulled her to him.

 

His kiss wasn’t fit for polite company by a longshot. The noise of the approaching carriages should have been enough to set her protesting--what would her father say--but Bella couldn’t care about such paltry things as propriety just then. Two days away from him had been far too long.

 

As he kissed her, Edward’s hand drifted to the swell of her belly. He broke their kiss and stroked the bulge with reverence. “I was so afraid to leave you,” he murmured, pressing his hand to the apex. “I was afraid something would happen.”

 

Bella smiled at him, rueful. They would never stop worrying for each other it seemed. “The doctor was here this morning. He said another month perhaps. We were all just fine.”

 

He hummed his response and kissed her again. This kiss was much more chaste, likely allowing for the fact the carriages were almost on them. Three of them pulled to a stop just as Edward reluctantly let Bella go.

 

Within seconds, Bella found herself surrounded, not knowing who to hug first. It took her a moment to get her bearings, then she ducked out of Emmett’s arms to find Alice.

 

After some struggle, Alice had borne her first child five months before. Brandon Emery Hale had been sickly from the start and had died at three months old. Bella couldn’t fathom that kind of pain, and so when she found Alice, she wrapped her arms tightly around the other woman and clung. She loved Alice like a sister, and she wished with everything in her she could have been closer.

 

Alice sagged into the embrace as though she heard the words Bella couldn’t say. Her breath hitched, and when she pulled back, her smile wavered. She said nothing at first but put her palm to Bella’s stomach. “Look at you. Oh, Bella.” She sniffled and nodded as though resolute. “It’s a boy this time, I think.”

 

Remembering that Alice had correctly prophesied Angel’s birth, Bella put her hand over the other woman’s on her belly. “That’s what I’ve been telling Edward.”

 

Jasper joined them then. He tucked his wife under one arm, sparing a kiss to her forehead as though he’d known she needed the comfort. He pulled Bella to him with his other arm and kissed her cheek. “It’s good to see you, sugar. Congratulations.”

 

She was hugged and kissed by the rest of the Cullens then before attention shifted to Angel. Edward had set her down, but she’d plastered herself behind his legs, burying her face in the back of his thighs, ducking bashfully as the Cullens tried to lure her out.

 

“Hello, sweetie. My goodness what a precious child you are.” Esme brushed the tip of her finger down Angel’s soft hair. “You really are named right, aren’t you? You’re an angel fresh from heaven.”

 

Always drawn out by people fawning over her, Angel raised her head and took a tentative shuffle away from the protection of her father’s height. “Mama said she’s gonna name me Satan’s Minnow.”

 

“Angelica,” Edward and Bella said together. Bella’s cheeks flushed, but the others laughed.

 

Emmett squatted down in as close an imitation of Angel’s height as he was capable of. Much to Bella’s dismay, he mussed her hair.

 

Oh well, she thought. The bow was already askew from her romp across the lawn.

 

“My momma, that lady right there” --Emmett pointed at Esme-- “said she should have named me after Satan himself.”

 

Rolling her eyes, Bella went to greet her father. She hugged him, and when she pulled back, she gasped at the sight of the child clinging to Sue’s hand. She hadn’t had cause to see her brother since they’d left Charlie’s house two and a half years before. He was a sturdy boy of three and some months now. He was cut leaner like a child instead of chubby as a baby.

 

He looked so much like Charlie.

 

“My goodness. Who is this strapping young man? Have you brought me a new hand to work the field, Dad?”

 

Billy grinned at this and stood up straighter. “I’m not a worker. Mommy said you’re my brother. Like Seth.”

 

“She’s your sister, Goose,” Seth said, shaking his head. He came came forward to hug Bella. “Heya, Sis.”

 

“Hey, Squirt,” she said, looking up pointedly.

 

She’d seen Seth the last time her father visited. Wherever Charlie went, Seth was generally beside him. Though too uneducated to make much of the figures in Charlie’s ledger--though they were working on that--even at seventeen, Seth was good at the social parts of the business. Charlie had written her that the boy and his affable charm had been invaluable in smoothing the way in more than one transaction.

 

When Bella was younger, she’d often worried that she couldn’t take care of her father, not being the son most men wanted. Though she was grown enough now to understand no son could have replaced her in his heart, she was glad for Sue, Seth, and Billy. Since she couldn’t stay with him, she was glad he would never be alone.

 

Greetings done, the group headed into the house, Bella on Charlie’s arm and Edward escorting Esme. The children, Angel, Billy, and Emmett and Rosalie’s son Jacob were sent off to play.

 

It fell on Bella as hostess to see people to their rooms and show off the house under the guise of telling everyone where the necessities were located. As ridiculously nervous as she was, she felt it went well given that her advanced state of pregnancy left her constantly out of breath.

 

Esme did put her foot down, insisting Bella let all the women help her prepare dinner, decorum be damned. “Sit down,” she said in that commanding voice that brooked no room for argument. “For heaven’s sakes. No one expects you to feed a brood like this on your own.”

 

So Bella ended up seated at the kitchen table with not much to do except peel potatoes for the next day’s supper. Maybe she was matron of the house, but no one trumped Esme Cullen, to be sure.

 

It wasn’t bad. Alice, Rosalie, and Esme kept her distracted from feeling useless by telling her of all the things they’d been up to lately.

 

Bella was pleased to hear that Rosalie and Emmett had rethought the idea of moving on to a larger city. As Edward had predicted, Carlisle couldn’t be lured away from the role of doctor and so Emmett oversaw most of his father’s lands as well as his own. Between that and his carpentry work, he was fast becoming wealthy in his own right.

 

Jasper too was beginning to build a fledging business with his livestock. He was not as wealthy as his father-in-law and brother-in-law, but he was making his way. And Alice was keeping busy in spite of her heartbreak.

 

“I’m helping Ma organize schooling for the children in the district,” she said. “We’ve raised the money for three schoolhouses so far.”

 

Bella didn’t miss the bittersweet note to her voice. It was difficult, she imagined, to teach other people’s children when her own child was well beyond help.

 

“There isn’t much more unfair than a mother without a child,” Esme said quietly when Alice had excused herself for a moment. “She’s still a mother, and I expect that’s what hurts the most. Oh, Brandon. He was such a dear baby.” She pressed her hand to her lips, overcome with emotion for a moment. “Sometimes I don’t know how to tell her to hold on. I lost a child too after Emmett. That pain…” She shook her head, her eyes still closed. Even the memory of her pain was so strong, it hit Bella like a blow to the gut. She wrapped her arm around her belly as though she could protect her own son with her bare hands.

 

Esme took a deep breath. “But I had my little boy to care for. My sweet, rambunctious little boy. He was the reason I could breathe until I had Alice whole and healthy in my arms.”

 

“Mom.”

 

They were all startled to see Alice had appeared in the doorway, her eyes watery. She went to her mother, stopping her from apologizing, and took her hands. “I’ll be a mother again. I’m not all right now, but I will be. I know that. And it’s enough.” She hugged her mother tightly and then looked to her sister-in-law. “Besides. I have Jacob to spoil for now, don’t I?”

 

Rosalie chuckled. “Oh, goodness, you should see him, Bella.” She shook her head, leaning forward to whisper in Bella’s ear conspiratorially. “The boy runs straight to his auntie whenever he thinks Emmett and I are being too harsh, which is always.”

 

Some hours later, they all set down for dinner. Bella sat back in her chair, watching everyone enjoy her food and hearth.

 

Beside her, Edward tilted his head down to whisper in her ear. “You’re far away, love. What are you thinking about?”

 

She smiled, looking over the gathering. “I’m right here. I’m just…” She looked up at her husband, struggling to find the right words. “When I met you so long ago.”

 

He winked at her, catching her note of teasing. “Oh so long.”

 

“I was an only child, and you were an orphan. Now look at this. Look at our family.” Not just friends. They were family. Despite the fact they’d been separated by years and miles, sitting at that table, she was part of a collective that couldn’t be shaken. “It’s just nice knowing there will be more days like this at our home or theirs.”

 

Edward took her hand under the table and bent forward to kiss her-a soft, sweet kiss. “Bella, you and my babies are all I could ever need, but you’re right. We became a family on that trail. All of us.” He put a hand to her belly and smiled. “And now we have the rest of our lives to see how this family grows.”

 

“It’s a good life,” she said.

  
“Yes. It is at that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh, and later they heard that James died of dysentery. Because you can’t have the Oregon Trail without someone dying of dysentery. 
> 
> Thanks to jfka06, barburella, jessypt and songster for all their help. Thank you all for coming along for the ride and enjoying my dirty travelers so much.
> 
> The. End.


End file.
